Eewwww. Shit soup! My mother-in-law must have gotten the recipe for that from your Gramma! She makes that crap when we visit and the ol' shitter in their ol' house just isn't up for the challenge. One of these days I know someone is going to have to defile the flower garden when someone else is unleashing their own butt torrent. Great imagery, especially the ass that's been burned thru from the inside with acid. My ring has been burnt like that a few times. Next time I eat ma's shit soup I'll remember to put the TP in the freezer the night before!

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Brown tidings I bring
to you
from my ring

Funny story, Lousy. My only critique would be that you could have changed the relation to your great auntie or something; it made me sad that the story disses your gramma.

Good story. First one in a while too. Very descriptive.

GGG - Unfortunately sad but true about Gramma. Being as respectful of the dead as possible I can honestly say she was not the nicest person you'd ever meet. My other Gramma was an absolute peach. She's been gone for over 40 years, and hardly a day goes by that I don't miss her. Sorry to offend.

No, no. It didn't offend me, per se. It just made me a little sad that these are the types of memories you have of your gramma. I think part of it is that we used the term "gramma", too, in our family. Not "grammie, grandma, oma, meemaw, etc..." We used "gramma".

I get more sentimental with every year I age. It was just a thought; no loss of props to you.

Are you one of my cousins!? My gramma's favorite ingredient was also LARD. Her cooking was rumored to have kill the dog. Of all her grandchildren I think I was the only one that truely loved her cooking. I miss gramma.

My late mother made a stew that resembled Grandma's soup.They might be in heaven together running a roadside diner.If God wants to play a joke on someone entering heaven you have to try the soup or stew.In my house it was not come and get it,it was try and eat it.

Was your gramma German by any chance? My mom is from the old country (and she is old) and she could write a cookbook: "Cooking with Lard."

If she wasn't German maybe she was Mexican. We love our MANTECA (lard). My gramma's cookbook: 1001 Ways to Heal with Herbs and Manteca

Anal about Poop - I'm sorry you miss your gramma - I miss the dog.

Lard, country ham drippings, coffee grounds: the recipe for red eye gravy. Good story.

Ewww. Not grounds. Just coffee. Grounds would be crunchy! Eww. Dirt Gravy.

"Waiter, I'll have the shit soup with a side of dirt gravy."

uhm....why is it called red eye? (she wonders outloud)

The fact that she used brussel sprouts in her soup makes me think she was northern european because of the necessity to eat whatever was available during that time in history - my grandparents on one side were slovak and I know very well from listening to them that they ate anything the ground spit out, cabbage, brussel sprouts, potatoes, etc. This seems indicative of Russian, Polish, or German history. To use such a cold weather ingredient in a soup, one that causes so much gas means she either loved the soup or made it out of habit? Who knows. I know that I don't even use mushrooms in a soup unless the top of the pot is off, because even mushroom emit gas when cooked, and that gas needs to have an outlet from the dish lest it make the dish bitter.

I have kelbasa, saurkraut, stuffed cabbage, and other hardy concoctions in my blood. And, funny enough, my gramma's vegetable soup was also not so good. Neither is my mom's. Matter of fact, she doesn't make it anymore. Me? I make stew instead when things like these ingredients are available, and the family loves me for it. I make a kickin' stew. They eat stew and I eat marinara, and the whole world's happy.

Anomolous, isn't it odd how parents make their kids eat stuff they won't? Good for your mom for sticking up for you!!!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Actually she was German. She came from poor folks and I believe that during the depression thay ate anything that didn't move. Maybe she developed a taste for greasy, gross tasting concoctions. What ever the case, since it didn't kill me, it must have made me stronger. Just call me Superman.

I think lard was a normal ingredient for pretty much everyone, back in the day. People used to spread the shit on toast. I had a girl friend once, that used a product called "Vaginal Lube". It looked suspiciously like lard.

The descriptions of the soup going in and coming out, were both good. You can at least thank your stinky dead gramma for a good story.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Omigod. Lard on toast. Gag. Shit soup, lard on toast, and Chuck's red eye gravy. Just thinking about it raised my cholesterol 40 points.

Well the coffee grounds are eventually liquefied through cooking or brewing in lard, as it were. Red eye gravy gets its name because it keeps people awake. Gravy containing caffeine, sounds alomost like an energy drink.

