Damn! My ass hurts just reading this.

Tell me about it, Three Ply!

I wish I could have some solid poops for once...

Given my poop alias, you'd think this situation would be right up my alley. Nope. This story (and the link to Snapper’s experience) leads me to pose the old saw "If they can put a man on the moon ...." I just can't believe there isn't a high-tech solution. A plea to anyone who will hear: If there is a sonic disimpactor on the market that costs less than $5000, I'll buy it right now to have on hand for such an event, because I could never bring myself to do what The Big Wiper did. I’m The Big Wimp.

that's horrible! i applaud your bravery. i don't think i could do that. any time i get poop on my hand, even if it's just a tiny bit on my fingernail or something, i get the willies. i don't think i could go digging for it if i had to!

Damn, man! I'm glad you're feeling better. That must have been awful. It reminds me of my Brown October, but I didn't have to push it out with my finger.

I enjoyed this story, and many others by you in recent days, TBW. The writing muse must have struck you. This is by no means a complaint.

Owwwww!!!!!!!

An interesting, albeit disgusting, tale. This is yet another reason to keep rubber gloves around the house.

Oh Man, TBW,

I cannot imagine ever, ever, ever, EVER, sticking my finger in my bung to coax a turd out. And yes, I have been put out for surgical procedures. And no, I never experienced constipation, for any reason, let alone that.

Firmly ensconced in middle age, my ass-nuggets fly out as easily as they did in my 20s.

No one, even me, touches my bung.

Trust me, I feel your pain. See my own crap-after-surgery story here: http://poopreport.com/Stories/Content/postop.html

Glad I didn't have to resort to your method, but I'm glad you were able to resolve the trouble. My sympathies.

Now, once i took a that tcame out but stuck in my ass on an airplane. I took some toilet paper and plucked it out. It didn't hurt, like your procedure, and dude, i've had a couple of days without a crap, so why didn't you see a doctor, in your case of hard ass crap rocks.

If you're brave enough or desperate enough to stick a finger up your ass, Id recommend something even better--a tap water enema.

You can get a disposable 1 quart enema bag at a medical supply store for about 5 or 6 bucks. You want the water to be at or near body tempreture and its smart to put some lotion or lube on the nozzle so it slides in easily.

Its narcotics that really bung up the ass--go look at posts submitted by G Ras--he has to take narcotics for a chronic pain condition and has hideous constipation.

Glad you're feeling better BW.

i hope your anus is feeling better now. i would've liked to see some pictures of "mount rushmore"...

To everyone concerned at poopreport:
I live with Poopy. Literally...I drive to work with poopy; I watch TV with Poopy....I even eat with poopy. The fact of the matter is...me and Poopy are like roomates. Poopy is a vital part of my life. But soon, my beloved Poopy will be Sleapless in Seattle. What will I do? I love you Poopy.

I probably will be having surgery in the next month or so. I am going to make sure to drink a ton of water before hand and only eat salads and beans the days before. I do not want to have to pull poopy.

Big Wiper, that's a real brave post.

If that didn't work, your only other choice would of been dynamite. That would give you quite the ass blast.

YEOUCH!!! That sounded so painful that I feel the need for an extra helping of bran today, just in case!

OUCH!!!! i would go striait to the hospital....that must hurt bad

Thanks, everyone, for your concern and good wishes, although this happened several months ago. Pooperscooper's suggestion was, as befits her usual common sense, well-researched advice, one I perhaps should have tried.

No doubt the narcotic cocktail was the culprit here, folks. As far as the glove thing went, I decided that I really wanted to have as much sensation as possible if I was going to do a little ass-mining, so that's why I chose my bare finger. You can bet I scrubbed and scrubbed (also clipped my fingernails beforehand) after the event.

As I wrote in the story, I sincerely hope none of you ever have to experience this--although our friend, Snapper, may have to endure this as part of her professional duties. And, daph, I will particularly be thinking of you this month with your approaching surgery. Perhaps you can ask your doctor beforehand what steps to follow to lessen the likelihood of this happening.

Wow, Tbw..that must have been painful as hell..I guess when the desperation sets in, though, all possibilities must be examined...

Nothing better than an evacuation after a couple of days of irregulars, though.

Haha! Yes, I will ask for the exlax version of the happy drugs.

This will be the topic of mass jokes in the doctor's lounges, I am sure!!!

I used to drink beer from first thing in the morning to bed time. Then there came a time when I embarassed myself just too many times. I knew I had to quit drinking.COLD TURKEY! I could'nt shit for three days, oh the pain. Went to the drug store & bought laxitives & a enema, while drinking gallons of orange juice. It took quite a while for my guts to get back to normal.

