I suppose his failure to secure a second date was tied to the 100-point bathroom deduction on a woman's "you lost a point there" scale.

What: this story.

Rating: zero. lame.

High Point: visualizing this snooty chick with no panties.

Low Point: having to ready the story.

What I'm wearing: nothing at all...just me and my junk swingin' free.

Chance I'll want to read another poop report by struttinhip: 0%

Now you need to write an entry about your farts that smell like bacon!

Wow, you reminded me of a story about some loose liquid stool I encountered out of nowhere while walking from my car to an ice hockey arena. I thought I only had to fart, but drew mud!!! I was doing the Atkins diet at the time and heard that might do it. I'll gather my thoughts and report on that one in the future. At least I was wearing underwear.

I'm snooty? I just told ya'll a story about pooop.

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struttnghip

This isn't a poop report. This is some materialistic snot's attempt to see how many hip things she can cram into 500 words or less. The only thing that surprised me was that she didn't mention what kind of car the hedge fund dude drives.

If you ever wanna see a good time, Babe, you just give ol' Dodge a call. We'll hang out in my trailer and dine on Doritos and Budweiser while we watch my Larry the Cable Guy DVD's.

Who the heck eats pumpkin ravioli without being forced, anyway?

I enjoyed your story. Very much. I love a great poop story and I appreciated you just giving the facts. Some people may say snooty, I say you have some class. Yup, it's nice even here on poop report! It was nice not having to hear in great detail what you ate for lunch so everyone could visualize your diarrhea. I think it is a bit odd how many people on this site get off on using disgusting verbage. I always think that the people who love to write really nasty descriptions about their own shit like doing weird poop stuff in bed. A true great poop story doesn't need all 6th grade humor. Nice story.

I was reminded of a very RECENT incident. Sitting in my vehicle with my mother, let one slip only to realize it was more than just gas slipping between my cheeks. Made an emergency exit to my brothers house to check out the situation. As I was exiting the car my mom gasped at the brown stain left on my light khaki colored pants. Luckily I had my suitcase in my trunk. My brother has not let me live it down that i had to change my shit stained pants at his place of residence.

This was pretty funny, hahahaha. But you really can't believe what i think is funny since i laugh at anthing. hahahahahah

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We live. We poop. We wipe.

Pumpkin ravioli tasted like a boiled pie. I've had it with a slightly wheat pasta, and it was good. If I made it, I'd use a carmel walnut sauce and broil it until it carmelized on top. Wouldn't that be a neat dessert?

And no, I'm not a snob. I just like to cook.

Her story didn't sound so pretentious to me. She just used a different approach than other people. And she DID submit a poop story. How conceited can she be? Remember, you guys, we have people on this site quite frequently who cut others down because of their views (political and otherwise), their lifestyle, and their grammar (that guilty party would be me). There's enough fodder for debate as to who's snobbish.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I enjoyed the different format. Variety is the spice of life-- and poop reports-- It'd be pretty boring if everything was always the same!

But yeah, I thought the author came across as irritatingly pretentious (the first thing they talked about was finance?) The name dropping of what I assume are hip (or not) things in New York, and especially judging a person's worth on it, turned me off to the characters. But that's what made the story! This materialistic, image conscious chick or gay guy was taken down a peg or two (or more) by The Great Equalizer! Ha! It can happen to anyone at any time.

Usually on PR, we can groan along in sympathy, but this time I found I was, sadly, almost glad for her/his misfortune. To quote a good friend of mine's made up word, "Mean-enjoy! Mean-enjoy!" I can only hope that this chick/pretty boy is one of those shallow bitches from my old high school!

While I would never be friends with this person, I'm glad she/he had the guts (literally and figuratively) to tell us the tale.

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

why are you people being such ass douches (otherwise known as enemas)? Struttinghip is not pretentious. She just shared a horrifying poop story with you. she was trying to explain that hte guy she went out with was a SNOB. She wasn't. duh.

ok poopers. I was trying to convey in my story that my date was incredibly pretentious dude who only talked about his club and his job in finance. When i said he thought i was "hip", i said it in quotes b/c i am the most unhip person on the planet. but i guess you would have to know me to know that.

