Curious occurrence, O Ring. No dietary connection at all? I had similar severe gas one time following a CAT scan (they have you drink that chalky barium solution before the test) and I had gas and PAIN in volumes never before (or since) experienced.
What worked for me was laying down, and switching from right side to left side to help the bubbles work their way through the piping.

Thanks O Ring for my morning chuckle.
Producing waste since 1967

It`s one of 2 things O Ring:

1. You are decomposing.

or

2. Something crawled up your butt in the night and died, and it`s decomposing.

My diagnosis is that you went to Taco bell and still need to drop the chalupa. Trust me, I'm the Surgeon General of Poop Report.

you should have written a story about life with the girlfriend that is drunk most of the time.

I am sure that would be more interesting than this drivel.

Ouch! Body slam off the top rope by Doniker!

You had me in gales of laughter, Thunderbox. Absolute hysterics.

And I'm getting doniker a lifetime subscription to the AARP magazine...then he can read about other grouchy old men.

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No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

O Ring, I knew I was going to like you! Funny, funny story.

My husband refers to my "pretend friends", too.

Curious language, O-ring, but not unfamiliar, at least to me, and I suspect, because you know some of these terms and phrases, you really DO know the source of your pain. It can take months, even years, for a body and the organs residing there to recover from the constant abuse people like me put them through. The good news is we (folks like me) DO recover, and lead reasonably happy, pain free lives.

thanks for the "lame comment" sticker.

it brings more attention to my post.

It does, at that.

Dude, you should stop washing down the knockwurst and sauerkraut with Budweiser. I suggest a good Pilsner instead.

BTW, there's no amount of gas that you can pass today that will stop your future fartage.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

This reminds me of an incident a few years ago when a colleague collapsed at work due to severe intestinal pain. An ambulance was called for, and he duly arrived in Casualty. You've guessed, I'm sure - whilst being 'examined' he involuntarily expelled a series of enormous farts, and was duly returned to work - to his eternal embarrassment.

You're havin a fart atttack. My good friend's husband called an ambulance once, he thought he was having a heart attack, it was friggin gas and heartburn. BBQ pizza was the culprit, and I awoke at about 4 in the morining clutching my throat from the same heartburn and some nice reflux. But to this day, we have never let him live down the 800.00 dollar ambulance ride all because he had gas.

i've never felt pain that u've described but usually big gas bubble pains for me come from either A Taco Bell or B chili with me mixing in about half a bottle of hot sauce hope all is well now
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i have met many people that talk like asses but i have not met many asses that talk like people

There is only one solution to this kind of pain - poop! That's right, you have a massive logjam that is preventing the freeflow of methane and creating a vortex in mid-bowel.

Take some laxative and drop anchor! Then call me in the morning.

Dr. Steaming Cable
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I have had this type of gas attack on many occasion. The first thing you need to do is to chew some Gas-X tabs or even those nice new Rolaids that have the anti-gas medication included in them. Whatever brand you pick, just make sure that the label makes mention of the elimination of"painful gas" and not just heartburn or acid indigestion.

Next, you need to jump up and down for several minutes while patting your stomach with your hand. This is kinda like "burping the baby", only on a much larger scale and aiming for results in the other direction.

Then when you feel as though you might just burst any second from all the pressure that has built up inside you, drop on all fours, put your nose on the ground, point your behind as far up as possible and begin to sway side to side. Air will rise to the surface looking for a way out, and with your butt in the up position, this will make the great escape much easier and way more entertaining for those around you not suffering.
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Always looking out for number two!

I was really gassy once, but i held it all in, because i was around alot of people (it smelled awful!). Fianally, I got a chance to unload. The gas just kept coming out, and was launching turds out with it. It sure solved the problem, and was probably the most satisfying BM I've ever had.

I have found relief in the old fetal position when there's gas in my stomach. That, and Rolaids, or GasX like suggested. Unless I'm decomposing, I guess. Thunderbox, you kill me.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Take it from me. Somewhere in there, is a dump brewing. NOONE can fart like that and be in pain like that without some dump blockage. Solution? You need an enema get yourself really flushed out. That will also allow the gas to escape you will be cutting amazing farts with a clean intestinal tract. You must remain cautious though if you are in that much pain try not to strain and remember be cautious of those farts. You never know when a juicy one could slip out resulting in pooped pants.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Uh, TC, I hope you're not implying that he give himself an enema with his pants on. That would be a Catastrophe (albeit humorous) with a capital C.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

after reading all this i like the idea of the jumping shaking and pointing the ass to the sky. That way if there is a blockage you might get more entertainment with your new found crap rocket.