Boy, the stories out here have sucked of late. I can only take so much of the Big Wiper's lame, anecdotal tales.

Bring out the Doniker!

HS, Doniker has disappeared somewhere. I wish he would come back!

POOPOO **Five year old's gigglesound**

dude, if you have a jacuzzi, just bend over and hold you anus to one of the bubbler things. hold it there for a while. in 20-30 minutes the poop will flow...

I seem always to arrive late in the discussion, but in lieu of your horror story, please consider this:

My ex-girlfriend has been in the health care field for many years, and performed many duties which has exposed her to many doodies, from hospice to methadone clinics to home health to nursing homes.

While working in an understaffed nursing home, she often had to deal with bowel impaction which dwarfs any of a healthy young person's. Imagine a building with forty or so geriatrics...most of them bedridden (which constipates), most of them on pain medications (which as you know, constipate), most of them also on vitamins (which do not digest half the time in a convalescing G.I. tract), and most of them completely enfeebled, suffering from senile dementia, unable to move or use the restroom on their own.

She had unbelievable stories where she had to don latex gloves and spend hours per week digging rock-hard feces from elderly asses, because if she didn't, they would die. All the while knowing that the family of the patient had no idea what was occuring, nor giving a goddamn. Is it any wonder why nursing home employees become so jaded?

I salute any nursing employee at a rest home.

I did not intent to devalue your story in any way. It sounded horrendous, and without the luxury of not knowing what planet you were on.

The Big Wiper - you didn't deserve this to happen to you. What I have read in your articles in PoopReport makes me think you have always been sensible with your bowels.

I cannot remember being constipated - going later on the same day a few hours after my usual time - after breakfast - isn't really constipation.

But reading this makes me realise how lucky I am to have good bowels. I am only 13, and I hope that I never have The Big Wiper's Experience.

I am not an expert and have a lot to learn. I want to ask (1)would eating more fresh fruit and vegetables have solved TBW's problem? (2) Do all pain-killers cause constipation? (I have never needed any), and can high fibre diet prevent constipation?

Went to vegas a few days after getting a tooth fixed. Took some Percocet/pain killers with me to make things better. Well not doing much walking in Vegas or eating properly didnt help either. I can still remember digging myself out of the trenches in the tub of the Circus Circus hotel. Just lying back singing "Viva Las Vegas". My freinds thought it was funny as they walked to Walgreens to get me an enima. Vegas was fun.

Idiot! If you'd have pooped on a piece of cardboard or something you could have sold your Mount Rushmore on eBay!

Hey Turdburglar!

Eat dates, medjhools are the best. Best poops in the world from those puppies. They just slide on out, solid and beautiful.

When I am constipated, I usually use a suppository-works in 30 minutes. No mess, no pain. The release is ALWAYS voluminous and greatly satisfying. If time is of the essence- a fleet enema-does it work fast( 5 minutes or less depending how longer you can hold on)but it can be messy!!!

anyone else have luck with the medjhools? I'm craving a solid clean slider. I hate to wipe.

fullofsht, we keep rubber gloves around the house for a lot of reasons...shit being one of them. On many occasions, I've Vaselined a gloved finger, reached into the nether regions to pull out something that looks like bridge mix, but feels like jagged stones. Sometimes just sticking the finger up your butt and wiggling it a bit is enough to kick Perry Stalsis into action....

Offal Rocket, my great-aunt (living at home with us) was once that severely constipated. I'm not squeamish, but I damned near fainted when the home health nurse literally shoved her gloved hand, up to the wrist, into my great-aunt's poor rectum. It was agonizing for her (my great-aunt, I mean), and the nurse was as kind as one can be while ripping shit out of someone's ass. Nasty business for both patient and nurse....

I had a girlfriend once who worked as a live-in assistant for a quadraplegic.

Ass-istant is more like it. One of her tasks was to manually disimpact this poor fellow every three days. Yes...gloving up, reaching into his ass, and scooping out his shit. The whole process took about 30 minutes with prep and cleanup. Oh man!

