The Courtesy Flush: Gallant or Futile?

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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FUTILE:

I've recently observed that the so-called courtesy flush is not doing what it is
intended. I have courtesy-flushed in the past, but my recent public poops have
been accompanied by a single, final flush. I decided that the courtesy flush is an
urban legend and should I cease wasting precious water by propagating this nonsense.

My logic is this: when poop is released, the bulk of the odor is emitted at the opening
of a bunghole and while it is in the air, enroute to the water below. The turd in the
toilet water emits minimal odor. What is out is out, and flushing doesn't pull in enough
air to rid the space of poop-stench. The courtesy-flush is, in essence, a mere
"statement" to people who might be in adjacent stalls or awaiting your departure.

If the courtesy flush could speak words, it would say:
"I know I stunk up the area and I am letting everyone know that I am doing the only
thing I can imagine that would help. I am a sensitive person who is embarassed by my
poop stench. I would give up my left toe if the smell would go away."

Oh what a shameful act! tsk tsk tsk


-- Skiddy Poo

GALLANT:

Hey guys, I can't competely agree with you on this one. It's true that most of the
stink comes when the logs are coming out of the asshole, especially if there is a lot of
farting. When the logs hit the water, the smell is reduced if they are covered by
water.

Hey, but shit still stinks! Being in construction, I've taken a shit in all
kinds of portable crappers. When you can't flush and many dudes just shit on top of
others' crap, the smell at the end of the fucking day can be unbelievable!

Sometimes I
forget to flush after shitting at home. If I come back a couple of hours later the
smell can be real bad. I don't use a courtesy flush in a public restroom because anyone
worried by the smell should stay out of public restrooms. For those who are worried by
their smell, however, a courtesy flush will reduce the stink while not completely
eliminating it.


-- Dakota

99 Comments on "The Courtesy Flush: Gallant or Futile?"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

I agree with Skiddy. I've never engaged the courtesy flush... I've never understood the point. Unflushed shit will smell if it sits in the bowl for a long period of time, but I'm not usually on the bowl long enough for that to happen. Although if I were, I guess I would courtesy flush. Perhaps the courtesy flush is necessary when the stool is loose (or abnormally big) and it floats/sticks above the surface. In that case, the water is not keeping in the smell, and flushing is in order. Still, part of the fun of shitting is smelling your own shit...

Super Bowel's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The courtesy flush is a must, I like to read, Preferably Maxim magazine, and when I start shitting and reading, by the time that I am done shitting, I may still be reading, and the last thing that I want to do is fill the bathroom with shit smell, and being so close to my own shit, I would just rather flush it. And today with the low flow toilets, its hard to shit, and wipe all in the same flush, your bound to have to flush twice, just to get everything down.

And sometimes, if you fart a lot while shitting, peices of shit may get plastered all over the toilet, and if you let them sit for too long, they harden up and are a bitch to clean, but if you flush right after you shit, they for the most part come off!

fellow pooper's picture

i agree with superbowel, especially about reading mags in the bathroom (either maxim or stuff for me) - anyway, i usually spend 30min on the crapper which leads me to my question - why is it that you are able to tolerate your own fecal odor and cringe at the smell of someone elses?

Jaybowel's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I WAS a courtesy flusher until reading this. No more. It's a waste of water. (And we're short on water here in New York) If you can't take the smell of my shit, don't use the men's room while I'm in it!

Chip Brown's picture

I second Jaybowel.

Ass Man's picture

I courtesy flush so I don't clog the toilet. I don't shit often, but when I do, I shit rock-hard shit. 'Cause I don't drink enough water.

G Ras's picture
l 100+ points

Anyone that's spent any time in jail will agree that the courtesy flush can save your life... having twenty blade wielding mexicans standing over you screaming "AGUA" will make you a believer Peace G Ras

Perhaps I am an asshole and so much time has pass you probably won't even read this .... but in my defense.... this site is all about funny stuff that happens to us about shit in the course of everyday living.... and may I say in my story I too got shit

Poopy's picture

John Crapper introduced the courtesy flush soon after the introduction of the plumbed bucket. Rumor has it he used to flush mid-poop to impress the ladies sitting in Crapper's salon directly outside Crapper's crapper w/ his well laid plumbing. He soon discovered the positive effect said ego-flush had on the egregious effluvium that emminated from his buttocks and detritus.

He noted in his toilet side journal the following, untested hypothesis: "It would appear that a early, mid-poop flush or flush betwix pooping and washing ones buttocks decreases siginificanlty the volume of waste and waste water thereby reducing pleasantly the rank and foul effluvium."

twousers's picture

I thought the courtesy flush was for those times when everything didn't flush down the toilet the first time, not for the smell.

