That's it? Where is the rest of the story? What happened next? Did you kiss his ass and clean up the mess or laugh and leave the restroom?

And what man shops for another man at the Hallmark store? Fairy.

Geez Doniker, what man is that desperate for closure? Fairy.

I liked this little story.

But I have never gotten poop on my hands while wiping. I'm very careful not to.

It's all about karma, doniker.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Ewwwww, poo one the finger. I'm right there with ya dude. I would have washed my hand first too. but as far as the ending goes, I wanna know too. Did you just run outta there?
Offer to help clean it? Enquiring minds......

Nothing wrong with the end of that story at all.

I think you`re right, Deja, it was karma. If the dickhead cleaner had been easy going, the heap of turds and paper would have risen up, had a quick look over the rim then gone back down the drain. And everyone would have been happy and at one with the world. Except doniker, of course.

We call this type of poop Butt Mudd here at PR, and it usually is associated with a lack of fiber. You are not alone in having used an entire roll of TP to get clean.

So, was this toilet what might be considered a normal model or one of the industrial ones that has the big steel handle on the left hand side of a giant steel tube instead of a ceramic tank? If it was the latter, you must have crapped a boulder to clog it.

That poor janitor. He probably flushes more left behind crap than we want to think about. I might have had the same reaction that he did upon seeing your unflushed monster.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Doniker, I don't know why you seem so intent on insulting and belittling everyone who posts a story.

I agree with donicker. This story was well on the road to being funny, when it was abruptly truncated.

Like having to pinch off a turd in mid-exit. There's more left there and you want it. In my world it would have ended with me looking at the janitor and saying "it must suck to be you".

karma made the toilet stopped up. Yeah right.

if the janitor was nice the mess would have went down. Yeah right.

Okay, did the guy like put your face in it like you do a dog whose just taken a shit on your carpet? Come on man we want to know what happened next.
_______
"I'll shit when I please, not when you tell me to." Nelson Mandela

Who is this girl Karma who keeps stopping up toilets?

Be honest Little Lord. You were not going back to flush the toilet. The give-away is the line "I am generally diligent about flushing." Generally? Is flushing such a task?

Good catch LJ... flushing is such an automatic mechanism (for me...) that I would probably smear my poopie hands on the flusher without even realizing it.
Doniker, I don't think you know what karma means...

Earl would confirm: this was Karma.

Frankly, I think the Janitor got what he deserved. Once the douchebag started ragging on the Lord without listening to him, LLF was under no obligation to try and smooth things over.

Eoz...I know what fucking karma is.

Instant Karma's gonna get you,
Gonna knock you right on the head,
You better get yourself together,
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead.

You should have wiped with your right hand, fool!
_______
Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

Sorry folks, the story didget truncated, and it was my fault. I accidentally left off the last paragraph when I submitted the story to Dave. Anyway, here is the last paragraph:

"At this point, I felt like I had nothing to lose. The guy was already mad as Hell at me and had been behaving like a jerk from the beginning. So I decided that a little smart-assery was in order. So I said, "all right then, I guess my work here is done. Carry on my good man. And then I gave him a snappy salute, turned on my heels, and did a quick exit stage left out the bathroom door. As the door was closing, I could hear him offering up an expletive filled missive on exactly what he thought of me and my last minute contribution to his workday "to do" list. Anyway, I think the next time I visit that town, it might be a good idea for me to bypass that mall"

Now I see why you cut the story short.

You really ran out of there crying, or the janitor made you his bitch.

Your lame attempt at salvaging your story is just that...a lame attempt.

Don't hold back, Doniker.

Doniker, I did not go out crying, and I am no one's bitch. You are entitled to whatever opinion you may have about mine or other people's stories, but don't be passing character judgments about me when you don't even know me.

you put your story on a public website.

this is the area where we make comments.

so I can say what the fuck I want.

Whatevah! whatevah! you don't know me! I do what I want!

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Don't hold back. doniker.

LLF, your name reminds me of the Little Prince. I envision you trying to pull all the annoying boababs out by their roots before your planet becomes dust.

You hadn’t flushed the toilet, but WERE going to. You HAD an ending to the story, but forgot to include it. Yeah, right. You DO have a hard time owning up to the truth.

Logjam, you and Doniker can believe or disbelieve what you want, I'm really not concerned with what you think. I did actually cut off the last part of the story, and I really did intend to flush, but I have no way of proving it to you, any more than you can prove I did not. So what is the point of arguing about it?

