If I was a cabbie: Commit suicide ASAP
If I was an idiot who shit in a cab: same
If I was a fashion photographer: same

CEP you may well have solved the traffic problem in midtown NYC.

It's too bad, CEP, that being a shit stain seems to provide you reason enough to keep on living.

As the cabbie, I'd run the cab thru a drive-in car wash with the windows down before driving it again!

I remember one time being driven to an emergency room in the back of a police car. The seat was covered with blood (not mine) and who knows what other people were leaking back there. In the case of cabs, I'll walk.

Most likely that`s how the cabbie takes a dump himself. That`s why he had a ready stash of paper to hand. Possibly he even lives in his cab.

I reckon there was no other passenger - he did the dirty deed and was trying to pin the blame on someone else. Hope your ex washed his hands after getting his change.

NY cabbies have been known to fling piss filled condom balloons out the window on the FDR. It wouldn't surprise me if they took back seat bm's. Sounds like the makings of a good "would you rather" post.

I hope to crap that this is made up! taking a butt nugget in a moving car!!! The guy was probably Polish.

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Yes, they run the risk of getting a DWD. (driving while defecating). Not worth the fines.

second-hand stories are lame. (i.e. this story)

Talk about shitty jobs.I guess driving a cab is one of them.

Oh "baron von crapalot"

I am Polish.

And you better apologize.

NOW.

Doniker,

Your comments about "second-hand" stories are easily dismissed until you post a good story.

I am the raconteur of my shameful pals for the entertainment of people like you. Just enjoy a good laugh, OK?

I'm with Thunderbox on this one. He did the deed himself. But if someone got in my cab and had a poop emergency, I dunno. I'd probably tack on a befouling the cab charge. If i did the poop, i'd be apologizing profusely and clean it up the best I could. Well, I'd probably just shit my pants and get to the closest bathroom to clean up.

Crapola, he probably thought you were Italian.

I'm with PD on this one, Baron. He probably mistook you for one of those Bolognese Pollocks.

As for the cab, I suppose that the driver will probably have to get one of those much coveted NYC port-a-potty medallions.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Crapola, I'm not from NYC, but would it be safe to assume most cabbies might know of a nearby public restroom wherever they might be in the city if a passenger said they had to crap?

I have to admit that, were I to be that cab driver, and a passenger was on the verge of crapping himself - and traffic was that bad - that I might have panicked and did the exact same thing as this cabbie. First, I can't imagine kicking someone out who was in such a situation, especially if it was an elderly person. Second, the situation was probably so sudden and unbelievable that it would have overwhelmed me. However, I sure as shit would have charged double fare.

And then I would have thrown up.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne, I can only hope the cabbie was taking an out-of-towner for a "ride" to run up the fare and it backfired (literally) on him.

Some things never change. You can always get a "great comment" for bilging my comment. Way to go Logjam.

Thanks, CEP. It's one of many things that make my life worth living.

If I drove a cab in NYC (or any other dense metropolis) I'd keep a litter box handy for times like these. I'd probably be the poor cat who has to use it, though!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

If I was the cabbie, once the passenger got out I would roll down my windows put another smelly tree in the car and set the air-conditioning to vent.
The more likely story is the cabbie just crapped in a bag, placed it under the seat and laughed to himself while watching the passengers to make funny faces. I wouldn't do it, but the facial expression had to be hilarious. "Hey, I didn't have any corn!"

Okay, PD. Now you've got me curious. What the hell were you doing in the back of a bloody police car on the way to the ER?!? Super constipation problem with spurting blood from a cab-imprisoned New Yorker?

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Born right the first time.

Daphne, it would not be safe "to assume most cabbies would know of a nearby public restroom wherever they might be in the city if a passenger said they had to crap".

Reason: There are none. NYC is more toilet deprived than India where many of the drivers are from. They yearn for those open fields to crap in - back there at least they had a place to go. Secondly, if you said I have to crap, he probably wouldn't understand you anyway or perhaps not even hear you as he would most likely be talking on his cell in some unrecognizable language.