Creamy McChunky's picture

I don't know about you sickos, but I find a very helpful benefit to the aforementioned mid-launch flush, a.k.a the courtesy flush. If one can time it correctly to flush when the log has simultaneous contact with the water/bowl, and the ass doing the pooping, the slight tugging action from the swirling water pulling on the dangling poo is great for getting maximum expulsion from the colo-rectum area. It totally cleans me out, it feels like an enema without all the messy hoses and water. I am spin-n'-span on the outside as well, due to only 1 log being sent on its way and therefore the lack of poopy pinching activities. Side Note: This can only be accomplished by someone that has immensly long, strong, and dense dookies, otherwise the swirling water will just break off a piece of fecal firebomb, leaving a pathetic hanging brown treevine reminiscent of the Atari game Pitfall, and we all know that is just uncool. Is anyone still reading this?

BabeRuths O'Plenty's picture

I stopped doing courtesy flushes on public toilets after one particularly nasty episode occuring in a strip bar in Montreal. I was extremely drunk and taking a shit in the Million Dollar Club when I decided I would go for a courtesy flush so as not to perturb the the existing fine olfactory balance of cigarett smoke, rotten tuna and cheap perfume. The damn thing overflowed while I was sitting on it. No more courtesy flush!

Even at home if I attempt this with my trusty commode often some cold water splashes high enough to reach my balls. Again quite unpleasant.

I certainly don't intend on standing up to perform one as once my ass cheeks press back together I've just added 2 minutes and 100 sheets to the wiping process...

As so eloquently stated above in closing, Is anyone still reading this????

SP's picture

Yes.

The Ritz's picture

Actually, I use the courtesy not to mask the smell of my death bomb. I only use when there is a person next to me and I got the Hershey Squirts. I don't think the guy next two me needs to here liquid crap rocketing out of my ass at lightspeed. Plus, shit leaving my ass at those kinds of speeds will certainly cause splash-back. Water mixed with poo splashing my balls....not cool. However, if the gentleman next too me decides to share with me his Budweiser and Taco night extraviganza, I will return fire without remorse.

As for using the mid-flush to mast the smell. Who cares, your in a bathroom. If you can't stand the smell of other people, find your own hole.

Dave Johanson's picture

The courtesy flush is not for others. It is for yourself. No one wants the crap to stop up the crapper while they're still on it. But the worst is when you have wet and runnies followed by a regular one. If it is long enough to touch the water first everything's ok, but if it splashes... The courtesy flush saves you the trouble of wiping off other parts of your rump while at the same protecting you from thqat sickening feeling. Flush extra for the right reasons.

Chris's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Courtesy flush is the way to go when you are stuck on an airplane. The above mentioned point of lack of suction power does not apply to the super sucking power of an airplane crapper. Upon your first movement, engage the flush mechanism and presto... no smell, no poo, and hey! room for more of the awful airplane food that is causing you to use the smallest crapper on the planet.

Matt's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Another version of the courtesy flush is to remove whatever shit is in the bowl, to allow more to fill it. Like the scene in Austin Powers. Tom Arnold suggested a courtesy flush, because it sounded like Austin was shitting a bucket, not because he thought it would smell. At least that's what I alwyas thought...

Logan's picture

I have to say there are situations when a courtesy flush is necessary for me. I only consume protein so my body metabolizes what it needs and sends the rest packing in the form of diarrhea. Now when your pissin' from your ass,1) stuff splashes 2) the bowl can fill quick 3) a heaping load of TP is bound to be used (especially in public thrones, as the toilet paper is spreading more so than lifting) Nothing is more embarrassing then leaving a bathroom that you just flooded. The extra flush, not only cuts down on the fill factor, but also makes room for the sandpaper most places call toilet tissue.

Jonathan Akers's picture

Hell no, I don't courtesy flush. Half of the fun of shitting is looking at your crap when you are done. If I were to use the "courtesy flush," I would miss the chance to examine and marvel at my first few logs. Plus, the first turds are usually the longest and most interesting sights to behold. If you don't believe me, just e-mail me at bigoutlaw7@aol.com I have plenty of crappy dung pictures to share with you.

shitbreak's picture

I drink alot of beer, so I have not had a solid shit in years. If you have ever had the beer shits you know that it's pure liquid. I am also very new to public shitting but have found out that when you have a 12 pack ready to come out your ass you suddenly don't care how much you stink. The courtesy flush is great but try working in a building with sensors on the back of the toilet that only allow the toilet to flush when you get up and the laser can't find your back anymore. Also I have one question to anybody out there who understands physics. How can you splatter shit so bad that it sticks to the underside of the toilet seat? And don't you hate it when you have to shit your guts out(or so you think) only to find out that you had a small amount of liquid poo that had a fart behind it?

