Squatting can give great problems as well if you`ve got the shits and aren`t careful.

I was backpacking with a friend after a night on the beer. He was overcome by a desperate urge to shit and ran off into the bush. We were both wearing shorts and open sandals as it was very hot. He came back satisfied, but it was only about half an hour later when he walked on ahead a little that I could see he`d pebble-dashed his ankles. Mustn`t have realised the wide angle that beer shits can take coming out of an ass at speed.

For no reason other than badness, I didn`t tell him until much later in the day after we`d been caught up and passed by several other hikers.

That's some serious skiddage if it'll penetrate all of the way through your underwear and your pants.

I gather that this is not the first time that you've had to deal with sharts and shartage, since you seem to have an SOP for the occassion. If this does happen on a frequent basis, you might consider switching to looser fitting pants and Depends or plastic underpants, especially if you know that today will be a "wet" day.
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Hieronymous Bowels' Corollary #1 to Murphy's Law: The chance of meeting Hotties on any given day is inversely proportional to the length of the skiddage down the back of your leg.

Hieronymous Bowels' Corollary #2 to Murphy's Law: The hotness of the babe is directly proportional to stench produced by the skiddage on the back of your leg.
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Yikes, HB. Good story. Never have sneezed/coughed - shit.

Wow two HOT chicks in a row damn. But once again two VERY non understanding women obviously who think that THEIR shit doesnt stink. They are NOT worth your time of day. Move on and find a hot chick who can fart and shit without shame. A girl who can shoot pool in a real dive and yet still look hot when you go to a classy restaurant. A woman who can rip off a rat right in front of you and have you return fire and not get grossed out. That is T.C. KIND OF WOMAN
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

No offense Thunder, but I think even I might draw the line at a public display of defecation.

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It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!

Not as tragic as Heiro's story, a friend was weightlifting at a suburban health club. The club had more than its share of attractive women. My friend takes his workouts seriously. Weight belt, check. Gloves, check. Spandex shorts beneath workout pants, check. He lifted 200 pounds into a squat thrust. At the squat, he lost control and blew a high pitch, unusually long fart everyone could hear. With that weight on his shoulders, he was trapped and could not gather himself to stop the air biscuit.

I don't know. The weight lifting fart is kind of funny! Had I been in the room, I would have been totally on board with this man! The problem is that many guys in the free weight rooms take themselves a bit too seriously to laugh at themselves.

When I was in Grafenwohr, there was a HUGE dude who always wore these tiny, itsy bitsy skintight red and white striped shorts. He looked like an obscene candy cane. My God. One day I said, "Nice shorts. I'm going to assume you loved Christmas as a kid?" and smiled at him. I wasn't hitting on him. I was just being funny. He found nothing funny about me musing on his he-man peppermint rock covers.

What got me rather upset was that the men in the free weight room never had a problem commenting on my clothes or asking me what I had going on in my walkman (who I was listening to). Apparently, this was a one way street.

I could love a man who farted while lifting weights and laughed along with everyone else.

However, as to this guy's story, if he leaks that much, yeah, I'd b wearing pads or something. Or I would visit a doctor. I cannot imagine not doing something about it. It's too bad our society is so shameful!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

What if they fart and don't lift weights?

This is the PR story I can relate to the most. The ONLY time I have ever shit myself (as an adult) was on my 22nd birthday, and it was because I puked. I had some sort of worm or virus during my entire summer working in India, and I had only been home for a few weeks, and I was still very sick from it. So I had been used to daily hardcore diarrhea, but I had always been able to hold it to the bathroom, no matter how explosive or how frequently it happened. I was holding it while enjoying some birthday ice cream on the drive home from the restaurant, because I knew I still had some time, when I started to feel a little nauseous--really, really nauseous. And I knew I would puke soon, but I thought it would wait until we got to my friend's apartment. .......

We were in the driveway when I just knew. I told her to brake! and with sweaty hands I pulled on the door handle to get out. I stood up and stomach spasms forced me to bend over, puking my ice cream onto the driveway, while the force of vomiting made me lose all ass muscle control, and I shit my pants while vomiting on the driveway on my 22nd birthday. I stood there and cried while my friend's neighbor stared. I lost my brand-new underwear, my dignity, and some delicious ice cream on the same day. Nobody should have to go through that. Although it's still not as bad as walking around and greeting students with crap on your pants.

Turdle Dove, this is knowns as "double doody". I wrote a story about it called "Soilin' It Green" and completely feel for you. When you're horking that hard, it's sometimes impossible to close the other hatch.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

That is an absolutely horrendous story and I have to concur The Thunderous.... don't bother with these women, find one who'll appreciate your rippers and your follow-throughs. They're out there, I know because I found one :-)

Yes daphne, I wish that I had constant control over my bodily functions, but alas, we all live according to our asses' whims.

Turdle Dove, something similar also happened to me. When I was pregnant with my second child, a girl, I was horribly nauseous for weeks. I only actually vomited a few times, but on one of those occasions I had eaten too much fruit and I had gotten the squirts. My husband found me kneeling over the toilet sobbing with piss stains on the front of my kaki pants and a nasty brown spot on the back. He called them my kaka pants after that.

asshitdents happen!

AAP- I experienced the same phenomenon a couple months ago when lil shitwit #1 and I got sick. While puking in the bowl I could feel the old sphincter about to lose control. I quickly changed my angle of attack. I ripped my pants down, spun around, sat on the throne and grabbed the trash can to finish puking while I began puking out the other end too. For about a week after this affliction left me I was very careful not to sneeze or cough for fear of letting something brown slide out. I'm used to the occasional blast of pee when sneezing or coughing since lil' shitwit #2 is nearly ready to be born!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Alright, I'm not a shameful shitter. I poop in a bathroom at work that has two toilets and only one of them has a door, and that's the one no one ever uses 'cause it's too small. Anyway, I crap in front of all these half naked bitches whenever I need too, right? So don't get me wrong for saying What The Fuck?! I've never coughed and had a poop blast. Maybe you need to poop more often. Don't hold it back! Anyway, man, you made a wrong move. I'm going to be real about it and tell you no matter how blunt or unshameful of a shitter someone is, no girl wants to hear a man tell her that he has a bad stomach while he smells like poop. Why didn't your brain tell you to find another exit? Run away from hot girls when you've got poop seeping from your body! Run like you're running to the last working bathroom in a world of people that gotta crap! Run run run.
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Strippers Poop Too!

whats wrong with you people? What are ya'll eating?!

I hate when I have leakage._______
Producing waste since 1967

Once me and my son were taking a ride to blockbuster to rent a movie,half way there he coughed and crapped his pants,i pulled my mini van over and made him get in the rear seat on his stomach so as not to smoosh the poopie and make matters worse.He had to bend his legs up to fit.The stench was unbearable,i had to drive with my head out the window,and i was still gagging.Half way home i had to stop and puke,i wanted to kill him.

Get thee to a doctor.