This story reminds me somewhat of my dad's home made chili. Except the fact that aside from being hotter than sucking on a brimstone fountain, it tasted pretty good.
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Yes, those are my brown spots. Yes, those are your walls.

Aha. I should have made the depression age connection. My grampa was also that way. Did any of your relatives mention eating the tuber vegetable, like beets, radishes, etc.? I seem to remember my gramma having to eat all types of root and tuber vegetables because those were the only things that would grow.

I will say she makes wonderful mashed potatoes with rutabaga in them.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I daresay that I make a fan-freakin'-tastic veggie soup, one I hope my (someday) grandkids will eat right up! And I call my kids Sweet Potata and Rutabaga, but that's neither here nor there.

My great grandma was one of those who cooked everything with lard. I used to like her food, then it kind of drifted as she got older. Her funeral was on my 19th birthday after having been in various hospitals and nursing homes. We told her she was in a rehab center to make her stronger so she could get home. All she wanted to do was sit out on the front porch of her old house, but that would have just killed her faster. We believe she starved herself to death, simply refusing to eat anymore. I could go on and on about her. But anyway, back on topic, she cooked with a lot of lard too, though she never made anything nasty. Maybe a little off sometimes, but still fully edible.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

40 years ago or so working-class people here in Australia would routinely have lard sandwiches for lunch. "Bread and dripping" it was called. Fortunately food has gotten a lot cheaper since then so people no longer have to eat that crap.

You know, butter isn't all that far from lard. It just has a certain percentage of water from the milk end, where lard is rendered from the meat. It's all just cow fat.

Although, you can have pork lard, but I don't know of anyone who drinks pig milk. Well, besides piglets. CAN you drink pig milk? Can you MILK a pig? Can you make Pig Butter from pig milk?

So many questions.

Actually you could milk a pig. Now that's gonna just drive me crazy all day. Pig milk. Bleeachhh.

A funny, well written story Anomolous, let`s have some more.

Luckily, both my grannies were brilliant cooks. No shit soup in my family.

My mom made my brother and I drink donkey milk one time. Why, you ask? She said it would cure asthma. (Ah, mom. I miss her sometimes.....she moved to Florida.) The consept was gross but the milk wasn't bad. If you think about it. Doesn't a donkey pretty much eat what a cow does?

Donkey milk!?! Cure asthma?? I thought that it was yak gak that eased breathing. Actually, any lactating female mammal can give milk.

That's right. I often milk my cat...........
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Yeah!? I was told that cures Psoriasis.

How do you milk a magnesia?

I`ve got a pet Purple Trouser Snake that my girlfriend regularly likes to milk.

I've had cheese made from goat milk, it's rather good. I've heard of people milking cattle, goats, yaks, donkeys, bulls, and other large animals, but not smaller ones such as pigs or cats.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Actually some pigs can weigh in at near 900 lbs. That's a lot of bacon. Or milk. Or something...

Anomalous: Put some magnesium metal in water.

"And it burns, burns, burns..." No thanks, man. Anomolous - dont try it.

Who are these mysterious people you've heard of milking cattle Double Flush? Could they be THE ELUSIVE FARMER!

P.S. When you get done milking the bull, let me know, I'm looking for someone to milk a stallion for me on video (Mexican market) and I think you just might be the guy.

P.P.S. Sorry for the derailment but the idiocy above made me do it. Great report Anomalous!

So in theory you could have butters made from pig, goat, sheep, yak, donkey, horse, ox, whatever. Hmmn.

But back to the original derailment: Butter on toast makes sense to most people, but not lard (I JUST read an example of shortening-on-bread in "Vinegar Hill").

Why is butter considered such a different product than lard? I wonder if chemically it's all about the same?

GGG, lard is the white solid or semisolid rendered fat of a hog, and butter is an edible emulsion of fat globules made by churning milk or cream.

I suppose if you were to kill the animals that you listed above and rendered their fats down to a similar state as that of the hog fat, it would in fact be considered lard as well.

My question is for Double Flush: How many teats does a bull have?
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Always looking out for number two!

A whole herd of them?

GGG, I`ve had tea with Yak butter in it in Tibet - bwaaaaaaghhhh! Never again.

Goat`s cheese is delicious, as is sheep`s cheese, we have many kinds here and from France.

Knob cheese, however, is something I`d never want to try.

That one is a long running joke that my dad started, because we got sick of everyone calling all cattle "cows." One cannot milk a bull. Many male mammals do have nipples, though they aren't used.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Depends on what you call milking DF. There are some odd folk out there.

