All I can think of is the theme from "Chariots of Fire". It plays, you run in slow motion, and this huge brown explosion slowly exits your shorts and coats everything.

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

Rusty did the same thing at wally world :(

Is it possible that the warm viscous fluid in your crack provided a lubricating effect that actually allowed your legs to move faster and smoother? That could be why you won! You should have done that every time.

DungDaddy, you forgot to take into account the fart gas. Gas propulsion would give him an even better advantage than just plain shit lubrication.

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I love that P.R. is a clearinghouse of sorts for talented folks who can take an incident like, "I pooped running a race", and turn it into an entertaining story!

Well done, LauraLousie!

TSV, that is a fair point to make, but the net effect is very small and depends on the shorts and underwear. Gas expulsion produces a forward force on the butt, true. But as the gas hits the pants, it produces a backward force on the fabric, which in turn pulls the runner back a bit. It tends do reduce the overall forward thrust to negligible, especially if the fabric is heavy.

So you are referring to the "parachute affect". Interesting point. I suppose my gas theory would work if: a. the runner didn't wear underwear, and b. the material of the shorts was porous rather than the usual sleek nylon/synthetic sort, which is also used as parachute material.

Then again, porous shorts would cause a problem with "see-through" on the running field. Entertaining to spectators (for the most part), but humiliating for the runner.

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

Parachut effect. That's right. Remember when the Coyote used to ride the little sailboard on rollerskate wheels? He held a fan that blew into the sail. Thats the same thing. It would never work.

Though I suppose if you are falling off a cliff, 'tis better to break wind than break your ass.

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

This is a great story. It did not need all the tired euphamisms that we often see repeated in these recollections. It stood out on it's own. It reminds me of a story that my sister told me. She was in a big race as well, but her story involved wee wee, instead of poop. I assume that the former is more common in long distance running.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Remember when Uta poopic won the boston marathon after shitting her pants. It was halarious cause they had like 3 people run up with towels before giving her the little fig leaf thing.

If you run with poo you always leave a stench behind.
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Signature, of POO

dookie, many women who are in long distance events like triathalons and marathons have their periods and loose their bowels out of sheer exhaustion. I'm not sure if it's hilarious. They loose it because they are so exhausted, are so tired, have such little strength left that their bodies practically shut down to keep the main components running. I guess it could be funny if you win because you're saying, "Yeah, I crapped myself, bled on myself, but now I'm sitting on a huge winning purse, so blah!" It would sure be easier to take if you win, huh? :)

I'm sure it happens to men, too, but the only ones I've seen on television have been women.

lauralouise, it sounds like you're a tremendous team player. And, you're not the first runner who's written in to tell us they've lost their buttload during either a cross country race or something like it. You guys are nuts. I like that.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Laura, as a former track and cross country runner I feel sorry about your chain of events. I can only thank my lucky stars in my ten years of competitive distance running and nineteen years since, only twice have I stopped for a number one during compteition. Those were a marathon and half-marathon.

Does IBS stand for I BE SHIT'N?

Great story lauralouise7, what I really enjoyed about this one is you never gave up, I was kinda hoping your team mates would raise you on their shoulders but it's probably best that didn't happen.

TSV and DungDaddy have postulated some interesting concepts regarding the propulsive nature of this event. What I think they have missed is the BERNOULLI principle which states that in fluid flow, an increase in velocity occurs simultaneously with decrease in pressure. This principle is a simplification of Bernoulli's equation which states that the sum of all forms of energy in a fluid flowing along an enclosed path (a streamline) is the same at any two points in that path.

Now, we don't have an enclosed path here so what happens is that the fluid actually slows down significantly once past the O-ring, the resultant effect would be that this fluid would now act as a damper to an increase in speed.

DungDaddys hypothesis that the resultant fluid acts as a lubricating agent reducing the friction due to it's viscous nature is also incorrect in my opinion because of Parasite drag or form drag. As any pilot will tell you an aircraft is slowed by liquids due to the vortices they create on the surface around them, thus providing more resistance and an increase in energy is required to counteract this. Please bear in mind I am not an expert in either of these fields but have shit myself often enough to know the effects do not provide one with a burst of power.

That kind of reminds me of my high school experience during a wrestling match, as
documented on poop report: Wrestling it out As a
teenager, an event such as this can be devastating. Thank goodness for the catharsis
offered by poop report in helping us get over some of these traumas. Buy the way, the
propulsion theories garnered by some pr’ers are offset by the total shift of
concentration needed to mentally cope with an event like this.

I think that shitting yourself in front of the crowd, forgetting all the physics, would still make you go faster simply because of your own mentality. The way I see it, to avoid as much embarrassment as possible (and hopefully hide the fact that you shit yourself), your body goes into overdrive to run the heck outta there so you can get somewhere to clean up. I know if I had crapped my pants, I'd be running at top speed just to get away. Maybe this is what gave you that extra burst of speed.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Good point DF, disengage mind from body and run like somethings chasin ya. hahaha

So let me get this straight. You were running the final part of the relay race. Therefore all eyes were on you. You shit yourself yet no-one noticed your shorts turning brown or even some running down your leg? Seems as though you had a lucky escape if no-one saw.

Could you imagine running beside and you hear a rip roaring shart from the person in front? You'd fall over in laughter mid-race.

I ran cross-country in school. I was the slowest guy on the team. I ran to get in shape for wrestling, which I discovered I sucked at. Anyhoo, one meet, this guy named Mike crapped himself at the 2 mile mark. We wore jock straps and mesh shorts. The poo slowly squished thru the mesh, like a playdoh pumper. Being slow, I just couldn't put on a burst of spped and pass him. I wallowed in the stench for the last mile. He was actually crying, he was so embarrassed. After this got out to the school, his name became "runnybuns" He went off to college and never came back. For good reason, we still refer to him as runnybuns.

laura--as a fellow runner and IBS sufferer, I feel your pain. I ran a marathon last fall and to prevent any issues from arising, I made sure to follow a diet VERY low in fiber the day before and I took about 3 times the recommended dosage of Immodium. Under normal circumstances though, I probably would've done the same thing. I have had several very close calls while running that involve stops in the nearest gas station crapper or, if I'm in the middle of nowhere, the bushes. It must be pretty common...I bought a book on running once and the author said to carry several Kleenex or some TP along with you in case of "emergencies". I figured that's what he meant. Great story!

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Great story lauralouise7!

I too have IBS, but luckily, mine is constipation predominant.

You might want to do a Dr. Natura cleanse and take a look at a product called Digestrol.

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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

if I shit my pants they would probably come flying off from the force of the shit, that's how chuck norris would do it.