How snobby can i be? I wiped my ass with dirty paper towels and told you people about it.

I love the fact that you are all so vocal about poop. I am going to write a thousand more stories about my ass. Love me or hate me. I love the poop report.

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struttnghip

I apologize if it's really the case that the author isn't "snooty" or a "snob". It sure came across that way.

Yes, it's apparent that the "date-dude" is/was, but maybe the wording of the story (i.e. NOT saying something like, "is this guy for real?" or commenting that it was a turn-off that he was coming across as being so pretentious and you weren't into THAT, or even a "what am I doing here with a guy like THIS?") And the handle "strutting hip" threw me on the actual attitude of the writer. I think it made us all think that you think you are hot shit, better'n everyone and your shit don't stink.

I'm glad our criticisms won't deter you from writing more and enjoying PR-- that raises my estimations immensely.

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Oh-- and I forgot to say that I thought the part about wishing TP would magically appear or drop out of the ceiling totally cracked me up! That was hiLARious!

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

I like this story.
Sorry, Struttinghip, but I had a good laugh at your expense. You may want to go to the doctor to make sure you haven't picked up any nasty bug from the trash you wiped with.

This should teach you all to always wear underwear.

You know, struttinghip, there was just a thread in the forums about being misunderstood because of the written word on the net doesn't allow for tone of voice. Methinks you were a victim.

Write us another story. Go somewhere good to eat so I can live through you in a sad, vicarious way, because I haven't been out to a good restaurant in almost a year.......

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I didn't find the story pretentious. The anxiety created by having to shit in one of these restaurants is what Poopreport is all about. Usually, they're unisex single occupant tiny little things wedged into the minimal amount of space so that the restaurant can squeeze in another table or two. (No profit in you being able to crap in peace.) The trendy places are always mobbed with people overflowing outside desperate to get in. Why desperate, you can eat anywhere? Because they're pretentious! It has to be this place. If you spend longer than 90 seconds in the can, people are knocking. Add to the mix that everyone is drinking and eating rich food that they're not used to and hilarity sometimes ensues. I would hate to work in one of those joints but I guess no problem if you're not obsessed with your ass like I am.

I don't know HOW anyone could misconstrue that story making you a snob??? Good story. I wouldn't have wanted to be in that situation, but I think you handled it well. I may have stayed sitting on the seat--crying my eyes out!

I liked your details in the story. I don't understand why people are so damn critical. So they talked finance, they wore casual clothes, etc. That's what she did on her date in NYC. Maybe she is shallow. But so what? The more details of what happened leading up to, during and after the event make the story more visual to me. More contributors should describe their surroundings like this, not just the goings-ons in your intestines.

I also had to giggle at the image of hoping TP would magically fall from the ceiling. I can recall way too many times when I was sitting on the can at home and used the last sheet only to discover there were no more rolls in the cabinet next to the can! I'd open and close that door a few times just hoping that one more roll would materialize each time I opened it!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

This can be a tough room critic wise sometimes. I think where you've succeeded best is in letting the naysayers criticisms roll off your back, good show.

Boring Pretentious Date: 2 hours

GastoIntestinal distress from said meal: $100.00

Wiping your ass with someone else's dirty bog scrap.......PRICELESS!

P.S. Any story with a non panty wearing chick gets a big UP from me.

It's kind of funny that the people who called you snooty or pretentious are the ones judging! You're snooty, but they're picking on a poor girl who just went through such a horrible experience? Ironic. I think the people that were being so judgemental are probably insecure. Why else put someone down just for the hell of it? If you can't get support on Poop Report, where can you? And I like that you're Struttinhip. It's hilarious that people commented on that considering all the crazy handles people go by on this sight. Dirty Chocolate Starfish or whatever people call themselves is okay, but Struttinhip is put down. C'mon, that's pretty funny!

