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oxypowder

The Fifteen Ziggurat

Posted 11.28.2007 by Doo-rango (69)
It was late May of 1991 in Saudi Arabia, and we were headed home at last. For months we'd clung to the thin threads of hope that one of those cruel rumors floating about the rumor mills of the division was true. There were guys who swore on their mother's grave that they saw the paperwork releasing us from duty, just needing one more signature. There was always someone who had a "friend" up in division who said we were leaving in two weeks. I'd heard "two weeks" more than a month before.

One day at our morning formation, long after I stopped caring about going home, our skipper announced that we had two days to pack up camp and convoy down to Al-Jubayl. We were going home.

We wasted no time. In fact, we abandoned our tent city as it stood, leaving it for the Bedouins.

We were among the last Marines to leave. We stayed in the air-conditioned guest-worker barracks at a place we only ever knew as Camp 15, or just "Fifteen." The place was barely functioning, and only a skeleton crew of Saudis was there to make sure our basic needs were met. It was here that I came across the bathroom from hell.

On the day we actually left, we cleaned and mopped out our barracks. After a final walk-through and the usual revisions to our cleaning efforts, we were kicked out into the streets of Camp 15 with our gear. It was then, in the ill-timed manner for which it is famous, that the urge hit me.

I scanned the area for the subtle hints of a bathroom. I decided to walk over to the now-defunct chow hall, where there was bound to be a head. On the side of the building I found a partially-open door with a bilingual plaque reading "men" in English and Arabic.

A foul stench oozed from the dark opening.

I opened the door.

The odor intensified.

I reached for the light switch. A sickly yellow flicker illuminated a scene of horror -- something to which I thought I had become desensitized. Obviously the entire second Marine Division had laid down a fecal assault on this former bathroom. The lids of the toilets had been torn off. A ziggurat of shit, toilet paper, socks, scivvy shorts, and t-shirts rose like the Himalayas, high and proud above the rim. A shitty boot print was on the wall, at about face level. Shit-stained socks and t-shirts covered the floor, along with deodorant canisters, razors, shaving cream, soap wrappers, magazine pages, and a single broken flask of Jack Daniels. Only one of the five sinks had running water. At least one of the five sinks had been shat in. Sticky urine covered every inch of the place. Evidence of gymnastic shitting was evident in the turds that rested at the bottom of the urinal.

I had mixed emotions. I was in awe, and yet I was horrified. Part of me laughed at the thought of a Marine trying to elevate his ass above the mounting pile of shit, and yet another part of me was angry that this proud organization could leave this kind of mess.

The urge hit again, reminding me why I was here. So I went outside and squatted behind a wall.



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Thunderbox (890) -- 11.28.2007

Dirty scumbags. Never shit in a toilet when there`s the opportunity to crap in the desert.

I spent a year in Al Jubail working at the Naval Base there. Lived for the entire time in a house in town by the camel market. Give me a stinking toilet any day over filthy bastard camels.

Gaseous Glay (118) -- 11.28.2007

"It was then, in the ill-timed manner for which it is famous, that the urge hit me."

It was worth reading for that line alone. Good job.

prarie doggin (2329) -- 11.28.2007

The few, the proud, the shameless?

Thank you for your service.

Deja Poo (651) -- 11.28.2007

Outstanding, Marine. I would have expected nothing less.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Chuck (297) -- 11.28.2007

The middle east has plenty of sand. Consider it your larger than life litter box.

pnuttycorn (269) -- 11.28.2007

And thus ended your "tour of doody".

The Thunderous ... (710) -- 11.28.2007

Thank you for your service to our country! You have my admiration and respect. If ONLY we had the same respect for toilets even those of the non flushing variety. I will say this again and again folks please not only thank a soldier but can we please in their honor make an EFFORT to keep our road toilets as clean as our home toilets. I am as always........................................
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

daphne (3695) -- 11.28.2007

I guess when one is at war, bathroom pride may take a backseat to other things. Like saving one's ass.

Most likely I'll never know.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

CC (not verified) -- 11.28.2007

A World War Two marine's son thank's you for your service.I hope you always have a clean bowl and plenty of TP.

Crappen Geocacher (15) -- 11.29.2007

I was in the Military for 4 years and never seen anything like that. This is funny

No eating in that chow hall again, I bet. They would have had to set fire to that place or bury it somewhere. "Chow Hall" sounds better than "Mess Hall" anyday.

marine (not verified) -- 12.02.2007

so the marines earned there title they are the hard core fighting force of america they can poop on anything they want are you gonna stop them? if i was in iraq i would dump on saddams face when they found him so poop it up guys then go blow shit up!

Lame comment! -1 point
Teddy (20) -- 12.03.2007


_______
teddy Hay to all you Marines.You guys deserve the best.As far as what you did well shit on saudi arabia thats just what you did bastards over charge us for oil and they hate the USA too.I am with you guys all the way on that.The Marines probably did not use that bathroom by the mess hall till the day they were leaving.After what those devils did to this country i know that was 1991 or so but still shit on them all.You left their country smellin like it should a shithole.I personally thank all you great military guys.Teddy

Logman (47) -- 01.31.2008

I can definitely believe this one. I spent a year in Iraq, in the Army. I saw some downright horrendous shitters, and as Doo-rango said, you'll find shitty socks, shitty t-shirts, turds in urinals, and a vast array of pure mess. Granted, this doesn't happen that often on more heavily-populated, major posts, mainly the small patrol posts and such. The worst, though, are the burn shitters, an outhouse with a sliced 55-gallon drum to shit in. The worst part, though, is when you fuck up big time and get assigned to burn duty. Just imagine the smell of a burning mass of a week's worth of shit mixed with diesel fuel.

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