Thunderbox is probably correct in believing that the cabby was the crapper. On the other hand, it might just as easily have been his lunch. These guys eat the most foul smelling "food" that you will ever encounter anywhere.

No way would a NYC cabby ever allow a fare to shit in his car. If you tried that move, you'd very quickly find yourself lying on the concrete with your pants bunched up around your ankles smelling exhaust fumes as your ride burned rubber away from your smelly ass.

I concur with GG that Manhattan is a toilet wasteland. Most cabbies will stop at a coffee or food joint and buy a token item that will allow them a pass to the shitter. They know how to get around. The other possibility is that the cabbie had just unleashed a rank Bombay bung blast, and made up the story to cover up what a thousand christmas trees couldn't.

TSV, I was injured at a bodega I was delivering to, and the cops were called. They decided to transport me to the ER. I guess they needed someone to sop up the fluids on their back seat.

The question is what should you do if you are the Metatherapist? Answer: Don't stay in the shit-stinking cab long enough to hear the whole damn story.

If there are coffee shops, Starbucks, fast food restaurants, and other places with restrooms, then I don't think NYC is entirely a toilet wasteland. This means that if the cabbie can buy a token item to use the restroom then so can the passenger who needs to crap. This is what I was talking about - any restroom, any port in a storm. I'm sorry I didn't clarify.

Plus, the English language barrier confuses me. If the cabbie could tell Crapola's husband what the smell was from, I'd have to say he speaks English well enough to understand "I have to shit." And how do cabbies understand where to drive someone and take directions?

These are all genuine questions.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne, it's scarier than that. I just came from the commercial division of motor vehicles, and I was one of the few that spoke English. I approached a few people and tried to converse, but they did not understand me, yet they are driving semi's. They can even take the written test in other languages. It is a safety issue, not an ethnic one. As you said, how do they read signs and directions? Since this is a poop web site, I guess to keep on topic, lets just say the whole thing is a crock of shit.

I'd keep a bedpan in the cab, and a can of lysol.

Crapola, I did indeed assume you were Italian, however, being corrected, I revoke my previous, and change it to 'must have been Italian'

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Well, we derail like mad bastards all the time, so no probs, Prarie. That is scary. Then again, when I was in Germany, I drove all over the place and didn't do too badly, as the main signs were all in either symbols or in German that we learned very quickly. I wonder if it's a case of the driver knowing more English that he or she lets on.

Either way, this makes me want to visit NYC and ride cabs all day long taking notes the entire time. This is because I have no life.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Well, if you ever decide to do the research, let me know. You can borrow my haz-mat suit.

This presents a question of the correct amount to tip. If a cabby treats you like crap, they get nothing. What is the correct amount if they treat your crap ?

I'd say 10% if it's just a solid log. A bit more would be appropriate for diarrhea.

Hmmm..... years ago, I did some computer work for local government. As the code was my responsibility, the local council agreed to taxi me into work, at a moments notice. On one such occasion, the taxi guy took me to his home to get some relief. Some guy! some taxi! some toilet._______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

It seems that NYC cabbies are no different to Sydney cabbies.
So, I suspect that the cabbie may have had a traditional meal of vindaloo/Gorgonzola/goat innards/whatever, and has sharted.
Not wanting to take the time out to clean himself up for fear of losing a fare, he has made up a story to blame someone else.

Another fellow Australian speaks, Blind Mullett. Firstly, like New York, most cabbies in Australia are refugees and many don't speak english or know where they are going. Road rules are also for other people.

Secondly, if you throw up in the cab, it's a $60 soiling charge. i can't even begin to imagine someone being allowed to shit in there.....though there are Indians and Africans who seem to think it's alright to take a shit anywhere.....including supermarket aisles.

Oh so Australians are as dumb as Americans? Oh well.

Yep, AC, just as dumb, but with different accents.
...but smart enough to live in places with sunshine, warm weather, golden sandy beaches, relaxed lifestyles, and no monarchy.