Oh, Everett! Another hot babe shits during sex story. What are we going to do??

My thoughts exactly. This is a traumatic story at best.

ButtPuker, it happened to me, too. See the link in my post above.

Get yourself into therapy, man!

BTW, Dave--your "warning" on this story will probably guarantee it will be the most read item of the month!

It puts a new meaning on fucking the shit out of someone.The sad part about her condition is that at any given moment she has an urgent need to shit.That is why she didn't want to leave her apartment.Why would someone add to their problem by drinking coffee?

hahahahahahahahahahaha *breathe* aaahahahahahaha ha ha haaaa hahahahahahaha *breathe* hahahahaha ahah ha ha ha haa ahhahahahahahahaaaaa *cries* hahah ha ha..ehe...ehe...ehe...whew

excellent.

this is my favorite type of poop story...graphic and shocking with a dose of humiliation.

I had a drunken chick puke on me during sex but never shit on me.

A buddy of mine married a chick with Crohn's. Eventually the disease got so bad she had to use a colostomy bag.
He once told me a tale of how she was wearing the "bag of shit" during sex and it was squished between their bodies.
I should get him to write a poop report.

What is someone who has this condition, and is fully aware of its ramifications, doing picking up strangers for the purpose of getting laid? It's hard to feel sympathy for her embarrassment in this situation. She knows what is likely to happen; why risk it? I understand, she was horny. But still.

And how inconsiderate is it to the guys she picks up? If it were a committed partner, that person would be more likely to understand. But to spring this on some guy she hardly knows?

However, it makes for a great story. "I collected the fecal mud off of my humiliated testicles..." -- that's some of the funniest writing on PR I've seen in a while. Nicely done.

You have to feel bad for the girl. It's likely that this wasn't the first time she crapped on a guy during sex. That's probably why she insisted on having sex at her place only. Damage control is easier at home.

This story has probably already made it around the world on every scat pervo whack off web site. It has never happened to me and I hope to keep it that way.

< PUN >Thats a shitty situation< /PUN > Hope you didnt get to scared for life. This reminds me of a story Tucker Max wrote.Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue which got me laughing.

Actually I was going straight to the BM newswire, but I saw the warning and clicked right on it.

Loved the vocabulary

Not bad, to get laid so fast. It takes a few weeks before I even get their number.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

While oh so tempting, you have to watch out for some people. Then again, I've never had sex, so what do I know?

Awesome story, written very well. I saw images of you there with the muddy balls and your "deflating" member. Great way to describe it. Good thing my girllfriend can hold it! Sadly we've only gone so far as looking at each other though. Sigh.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Interesting story. Nicely written time of pleasure yet pain. That would suck. I mean, I've screwed the shit out of women before, but not literally like this. There should be a club for guys like you.

KOC, a few weeks....egads, I didn't think you were that much of a geek. I bet if you didn't talk so much to women, you'de be getting it on a regular basis. Don't talk, and look cute and buy em roses and chocolates!!

Well.....maybe not.

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Poop Shooter!

Wait a minute doniker, what about the story with you and the chick in the back of the car and the pellets? I'd consider that kind of like shitting on you.

I, too, got a big laugh out of this one. My favorite poopreport for a couple of weeks.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"Wait a minute doniker, what about the story with you and the chick in the back of the car and the pellets? I'd consider that kind of like shitting on you."

yea I guess...but when a guy sticks his weiner in a butt he is always taking that risk.

Great story. What struck me was that you didn't know this girl from Eve, she told you she was taking shots for some disease, and you kept right on banging her without making any inquiry about it! Talk about thinking with the little head...

You stole my life!

the story on EHOWA were the guy laids this seemingly normal girl in the anus and ends up with worms on his cock is better.

You really should write a book about anything remotely interesting. It will be a fucking classic. Horrible story, written beautifully.

tucker mac, eeew.

eeew eeew eeew.

Get a life dude I have a female friend who has crohn's disease although I have never had sex with her. I know it is a terrible disease with the main symptom being diarrhea. But it does a lot of other things to your body as well. There is no known cause or cure for the disease and it is an awful disease to live with both physically and emotionally.

I agree Some Guy. Picking up guys and bringing them home for sex may not only be her only chance to get laid but it may be her only chance for companionship. She probably spends alot of time alone.

