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The Unluckiest Toss

Posted 02.22.2007 by BestPoopStoryEver (10)
I heard this story from a girl at work and have retold it ever since, as it is the most unbelievably unlucky shit I've ever heard of. This girl, who shall remain nameless, used to be a wild child, experimenting with drugs and such. Evidently she had some mutual friends who had just started to date. My friend is now clean, but I can't say the same for these friends of hers -- their Saturday night was usually a couple of six packs and a speedball.

So it finally came time for the new boyfriend to bring the new girlfriend to his family's beautiful, conservative Connecticut household for dinner with the parents. True to form, the two stayed up the entire weekend preceding the event doing their usual eight ball and getting totally keyed up.

When the following afternoon came, she headed over with him to meet his family, likely nervous as hell and still keyed up. They spent some time inside the home while Mom was cooking dinner, and the smell of the food started to turn her stomach. She tried to ignore it as long as possible, keeping up chatting with the siblings and such. Finally, just as they sit down to eat, she apologizes and excuses herself, unable to wait a second longer.

Out of eyesight, she sprints upstairs to take the monster, explosive shit she feels coming on. She makes it to the pot, luckily, and relieves herself, congratulating herself for deciding that the upstairs bathroom was the place for her smelly affair, away from the dinner table.

She collects herself to wash up and head back to dinner when she notices the toilet is stopped up.

Shit.

Being in her anxious, coked-out state, she makes the rash decision to use the newspaper in the magazine rack to fling the shit out the window and into the bushes in the yard below, not wanting to leave a stinking little present behind in the toilet.

After her frantic scooping and flinging, she returns downstairs with a smile on her face for dinner.

She gets downstairs to hear not the clinking of silverware on plates and chatter of a family meal, but dead silence and disgust on the every face at the table. She follows their gaze upward to the skylight that, unbeknownst to her until that moment, she had just finished plastering with fresh shit!

Needless to say, the guy broke up with her and told EVERYONE in their small town. I bet his family gives him hell about it.



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doniker (1535) -- 02.22.2007

Sounds like an urban legend, retold and retold and getting less believable everytime.

I'm not saying that this couldn't or didn't happen, it didn't happen to you and you weren't there so we really can't say its true.

C Everett Poop (633) -- 02.22.2007

Concur with Doniker. Urban legend. One would look out the window first plus houses don't have skylights in the dining room.

shitwit (545) -- 02.22.2007

Given the absurdity of this story and its third-hand nature, there is little to disagree on. I'd love to see it happen, personally. And sometimes wish maybe I'd done just such a thing to my ex-boyfriend's family. That would have been the best way to "break things off" with him!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

GottaGoGirl (2615) -- 02.22.2007

It's like the other story where there was a boss or someone out in the yard, and someone dropped a turd on him.

Or the joke where the guy comes home, and his wife has a "surprise" for him, so blindfolds him. He farts and fans several times, waiting for his wife to unveil the surprise.

The surprise ends up being a roomful of guests.

Mary Queen of Scats (387) -- 02.22.2007

I agree - this story definitely doesn't pass the smell test.

_______
Holy skid marks Batman!

CC (not verified) -- 02.22.2007

It looks like Dave is doing a Fake Story Redux Week.This story could be urban legend like the infamous Ryan's Steakhouse story posted on a rival but inferior poop website doody.com.

Bunga Din (1239) -- 02.22.2007

CEP, my sister has a skylight over their dining room and wouldn't you know it it's not far from the master bathroom, so this is possible but once again not a first person story.

I could relate a ton of 2nd person stories, my ex works in a woman's shelter and is in charge of building maintenance. They typically have a lot of really down and out cases roll through, most have some substance abuse problems on top of highly dysfunctional relationships.

She told me one about having to call their janitorial company early one day because a toilet was stuffed up with a poop "almost as big as a loaf of bread". This ended up being the story of the week there, with all the counselors and even the director coming to marvel at it. The person who dropped this bomb was a morphine addicted mother of 5 in her mid twenties who ended up being asked to leave when they found she was still "holding".

Shit monster (85) -- 02.22.2007

Holy shit, that made me laugh at that poor, stupid girl!! Shit, drugs really do fuck up your ability to think strait!!

_______
(insert ziggy boogy doog here)

Agent number two (2) -- 02.22.2007

This story left me rollin'. It sounds fake, but truth can be stranger than fiction.

Chuck (284) -- 02.23.2007

I agree with Agent. Although well written, the scenario is skeptical at best.

daphne (3522) -- 02.23.2007

Even if it's fake, it's practically an Aesop's fable that reminds us all of the importance of the mid-shit flush when we don't know the toilet upon which our bummies rest.

I might have appreciated this one instead of the tortoise and the hair as a child.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

healthy 1 (1423) -- 02.25.2007

Fake or not, this is a very funny story. I can picture everyone gathered around the dinner table, having their usual conversations, when suddenly the is a dull thud from up above on the sky light. Everyone stops talking and look up. Much to their horror, they see the splattered remains of what once was a turd. Oh the horror. The girl comes down and is thinking "what is everyone looking at?" She looks up, only to see her sit shrapnal all over the sky light.
_______
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

Spearmint (9) -- 03.04.2007

Wow she must have been emabbassed! what puzzels me through is who puts a window above a dinning room?


_______
We live. We poop. We wipe.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 03.05.2007

I have a similar first hand story -- my room mate's girlfriend found herself in a similar position when the toilet paper ran out. she improvised and used the empty cardboard roll. with no trash can in the bathroom she then needed to dispose of the shitty roll. she threw it out of the window (obscured window, girlfriend lacking in understanding of architecture of the house) and it landed just outside the door where we were all hanging out in the kitchen.

puppy turd burgler (not verified) -- 03.10.2007

Who flung poo?

Athena (not verified) -- 05.27.2007

sadly, it's an urban legend. i've heard this story but it's a guy who throws the turds out the window and they fall on the deck beside where everyone's sitting.

MousePoo (150) -- 07.11.2007

Flush during and after.

MousePoo (150) -- 07.11.2007

"Air biscuiiiit!"

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