"Knob cheese, however, is something I`d never want to try.

That made laugh out loud. Thank you Thunderbox.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

GGG - "So in theory you could have butters made from pig, goat, sheep, yak, donkey, horse, ox, whatever."
Not necessarily. The way it was explained to me is that there would have to be sufficient butter fat content of the milk for the globs to stick together. Whole cow's milk is average 3.3%. An animal that has a lower fat content might not make butter. But the concept of bull butter (or knob cheese) is one I'd rather not explore, thank you very much.

That story was too funny and brought me back to my childhood - my dad's mom was flatulent and opposed to hygiene - she apparently didn'y like tp either as she usually had any manner of fecal matter on the back of her legs ewwwww she used to fart in our faces when we had to sleep at hher house -

That's interesting, Lousy! That's probably why Pig Cheese and Cat Butter aren't widely available.

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"...I use public toilets and piss on the seat...I'm an asshole..."--Denis Leary. Yes, Turdgutson, I know.

Wow... I feel lucky now. The only soup I can recall my grandma making was pretty good--lots of beans, so the result was farting, but the soup was good and the farts weren't too bad. Now she lives in a retirement community where they cook for her, so I haven't had that soup in a long time.

I didn't think it was possible to have a grandma who was a crappy cook. For gross foods I have a Newfie buddy that cooks up Scrunchions. It's bacon fat cooked until crisp, and he dips toast in the grease, not for the faint of heart.

Definately more lethal than one of your other sports,ice fishing, Bunga.

With food like scrunchions, who needs a laxative?

Reminds of this horrible Romanian dish my parents and their Romanian friends would make. It was a suspension of cold, slimy chicken fat gelatin, suspended inside were tiny chunks of tough meat, almost burned eggplant innard bits, and onion chunks. They always scoffed it down like it was filet mignon, guess that comes from living in a starving country. It never gave me the runs, but I always almost puked every time they forced me to eat it.

My grandparents made scrambled eggs with sugar and nutmeg in them, fried in bacon grease. There are just some flavors that do not work together.

I'm going to do a search on egg recipes with unusual sugar/spices, because yeah, the sugar's a little weird. But it's all in what you're used to, and what you might HAVE to do.

Not that your grandparents had to KEEP frying eggs in bacon grease, but it's a Depression era thing. "Waste not, want not". One of my grandmas grew up in the Depression, and the other grandma was a young wife and mother during those lean years.

They both fried EVERYTHING in bacon grease. They kept coffee-cups full of it in the fridge. When my mom's family was out of food, my grandpa would go into the woods and hunt opossums for them to eat. Seriously. It's all a matter of necessity.

possum based shit soup - yuck.

Actually, my mom said the stew wasn't bad. Cut anything into chunks with veggies and a lovely broth, and who'll know the difference?

But my grandma could COOK!

I say let's reconstitute the formula for shit soup and make it the only food given to captured illegal immigrants jumping over the Mexican border; if they like it and ask for more after a day, give them citizenship!

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Believe in the joy of shitting1

Hell, Norwegians eat lutefisk.

What, pray tell, is lutefisk? Sounds like a disease.

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"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

It's one of those things that people ate because they had to, then convinced themselves that they actually enjoyed it.

Read about it here.

Aye, lassie, but i dinna think ya'd wanna be tryin haggis, now would ya? So what's haggis ye be askin? Its a traditional pudding made of the heart, liver, etc., of a sheep or calf, minced with suet and oatmeal, seasoned, and boiled in the stomach of the animal.

Scatty, I think you've been orbiting Uranus and wiping out Klingons too long.

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"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Haggis can't be any worse than menudo.

And that can mean the food OR the band.

What's that?

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"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Menudo vs. menudo.

I'll pass. On both.
Actually its all relative I suppose. If your relatives eat weird shit you probably will too.

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"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

I'm of Scottish descent and remember my Grandfather serving up haggis and other "delicacies". I'm a firm believer that all Scottish cuisine began as a dare.

Ooh! There's a similar line about that in one of my favorite novels (set in Scotland).

It has something to do with the Scots taking things that were done purely as necessity and turning them into virtues.

