"It sounded as though someone had tossed an engine block in the bowl."

Nice!

Great story AC sounds like you were at our wally world. Nice picture.
Keep up the good work.

_______
No one is the same after I release my Methane!

Top ten story, great job. Sounds more like this dude was birthing a car, never mind an engine block.

If you stuck around long enough, you might have heard the man in the stall singing Halleluiah when he observed his creation.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

It sounds to me like the communicant in the next stall was singing a hymn-a-roid.

Good one AC - though it seems that you wandered into some sort of Satanic birthing pool, not Wally World`s crapper.

i agree with your wife it is discusting to listen to somebody shit. what if the person in the stall was in serious trouble? i bet you woudl think thats funny too. i would have gone in quietly peed and left. your SICK.

I think the guy was getting his jollies knowing you were in there listening to him. If I were you, I'd feel kinda used and dirty!

_______
Don't be playin' with the Queen of Sharts

Are sure somebody was taking a shit? It sounds like somebody was getting some jailhouse love in that stall.His pain could have been caused by something entering his ass rather then exiting.

discusted, you don't hang around here very much do you?

Good.

I live in NJ, and there are for real Satanic groups there. The whole laughing at the end would have been enough for me. I've seen some seriously weird shit, but its ususlly in an abandond building. I doubt this was real Satanism.

Dearest discusted by shit - I'll have you know I'm NOT discusting. DisGUSTing, maybe, but I've never been custed much less discusted. I had diarrhea once and was CRUSTed till after I showered. I got BUSTed once for speeding, but custed?? NEVER!

Good one. Perhaps you should have answered his prayer. Lowering your voice in the echoey restroom could have produced a deivine effect: "This IS God. Call me when you're off the pot!" or "This is God. I command you to rise and cleans thyself!" or "This is God. Thou shalt not bear down!"

I truly got chills up my spine when you said he laughed after you asked if he was ok. That's creepy.

Anyway, great story. I laughed right out loud.

Does anyone know why the urinals are covered with plastic garbage bags? I've seen this in several Walmarts. Don't they repair things that get broken, or are they doing some kind of cleaning thing?
I hadn't thought about it until I read this story, but its damn near universal.

you see, this is why i come here. excellent writing, poop flying, people suffering... how can you go wrong?

"I doubt this was real Satanism"
Holy shit, get a fucking clue, will ya. This is HUMOROUS as in funny. I doubt that Anomalous REALLY thought there was a satanic ritual going on in a frigging crapper.

*sides hurt from laughing*

Barefoot and in a _brown_ robe, indeed. Wonder if he had a board for whapping himself on the forehead a la the "Holy Grail" monks?

_______
And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

"Poop out your dead." PLOP! "Poop out your dead." PLOP!
It was a messonic ritual. I've heard of these before.

Actually, this story brings up a good question, why have we not come up with some sort of prayer for poop. You know, a prayer to recite for different pooping scenereos. One for when you gotta go and are in danger of not making it (the holding prayer). And one when your constipated and need to push out a chevy small block (the push prayer).

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Now I squat me down to dump,
I just pray it won't wreck my rump.
If I die while dropping turds,
Flush me down with solemn words.
But if I live to poop again,
I just pray I won't fall in.

"Messianic ritual!" That would have made a great title for this one.

Damned fine tale AC and to top off the bowl a poem as well! Some interesting postulations from my fellow poopers. I certainly agree that there should be a prayer for pooping situations as well there should also be a patron saint for poop. This would make a darned good contest...or contests. Devise a name for the patron saint of poop or a prayer for the pooper.

Here's a prayer I came up with:

Angel of God, my guardian dear
I ate too much, my ass is feared
Ever this day (night) be at my side
And let this poop just glide glide glide
Amen

I haven't prayed in decades, I know my Mom is looking down from heaven with a beatific smile on her face saying "That's my Bunga, that poops humonga!".

Rump Raunch! Love it!

As far as the patron saint of poop goes, I nominate the guy in "Dumb and Dumber" who Jim Carrey slipped the laxative to.

What's so funny 'bout poop, love, and understanding?

If I got busted taking a public shit like that I think I may just laugh out loud too!
**********************************************
Mamma always said life is like a box of laxatives. You never know what your gonna shit...

Thunderbox wrote:
Good one AC - though it seems that you wandered into some sort of Satanic birthing pool, not Wally World`s crapper.

Odd, I wasn't aware of any real differences between the two......teehee.

Thinking about someone laughing after your voiced interest does sound like something a mentally-ill person would do. I'm sure it was just someone fooling around, but it does sound creepy the way you described it. Very Jacob's Ladder-esque.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

funny as fuck

To those who were "disgusted" - if you're the designer/installer of a public toilet, how can you preclude the possibility of eavesdropping on another person's droppings?
As that children's book says, everybody poops, and everybody is vulnerable to constipation (some more than others).

Your wife thought it was disgusting that you were eavesdropping on some guy taking a crap? Man, I would have been laughing out loud if I walked into a Wally World bathroom and smelled/heard that! How did you keep a straight face? And it's not like you can NOT eavesdrop on that...the bathroom's pretty small, the acoustics are pretty decent, and he's moaning a liturgical poopchant. That's freaking hilarious!

_______
An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

It was probably a Walmart employee getting rid of some of the shit Walmart dumps on us. It hurts to get shit from them, it probably hurts to return it.

I laughed and shared this with a co-worker. Great story. I mean honestly it sounds like the guys next trip should have been to the E.R.

I think that somebody needs to go exorcise that bathroom.
Not you or me, but some brave, pious soul.

_______
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

Excellent tale, Lousy!

Are you sure the gutteral laugh wasn't racking sobs?

I got caught jerking off in a stall one time cuz I was making so much noise.

This story got me thinking. What is the appropriate response to, "Are you alright back there?"

I would have started screaming, "NOOOO IT'S THE DEVVVVIIILLLLLL!!! Run for your lives!"

Or maybe: I would be better if this gigantic turd hadn't torn my asshole apart.

Eww!! Why was he laughing??

Pretty fucking hilarious story. What the hell was the guy doing? He may have been jerking off, but since he farted several times, he may have been trying to birth a gigantic butt brick!

fred kruga!

fred kruega!

This reminds me of the Austin Powers scene with Rosane's ex husband.

Wow.... Sounds like you stumbled in on one of the shameless ;)