Okay, my wife is small and my wangdangler is almost too big for her. She says sometimes she feels like she has to shit when we're making love. Should I be scared?

Where is No Shame in It? Remember the sensitive guy who posted under College Pooping 101: The Four Poopers Of The Girls' Bathroom, and stole the hearts of some of our most sensible ladies, much to the irritation of conventional male assholes such as Dumpster? This thread seems tailor-made for him.

Poor girl... poor you.
haha poop is funny.

Jesus you're funny, Doniker. Yes, I'd have to agree on the "where you put it" defense.

br>_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

There are two solutions to keeping your penis clean and poop free here...
1) Wear a condom.
2) Aim for the other hole.
Just my 2 cents.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Good one...poor penis must have been scared shitless.

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My plans were foiled again, by those damn PooperFriends!

_Is that what they call a "Starbucks Steamer"?______
3flusher

I will never get the extra shot of expresso again without thinking of shit covered balls. Thanks for ruining my latte drinking experience for life!

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Poop Shooter!

I really love coffee (I'm an addict!) and this just might scar me for at least a while. I rembmered the comments here the last few times I've had coffee. Maybe it will pass soon.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Me, Im addicted to Gatorade. (minimum of 60 oz. daily) If I ever meet a hot Gatorade executive, and our relationship progresses to this level, I can honestly say I might stop drinking Gatorade (and switch to Powerade of course)

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

KOC, Dude. Way worse for you than coffee. Switch to Snapple or something and get your blood pressure checked, man!

Crohn's disease is a horrible, debilitating disease. However, I don't suppose (if I was a guy) that I would want to get shitty balls every time I fuck a CD girl. If you are not into this thing, than don't date her.

Continuing to date someone just because they have a disease and you feel sorry for them is far more degrading than just dumping them on the spot. I get so tired of people doing things like this because they think they are being nice.

Honesty is the best policy here. Political correctness hurts.

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Broccoli!

I've seen for myself that being rough sometimes pays off in the end. This is a time when it does. You gotta be wary of an "easy lay".

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Why would anyone want to "lay" with someone they didn't plan to marry?

Probably because I don't believe in marriage. I "lay" with Gilbert all the time, we are expecting Gordon, and we are not planning to get married. Spiritual bonding is much more important than a little certificate and the approval of the church and state.

But, if you are meaning "sleeping around" than... Well, some people get horny.

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Broccoli!

Leaving aside the Spiritual aspects, casual sex is very dangerous, both physically and emotionally. Every such relationship you have leaves you with that much less capacity for the next one, so ultimately, like a piece of duct tape which has been stuck to a number of surfaces, peeled off, and restuck, any real commitment becomes difficult or impossible.

DF, my hat is off to you for saving yourself for the right woman. I wish I had done so, or even had the maturity at your age to understand the importance of that.

TSV, you know I would never "preach" to you (at least not in public!), but to respond generally to your comment above, usually in a situation where two people are living together, it is because one of them has less commitment to the relationship than the other, and needs to keep open the option to leave.

This may not even be something that is admitted or even discussed, but remember the old French proverb: "There is one who kisses, and the other who offers the cheek." Personally, if I thought someone was worthy of having a baby with, I would want the security of a formal commitment to them.

But those are just general observations from an old Dumpster who has probably seen too much.

Good point, Dumpster, but a formal commitment shouldn't have to be approved by the state. Gilbert and I aren't planning to go anywhere and

I abhor society expecting me to go through some stupid-ass ceremony dictated by commercial bridal registries, out-dated sexist rituals, and wearing a ring just to prove to the rest of the world that I care for this person. I should not have to be licensed to feel a lifelong bond with someone.

In short, marriage is to prove to the rest of the world that you are making a commitment, not your partner. Therefore, it really isn't that important. Just another status symbol. (Especially today. And yet we wonder why the divorce rate is so high.)

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Broccoli!

What you should have done is taken that steaming turd, and spread it all over yourself, all the while screaming, "Yes! Yes! Yeah, baby! That makes me freaking hot!" Eventually, she would have come out that bathroom, and told you get the hell out.

The point is, you would have made her feel less bad about herself by assassinating your own character. In essence, her feelings would have been spared. You may have even empowered her.