Never let it be said that I can't admit it when I'm wrong. And so, struttinghip, you have my very sincere apologies for misunderstanding your tone, when the only pretentious turd in your story was the date.

I still think the pumpkin ravioli sounds nasty.

And the offer of a real good time still stands.

struttinghip, I've seen a picture of Artful Dodger.

Take the offer. He's a hunk.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

daph, your check is in the mail.

I'm with Artful Dodger on this one-- I admit I was wrong. (Really, I feel bad about what I said last night). I think I was too much reminded of the materialistic nature of people from my past (I grew up in a rich city full of people who only cared about image and your wording reminded me too much of them-- please tell me you're not Carrie Peters!)

And Daphne has a good point-- the written word does not always convey the inflection of what you really mean-- I HATE being misunderstood and now I'm guilty of what I hate the most! I think part of my problem, besides being overly sensitive and still a bit bitter after all these years, was that I didn't know you at all. None of us did, but after posting a few comments, we have gotten to see more of who you are, proved your moxie/hutzpah and sense of humor, and made us appreciate you for who you are. Please keep on writing like you said you would!

And as an aside-- AD is a hunk? My ears are perked! Where is this pic?

AND, Bunga, now I'm sorry I neglected to mention in the story I wrote that I, too, don't wear undies unless I have to. But this story made me think that maybe I should! :)

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Oh, the love...In this moment i am home. Thanks for all the kind and funny words!

Some people commented on my handle "struttinghip" it's a nickname that was made up when i was 14. My friends and I decided we needed indian names and well... I strut. I can't help it. It has stuck for over a decade.

As for dodge: When are we going out? I know nothing about a cable guy. But I am fond of doritos and Budweiser. Promise you won't try to follow me to the bathroom and look at my poop?After all, i am a snooty chick that wants to be a lady!(just to clarify- I am not snooty).

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struttnghip

You aren't home until Dumpy hits on you, and I totally debase your moral compass, so just relax, toots, your time is coming....

Cool story struttinghip. It wouldn't put me off if my date was oozing loose runny shit out of her arsehole. Actually, yeah it would :-)

Bilgepump, are you talkin to me on that last comment, or Sruttinghip? Couldn't tell if that "toots" was for me or just a term of endearment for the author? I actually DO have a "moral compass" but it's pretty wonky due to the lack of use lately!

Either way, I'm glad this thread has got you talking, struttinghip (and thanks for the info on the origin of the name! This is what I was saying-- we didn't know you at all, and now it's all falling into place). You seem like a lot of fun. Keep posting!

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'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

I thought the story was hilarious, especially since I currently live in Westchester Country and even the oxygen around here owns a little place in the Hamptons.

And this story sounds like a scene from an outrageous-yet-touching romantic comedy. I think her date was Ben Stiller. Or was it Will Ferrell?

I liked your story very much - I work in midtown - We should have a girlie piss up one night and exchange tales...

Not a bad first story. Though it could a little more, it shows potential.

I can't believe that they nail the vanity shut, that is bad. Worse still, someone should have replaced the toilet paper, or at least left a tissue box until the TP roll was replaced.
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"Thunder in March betokens a fruitfull year" .Or is it "Thunder in March, frost in June"?

Chocolate mousse will never seem the same..

No, please, tell us more about your life. I am so terribly pre-occupied with what you ordered for dinner, what you're wearing, the name of the place you're at...

Enjoyed this one struttinghip - I can't help feeling that you did have some good fortune - that you were actually sitting ON THE POT when this terrible event took place!! Suppose you had been hundreds of yards away!!! Anyway, have you had no more adventures since!!??

Did few here actually R-E-A-D the story. She's implying her DATE was a name dropping, pretentious tool, who (notice) she didn't date again! The author, on the other hand, is a down-to-earth, unashamed of her diarrhea, well written, UNpretentios, long-suffering, POOP-REPORTER!!! Keep reporting your tales (and reports from YOUR tail) from New York!