That sounds horrible. My brother has the roids. He says he just pokes them bcak in. I don't think I have ever had one. It sounds like no fun at all.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Sounds fake to me. Who the hell looks at other guy's cranks and estimates their size at the urinal?

Oh God no! That would be really gay!
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

That's right. Every one knows that the shower room is the place to look at men's cranks.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Hey C Everett, Who hasnt at one time or another noticed the size of someones elses crank in the showers or at the urinal?

It doesnt make you gay. Quite frankly, your comment makes me think YOURE gay.

Here's the math: Since EVERYONE has taken a peek (being that most of us are insecure about our bodies more or less) at one time or another,...

and in your words it "makes you gay"...

then my psychiatric evaluation is that YOURE gay and dont know it.

Here's Dr. Phil's number: 1 800 232 4323

Well, 10 inches IS moderately impressive! :P

Good story, Orph!
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GottaGoGottaGoGottaGoRightNow!

Listen, you rip a roid at age 18 and then pass out pants-down in a dorm full of near-queers: Don't Tell Anybody!

I have to second Dung Daddy's advice. Unless the anybody is one of those cute nurses at the health center. I think that one of the last things I would ever want is an infected hemmorhoid. I'd have had the thing checked out.
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Yes, those are my brown spots. Yes, those are your walls.

I guess you all busted me. I truly am a flamer. I'm going to drive my Miata down to the mall now and shop for tank tops and thongs.

Has any one ever noticed the prevalence of sailor suits in gay parades? I've always wondered about that.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit is a dork when the discussion goes this way, but his is a question that must be answered. CEP?

No way anyone would "yank as hard as they could" on something coming out of their ass. You should have used the rocking technique. ps im gonna have to agree with cep, if your sizing up dongs at the urinal thats kinda gay.

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I poop therefore i am.

I reckon that if you are afraid to look at another man's penis, you have some questions about your own sexuality.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Dungdaddy, having never been to a gay parade, I can't comment intelligently on their uniforms.

I go in the bathroom to shit and pee, not check out dicks.

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I poop therefore i am.

Damn you, CEP. You made V8 shoot out my nose with that thong comment. It burns. It really, really burns.
Damn you.

I enjoyed this story very much Orpheus, you touched on a few things most men can relate to. While I've never had hemmorhoids I can imagine pulling anything out of your ass that leaves the bowl full of blood can't be a pleasant sojourn in a dewy meadow.

What makes me laugh is how often when a story brings up genitalia there are always a few posters that can't resist the urge to turn things into a debate on sexuality.

I consider myself a pretty normal guy (if you get past the alcoholism, numerous failed relationships etc). My experiences are probably a little more along the lines of C.E.P.'s than most (attended an all male school) was active in several sports and such and was exposed to the vast majority of male rituals (hazings, fights, etc). Never in those years did it occur to me that by looking at another man's penis would this lead to sexual attraction to another man, it's human instinct to be curious of others, to seek out information. Those who are scared of learning or opening their minds are usually of a particular stripe.

I played hockey in a beer league, guys from various walks of life would congregate at the local rink for a game. As we all shared a dressing room there would always be bawdy banter about women and such, a few guys were shy and were more apt to put on their jock and cup in the washroom, these guys would sometimes be teased but more often their privacy was respected. A few guys would make commentary on others "cranks", these were usually funny and meant not as insults but as jokes among friends. Most of us were circumcized except for one guy packing a "natural" as he called it. One of the other guys said "It looks like a pink and brown pinecone, can I get one for my Christmas tree", another guy was asked "Which way do the serial #'s run on the condoms you use, length wise or horizontal?", He repiled "They have serial #'s?" We all broke out in laughter but at no point did I think the person making the comment was sexually attracted to the other guy just because of him noticing a difference in the physiology of a team mates penis.

I think if you aren't comfortable with yourself , you'll be even less comfortable with others and this means you need to open your mind to see we are all different in some ways but for the most part we are all the same.

Technical note: Medically the Uncircumcized weewee is called "Swizzledick."

What if you are partially circumcised, i.e. just cut off the muscle band at the end?

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

Just to inject a breath of fresh air in the locker room here: there are those of us who are same-sex oriented who find the male body beautiful. Not ashamed of that fact, either.
End of story.

Well thats all good, but I still see the bathroom as a "business" place, and while in there i conduct my business in a professional manner. It is not about being "afraid" of looking at a penis, infact recently i went to a bodyworlds exibit (http://www.bodyworlds.com/index.html)and there was a dong in probably 90% of the exhibits and i still found it interesting and informative.

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I poop therefore i am.