Crohns is a disorder where the cells in your intestine essentially attack each other causing inflimation....basically, sometime she has no control... she was warning you dumb ass... READ A BOOK!

fuck you man tons of people have that disease, and it plagues millions of people across the planet. here's hoping you get cancer and die you fucking retard

Hey ButtPuker... I have Crohn's, and considering you don't know what it is, you acted pretty cool given what happened to you. A lot of guys would have freaked out and yelled at her or something.

Weird question, I know but: where is this Starbucks? I understand what she must go through and she would understand what I go through on a daily basis... lookit this, a shitter hookup in the making... yeah I KNOW this is totally weird, but you'd have to be going through it to understand why I'm asking. It would be nice to hang out with someone where I don't have to EXPLAIN why I've gotta RACE to the damn shitter twice a night.

If you have any sympathy, or want to see if I am legit, email me at poop3monster@hotmail.com.

Yeah, weird, I know. But totally, totally serious.

Ok, this story bugs me for two reasons.
1.) Coffee irritates the bowels and causes people to poop more. And caffeine can cause diarrhea. If she had the disease she would not be drinking coffee.
2.) If she knew there was the potential to shit on someone, why wasn't she on the bottom? She would then just shit on the bed, and not on the dude.
I call bullshit on this story.

Hey now, settle down. This is for comments, not flaming each other. Yes, many people do have the disease. You have to take it your own way.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Yo CJ! Ok maybe you're right. She was probably warning him. However, before you go around telling people to read books because they're dumb, why don't you pick up Webster and learn how to spell "inflimation." You can find lexicons at your local 'liberry.' Fucking idiot.

i love these sex jokes mixed with poo

JUST so everone knows, not all people that have Crohn's are like that! I've had it since I was 16 (22 now) and I have NEVER and will NEVER shit on anyone during sex. THANK YOU.

Sorry, Anonymous Coward, but the proper spelling is "inflammation." Also, people, please try to stay on topic. I wouldn't be surprised for a lot of these posts to be deleted, this one included. Seems lately a lot of our stories have been "How to derail a list of comments"

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

DF, I agree that the moderation of this thread is not up to PoopReport's usual high standards.

Maybe "Elvis Fanatic" and I have been keeping them too busy lately.

The topic of this story lends itself to comments that are a little, um, different than some of the comments some of us normally let through. Comments about pooping on people are in a different context given the content of the story.

Oh, and if anyone wants a site full of moderators who make people keep on-topic, well, then you better either find another site or talk Dave into getting new moderators.

I like ham sandwiches.

I am on a pimento cheese sandwich kick just now.

Well at least the crap was solid. A bit easier to clean. Imagine if she had the green apple splatters. That would have spelled trouble.

AB2K-- You made me laugh so hard, I dropped my turkey melt!

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Santa Caca!

I just had this thing called Reuben Bake at the dining hall here. Basically it was the bread and everything in a big bugget serving thing and tasted just like a regular reuben. My favorite sandwich is probably a veggie burger though. I'm not even vegetarian (no willpower), but I like them.

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

Made a typo above, supposed to be "buffet"

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Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

One of the best stories I've read on PR. Wicked stuff!!!

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You can't polish a turd

I had ulcerative colitis for 22 years. It's a disease similar to Crohn's. You can't imagine the pain, the diarrhea, the creative ways we sufferers have to find to manage difficult social situations. We want to have a social (and sex) life, even if we have this debilitating disease. In my case I got so sick that they had to remove my whole colon to save my life. (Talk about colonically challenged.) I will never shit right again, to quote a line from "The Grifters" that haunts me. It's basically diarrhea for the rest of my life. But I still want to have sex. I'm 41 and single...

On the one hand, I feel for you! It's very difficult to live with chronic disease. I hope that you keep looking, and you'll find someone who will see past your debilitaion and love the real you.

On the other hand, in my head, I was hearing your post in the tone of a dating video, and almost spit coffee on the monitor. Sorry; it struck me as amusing. Forgive me? :P

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Santa Caca!

Oh man, GGG, reading like that makes it SO much funnier! I don't have any coffee though, and I'm an addict, so it's rough for me.

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If your stinker likes to linger, please be nice and flush it twice.

Anonymous Coward writes: "But I still want to have sex. I'm 41 and single..."

Doniker, are you out there?

I had another thought about this. I don't usually like to speculate on people's sex lives too much, but I was thinking...

