The movie says, "life is like a box of chocolates. You never what you’re gonna get." This may be true in one form, but in another form you'll either get diarrhea or a monster solid mess. This happened to me years ago; it was my eighth birthday, and I can remember it so vividly...
My aunt had given me a box of chocolates as a birthday present. I'm not talking about your Rite Aid Russell Stover box. I mean a triple stack See’s Candies box with three layers of chocolate. Now everyone knows eating one of these things by yourself is downright foolish. There are three plastic holders with fifty little candies on each. The calorie content you'd have at the end of the day would horrify your doctor, but being eight, I could give a damn.
My parents told me that day to take it easy on the box, as I had already finished the entire top layer by myself. I should have listened. It was about twelve midnight and I was still hitting the box, and I continued until there was nothing left. I felt a sense of joy.
"Oh what a delicious birthday present" I thought.
About an hour later when I had turned in for bed, something came over me - a cold sweat from my head to my toes. There was no pain but my ass became wet, like something was trying to sneak its way through; and I knew what it was. I ran for the bathroom faster than I had ever run in my life, where I plopped my ass down and immediately felt the ass juice spray out. The pressure was so great that if I hadn't been holding on to the toilet I might have rocketed right off. It felt like I was shitting out every ounce of life that was in me.
I spent an eternity in there and later I would realize I fought the war for two hours! Once I was done I wiped and got up to look at my mess. I was horrified; it looked like chocolate stew. The water was completely black in color, and I don't even think most of the pieces of chocolate even had time to digest, as they were right there in bowl! They were the same shape, size and everything, only they were covered in shit. However, the smell wasn't that of chocolate at all. It seemed like I was cooking a brown stew with some really bad old parmesan cheese thrown in…
