The Revenge Of Gramma's Pants


I am twenty years old, and until about four p.m. today I could say that I had never shit my pants since being potty trained and all. Can I say this now? Nope. This is what happened:

A few months ago my gramma gave me a pair of pants that she used to wear. My gramma is pretty cool, so the pants were normal jeans, not those high-waisted, old lady, Harriet Carter catalog rayon things that most old ladies wear. And since she had been wearing them during the time she was in chemotherapy, they were a smaller size than either she or I was wearing at the time. She gained weight, thank God, and couldn’t fit into them any more. Neither could I when I first took them home. I got chubby last year.

I have been working out and I lost about eight pounds since this summer. Now the pants fit me. I was kind of excited to zip them up. There’s a party tonight, and I figured I would wear them. Nope. They are in the washing machine.

I went outside to smoke a cigarette earlier. After a few puffs, my butt puckered. “Oh man, I have to poop,” I thought. I also thought I could finish the cigarette. Nope. I could not.

I snuffed the cigarette out and turned to go back into the house, and when I did something leaked out of my butt. “Shit,” I said. Nope. Not shit. Diarrhea.

Some of it ran down my leg, and some of it squeezed up to the waistband. I could not believe what was happening. By the time I got to the bathroom the damage was done, and I had to get into the shower. I think my gramma cursed those jeans. She had told me about how she had messed herself during her ordeal with chemo, and while I didn’t laugh at her, I did say that I would never do that. Guess what? Nope. I did it.

I am not telling my gramma.

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6 Comments on "The Revenge Of Gramma's Pants"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Your punishment for smoking cigarettes. Give up the cancer sticks and you'll never again dump another load in your drawers!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

This is unhelpful in the extreme.

Subby, that is some unfortunate news. I'd suggest not playing Russian Roulette with your poops in the future. Knowing your boundaries poo wise will encourage regularity. Good Luck!

connessueroffinepoops's picture

Man, I feel your pain. I think I'm a little older than you so what this was,was your first "total shit explosion". The pressure of the diarrhea is immense I know, there is even a possibility of blowing a hole out of your underwear and pants like a shotgun, and just blowing all your diarrhea shit all over the place so be careful from now on. Don't worry about, the older you get, the more you shit your pants.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

You come into this world wearing diapers; you go out of this world the same way. Most people have 70+ years between these two phases. I guess you don't.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous's picture

A chubby 20 yr old who spontaneously shits herself? I am now your stalker! ;->

Anonymous's picture

Yes, that's what you get for thinking you're immune to shitting yourself, especially when chemotherapy is involved! My grandpa had to do two rounds of chemotherapy. It's 100 miles to the cancer center. Had to keep a poop bucket in the back, otherwise it would have taken all day to get there if we had to actually stop each time he had to go. Thank God for a roomy SUV! Also, thank god my own chemotherapy just made me hurl! I'm a world class shameful shitter. Can't really pee in public or on demand either for that matter. Sucks having to be straight catheterized every time I need a UA!

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