Oh no Deja NOT THAT! That would create a poopicane Craptrina incident with a CAPITAL C.br>_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

is it considered biological warefare if we shake you up and point you in enemy directions? Use that poop rocket against the axis of evil instead of opening fire on your living room

Thank you for posting my story.

I eventually passed out or fell asleep while sitting on the shitter. Several hours later I awoke to tingling legs, a numbed ass, and the conviction that the gas had somehow paralyzed me.

I'm sorry I missed the fart that must have ended it all. Based on the precurser passing of gas the end game must have been a sound to behold.

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Hello. I'm Johnny Splash.

Thunderous: when I had my extreme gas incident, there were NO solids involved - just huge amounts of gas that had me groaning in pain as they made their way through my plumbing. I could feel the bubbles as they traveled: it took about an hour, and many position changes, before I could coax it all out...more gas than I've ever dealt with in my life.

This one time, at Band Camp... I had a gas pain that caused me to double over and lean on my inverted tuba.
My section leader came over and asked if I was OK. I replied "Yeah, it's just gas pain." At that, I unloaded a fart with perfect pitch.
The director looked over, but couldn't figure out who had played because we were all laughing.
All seven of us had to do extra marching practice that afternoon, but we agreed the laugh was worth it.

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

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teddy If you have pain like that then Well you got a turd blocking the pipeline to the dumping gate.I would take pepto bismol and tums.and go sit on the toilet.And wait for the aproaching freight turd to arrive it may be a few box cars or a big coal train.But when it passes you will feel much better. Having gas like that as long as its not painfull is a lot of fun go to the store and share it with the public i say...

I'm trying to recall whether my worst gas pains ever were post-colonoscopy (have had 2 of those) or post C-section.

*thinks*

Definitely post-baby. There was all the surgical pain in addition to the OMG!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!! gas.

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And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

Get your gallbladder check out...seriously, it can cause some of the worse belching and farting pain you have ever experienced and nothing helps it, not even a good dump. In fact, most of the time you can't dump, it is terrible.

If it is not gallbladder use the Gas X, I take 3 of the Maximum Strength and it helps followed by a warm bath were you completely submerge yourself waist down. While there massage your lower stomach where your bowels are, pushing down toward your anus....it will hurt at first until you get some gas released. It takes about 15 minutes of rubbing but it really works...

Diet is the key to not having gas...try reducing your sugar and other processed carbohydrates intake.

Motherlode your recommendations were awesome, trouble is my husband would get too excited seeing my ass up in the air like that and might get the wrong idea! ;)

sarah

Do you think you could, perhaps, make an instructional video depicting this "gas relieving technique," Motherload? Strictly for the sake of education, of course...

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No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

omg..."Did my ass inhale?" I love it...that was the funniest thing I have read on this site today...lol

That's such a great image. I can see Sarah now, setting in a tub of warm water, massaging her belly, chanting so kind of poop mantra while there's the occasional rumble of a fart careening off the bottom of the bath tub.

I hope that you have one of those high efficiency ventilators in your bathroom, Sarah. I'm sure that the air in the bathroom could get toxic very quickly.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

oh man i feel for you im in ur position right now and about to down a bottle of magnesium citrate, which from the stories i've read on this site, will clean me out nicely, i will go through alot of SHIT, but my pain will stop and my bloatedness will go away , so good luck to you bro

Sarah, I think your husband would make that mistake only once. And the farting in the tub is great ... if you want the entire building to hear it!

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

I get the same problem so I purchased a trampoline ! I rebound off it for about 20 minutes when an attack begins and this produces gut wrenching farts.Bingo.Cured .

I have to agree with pooologist, "Did my ass inhale" made me laugh so hard, my dog came to see what was wrong with me. Good one...keep 'em comin'

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poopin since 1974

Did my ass inhale? This is one of the great questions in life. Made me have giggles. Which in turn made me fart.
Hey Dave I have a new poll idea!!!
Will go send it now.
Producing waste since 1967

I lurk on this site occasionally. Have been suffering with terrible, gurgling gas (sounds like water swishing around inside my intestines).

These products are supposed to minimise the smell of, um, flatulence - interesting:

http://www.flat-d.com/products.html