Bunga Din, and Big Wiper,

Thanks for a bit of literate sanity.

I agree that the typical kneejerk reaction to "lockerroom" realities making people' sexual proclivities open to interpretation.

Its not that we "look" at cranks. Its more that they are a present reality.

I mean, when I wrote that story, the whole point was that i liked to be ALONE at the urinal.

But who hasnt experienced the strangeness of some huge person walking up next to you, hauling out a monster (two feet away), and trying to start a conversation?

And yeah, we all have a curiosity about other people which is perfectly normal.

Women, in particular, look at each other all the time for various reasons. Very few of them are gay.

And some of you are braver than others. Going into a hospital with news of a severed roid is not for the faint of heart.

Nicely written Orph, but I`m with CEP, who would immediately call for another guy to help out without giving it a minute or so to see if it got better, or you could control the situation.

Plus, the references to dick size are unnecessary, unless you`re sad enough to want it to be known.

People have penises and vulvas and that's that. If you see one, so what? I think the guys who are scared of seeing penises are in-the-closet gays or homophobes. I'll openly admit I find the human body to be a stunning work of art (though some of us are more stunning than others) and you shouldn't be so afraid of seeing your own kind.

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Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

Sorry for the repetition, David, but Thunderbox's comments have me perplexed, saying that specific and unusual details are uneccesarry in the accounts of stories.

In the words of Paula Abdul, "ive never read a book" seems to apply to thunderbox.

The entire story, if it has any interest in being heard, is in the details.

I can imagine hearing THunderbox attempting to describe his wife's face:

"She has two eyes, a nose, and a mouth."

Tell you what thunderbox, you stick to working at the mine. Let the rest of us handle the unimportant details in life, such as in-depth communication, the nuances of falling in love, developing a rapport with our aging parents, creating worthwhile art, and writing books that someone might actually want to read for the sheer pleasure of the details.
On second thought, tbox can write some manuals for toasters.

All im saying is that no one's gonna call you straight for peeking at the urinal.

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I poop therefore i am.

Did I miss something? Is there a town crier stationed in the men's room proclaiming the occupants' sexual orientation?
There certainly are a lot of insecure little boys posting in here...

This story sounds totally contrived, and barely had anything to do with shitting. And why did the author feel the need to talk about comparing 'crank' sizes? It didn't contribute anything to the already-lame storyline.

Methinks the real source behind the writer's Shameful Shitting has to do with some latent homosexual tendencies he's repressing.

Oh, please.

I'm glad that I am not afraid of penises. I would have to throw out my entire porn collection.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

At the rate some people are going in this thread, Hollywood is missing a bet by not producing a sci-fi/horror film in which a giant penis stalks the general population. It is first discovered hanging out at urinals.

Just having problems getting to grips with the thought of pulling out a hemmoriod sends shivers down my spine. Having recently had them - they are not pleasent. Question though, Were you trying to pull the shit out of your arse? Actually grabbing it and pulling it when only the tip is out? Punishment for being a Shameful shitter I guess

Good idea, Wiper. It could be called CRANKENSTIEN!!!!
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

So... Seeing another mule at a urnal makes him gay? He never said anything about there being any partitions. For the guy saying something about the fuel line freezing up, he could probably see the author's nervous reaction and hear the piss stop with him still standing there. Nothing SAYS he partook of package exploration.

The fellow with the frozen fuel line, so to speak, may have taken a gander simply out of nervous reaction. Although, then again, it is not a-typical for a guy to size up, however, not usually by sneeking a peek an the trouser snake watering hole.

To question hetero or homo off this alone is ludacris. One factor is missing. Wanna know if he is a restroom rough ranger? Ask him if he had to expand his grip and or adjust his aim after seeing a 10 inch molly a-dangle in that close a proximity.

Ok off the sexuality kick.

I agree with the author's actions 100%, as I would of done the same. I have never had a case of the roids so I cannot speculate to the existance of presituational knowledge, but being that I am a large boddied somewhat insecure fellow myself, my first thoughts would have been as follows.

"What the hell is THIS??? It doesnt belong there. What do I do? Maybe I should go down to the clinic and have it looked at. No way in hell. Ill be spreading my hairy arsecheeks for some hot dame who I will no doubt see in a public location somewhere down the line and be asked how my 'problem' is doing. Screw that mess. Maybe I'll call my mum. She was a nurse and she always seemed to dive right on into those groddy little questions me and my brothers would fling her way....no... she'll just tell me to go to the clinic because shes out of practice - and that will be 2 people who know my plight that couldnt help. Well... it shouldnt be there, but its there. Simple solution - just lemme get my fingers round it........oh bugger"

I don't feel I would have passed out, rather worried about what I would do to stop the bleeding, wonder how i'd get my pants on without causing them ruin, and wondering what the bloody hell (no pun intended) i would do if some poor chap walked in and saw this sorry sodd standing in a stall with milk skin and blood running down his leg. He would likely thing I was rectally ravaged by a departed patron of the brown house.

