Nice story, Chief. But what a waste having you in air traffic control - you should have been deployed in the biological warfare unit. The military`s secret weapon "The Eggsterminator".

Best story in a while! I was laughing my ass off. I loved being stationed in Japan too.

I neglected to add that there is a name for the condition that allows you to bend over and shit through the eye of a needle at 50 feet. The guys in Vietnam called it the
"dreaded gombu."

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

We had a name for it in college, too. We called it "spring break." Great story, Chief. Be kind, and keep them coming.

It looks like the firemen voted to put you on their shit list.

You sure you were shitting through a needle dick?

Damn six RAW eggs and beer. Well another math formula 6 RAW EGGS + BEER = a POOP REPORT. Nice one there chief I know if I had had that meal there would have been some SERIOUS nuclear proliferation there. GREAT STORY more Japan adventures please.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

what on earth would inspire you to consume raw eggs in beer?! yarf! i cannot imagine anything more unappetizing! good story, though after that concoction you probably had it coming ;) haha

The younger folks are completely at a loss on how us old bastards drank...eggs in beer is/was a long standing tradition in our family. Sort of died away, now, but it was almost a daily thing with me, my uncles, most of my mother's family...
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Most excellent story Chief. The title alone was enough to send me to the crapper.

I never had eggs and beer, but my Dad used to drink tomato juice and beer, and I thought it was gross untill I tried it. I love it.
I loved your story too.
Oh yeah, my Dad was station in the Phillipines, and he said the locals there ate something called(spelling)balut, which was a preserved chicken embryo in the shell. BLAAARGH! He tried one after drinking and said he puked right there in the street and all the locals thought it was hilarious.

Hi pnuttycorn,
Thanks for your comments. The balut your dad ate was probably made from a duck egg rather than a chicken egg. They are actually very tasty although the little bill is sorta crunchy.
Ask your dad if he ate durian fruit while in the Philippines. They are delicious but stinky...like eating banana pudding while sitting in an outhouse.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!

A Hawaiian-Filipino told me that balut has the same effect as oyster shooters are claimed to have on the libido. Is that true? This guy had the worst gas in the world. He always used to greet me with a hardy cry of: "Balut-e man! Let's go have some balut!" Then he'd let off a string of acrid ass talk.

I'm still wretching from the raw eggs addition to the beer! I can't believe you drank that!! But, I suppose, this all happened in '62... it was probably not known how much raw eggs can fuck you up. Great story.

At one point I though you'd be the brave one who pooped over the railing. That would have made this a poop report of epic proportion!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Beer... It's not just for breakfast anymore. If you are fortunate enough to crew on a racing sailboat, Beer and tomato juice "red beer" is the best hangover cure. Mimosa (beer and tang) is a wonderful breakfast. Lunchtime beer is known as a "hydraulic sandwich." Eggs and beer a typical dinner. If you are lucky, (or careful!) you will be given pasteurized eggs. Without pasteurized eggs, you will sooner or later be leaning over the rail executing a "Technicolor yawn," then later, wrestling with marine heads, (toilets!) that are not fun... But that is another story.

I still think we need a section on military poop stories, since there are so many coming out recently. I'd be willing to get together a list, even if I am too much of a computer retard to put it up.

Anyway, great story, Chief! I can't believe you stunk out the fire crew! It reminded me of something that happened at the political convention I was at two weeks ago, where I laid such a stinker that the cleaning lady fled the room. But no one ever had to use an industrial fan to eliminate my stank-ass! You deserve a medal for that one!

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Born right the first time.

I loved the "Nothing in my twenty years of existence had ever smelled this foul. I was so proud."

You remind me of an English man that I knew in france who told me of his childhood in England. He had asked his grandfather "I know grandma is old and ugly, but do you love her? did you ever love her?" ..."of course" his grandfather told him. "are you ashamed of her" he asked his grandpa.."well no of course not sunnyboy"... "so your proud of her then??" he asked. The grandfather replied "boy, have you ever taken a 15 minute shit? and then stepped back to take a look at it??? THATS being proud my boy. Nevermind yer grandmother!"

Now that I have finished pinching a very satisfactory Sunday morning loaf (attractive beige color, assertive but not overpowering aroma, nestled in commode in an artistic coil, not a great turd but an amusing little butt chunk) I am here at poopreport to dispel the myth that eating raw eggs is an unhealthy practice.

Many doctors will tell you that we have compromised immune systems because our food supply is to clean. We get Montezuma's revenge when we visit other countries because our pampered gastro-intestinal tracts are just not used to germs.

I do not recommend boosting your bacteria count by licking the seats of public toilets or offering rim jobs to hobos but
indulging yourself in an occasional raw egg
might actually do you some good.

I have a friend that took a college course in "Waste Water Treatment" when he worked for the water department of a small town years ago. He was taught that when you work in a filth related business you might get sick a few times at first but eventually your improved immune system will keep you healthier than you were before.

When I was first discharged from the service I worked for a few years in a small slaughterhouse where I was exposed to every poop related bacteria known to man. I now laugh gleefully at the bacteria in raw eggs as I slurp them down with gusto.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Good job, Chief. That was quality work: stinking out those firemen. I wish I could stink like that. I did make all the kids cry one time from farting in the car, but emptying out a building is just good work.

I have even caused people to comment on my stench in other languages.
I was driving
wih my wife, two kids and young Japanese sister-in-law
in the car when a SBD oozed from my anus. Sis-in-law screamed out, "Ahhhh, kusai onara."
It was so foul I almost crashed the car laughing as my passengers fought for window space. Needless to say "kusai onara" means stinky fart in Japanese.

This info could be useful if you ever smell a fart in Japan.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Kusai onara sounds almost like good bye in Japanese. Could it be she was seeing her whole life pass in front of her? It's toto fung pee (sp) in Chinese. I know from experience.

Thanks PD, if I ever journey to China again I will know what to say when I detect a fart.

---------------When my dog farts I claim it!!

I was flying from Vietnam to Japan years ago when we landed at Taiwan to be serviced. The ground crew that scurried in the plane was Chinese and it was just after lunch. The five or six guys who boarded the plane to vacuum, dump ashtrays, etc.
had collectively
eaten at least ten pounds of raw garlic for lunch. Thank God we departed before one of them farted.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

To Shit Volcano: What political convention were you at? (Please don't tell me you're an Obama supporter... pleeease...)

nothin has changed here in japan, orion beer and airmans club drinking adventures. im stationed at kadena

My grandpa is Asian. Everynight, he would down a pint of Guiness Stout with two raw eggs in it. Then he would flex his muscles and say Popeye.

He used to tell us never to enter a toilet stall after a Kwai Lo aka foreigner aka foreignor. Their shit has the worst PONG!. Very often, no matter how often he flushed, the log never goes down.

We used to joke, a shit is a shit, they all smell the same. He was just a racist Chinaman.

He gave us his limited biology lesson and explained that the Kwai Lo don't eat any vege and their shit is hard like a concerte log.

You see, Grandpa was a chef in a Chinese Western restaurant and he cooked sirloin steak served with two halves of tomatoes. These tomatoes were never eaten. These Americans ate up the french fries and steak and left the tomatoes.

Of course, those were the days of the sixties when people didn't eat much fibre.

Herbert, I am going to leave the nature of the political convention a mystery. In the world of poop and politics, it really doesn't matter whom or what gets or doesn't get my support. It's up to your imagination.

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.