As long as I have your permission to believe whatever I want, I guess we don't need to argue. It was fun while it lasted, though.

the point is that I am a huge dick and fucking with people is fun.
if I didn't have PoopReport as an outlet for my pent up aggression I probably would be incarcerated, in a mental institution, or dead.

See, Little Lord, that's how to tell the truth.

Taking care of business in sequence is always a good idea.

I think the standard procedure for most guys is to stand, glance and then use the foot to hit the flush handle. Then go wash up.

It would not make sense to go wash the fouled hand and then go back and touch a nasty flusher handle.

One glance, one Bruce Lee like kick at the chrome handle and then onto the sinks !

Further, by the quick flush and dash, you hope to escape undetected and avoid blame for any end game. I also think it is typical guy strategy to crap and then wash up at the sink futherst from the scene of the crime.

I have actually mastered the art of flushing those handles with my o-ring. Gets the hands completely out of the equation.

hey ChiliKahKah, he shops at the Hallmark store for another man...he is not like most guys.

doniker -- I can sense you getting better with each insult. If I was a different sort of guy, I'd send you a get-well-soon card. But alas, I find myself wanting to make a bet on the election with your wife.

It seems that public shitters are ALWAYS the place one gets a million wiper. I discuss this in the forums a while back, and it has actually made me almost fear using a public toilet. Almost every time I go in there I get sticky shit. Those involved in the conversation have theorized that it has to do with the toilet paper used in public bathrooms.

_______
Born right the first time.

Try lifting your balls and wiping from the front. You have better control over the paper and won't get any on your fingers.

It's stories like this that make me flush public toilets with my foot or elbow.

Nice story. Poor custodian.

I liked your story before the missed end paragraph was attached.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

when he said "Dont you know how to flush" you should've said in a Pee Wee Herman voice: "oh boy! Oh BOY! OH BOY!!!! This big strong muscular man likes me! Come into the stall and we'll dip our wicks in the soup
together!" !!!!!!

NO way he would've spoken another word after that.

I think there could have been more to this story...I would have started a fight with this asshole really get him pissed off to the point of termination. You had to wash your hands actually I would have come back and flushed without washing my hands and then offered my hand to him and saying No hard feelings dude? I would have loved to have left that rogue poo on his hand. Give him some salmonella for lunch. Turd terrorism = justified in this case!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I call that kind of poo "the peanut butter kind" and omg doinker drink your prune juice!

I don't like touching public toilet levers, I usually put some tp on my hand,push the lever and throw the wad while its flushing or kick it with my foot.

Funny story. I can just picture you two standing in front of the stall watching the water rise.
Poor guy though but I'm sure he's delt with worse.

Whats wrong with a bloke buying a get-well card and a prezzie for a mate who has just had surgery?
....uh, let me think about this first...
Acceptable card says something like "Get well soon, and get back to work, you bludging scam-artist"
Unacceptable card says something like "May all the angels pray for you, love, doniker"
Acceptable gift: Alcohol, beef jerky, tickets to sporting event.
Unacceptable gift: Bag of exotic coffee beans, chocolate, pink dressing gown embroidered with 'love from doniker'.

To the people that lame my comments...I just laugh.

Over 25% of the comments on this thread mention my name.

If I would not have commented on this post this story would have been dead in the water, except for a few weak boring comments.

I don't give a fuck about being lamed and losing points...its no money out of my pocket. Put me down to zero points...it means nothing.

Face it bitches.....without me PR would suck.

Drinking the cheap stuff again, Doniker?

are you always an asshole doniker or just for us?

AC, why so sensative? piles playing up again?
_______
Did I just fart?.... hope so!

I have knocked a few Denny's Grand Slams out of the park... and run my bare fingers across my recently sullied bung... that just seems normal, why didn't you just tell the janitor the mess wasn't yours? I would have said I was going to go in that stall until I saw what some sick bastard left.... then being frightend ... ran to the sink to get any germ I might have come in contact with off me. Flushing the toilet would have made you look like a real upright dude. The fact the janitor was going to turd surf the rest of the night wouldn't be your fault... would it?

Oh yeah..... Doniker.... you still fucking slay me. Keep up the S.Q.

Peace...

G Ras

Did Doniker say he has a big dick or is a big dick? That's hot!