The whole reason this is as funny as it is... is that the girl was on top, stopped abruptly, and disappeared, leaving a steamer in her place.

It occurs to me that, not only does being on top give her a quicker exit when she requires one, but it allows her all the control. Were she to have been on the receiving end of the "missionary position", she would have had a much more difficult time convincing her partner that she had to get up NOW.

I imagine the feeling of being pinned down, having ceased to enjoy the proceedings, knowing you were about to blow would lead a girl to insist on wielding whatever control she can get.

Just a thought.

That would be really rough for her not being on top. I imagine she'd be next to powerless unless she was to move wildly to get up. Maybe it's best for you both that she was infact on top.

Who am I to say? I've never had sex. Just my two cents.

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If your stinker likes to linger, please be nice and flush it twice.

She should wear a diaper, I do it. Because I can't feel my shit coming out.

"...She should wear a diaper, I do it. Because I can't feel my shit coming out..."

She might, at other times, dear, but in this case, she was engaging in an activity that precludes such attire.

GGG, your logic is inexorable, and most delicately stated, as well.

Yeah, that's me.

A delicate flower.

*gigglesnort*

GGG, I pay you the highest compliment by saying that your comment was worthy of AB2K, back when she was alive.

(Okay, okay, AB2K!!--Don't slit my throat! I only wish you would dedicate one block of time this weekend to PR posts, and let us FEEL your Presence once again! I know you still spend a lot of thankless time here moderating, but some of us would like to know what you are thinking, too!)

I was thinking that, too. How does one have sex whilst wearing a diaper? It's just silly and impossible... at least for people with normal *ahem*. Diapers off for play time.

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Have you checked out Sloan's Uppercut yet?

This was seriously "adult" for PR.

A) Shatty cake: Even girls with Crohn's Disease need the deep-dickin'. How absurd to think that a sick person shouldn't be allowed to be dirty if she wants.

B) Dave! remember that story I forwarded you last year about the butt-sex bed-poop? Hey, it was bad, I wouldn't expect the likes of that to make PR, but neither did I expect to see anything like this story.

C) Buttpuker, did you wear that little turd home on your sack? Swat it onto the couch? What?

"Rapidly deflating fuckstick"... that's an instant classic. A problem like this would have been somewhat easier to deal with, had you and her done it in the shower. That way, she'd be right near the toilet if she needed to crap, and if anything "escaped" prematurely, you could just use the rinser to get rid of it. Your use of the term "ass snake" tells me the turd was pretty large...

Buttpuker, you might wanna get back in touch with her. That doesn't necessarily mean you gotta fuck her again, but maybe a little reassurance is in order. Getting shit on during sex is undoubtedly the biggest gross-out you could ever experience, but I bet she feels horrible, even depressed, about her butt puking on you.

Remember the "Love Toilet" from Saturday Night Live? That would have helped tremendously in this situation. (It can be seen on the "Best of SNL Commercial Parodies" DVD.)

My balls would have a first class cleaning session if they made contact with feces.

when the excitment building up known as the orgasm gets too much, a girl will lose all inhibitions and muscle restraint, and when you have a full bowel movement, its a disaster waiting to happen...

simply amazing.

and what a guy to hang around for her to get out of the bathroom for at least 5 minutes.

thats 5 minutes of a competely upstanding gentlemen with slight remains of feces on his balls.

huzzah!

well done. wanna hook up?

Man, that is one nasty experience, but you missed a chance at an exactor here, a tea bagging and a dirty sanchez all at once, are rare feat if ever there was one.

P.S. I know I'm going to hell for that one.

Yes, Bunga. Yes you are. LOL.

We'll all see what we can do about making sure you get a window seat and a decent meal on the way. ;-)

My winking happy face got its mouth torn off. :-(

If this happened to me I would:
(a) laugh so hard I crap myself and then tell her that it was cool, we could still do it
(b) take my dookie shirt (her poop in my shirt) and put it on her pillow with a note that reads, "whens the last time you ate corn"
(c) go to the bathroom and ask "you could of at least done it on my chest" then left
(d) go to the bathroom and tell her it was cool and that it was your turn to poop on her
(e) lastly, take the high road and clean up my dookie balls, then tell her you will call her in the morning.

u guys let me know, this story was simply dookalicious!!!!!!!!