My grandma was a pretty good cook- her specialty was beef pot roast with gravy. Grandpa hated onions so she would sneak them in by puree-ing them into the gravy. Grandpa never knew he was eating onions. His sense of smell must have been off. Sometimes the smell of my farts reminds me of that oniony smell and I think "Ah... Grandma's cooking!" after letting one rip. My sister thought her toddler's poop smelled like it- she would ask him if he was "making pot roast for mommy"! I must be a good cook too, because once when I was babysitting my cousin, my sister came for a visit and thought our cousin was "making pot roast" in his diaper, but I was actually cooking pot roast at the time.

That's pretty funny! I love it when people "think" they don't like certain foods, and you sneak it in. I have an acquaintance who tells everyone she's allergic to onions, but it's just that she doesn't like them, and doesn't want to have to pick them out. So everybody leaves them out for her. It's kind of a pain.

I perform the food sneak on my mother all the time. She didn't like organic food because she thought it meant rice cakes and sprouted soybeans. I started giving her organic food and she exclaimed how much she liked it. When she learned it was organic she suddenly went crazy for organic food.

A friend of mine is having trouble with her co-workers, who are all stupid slobs, who keep wanting to eat her lunch. They love her granola bars until she tells them they're organic. Suddenly they taste like crap and the morons no longer bother her lunch.

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"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

wow - I thought I was the only one that had eat weird crap growing up. My grams made a casserole that sounds like your grams shit soup after it clotted. It was frigging gross to look at, but didn't taste all that bad. I did get the shits after eating some once. Mom thought that something in it was spoiled. Grams was kind of forgetful and sometimes left stuff on the counter for hours before putting it away.

Dear City People,

Lard is pig fat. Beef fat is called tallow. After being rendered, the two don't much resemble each other. Beef fat gets waxy when it's cold, that's why it plugs your arteries.
Pig fat is more like vegetable shortening. And chichen fat stinks the worst. As a former farm boy who used to have to help butcher anything that moved, I'd advise not eating any of it.

TSV, I had the same thing happen with my mother. When she got got desparate for a snack, she ate it and raved about it. Now she is getting into organic food.

The story, I loved it, and laughed out loud reading it.

Use must have a cast iron stomach to put up with gut wrenching farts, and soup that is probably too toxic to be buried in Area 51.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

When you read through this thread, there is an astonishing amount of culinary information in it. I'm sure all this knowledge could be put to great use!!

Note to self: If PR has a gathering, look carefully at the buffet. What you don't eat just might try to eat you.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

So what happened to your brother? Did he eat it too?

So many culinary mistakes to correct in this thread. I am a certified Tennessee Hillbilly and possess a vast amount of knowledge on little known edible animals and unusual parts of animals that may be used in man's quest for food.

Lard is pig fat, tallow is from a sheep, not a cow. Pure rendered beef fat is called suet.

Red eye gravy is simply the liquid you obtain by deglazing the pan you fried a slice of country ham in. Deglaze with black coffee (no grounds please) and spoon the resulting liquid on your breakfast grits.

Menudo and haggis are both delicious. Here in America we turn our noses up at some of the most delicious foods. In most countries in Southeast Asia the tripe, or stomach, of an animal is actually the most expensive part.

Possums are delicious, they are ugly but they taste good. You should not scrape one off the road to use in your recipe. Get a fresh one.

Try barbecued groundhog sometime, you will love it. Groundhogs do an immense amount of damage to soybeans and other crops each year. Help your local farmer by eating groundhog.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

It seems I was wrong in the post I made above. Depending on where you go for a definition of suet and tallow you can get different results, however;

Suet is the fat of a sheep or a cow, it must be refrigerated or it will spoil.
Tallow is the fat of either a sheep or cow that has been purified by having all the moisture cooked out of it. Tallow can be kept at room temperature for lengthy periods of time.

Now if you will excuse me it is time for my morning bowl of shit soup.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

My parents made their version of shit soup in HUGE quantities....then froze the crap in one galoon containers...so we had leftover leftovers...._______
Floaters....or Sinkers ???

Tallow was used from the Middle Ages through the mid-1900's to make candles. May still be done in some areas of the world.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

My mornings usually involve soupy shit.

Soupy Shit? Wasn't he a comedian?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I guess that is what he thought he was.

Tallow was also used to make leather water resistant. Moccasins and leather boots were caked with it until the leather could absorb no more.

I cannot imagine what a tallow candle smells like. If I were to buy a fragrance oil for tallow, would it be called "ham"?

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Perhaps eau de swine.