And by the way my friends, if you are as bashful as this fellow posting here, the best way to avoid a frozen fuel line is to keep yourself a large bottle in your dormatory. Something to the effects of an emply milk container, the larger model. Drain your trouser mouse into the jug, and being conveniently right next to the loo, cap the jug, walk it over, poor it out, and disgard the container.

Do not throw the thing away full of your yellow man-rain, the housekeepers may be a tad steamed with those antics.

As for the doorless shitters - just sit there and evert your eyes to a few tiles away from the tips of your toes. Most people walking in will not be meandering for a peek at someone taking a shit, even if they are fudgies, it takes a whole different breen of man to gaze fondly on another man dropping of the mail. HOWEVER, if the happles shiggity happens to notice YOU staring as he walks by, he is more proned to looking back, and with YOU in the worse off of two awkward situations (hes likely walking TOWARDS his own shit depository - since the urinals are nearest to the door in most cases) but youve been caught with you pants round your ankles - literally.

Also always take the stall farthest from the entryway. Less bypassers, and if you hear someone coming your way who is likely to gaze in and see if there is vacency, cough - tap your toes - spin the squeeky shit ticket swivel; something to let the potential peeker know youre in there.

I think that about does it for my entry here, good story my friend, hats off.
The dude with the frozen fuel line, so to speak, may have taken a gander simply out of nervous reaction. Although, then again, it is not a-typical for a guy to size up, however, not usually by sneeking a peek an the trouser snake watering hole.

To question hetero or homo off this alone is ludacris. One factor is missing. Wanna know if he is a restroom rough ranger? Ask him if he had to expand his grip and or adjust his aim after seeing a 10 inch molly a-dangle in that close a proximity.

Ok off the sexuality kick. I agree with the author's actions 100%, as I would of done the same. I have never had a case of the roids so I cannot speculate to the existance of presituational knowledge, but being that I am a large boddied somewhat insecure fellow myself, my first thoughts would have been as follows.
"What the hell is THIS??? It doesnt belong there. What do I do? Maybe I should go down to the clinic and have it looked at. No way in hell. Ill be spreading my hairy arsecheeks for some hot dame who I will no doubt see in a public location somewhere down the line and be asked how my "problem" is doing. Bump that mess. Maybe Ill call my mum. She was a nurse and she always seemed to dive right on in to those groddy little questions me and my brothers would fling her way....no... shell just tell me to go to the clinic because shes out of practice. Well... it shouldnt be there, but its there. Simple solution - just lemme get my fingers round it........oh bugger"

I don't feel I would have passed out, rather worried about what I would do to stop the bleeding, wonder how i'd get my pants on without causing them ruin, and wondering what the bloody hell (no pun intended) i would do if some poor chap walked in and saw this sorry sodd standing in a stall with milk skin and blood running down his leg. He would likely thing I was rectally ravaged by a departed patron of the brown house.

And by the way my friends, if you are as bashful as this fellow posting here, the best way to avoid a frozen fuel line is to keep yourself a large bottle in your dormatory. Something to the effects of an emply milk container, the larger model. Drain your trousermouse into the jug, and being conveniently right next to the loo, cap the jug, walk it over, poor it out, and disgard the container.

Do not throw the thing away full of your yellow man-rain, the housekeepers may be a tad steamed with those antics.

As for the doorless shitters - just sit there and evert your eyes to a few tiles away from the tips of your toes. Most people walking in will not be meandering for a peek at someone taking a shit, even if they are fudgies, it takes a whole different breen of man to gaze fondly on another man dropping of the mail. HOWEVER, if the happles shiggity happens to notice YOU staring as he walks by, he is more proned to looking back, and with YOU in the worse off of two awkward situations (hes likely walking TOWARDS his own shit depository - since the urinals are nearest to the door in most cases) but youve been caught with you pants round your ankles.

Also always take the stall farthest from the entryway. Less bypassers, and if you hear someone comming your way who is likely to gaze in and see if there is vacency, cough - tap your toes - spin the squeeky shit ticket swivel; something to let the potential peeker know youre in there.

I think that about does it for my entry here, good story my friend, hats off.