Snapper's picture
l 100+ points

I'm a courtesy flusher in public. When I'm on the shitter and if someone comes in, I flush the toilet and keep the flusher down until I'm done. I don't like people hearing me dump, so the noise of the toilet covers up my plopping and farting. Maybe it's psychological, but I picture in my head that the breeze on my ass somehow vacuums up the gas and takes it into oblivion. In reality I'm sure it still stinks, but at least other people don't hear me dumping a brown load.

Ellen's picture

I am definitely a courtesy flusher in public! I'm one of those people who doesn't like anyone to know I'm either taking a crap or took a crap. Hahaha! I definitely don't like to stink up the bathroom (in public that is). I know that taking a crap is a normal occurance, and I do not have a problem talking about it. I do however, have a problem with other people partaking in the wonderful stench of my crap. Hahaha!

LiRon's picture

For reasons unbeknownst to me I have worked with a number of women with Irritable Bowel Syndrome throughout my career. People with IBS generate rigoddamneddiculous quantities of loud, funky flatulence that never seems to end. I've heard farts that lasted for 20 seconds. People with IBS also tend to get the runs and other variations on diarrhea (plain old loud, "bag of rocks," intermittent sputter, waterfall, release the hounds). These are the unfortunate souls that the courtesy flush was meant for. No one needs to hear all that painful-sounding crapping. So if you have IBS and you are reading this, do us all a favor and embrace the courtesy flush. Use it early and often.

Richie Blackshit's picture

My experience with the courtesy flush has been negative. There is a guy in my small company that has the worst smelling crap that you can imagine. I know when he is in the bathroom, because of his constant courtesy flushing. If you are unfortunate to be in a stall at the same time, you find out quickly that all it seems to do is spread the smell to the rest of the bathroom. If it did not smell so badly, I would actually enjoy the experience, because he puts on quite a fireworks display with his loud and constant farting. He has no idea that I know this about him, and since he is not a bathroom humor kind of guy, I would never tease him about it.

Brien House's picture

I want to watch a guy take a shit or have another guy watch me take a shit. If anyone wants to try this with me, just e-mail me at brien_house@hotmail.com

Honkin' Ponk's picture

I don't think you can do anything about the stink, but if the point of the courtesy flush is to make sure that all deposited will wend its way accordingly then a possible solution is to get in or on your truck, SUV, buggie, sidecar, pushbike, or whatever, and head north. (and take your dog)

Once you have crossed the 49th parallel or whatever avail yourself of the local porcelain. Load it into your truck, etc. and head south.

If stopped at the border explain that is is part of a scientific experiment to see if you can get your dog to stop smoking. At this point nudge your dog so he'll bark. This will add verisimilitude and deflect further enquiry.

If the customs dude does a double take and ejaculates "isn't that one of those big Canadian flushers?" just reply "No don't be silly, they don't have toilets in Canada. This is a giant Dutch oven.

This will have finally done the trick and you can then wend your way accordingly.

Happy flushing.

Honkin'Ponk.

PS Thomas Crapper's biography is called 'Flushed with Pride.'

digger's picture

Have y'all ever been to Holland? When you shit in a dutch toilet your shit doesn't go in water. It just sits there steaming on this flat porcelain plate above the water line. It's not a courtesy flush, it's self preservation. I couldn't believe the stench. Made me want to puke. Un-fucking-real.

tracy's picture

I am always plugging up the toilet with too much paper because I am a girl. I do the courtesy flush for the smell but also so that when I have to plunge the toilet, there is only paper in the bowl. Smashing a turd with the plunger is gross and hard to clean off!

Smurfette's picture

My only question is, if you are in a crowded public restroom, and you do a courtesy flush, don't you think that others will think you are finished? I know if I'm in a club or something I try to get in and out as fast as possible because the lines are long...what do you do in that situation?

a friend's picture

I could care less about courtesy flushing. Toilets were invented to swallow our crap. I abuse public toilets quiet a lot with my shit. I can't imagine what the toilet that I use would say if it could talk when it sees me come into the stall, lower my pants and sit on its face. I don't care enough about them to keep flushing so their life will be more pleasant. When I am done, if it gags and choke on my shit, maintenance guys have ways of making them swallow it, so one way or another it will go down its throat. Young guys my age (because of the junk food we tend to eat) shit usually is plenty and smell bad. I remember this one restroom a couple of my buddies and I used a while back. There was only one shitter in there. All three of us had to take a shit. The first guy in line plugged the toilet. The other two of us had to shit on top of his shit. When it was my turn to take a shit, I had cramps and had the shits. That toilet got it bad. Imagine what that toilet must of went through when it was forced into swallowing by the maintenance plunger. It didn't bother us one bit as we went on our way.