I had a similar experience once like TBW's and im only 13, after a hard day of kicking back and eating McDonalds and Wendys and going to a supper club down the road only to down a great helping of greasy chicken. I came home from the supper club(knowing what i had ate would not agree with me or my previous 2 meals as i have had much experience with this)i hurt horribly, i ran to the stool, quickly dropped my undershorts and sat on the cold porcelin throne, begging for mercy from god. The pain i experienced was absoleutley horrendous i would have rather had somone rip my testies off than have that happen, i was on the pot for at least an hour, tears rolling, then finally i found the vaselline, cringing at what i knew i had to do i quckly greased up the ole poopshoot and WHAM my finger was in dislodging the hellion with in my anus, i took a good 15 min to get it out but boy was i glad, i too share your pain TBW and god help any of you if it ever happens

I had to use the business end of an enema bottle and the handle of a toothbrush do this 2 days after a HEMORRHOIDECTOMY, then again 4 days later.
I then got on milk of magnesia and Colase every night, but have been weening off of it for the past 4 days.
Guess what...now I can't go again.
Somebody shoot me...where's the enema bottle?

I had to do this once for a girlfriend. She had been constipated for 5 days and when she did feel the need to do a poo it was too big and hard and despite my rubbing her tummy and encouraging her she couldn't pass her motion.

I suggested that I lubricate her back passage and I went to the local pharmacy and bought a large tube of KY Jelly. She had tried again when I was out but had still passed nothing. She stripped off and lay on the bed and I coated my index finger with KY Jelly and very gently inserted it into her rectum. I could feel this huge fat knobbly lump. I removed my finger and used it to insert more KY asking her to hold it in and let it melt and coat the turd. We went into the toilet and I continued to rub her tummy. After about 10 minutes she said that she could feel things moving and with a gasp as it must have hurt she bore down and a fat lump the size of a tennis ball dropped into the pan with a loud KUPLOONK! This was followed by three similar rocks with then what I can only describe a brick of solid poo slowly emerged and slid into the pan with a thud. She hadn't finished as she then passed a long fat but smooth sausage on top of the huge load she had already dropped .

When she had got her breath back we had a look at the motion she had passed and were amazed that such a lot of poo could come out of one person at one sitting. Apart from the tennis balls the big hard turd was the size of a milk bottle and the fat sausage must have been 14 inches long. She went back to bed and slept for a few hours after her extertions and it took me sveral flushes to get her mega load to go away.

just snap on some rubber gloves andgently insert your finger up ur butt. My son has been like that before and I had to put on some rubber gloves lube up and started scooping it out. He was embarrased bending over like that but it had to be done. EEWWWW!!

Try using the well lubercated small end of a spoon to dig out the offending fecal matter.

Sort of like digging a fence
post hole...

oh my! It's really wonderful to read this. I had to perform a manual disempaction while traveling. I have never told anyone, I thought it was the strangest thing in the world to do...it's interesting to know that others have done this. thanks!

How do accountants treat constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

Wow, this is perfect for brightening up someone's day.
(sarcasm)

Hooooooollllllllyyyyyyyyyyy shhhhhhiiiittttt.

I made a BIG mistake reading that article by Snapper AND this story. I porbably won't shit for a week!

What a relief to find this site of horrid experiences! I had to undergo surgery a few days ago and recovery was going great until the turd otter came and built his dam in the wrong place! I never thought the two to be related until my web surfing journey began. I seriously surfed for hours through useless sites filled with medical jargan and unhelpful advise and leads. I was so relieved to find this site. I no longer felt alone in this world of happy shitters. Never have I expierenced such agony and discomfort in my life ( and i just had a baby a few months ago!) I have tried mass amounts of water, stool softners,praying to god above, sqeezing till I felt like I was going to pass out or puke or both, And finally, the ever so desperate lubed up latex finger scoop. Knowing the agony myself, I was happy that this worked so well for others out there. However my outcome was not as pleasing nor relieving as I was praying for. It is a huge unmovable bolder blocking my exit. I am sweating and shaking as this uncontrollable poop reflex is continuously
pushing at my rear exit trying desperately to escape. But to no avail, the exit is just to small. The pounding pressure is unbearable and ever so building by the hour. Did I mention I am trying to care for my baby while all this is going on? I wish this upon no one! Of all my readings I have come across almost nothing that tells the tale of how to soften the bolder of pain once it is engaged already. I have one road untraveled and that is Enema Alley.Im in so much discomfort I had to have some one bring it to me, as I can hardly stand, much less walk My poor poor swollen tender hole. Ive come this far though. I just try and envision the feeling of relief that will overcome me if this works. If it doesnt, It is straight to the hospital for me! I need relief. Im imagining this was what the birth of my daughter would have felt like coming out the other end with no epidural. Pray for me!

