Disgusting.

You're really Max aren't you Internet Mike?

The joys of dorm life, eh!

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And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

See what happens when you let little Max run madly through the house in a wolf's costume, hallooing and braying like a monster and then send him to bed without his supper. The next thing you know, he's drunk as a sot and shitting all over the place. And because he was given dinner after his nap without any explanation, he now feels that it's okay to make some half-assed effort at cleaning up and then watch CNN until he passes out. It's now wonder that he suffers from "Wild Thing" hallucinations.

The key to effective parenting is CONSISTENCY. When there is no consistency in a child's life, we wind up with young adults like Max.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Ew! Did the smell and stains ever come out? What a douche.
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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

Many of the men I know wouldn't know how to begin to clean that mess up. Paper towels, Lysol (or a bottle of anything that sprays - window cleaner - whatever) and then giving up and watching Sports Center sounds about right.

For this reason, my son is learning how to clean, cook, and do his own laundry. Now, whether or not he'll actually DO any of it is beyond me. My job is to make sure he CAN do it. I do not have high hopes.......I've seen his bedroom.

And yes, I also know some men who are very good housekeepers. Some are poopreporters.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

What did he clean the sneakers with? I'd get new tooth brushes if I were you.

Call Stanley Steemer the poo poo cleaner.
I bet the place still reeks.
Revenge is a dish best served...smelly.

Max would never enter my dorm or house again. Anyone who shits themselves that bad while drunk clearly needs to stop drinking and start pooping frequently.. Or at least going to go sit on the toilet for a few min every couple hours.

Dear Jesus sweet lord of Nazareth. That is by far the most disgusting, yet most pleasing, story I have ever read on this site. I loved it.

It's been said before: Once you become a pants crapping drunk (instead of just a regular drunk), it's time to stop drinking.

Tonight on Sports Center hosted by Daphne and Dave,The top 10 poops of the night,plus all the shitty highlights from all the crappy teams.

To quote Jim Carrey in 'The Mask', "Where's a camcorder when you need one?" I would have played the tape at the start of the next party. I bet he'd stay sober that night!

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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Dahduhduh! Dahduhduh! (ESPN Sports Center Music....)

"Welcome back to Sports Center. I'm Daphne, and alongside me is the King of Caca, Poopreport.com founder Dave. Tonight the Top Ten Poops of the Day are brought to you by Sphincterine - Sphincterine, make your ass sparkle."

"The Top Poop of the Day comes to us from internet Mike."

"Yes, Daphne, this shit-filled explosion tests the limits of taste indeed. Let's stand by for the play-by-play. Here we have the kickoff, yes, yes............we see Max stumbling...fumbling the brown recovery............Oh he's going, going, .................FEEK! ALL IN THE HALL - WITH NO YIELD."

"Dear God, what the hell did that boy eat?"

"It appears, OK, instant replay confirms corn, which is a good thing. There was a bit of controversy over the call earlier. We always receive flack from the viewers when the home field advantage threatens to tip the scales."

"Whew. Hey man, you spilled your coffee."

"Thank God that's coffee, Daphne. Later on in the broadcast, we'll have an up close and personal with Leif Chucknuggetti, European Cow Chip Flinging Champion. That's right sports fans, it's time for the regional qualifying rounds already. Take it away, Daphne."

"Thank you, Dave. We'll be back after this commercial break from our sponsors."

Dahduhduh! Dahduhduh!

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

"Many of the men I know wouldn't know how to begin to clean that mess up. Paper towels, Lysol (or a bottle of anything that sprays - window cleaner - whatever) and then giving up and watching Sports Center sounds about right."

That's why we have "wives". You ought to get one, Daph. They're great to have around especially when there's cooking and cleaning and child-rearing required.

Sex. Let's not forget sex also.

Now, if only I could figure out how to get mine to stop talking while I'm watching SportsCenter. I can't seem to find the damn mute button on her.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Ask her to tell you how sensitive you are.

That'll shut her up.

LOL.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Often we read good stories that have long and descriptive introductions. Every now and then we get stories that are brief and straight to the point. This is the latter. Great story.

In true SportsCenter style, did Michael Jordan yet again make this top ten SportsCenter list?

Ha ha, if I had a dollar for every person I saw passed out at a party with a brown ass I could host PR for a month :)

However my two funniest stories of drunken disaster are of the urination form. My friend Paul came to our 8 am class one morning smelling like a bottle of rubbing alcohol and ciggy smoke, plus clothes that looked like he robbed a homeless man. We asked WTF happenned? He said he got super drunk at the bar, came home and passed out. Then he woke up in the middle of the night, thought his closet was a bathroom and pissed over all his clean clothes hanging up. Therefore the only thing "urine free" was old clothes from the floor.

Event #2 was when a friends roomate came home drunk as all get out, we we watching a movie in the living room at about 3. We hear banging and he calls out from the kitchen "Hey Guys, the Fridge wont flush". He emptied a full bladder into the bottom two shelves of the fridge.

And thats why I generally limit my alcohol comsumption when out and about.

people can do some crazy stuff when they are intoxicated

this is why i hate carpet. Stick with hard flooring people!

WISIP-saw an incapacitated drunk get urinated on by three people simultaneously once. You know it's time to leave when creepy stuff like that is happening- all the poor guy could do was roll around there and moan, "UGH, AAH, SSSCHTOPP!"

The poor guy was so drunk and spinning that he was hanging on to the ground to keep from falling off the earth.

Mike, you need to get your roommate off the beer and onto the red wine, something like a burgundy-binds up your shits nice, leaves you about a 2 or 2 1/2 on the Bristol scale. If he resists wine give him some Steinbeck short stories to read. After he reads Cannery Row he'll probably go for the wine.

Hey Gasputin...you wouldn't happen to have a brother named Max would you??

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Hey! That's my robe!

What an inconsiderate Douche! I'd be rubbing his face in it before I would even attempt to clean it up. That's what "Merry Maids" is for.

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Steamroller!

See, that's what I like about politcal correctness. Daph doesn't get dinged for making a sweeping generalization about men but I do for being a bit more abrasive about women.

I suppose that's also the same reason that blacks get to use the "N" word with impunity but whites get accused of racism then must immediately apologize profusely and meet with either Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.