A Poopreport Short: He Choked The Shit Out Of Me


A couple of my buddies and I were drinking one night. I decided to act all Mr. Macho and claimed I could free myself from any choke hold. My friends agreed to be fair, and said if I did not tap out that they would let go before I passed out. They failed. I lost consciousness during my friend's infamous "rear naked blood choke" before I could tap out. They didn't realize I was already unconscious and let him subdue me for too long.

When I came to I realized I had pooped myself. Everything that had been in my bowels was now in my pants, and my friends had to spray me down with a hose in the backyard. We threw my boxers in a neighbor's trashcan and considered how lucky we were that I didn't die.

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5 Comments on "A Poopreport Short: He Choked The Shit Out Of Me"

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

The banned LAPD choke hold is banned because of what it can do if done correctly: kill the recipient....no matter what neck size. Be careful. Choke holds are dangerous, so don't fuck around with them.Even if you are trained to teach someone how to properly position and administer, you must be careful with whoever is on the receiving end.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Anonymous's picture

You guys are not smart. "Keep choking me until I tap out.", forgetting that you can't tap when unconscious. Very dumb, just like the David Carradine and Michael Hutchence.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Your comment does not demonstrate a great knowledge of the English language Anonymous. Reread the story and return and tell us where you got the idea that the writer would be tapping out after he lost consciousness. The story says he lost consciousness before he tapped out, something that tapping out is designed to prevent.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Yeah, great idea--get drunk and try to choke-hold each other until someone passes out. I'm surprised shitting yourself was the worst thing that happened to you during that incident.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Yep, I going to follow the popular consensus: this was Stupid with a capital S.

With that said, I knew this one group of guys who liked to get liquored up on a Saturday night and then pound on each other in new and unique ways. My favorite for them has got to be the time that they decided to whack each other in the ribs with 2 X 4's. I'm absolutely amazed that no one broke a rib.

I was okay with this, though. We played paintball that next morning. They were on the opposing team. There obvious discomfort from the previous night's festivities, made it almost too simple.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

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