once i was constipated for about a month and the poop was just too big and my hole was just too small eventually i went to the emergency room and when the nurse gave me a rectal exam and saw my condition, she said "oh yeah youre in for a manual disimpaction.." id never heard of this but it didnt sound enjoyable so after having an enema and multiple suppositories, that's exactly what happened. hours after i decided to go to the emergency room, there was a doctor wrist-deep in me. i cant even begin to describe the agony to you. ill tell the story in detail:

i laid on my back, knees in my hands, my butthole fully exposed. the doctor shoved a suppository into me. he used his long middle finger to push it deep into my rectum. he left. after an hour of waiting for all means of relief to work, the doctor retured and i was just as constipated as before. he instructed me to lie with my knees under me and my arms at my sides so my face was flat on the table. with a herd of young doctors watching behind him, he inserted a syringe filled with lubricant about a centimeter into my anus and pushed it all in. he lubricated all five of his fingers, much to my horror. he inserted a finger. then his middle and index. "i can feel the feces. its much too large for you to be pushing out. what i am now going to do is called a manual disimpaction. im going to manually remove the feces from your rectum. if i dont have success, your only alternative will have to be immediate surgery. are you ready?" i only gulped in response. "will you..um...be using any instruments in the procedure?" i was terrified. "yes, there may be a few instruments inserted to assist in the removal of the impaction." i pleaded with him to please not, please. he just began the procedure with the audience of college-aged kids watching. i was completely exposed. he inserted three lubricated fingers. then a fourth. he probed deep inside me. i was in hell. he said to me "we are going to need to dilate your anus, ok?" i only groaned in return. a nurse gloved up and inserted her index then middle finger of her right hand into my rectum. she then did the same thing with her left. she pulled in two separate directions so my anus opened wide. the nurse said "now i need you to tell me when you are feeling any discomfort, because we dont want to dilate you too far." yeah, like i wasnt feeling discomfort. i moaned in pain. "ok, weve stretched him far enough." the doctor inserted a long metal probe about 10 cm. it was cold and i was in complete and total misery. the nurse continued to hold me open while the doctor worked. the nurse withdrew her fingers when the doctor inserted four fingers. my butt hole was in agony. "now, i want you to push. push as hard as you can." i pushed. "see, youre expelling my fingers. you can push them out. this feces is just too large." um, thanks dr. obvious. this was horrible. he pushed his entire hand into my rectum. this was when i started to become dizzy. this wasn't happening. i passed out and woke up to the nurse looking me in the face and the doctor wrist-deep in me. he had take hold of the feces and used some kind of device to stimulate my sphincter. he again instructed me to push hard. soon the huge poop was hanging half out of my body. it was wider than a zuccini. almost six or seven inches wide. the young observers were in awe. i was in extreme discomfort. he pulled the huge feces out. my ordeal was mostly over. needless to say, ive been regular ever since. so everyone, STOP complaining about having the doctor stick one measly finger up your butt. i had an entire hand and a whole slew of spectators.

Having only just seen this discussion, I must say that I don't think Jobber's story got the credit it deserved! Well done Jobber - TLC of the highest order! Even if you did enjoy it! And to have a girl friend who can shit like that!! Hope you are both still living happily thereafter! Any more experiences?

i once had to mannually disimpact my son. he hadnt pooed in about a week and a half so i had him bend over and i inserted a well lubricated finger. he was about 11 at the time so as you can imagine he protested and was very embarrassed. i explained to him that if he didnt poop he'd end up at the hospital with much larger objects crammed up his butt. he shakily went to his knees and bent over on the bathroom floor and i told him he'd be having a fleets enema. i stuck the little nozzle up his bum and squeezed the bottle. he moaned in displeasure. i told him it would all be over soon and to spread his cheeks apart. the box said to hold it until the urge to evacuate was strong..so i gave him a few minutes and he was having alot of trouble holding the little bit of fluid in. i told him to lie on his back with his feet up and keep spreading his cheeks apart. i then inserted my thumb into his butt and helped him hold it for about 10 minutes. he waddled to the toilet with my thumb in his butt and the poop exploded out. huge poops as long and wide as cucumbers spewed from him. he was crying, unable to stop the torrent of poop from coming out. his body just kept pushing and pushing. "PUSH HARDER! YOU CAN DO IT!" i coaxed him on. he screamed and said "NO I DONT WANT TO IT HURTS." but the poop just pushed and pushed out. after five long minutes of constant huge poops and him crying, the eruption came to a sudden stop. "is there anything left?" i asked tentatively. he said nothing but went to his knees and bent over again, crying. "there's still more?!" i asked in horror. "okay this is worse than i thought we're going to the hospital." he started crying harder. "NO! PUT MORE STUFF IN MY BUTT AND GET IT OUT IM NOT GOING TO THE DOCTOR!" he was quivering as he crouched on the tile floor with his butt in the air, waiting for me to help him though he was in complete misery whenever anything was inserted anally. i moistened a bar of soap and pressed it against his butthole to see his reaction. "if this doesnt work, were going to the hospital." i began to push the soap so that it started going into his rectum. he cried harder and was miserable but didnt protest. i slid it deeper and deeper in until about a centimeter was hanging out of him. he was bawling. "okay, baby i need you to push this out, okay??" he was in total agony. i could see he was trying to push it. "harder! you need to push harder, honey! push! push!" he shut his eyes and gave a massive heave. the soap lurched a little further out of his stretched butthole. "puuushhh! you can do it! come on! push hard!" he heaved the bar out and just as i planned, he also heaved out the huge remaining obstruction. i guided him to the toilet and nature took its course. he was exausted but the gravity helped to pull the huge poop out. he sat there with his head in his hands, in total agony, as his body pushed out the huge poop against his will. as soon as it came out all the way, he just cried harder. i examined his anus which was stretched to a horrible extent. i bent him over and stuck up a suppository to soothe his butthole and sent him to bed. his ordeal was over.

