MAIN SECTIONS
MAIN SECTIONS
Stories About Poop Intellectual Crap Consumer Reports Fun with Feces Poop at the Office Techniques Travel Logs The Captain's Log Academic Poop Home  
RESOURCES The PoopReport Gift Pack Poop Culture: The Book The PoopReport Store The Skatole Shirt PoopReport FAQ Best Of PoopReport Press Room Advertise! PoopReport on Myspace PoopReport on Facebook NEWS AND ADVICE The BM News Wire Ask PoopReport Ask a Poodiatrist Eternal Debates FEATURES Special Reports Movie Poop Archive Toilet Paper Survey Pooetry Comics Poop Contests MOVEMENTS I Poop and I Vote!  Shameless Shitting Poop For Peace The Summer Stoolstice DISCUSSIONS Shit Of My Career Childbirth Poop Book Of The Shameless First Memory of Poop More... REPORT POOP Poop Forums PoopReport Chat Submit 
NavigationPoop Comics Our BuddiesLower left rotating ad most recent poll -- formattedPoop at the Movies |
 The Wrong Side Of The Wrong PadPosted 06.23.2008 by Snapper (170)
Editor's note: this was originally posted on the PoopReport forums.
Until this morning, I had been caring for a seventy-year-old male patient who, three days ago, had a sigmoid resection to remove a cancerous portion of his bowel. In short, what the surgeons did was chop out the bad chunk of bowel ("resect") and connect the two good ends together (known as anastomosis). Because of the location of the procedure in the body, people sometimes have a bit of bleeding from their butt after the operation. This guy had quite a bit more than I had ever seen coming out of someone who had this done, but the doctors assured me that the patient was okay -- although, honestly, I think they were somewhat concerned. I think they hoped it would stop on its own instead of having to reopen him up, but they didn't want to let on. That's besides the point of my story, though. Last night, when I went to help get him sorted for bed, he told me he had put a sanitary pad on with the mesh panties that the hospital supplies. He asked me if he was supposed to put the sticky part up towards him or down toward the undies. (Take note, all: it's toward the underwear.) He looked mildly embarrassed and admitted he'd put it on the wrong way. We both giggled. Then he asked if I'd give him a hand putting on an Attends, as it would give him and the bed a bit more protection overnight. Makes sense. Putting Attends on by one's self is quite awkward, for even the most experience Attends wearer. Thus I obliged and we went into the bathroom. He took off the mesh drawers and I saw what he had done. He didn't use a sanitary pad at all -- he'd taken an eight-inch-by-three-inch waterproof dressing with a strip of gauze padding down the centre and stuck it all the way from his hairy butt crack up his scrotum. Because it's waterproof, this bandage is comparable to duct tape. I cringed and let out a muffled chuckle in disbelief. "Oh, dear," I said. "That is going to hurt." He looked a bit panicked as he nervously giggled himself. And then he told me to take it off in one shot and get it over with. I tried, but it was really quite awkward giving this guy a hospital Brazilian wax. I did it in two rips. "Jesus!" was the response from the first. "Mother have mercy!" was the second. "Oh my God! Are you okay?" I asked as I let out a big, uncontrollable laugh. He was. We were both laughing pretty hard after it was over. Teaching a seventy-year-old man how to use a Maxi Pad was definitely a first for me! Post new comment
|
Ad 1
Ad 2
Text Ads
Recent comments
Who's onlineThere are currently 0 users and 240 guests online.
GoDaddyThong ad Highest Users
Browse content by author View some statistics Learn more about userpoints |
