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make it a brown xmas

Semper Feces

Posted 06.14.2007 by Alterscheiss (26)
When I was in the Marine Corps in World War II, stationed at Pearl Harbor Marine Base, a very shitty thing happened one day in our barracks. My best friend, Roscoe from El Paso, was a champion farter. He would take great pride in walking to the center of our squad room, lifting a leg, and letting 'er rip. With the high ceilings and concrete walls and floors, the reverberation seemed to roll on like thunder. He kept this up day after day, always walking away with a smug smile on his face for such a glorious accomplishment.

One day his luck ran out. He lifted his leg as usual and prepared to honor us with one of his gaseous treats. Suddenly his smile turned to horror: he had filled his skivvy drawers.

I'll never forget his spraddled-legged walk to his locker to get a clean pair of underwear. Then he started down the hall to the head to clean up. He held one hand firmly under his anus to keep the poop from sliding out of his trouser leg.

When he got to the showers, he decided to just remove his shorts and toss them into the commode. His aim wasn't all that good, though, and the whole mess bounced off the rim and fell to the floor. A huge turd rolled across the room and stopped just in front of a fellow sitting on the throne.

The startled guy looked at the brown monster and then to Roscoe and back again several times. After the Marine regained his composure he asked, "Does this belong to you?"

Roscoe smiled sheepishly and retrieved his missile and properly disposed of it.

To the best of my knowledge, that was the last time he put on a farting exhibition for us.



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Miss Simone Scat (570) -- 06.14.2007


_O MY! Did the guy on the throne out-rank Roscoe? Too Funny!______
Producing waste since 1967

GottaGoGirl (2616) -- 06.14.2007

Speaking of rank, do I have the math right that we may just have our senior ranking Poop Reporter, here? World War II? Did I read that right?

Wow. Thanks, Marine.

DungDaddy (1386) -- 06.14.2007

There is an old Teufelhund among us. Good.

Dave (11689) -- 06.14.2007

If you recall, Alterscheiss's first story began in 1934. We do indeed have an elder statesman among us.

Great comment! +2 points
Deja Poo (651) -- 06.14.2007

Poooo-rrraaaahhhh!
_______
Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

CC (not verified) -- 06.14.2007

My Dad was a World War 2 marine.He was with The 4th Marine Division.He saw action on The Marshall Islands,Saipan and Tinian.My Dad didn't have the best of luck he might have been the other Marine taking a shit.

Great comment!
Aterscheiss (not verified) -- 06.14.2007

Yes, me hearties, I am indeed a senior, born February 18, 1926. If you don't feel like doing the math that makes me 81. I lied about my age and joined the Marines at 16 in 1942. Just to set the record staight, I fill the thundermug very well every day even at my advanced years. And I do it all without the use of laxitives. To me, that is much more important than sex. If you don't believe me, just think, most people can go indefinately without sex but try going just a few days without a BM. See what I mean.

paradise pooper (51) -- 06.14.2007

great to know Poop Report entertains young and old alike.

Toots N. McCrack (160) -- 06.14.2007

Awww.... It's really endearing to me that guys have been ripping ones for entertainment value throughout great moments in history. Not only is poop universal, but ass humor connects us all, trancendant of time and place....

_______
'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

daphne (3695) -- 06.15.2007

I can only sit and wonder what guys must do to keep themselves busy on ships if this is what lengths they go to on dry land!

Thank you for the laugh, elder statesman. And for the word "thundermug". It sounds like a bad Stephen Seagal movie. Me likey.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

SamDamnit (1192) -- 06.15.2007

"Does this belong to you?"

Great response!


_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Pile Driver (10) -- 06.15.2007

I did that one time on a stretch of interstate near indiana and i still haven't gotten the shit stain completely outta my truck cab

Teddy (20) -- 06.15.2007


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teddy Nice story my dad was in the army back in 1951 .And he said the guys were farters like you would not believe.Remember these young guys feel spry and strong and like kicking butt.So they Let"ER rip sounds good to me. Cool your still around Sir good luck and thanks For serving Teddy..

Deja Poo (651) -- 06.15.2007

"I can only sit and wonder what guys must do to keep themselves busy on ships if this is what lengths they go to on dry land!"

Rum, sodomy and the lash is the heart of British naval tradition.
_______
Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Mary Queen of Scats (387) -- 06.18.2007

I can't wait to hear CEP's take on this one.

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Poo de Grace (74) -- 06.19.2007

This made me laugh out loud. Especially the response of the guy on the throne!!!!

janilani aka Poo de Grace

The Shit Volcano (3740) -- 06.20.2007

Short but sweet. I agree with the above posters that the guy's response on the toilet was a classic. That line made me bust up laughing! Thanks for a great, short story! :-)

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Behold! My new farting super power! BRAPP!!!

poo_poo_poodio (121) -- 06.25.2007

That's what I call Private "Turd" Class.

Dry-Wipe (48) -- 07.04.2007

"Does this belong to you?"
LMAO i love it! and thank you sir, for now i will find a way to include THUNDERMUG into my daily vocabulary. altho it makes me worry... what if i plug up the thundermug? oh well, happy flushings
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oh man i feel so much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes

MousePoo (150) -- 07.10.2007

Our elders continue to make great contributions.

Elmer Fudge (not verified) -- 07.17.2007

Great story. My great uncle made 3 assault landings in the Pacific. So, since I was young, I have nothing but respect for Marines. Keep it up Alterscheiss.
Elmer

DRIP_DOWN_YO_LEG (21) -- 08.03.2007

Funny story a lot of old people i meet seem to think that things me and my friends and people my age, 15, is stupid its good to see that u have a sense of humor u have my respect and my thanks for keeping america free and safe
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i have met many people that talk like asses i have not however met many asses that talk like people

DRIP_DOWN_YO_LEG (21) -- 08.04.2007

that man will think before he farts every minute of his life now...great story
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i have met many people that talk like asses but i have not met many asses that talk like people

Hanus Anus (45) -- 08.20.2007

A part of me wonders if someone had grown tired of of his routine, and sabotaged his food.

Daphne, "bad Stephen Seagal movie" is redundant. ;D

_______
Happy crapping! (_o_)

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