Monkey's picture

My girlfriend calls me into the bathroom to see her "creation", but she gets mad at me for farting. Is this fair?

Joe's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Yes, the courtesy flush is futile, but when it comes time to clean the bowl it is worth it (if its your bowl).

a friend's picture

It doesn't bother me one bit to leave shit marks all over the inside of a public toilet bowl. Too bad for the toilet!!! The next guy may treat it even worst than I did. The toilet at the mall the other day had 3 of us waiting to use it and not one of us even remotely caring one bit how bad each of us used it. After we left, I am sure it was used many more times that day. I hope it choked...lol.

A Guy's picture

Skiddy Poo is full of shit. The courtesy flush absolutely reduces the affect that a good shit has on the room around it. If other people can smell your ass from more that 15 feet away, you should have courtesy flushed!

Some Genius In Athens Georgia's picture

You forget rule # 1 of plumbing.

Ivory soap isn't the only thing that floats.

That probably holds true for 99% of Americans because they eat too much fat.

Problem solved.

Deron Giuliani's picture

I think everyone in reply to the courtesy flush have really missed the point here. The courtesy flush is not so much for getting rid of the smell. What the courtesy flush does is guarantee (almost) that the shit will go down the drain. Once you've flushed the shit, then you can proceed to wipe your ass. As most of you know, too much toilet paper will clog up the drain. SO WHAT! As long as you did the courtesy flush, then the poor mother fucker who has to plunge the toilet, will deal mostly with wet wads of paper instead of a mixture of paper and poop funk. That's why we courtesy flush.

Tool's picture

I stopped at a rest area on the way home from a fishing trip and was using the restroom The guy in the stall next to me asked how I was doing. I thought it was weird he was talking to me but went ahead and told him

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Courtesy flushes are about as useless as this stupid old joke!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Primative Man's picture

I courtesy flush only if the toilet may choke on the turds n paper, but if the toilet seems like it can gulp it in one swallow, then I do one long flush. That is, that I hold down the flush handle for at least 10 seconds to guarentee the flush will work. I once had an episode of the runs very bad, and the poor potty choked, even when I tried to make it swallow 5 times throughout the pooping session. All I can say is the poor ole Public potty couldn't take my crap.

What I have found, is that if it does not flush properly the first time you flush, it will overflow on the second flush, so please hold down that crome handle untill it swallows everything.

freakazoid's picture

FEY-UUUUUUUU-TILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

christopher's picture

i get really pissed off when i come into a toilet in a public place, and someone already left a steaming ugly dump in the bowl.. and didnt flush!!! DAMMIT PEOPLE how long does it take to hit a lever and walk out

Natascha's picture

I have yet to take a public poo poo but at home I flush immediately, I can't help it. I guess it is a learned behavior.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I know what you mean Christopher. Once I went into the bathroom and found this weird poo raft floating in the toilet. It was gross!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Brown Blaster's picture

I believe that the courtesy flush is neccessary. I know most men take their time with their magazines and what not. But this is not the office! Someone else has to use the toilet so respect them enough to flush. It really does reduce the smell, once you get that down you can start the process of putting the seat down when your done... And don't forget to flush!

#2's picture

i back private man coutesty fush and wash your hands. Once I took a dump and did it three times.

Lou Spowels's picture

Take it from me, the courtsey (or mercy) flush works. It because methane gas is still emmited by your stinking turd, even though it's underwater. Gas, like air, rises from water, hence contributing to the bathroom boquet. Do us all a favor and mercy flush. However, be careful in pressure (power) flush toilets. You can get wet if you don't pick your ass up a bit.

the ice cream man's picture

you're all idiots. or at least a lot of you are anyway. i've not read the whole board.

seems nobody knows the first rule of plumbing

ivory soap isn't the only thing that floats

existential poop's picture

I don't courtesy flush because that way I don't get to see my creation, and if I don't see it; did it ever existed?

Bongholio's picture

Whats all this talk about anus? Anus wipes,Anus cleaning,Anus fruit, Anus trial and error??
Grab your anus and run, if it works dont fuck with it

dung hole's picture

trust me, if you take big shits at home you better courtesy flush. Once I was releasing a tremendous stool from the depths of my asshole so deep only the colon himself cold tell you it's background story. To make a long story short, I flushed once and it filled, but then it didnt stop filling, and needless to say I had to run and get the plunger from the other bathroom before I was greeted by a flowing river of a stool/piss smoothie nearing my very unpleasant.

Uber's picture

For many years as a child i had the squirts daily because i was unaware that i was lactose intolerant. i really really hated it when id take a shit and it would drip down the side of my ass cheek and onto the underside of the toilet seat. praise allah for double rolls.

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