Nasal Nuke, that is one long comment.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Ok this is just too damn much for one small story! I will quote Jeff Foxworthy on this
"We are all Gay it is just to what extent"

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I shit therefore I am.

Yes - i am affraid i am notorious for my novelesqe commentary amongst verious sites. I stroll through here almost daily now, reading new stories as they come along and also reading back entries. my so-called better half thinks I have a fecal fetish - yet quite the contrary. I have IBS and can relate to half that is here, and also the lot is rather entertaining. I am your stereotypical male, in that anything that has to do with bodily function in said particulary delivery is damned hilarious. Im a fart jokes kind of man and this is right up that alley, except these are real life events, which only addes to the humor

Being that I troll the site so much reading, and am just starting to comment, and likely have my share of "shitty tales" to tell - maybe i should register.

"...C Everett Poop (331) -- 08.25.2006
Sounds fake to me. Who the hell looks at other guy's cranks and estimates their size at the urinal?..."

"...SamDamnit (787) -- 08.25.2006
Oh God no! That would be really gay!..."

I thought all men did that. Otherwise, how would they know whom to make fun of? For instance, how would Tom Arnold KNOW he was tiny (which he has joked about publically)unless someone TOLD him, and how could someone TELL him unless they'd SEEN and COMPARED???

Hmmmn?

NasalNuke,
It is also quite long because you said the whole thing twice it appears.

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I shit therefore I am.

Nasal, stop trolling. You want to comment, fine, but keep it to less than twelve pages and don't copy and paste it over and over to drive the point hime.

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"Uugggghh...nnnrrrrAAaaaaarrrgg...*splash*...aaaahh."

It will never cease to amaze me how people attack behavior that seems different from what any certain person would do or say in the same situation.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

As far as I know, I am not gay. I don't scope out meat in the restroom, but I HAVE seen it on occasion. And I HAVE witnessed tubes that made me feel like a little girl.

There now. Its a poop story for shitsakes!

Getting back to the poop story: Has Orpheus answered the question of why he would grip an unidentified butt-grape and yank? I have to know why you did that. I detect a chick-pea prutruding from my ring-piece, and I approach delicately. Very delicately.

Getting back off the topic: Orph, in your last post you mentioned that Thunderbox should go back and work at the "mine." I don't get it. Does TB work at a mine? Is this some sort of clever dig, that only people developing a rapport with their aging parents understand? Is there something wrong with working in mines?

Please explain.

I'm howling over here...so much I have to shit. I too suffer from the roids...I can't make myself even THINK of yanking on it...not when you have a full load of shit resting on it. The pressure is too much. Did you not feel this ass monster before you yanked on it? I don't me to doubt you...I'm just horrified and I want to go wipe with a Tux now.

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DailyDoodie

me=mean

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DailyDoodie

Twas a dark and stormy night,
Pushing hard with all my might,
Out popped a pebbly hard round bit
I thought 'tis but a piece of shit.
I grasped it with all my might and main,
Pulled fiercely and then felt the pain.
What happened next - alack and alas!
Blood was leaking out my ass!
"What meaneth this dreadful sign?" quoth I,
I just wanted to shit, not to die!
You may look at this and start to laugh,
But just how would it look as my epitaph?

Anaomalous Coward - 1882 - 2006
Ripped a roid and then he died.

That's how it would look.

Questions?

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"Uugggghh...nnnrrrrAAaaaaarrrgg...*splash*...aaaahh."

Listen all you smendricks: every time you pull a hemorrhoid out of your ass your dick shrinks at least an inch.

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Believe in the joy of shitting!

Anomalous, you're a flippin' genius.

I might be the only one here, but I actually got a kick out of all these guys arguing over the 'gayness' of looking at another guy's penis. Thanks for the giggles gentlemen.

I gotta say it really depends on your purpose for ogling their schlong. If you just want to see what kinda gear he's packing and how it compares to your own, that's one thing (you still risk catching a beatdown for doing it), but if you're checking the dude's shit out to appease your latent homosexual tendencies, that's quite another matter.

I wouldn't do it either way. I don't want to look at another dude's dick. That's gross.
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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

lookin at other people dont make u gay i havent ever before for fear the guy will think im gay but o well man great story
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i have met many people that talk like asses but i have not met many asses that talk like people

Of course looking at other 'cranks' doesn't make you gay - but if you are on the smaller side, it sure as hell makes you feel inferior!! I adopt my publicised 'blinkered' approach!

I now understand Hamster's choice of handles....

Bilge - don't be rude about hamsters! In proportion to the rest of them their cranks are quite large! But what they are better known for, of course, is storing things up.