Date: Sat, 6 Aug 2005 12:16:35 -0700
From: G_Ras
To: dave@poopreport.com
Subject: Wreckage of my past

Hey Dave, Been a while... I haven't participated much on your site lately, but I must admit to being a "lurker" from time to time. Anyway, I am writing you to let you know of a little problem I have brought upon myself...

I really am not surprised that the story "Dung On and Draggin'" came back to haunt me, as I used the participant's real names when I composed it. Apparently someone in their family did a Google search on their name and wouldn't you know it, that story was the #1 hit... no shit!! I almost couldn't believe it myself, but I plugged in the names of the cast and it was true... well, needless to say, my ex-neighbors are a bit pissed.

After a bit a reflection, I think I might agree with the points they raised, which is why I am going to ask you if you could remove the story from your site. The bit is 100% true in all respects, so I don't think they could cause you any legal trouble, but they will fuck with me to no end. And since the story is a few years old, I think the only people that will read it now are the ones that do a Google search on their name.

Their children are the ones that found the story and brought it to the attention of their now-livid parentage. When I wrote it, I never thought they would have kids that would read it. Imagine... looking up your name on Google and finding the first entry is a story about uncle being dragged through... and your dad having shit smeared on his teeth... that would really fuck me up!! These kids don't seem to have a self-esteem problem, though I would rather not contribute to their anger issues any further.

I don't have the anonymity most have with their stories, as these people know who I am and can really stir up a mess. I thought about just removing their names as a remedy, but the damage is done and I don't think anything short of complete removal will convince them of the sincerity of my apology. It's your site and I am sure you will do what you think is best... I'm hoping you agree that dumping "Dung On and Draggin'" is best... I have enough shit going on without this to deal with.

Anyway... hey, the site is looking good... who would've guessed it'd get this big!! Jesus, you must have your hands full. Let me know what you decide.

Talk at ya later...

G Ras

(Of course, given G Ras's predicament, I removed the story. But the other day Daphne and I were talking about Larry Y*p, the dude in G Ras's story The Yellow Peril. I got confused and thought it was the dude from Dung On and Draggin', which reminded me about this letter from G Ras, which I never shared with anybody. I emailed G Ras yesterday to see if, at least, I could publish this email, just for giggles. His response is below.)

Hey Dave...

Long time... Larry Y*p (The Yellow Peril) is the one about the moron who farted and basically shit his pants. I believe it was you who did not want to use his full name... That was how "Y*p" came about. Larry Y*p is a fucking ass clown and I wouldn't give two shits if you printed his full name. I actually request it! (Note: No, I still won't print his real name. You never know.)

My next door neighbors, on the other hand, were the La****** family, and it was their spawn who sent me a million and one emails telling me what a twisted fuck I was and if they were ever in S.F. they were going to kidnap me, lock me in their hotel room, and toss in a horny syphilitic monkey. It was their story that I asked you to remove. I guess now it would be safe to repost the story if you don't print their last name. What the fuck -- it was hilarious at time and they can't harass me since I did what they asked by having it removed. Hell, is it my fault if you decided to repost it? I think not!

Sure, go ahead and use the email also, if you think it'll get a laugh.

Talk at cha

G Ras

(And so, ladies and gentleman: for those of you who have not experienced the full talent that is the incredible G Ras, I present to you Dung On and Draggin'!)