“When I was in High School I, along with a group of my friends, went to a toy store to look for Halloween costumes. I come from a small town, and pranks are considered to be a part of everyday life here.

”When we entered the store, we noticed a giant bouncer/clerk prowling around the aisles, and my girlfriend Missy said, "That's my Uncle Jethro--he's a cop; but they hired him to work security part time, because there is a lot of shoplifting around any holiday in here."

“Jethro looked like a Wookie: blubbery body, enormous fluffy head, pig eyes, and a hairy, mangy coat of black fur sporting out of his collar, armholes, and satellite-dish-sized ears. In front of everyone, I heard Missy say, "Hi Jethro."

"NOT HERE," he grunted in reply, in a surprisingly soprano Pee Wee Herman-type voice.

”We waltzed into the store and starting scavenging through werewolf suits, Brittany Spears bald head masks, and Spongebob caps. After about twenty minutes, I still hadn’t found a costume, and my other three friends, Missy, Zoey, and Lauren, were already exiting the checkout line and urging me to hurry up.

”It was at that point when I spied the box with a picture of a giant, steaming brown turd on the cover. The box was misplaced--obviously someone had moved it from its right location--and without thinking, I flipped the top off and realized this was no plastic poop. Someone had plopped a, eight-inch plug of steaming poo into the box as a prank. It smelled like a regurgitated kangaroo eyeball. I gagged as the horrible stench fouled the air faster than Mickey Rourke taking off his shirt in an elevator.

”A little girl walked up to me and said, "That smells." Her remark startled me into dumping the turd right onto the floor. It made a slurpy noise when it hit the cold linoleum.

”The little girl said, "EEEEWWW."

”I’m not sure if I was scared, grossed out, or amused, but I started laughing. I went to the front of the store and discovered that my friends were on their way to the car. I had no intention of telling Management that I'd dropped a turd on the floor, so I high-tailed it out of there, told my friends that somebody had pulled a prank, and we left in a hurry.

”When we left the parking lot, I looked back and saw Jethro stumble out of the store, as if he was drunk. By that time, our car had pulled onto the road, and we all busted out laughing as I told the story to all my friends.

”We forgot about it and went to the party (me without a costume) and got home late; my parents were asleep when I tiptoed up the stairs. The next day, I was still sleeping at noon, and my mother came into my room. She said the police had called and that they wanted to know if I was the person who had dropped a loaf of poop in the store.

”The little girl had described me to Jethro, and Jethro had called Missy’s mom, and I'd been fingered. We had to go down to the police station, and I told the whole story, which the cops believed; and that was that.

”That Christmas I got a present from Missy; and when I opened it, it was the box of plastic fake poop that I'd seen at the store! I took it to college and had fun with it when I left it in the dorm hallway one morning. >p>”A couple of years later, I saw Jethro at a Jack in the Box window. When I opened the bag, there was a handwritten note in it with his phone number. It said:

          "I remember you.
         ”You’re the poop girl.
          “Give me a call sometime"

”Eeewwww.”