"the only thing I had to offer was a giant steamer stuck in the toilet"...very funny Mars.

I take you`ve never eaten any sandwiches, or other bread related meals at her place since you chopped up that brown beast.

This story reminds me of the episode of seinfeld, when Jerry drops his girlfriends toothbrush in the toilet and does not tell her.

I was staying at a friends house and had to have a serious dump. It was five or six days worth, and I was in a similar predicament to Mars. This one was not definitely not going to go easily, and the situation was made worse by my friend's teenage sister waiting outside saying she was desparate. I used my hand to break it up and with three flushes got rid of it. That was many years ago and my embarrassment was such that I've never been in anyones' house since.

This seems to be a recurrent theme on PR recently, and I'm starting to think that a log chopper should become a standard issue accessory item for bathrooms, along with the spare roll of paper and the plunger. They could be sold in their own color coordinated holders, like toilet brushes. Maybe the decorative holder could be half-full of a fresh smelling disinfectant solution, like the stuff the old-time barber shops used to keep their combs in.

Fudgepump....kool idea. I never have poops that need to be cut but I would buy it to have on hand. _______
Producing waste since 1967

A friend of mine suggested that some enterprising person combine the standard toilet with a blender or food processor; in other words, simply put a gnarly chopper blade device at the bottom of the loo to lay waste to any unflushable solids.

None of this would be necessary if people would just retrofit their houses with Champion toilets. Quit being cheap! They are $200 bucks.

Didn't someone around here once suggest altering a kitchen sink disposal system so that it fits a toilet?

You know this is some ingenious ideas here. Personally I have NEVER had an untameable turd that would not go down but I like the idea of processor blades you just need another kind of toilet brush for cleaning or a design where the blades pop up if the toilet is going to clog or have the blades further back. This is why I like this site so much its because great minds come together! Ah lets try to stay away from things we use to cut sandwiches and other food related items. BUT unfortunately when you back is to the wall you have to come out fighting.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

One time I had to do community service in a goodwill outside of St. Paul, MN after getting busted for having a loud party. Needless to say I was less than overjoyed to be working on the dock. The first day I got there, I went to go to the bathroom and encountered a foul and gloating Jabba the Hut turd languishing in the bowl. I swear it was as big around as a corn cob and just barely wading in the water due to its grotesque magnitude.

My first reaction was that the other people working in the goodwill were unsavory slobs! How dare someone birth such an abomination and then not even flush! For a moment I was occupying the perspective of priveledge and thinking of my co-workers as some sort of other eschelon of society. Then I went to flush it and everything changed.

The bastard didn't even flinch. I then realized that this evil turd had brought out the worst of society in me... and empathized with the turdlayer- how horiified would I have been to drop a tremendous and satisfying crap only to realize I couldn't flush it? The shame.

I tried to flush again. Nothing. I resolved to redeem myself by terminating the turd. Nessity is the mothe of invention- I used my pee stream like a cutting laser to structurally compromise the turd and finished it off with some well-timed flushing.

Thank you for letting me share. Let us all unite in getting those darn logs down the drain. Viva!

My usual poo chopper is a dull, rusty knife that hasn't been used for food purposes in probably 15 years.... And it seems that whenever I need it most, I don't have it handy.....A couple weeks ago I was at a friend's house. I had to sacrifice my comb to render a fat solid turd flushable.

We live out in the woods and many a time we've made the trek out back to find a suitable poop chopper to flush a reluctant turd. Works great. But a dedicated poop chopper in its own caddy would be the greatest addition to the bathroom arsenal since the plunger.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

POOP CHOPPERS?! HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously - you guys are hilarious, but you should either hit the potty on a more regular basis, or change your diet!

My solution in those rarest of circumstances when the brown pillar resists its watery grave, is to keep the flush-button pressed. This will gradually flood the bowl, until the waterpressure is high enough to force the naughty lump of brown through the tubes. If this does not happen, your screwed. The bowl is congested AND full of water. On the 2 occasions I have faced this predicament (one of them being at my uncle's 50th birthday party with 70 guests and 1 toilet) I have enveloped the toilet brush in plenty of its room-mate toilet paper, and desperately rammed the sucker into the face of evil staring up at me through the increasingly murky waters. Both times success has resulted, even though some cleaning of the brush afterwards was necessary.

Oh man, thats a load of my chest - thx for letting me share, you guys!!

The only thing I've ever had to use was the plunger, thankfully. I will give credit to flaxseed. Not only does it give me those omega three fatties necessary to stay healthy, but it keeps things less like bricks and more like Play doh.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Get a coat hanger and perform a fecal abortion.