Constantly, I have one question for you? WHAT HAVE YOU AND YOUR SON BEEN EATING!!? Cement milk shakes, maybe? Good gawd.

Submit these stories to Dave so I'm not the only one shivering in horror.

Seems to me we've read that story above your post before, AAP. I didn't like it any better this time around.

(*goes archiving*)

GGG - may sound a bit small-minded to some of our friends on here, but I couldn't read it!!! I got a few lines into it and got fed up. Badly written, little punctuation and no paras to break it up. Not reader friendly at all.

You're not missing much; it was pretty gross.

And I'm sorry; I thought you said "smell-minded". I'll try to stop laughing, now.

Had I been clever enough, I might have done!! Laugh away!

WHY...WHY...for shit's sake is there not a disimpaction contraption available for those (including myself) suffering from the miseries of concrete crap, sphincter-shredding screamer shit or the plugged pulsating poopster phenomena!

An esthetically pleasing, easy to use, electric or battery operated device that either by sonic waves, rotational and/or vibrational activity once inserted into the rectal cavity, will gently mash, break up, pulverize, liquify or process the offending obstruction in a matter of seconds, is sure to be a money making utensil that many on this forum would purchase.

Is there such a tool? If there is, I would like to know about as I am real tired of this shit!

Fecal impaction is not only dangerous, but left unattended can cause death!

If I get constipated, all I have to do is squat over the toilet. This position seems to compress my intestines, forcing out the poop.

I lived my own version of this story earlier today. I had lower abdominal surgery 5 days ago, and had been on Tylenol 3's ever since. I had been using benafiber, and drinking lots of water just in case I had problems, even though I have used codeine in the past with no issues. I was a little constipated 2 days ago, but passed an average sized u-boat without too much trouble. I stopped the codeine and thought all would be well. I was wrong. I woke up this morning feeling the urge to go. I sat on the old crapper and gave it my best shot for about an hour. I was sweating, nauseas, feeling faint, and my ass hurt from the gigantic turd sitting at the exit for way too long. The worst part is that the pain from the incision was getting pretty bad as well, and limiting my ability to strain. I was worried that I was gonna blow something out. Desperation caused me to use some TP and my bare finger to attempt to get this thing out of my ass. I could feel a large, hard, dry dookie sitting flush with the outside of my balloon knot. It was so larget that I could not get a finger far enough up to do anything other then break off a few small pieces. This did not offer much relief. I was about 5 minutes away from crawling to the phone and calling someone....an ambulance was actually seeming like a serious option, as I was in agony. What happened next is little blurry. Here is what I remember. I had something similar to a dry heave, except the direction of the heave was out my ass instead of out my mouth. My entire body literally gave everything it had to push this turd out. This happened three more times, and on the 4rth or 5th heave, I felt both the best and worst thing I have ever felt. During this time i was dripping in sweat, and having pretty bad nausea , and amazingly not feeling any pain from my incision....despite the fact that i had just strained harder then I ever had in my entire life, by at least 3 fold. Once the solid mass fell into the toilet like a 2 X 4, I threw up a little bile, and I blacked out for at least 30 seconds. I then proceeded to get some lovely soft poop that was a joy to pass. I am now taking some stool softener, and will never touch codeine again if at all possible. This was easily the worst two hour period of my life, and I don't think I will ever be the same.

Before I was put on Miralax, it was routine for me to have to dig my pebbles out with a gloved well lubed middle finger.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17