To: Ms. Paris Hilton
From: Management

Re: Stolen Identity on Poopreport.com

Dear Ms. Hilton,

It has come to our attention that your identity was stolen on Poopreport.com on this day, May 11, 2008. Someone attempted to mislead the readers of the site by feigning your self to make a desirous statement concerning the size of a longtime Poopreport.com member's phallic organ.

It has also come to our attention that because you are a stupid, spoiled whore, there is no way you could have actually typed out an entire, accurate and grammatically-correct sentence on the computer-thingie that you use to watch porn, Powder Puff Girl Episodes, and your own sex tape. Had you posted yourself, we are sure that instead of a submitted, successful comment, there would instead be the words "donikr iz hawt n i luv diks in my mouf" scrawled onto your monitor in yellow crayon and sprinkled with high-end cocaine.

Please make sure to protect your identity in the future, as we are sure the hoards of stupid spoiled whores who have bought your poorly-made merchandise over the years would recant their worship of you if they even suspected that you could spell, let alone think.

Remember, Ms. Hilton, that we are always right and you're just jealous.

Jealous and a stupid, spoiled whore, of course.

Most Sincerely,

Management

Don't know about the dick, but we know Doniker has a rather large nutsack.

_______
Born right the first time.

That ghastly protrusion is not a nutsack, TSV; that's an ego with goiter.

my huge nutsack makes my dick look smaller.

but it is just an illusion; it's not a monster but it's not tiny either. It gets the job done and I have never had any complaints.

It's not Doniker that makes the site great, it's people like the shitman!! Now that's some funny crap right there!

Sorry, folks. I've gotta admit I love reading doniker's comments and the reactions he gets from them. Sometimes I am tempted to lame them, but it wouldn't be any fun. You heard it straight from the asshole's ring:
"
If I would not have commented on this post this story would have been dead in the water, except for a few weak boring comments."

This clever (and not so clever) banter is what keeps me coming back for more. I love to watch how far he'll push it before pissing everyone off. Maybe it takes a bit more to get me riled up, or maybe I'm some sick fuck who likes watching the threads get pooped on and turn into shit-flinging matches. But I still think doniker is entitled to express his opinion in following the guidelines of this site.

There, I've said my piece and I don't want to talk about doniker's piece.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

That's okay, shitwit. It takes a lot for his comments to bother me, too. It's just fun to start a comment avalanche sometimes.

_______
Born right the first time.

Doniker, I know that my nutsack dangles perilously close to the water whilst I'm on the can. I'm ok with this because if I make a courtesy or safety flush they will act as an early warning signal if said toilet is backing up. Sort of a hairy NORAD. Do you put "floaties" on yours to keep them out of the water, or have you lowered the water level in the bowl? I need to know, as the older I get the lower they seem to dangle. That gravity thing I guess. Maybe I should move to Australia.

Oh, and for the record, I have yet to lame anybody on PR. My tolerance for offensiveness is quite high, but I'm sure it will be breached some day.

Interesting comment, pd. My nutsack is of a good size (though obviously not of doniker proportions) and could be in danger while sat on some toilets of submergence.

But it has its own in-built danger sensor. If the water level is too high the sack will retract to a safer height above the water. Does yours no longer do this? Does age affect the retraction muscles of the sack itself? This is a worrying prospect.

I`ve also never lamed anyone - but that`s because I`m not allowed to. I have no access to the lame or great button. Probably best that way.

It's true: Doniker does make the world go round. It's a pretty good deal. Mother nature shits on him badly, and we get all this.

T-Box, what's that muscle called that make your balls go up and down? On me, it's the muscle in my right arm.

Thunderbox, I am sure my muscles work well. As a matter of fact the last time I went for a swim in the Bering Sea, I was sporting a second set of tonsils when I came out.

Thats some shrinkage...I get that after a sauna and a jump in Lake Superior...in January.

(only did that once, when I was 14)

Oh you guys crack me up! If I had balls I'd be scratching them right now while I laugh my ass off. I'll just have to settle for the mr's balls instead. HOney I'm home!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Toilet water back splash on the nuts is a damn inconvenience. It's also unsettling when a big log smacks the boys after a pinch.

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do they have a mellow tingle when you hit 'em with a shingle?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

See what I started, Shitwit? Now just sit back and laugh!

_______
Born right the first time.