Nabisco Shredded Wheat and Bran will give you giant poops that span the length of your transverse colon . I especially like eating whole wheat spaghetti with shrimp and tablespoons of minced garlic and parmesan cheese and having the shredded wheat and bran for dessert . All night you can huff your own garlicky emissions and in the morn' deposit a stink log , and continue with your day .

A TRIPLE COIL BUTT COBRA!!!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! "Mars" birthed a giant MarsBar! Oh the irony!

Great storytelling!

_______
Poo de Grace www.myspace.com/janilani

I remember Al Bundy kept a 12 gauge shotgun handy for those troublesome turds, even with his trusty Ferguson throne behind him.

Haven't needed a poo stick. Hope I never doo.

MousePoo - not being rude, but if your moniker reflects reality, you never will.

I just use the brush handle, but if there isn't one - bollocks to it!

For some reason, the logs have grown larger in the last couple of years. If it is anything more than one day's worth, it's a sure bet that a duece-ectomy will be needed.

My choices are to have a dedicated duece-ectomy knife laying around which is easily cleaned to be reused OR to have a box of disposable plastic utensils (preferably a knife, but a spoon or fork would work) in the bathroom handy to perform said operation.

I must warn you, you have to work quickly, because, as "first time reader" comments, the murky waters build rapidly. If you lose visibility, you risk missing a vital cut and that large semi-turd will sink into the depths of the murk-juice. If you are lucky to see it happen, you can work by feel with the plastic knife until you "find" the still-too-large semi-turd and finsih it off. If you are unlucky and never see it, you will see that it causes the converyor belt to stop!

I have to say that I that I usually do not leave more than 2-3 inches in between cuts and I ALWAYS start at the head of the beast. You HAVE to. If you start at the wrong (soft) end, things murk up something fast and you lose the rock at the head to the depths of the murk. If you start at the head, it murks up more slowly, and even if you leave the tail at 4-5 inches it is useally flexible enough to take that damn curve in the back of the toilet.

Why is there that horrendous curve in the back of the toilet. How do you expect a 12-15 incher to take that turn?!?! Of course that depends on the "flexibility" and the girth. But if you are reading this thread, you understand that girth and flexibility are inversely related beacuse of TBT (Time Between Turds). Why can't the log just drop down? I am not a plumber, forgive me!

I had been dating a very pretty flight attendent for a few weeks, when she asked me if I would like to spend the night. It was truly a night I will never forget. It wasn't the love making that made it so memorable...was what happened about 4 a.m. that will linger forever.

I heard a sound, like men working on a chain gang. Nnnnnnn. aaaaaaa.. nnnnnnn. I peered through the crack in the door only to see was my lovely FA grunting one out. Her face was gnarled up. Her fists clinched. She was shitting what had to be a peach seed. Finally, after a few minutes, her face became almost angelic. She was a peace. She flushed not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. Obviously, Fidel Castro was not going down without fight. That's when she reached for her "secret weapon"... CLOTHES HANGER. I watched in horror as she chopped up her Surf and Turf with a clothes hang. She handled the clothes hangar like a surgeon a knife.

I quickly ran back to bed, where I was joined a few minutes later by my TURD GODDESS.

We were married three weeks later.

AC - I fully empathise with you here - definitely grounds for marriage. But!!

Firstly, is it wise in the circumstances to imply that your love-making with this goddess was not memorable!!??

Secondly, 'shitting what had to be a peech seed' - is this a fair description!!? It sounds to me more as if she was shitting a substantial branch of the whole bloody peech tree!!

like the toothbrush on seinfeld???? good story used to clog the toilet alot til i realized when to pinch him off o well like plato i dunno what havin a platolike turd would feel like but u make it sound painful... hope ur doin well with this girl...
_______
i have met many people that talk like asses i have not however met many asses that talk like people

That was funny, i did one like that in the toilets in Mcdonals and they had no doors which ment i needed to push and push for a 4 inch thick log to come out my bumhole, infront of who ever wlaked in and it blocked the toilet real bad

_______
Adambigbum Happy pooing

I was looking forward to the story unfolding further.....I had an image of you slinging the turd out the window on a stick for the dog to bring it back etc

I remember as a kid I laid a log that wouldn't go down. When my dad got home from work, he tried to flush it multiple times as well. I remember him smirking that "I can't lose control, but I want to laugh my ass off!" smile. I think he was proud of me. If I remember correctly he used the plunger to break up the offending snake that had reared up out of the water like a cobra head. Oh little did I know the things to come...