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Holy Shits

Posted 06.16.2004 by The Holy Shitter (157)
I am sorry to do this, but I feel that I must bring something of an education to my fellow PoopReporters. You see, I have had experiences in the world of poop that are otherworldly, surreal and, in some cases, sublime. It all has to do with my religious beliefs. That's right -- my religious beliefs have a direct impact on my poo.

Let me explain.

To help you understand my name, I must tell you that I am a radical believer in Jesus Christ. I say radical not to brag, but by way of explanation. For the last ten years or so, I have practiced a discipline that's not very popular in the Christian faith: fasting.

Fasting is the voluntary abstinence from food used primarily in the seeking of a spiritual consciousness, or higher power. I am happy to say that my pursuit of spiritual power has been successful, but that's not the point I want to make. The point I want to make is that the seeking of God through severe physical trials -- like extended fasting -- does not come without its share of unbelievable poop stories.

Now, you might wonder how the lack of intake could make an interesting poop story, but you'd be surprised. I'll start by telling you of my "Fasting for Jesus" poop adventures, beginning with the first ridiculously extended fast I did.


In The Beginning
When I started my discipline of fasting, I took my time and skipped a meal or two here and there. No affect whatsoever on my poo -- I may have just delayed my normal shitting routine by a couple hours or so. Then I moved on to missing a whole day, and then to three days worth of meals. I will say that after two days of not eating anything, I stopped pooping solid material; and on day three, the consistency became like a frothy milkshake, with banana chunks.

The next goal I had was ten days, and then fourteen days. After this time, things started to get interesting every time I had to go the bathroom.

This buildup in of my fasting ability took place over about eight months. I had some memorable moments during these periods, but nothing could prepare me for my first Forty Day Fast.


Forty Days And Forty Nights
Now, forty days is an obscene amount of time to go without food; but after reading my Bible, I determined that if Jesus could do it, then so could I. I read some books on the subject, made my plans, set a date, and stopped eating. All that I had was diluted juices and water.

Days 1-4
Nothing interesting happened during this time, except maybe that the consistency of my poo became as I described above ... a milkshake, with bananas.

Day 5
I have to take a moment and define the word 'shart.' A shart is when you attempt a fart and -- how shall I say it -- you get more than you bargained for. Instead of only a fart, you 'draw mud,' or shit yourself. Farting is especially dangerous when fasting. Which I learned -- the hard way.

I began day five of my forty day fast with an early morning prayer meeting, accompanied by a friend who was also fasting. My stomach was gurgling and making strange noises to be sure, but all was well; I was in control. We were praying right along when I guess I got excited. With all the passion inside me, I poured out my heart to God in supplication. I was sitting on the ground with my legs crossed when I leaned forward to get up. I completely miscalculated the bowel control that I possessed because when I leaned, a high-pitched squeaky fart sounded, and the entire contents of my colon came spewing out into my shorts. I sharted. Dark, almost black chocolate shit sauce fired out of my semi-puckered colon. Instantly I went from spiritual bliss to a shitty mess.

My buddy saw and heard the whole thing. I quickly stood up to survey the damage; and when I did, all he could do was laugh his ass off. I have never seen someone come unglued so quickly. Our pious exercise quickly degenerated into a locker room scene. Here I was, standing in his study, shit running down my leg, and he was literally falling off the couch where he was sitting onto the floor, laughing hysterically. The smell was awful -- like a freshly carved pumpkin and gym socks. Nauseating, really; I believe that remnants of shit that had hibernated for years made their entrance that day.

I had to waddle to the bathroom with a hand on my shorts to keep the chocolate sauce from running onto the beige carpet. I asked for a couple of towels and his wife had to bring them because he was rolling on the floor laughing at me. My underwear was beyond repair, so I threw them in the trash. It took about thirty minutes, but I finally cleaned up and went home commando -- shaken, but resolute in my quest for spiritual power.

Days 6-7
Nothing to report. I mean literally nothing. No movement, no farts. Nada.

Day 8
It was mid-morning. I was sitting in my room, reading my Bible and meditating on eternal things. I had just taken all of the sheets off of my bed to have them washed (something I try to do every week). I was just sitting there, engrossed in what I was reading, when I subconsciously lifted a cheek and let out a fart.

I swear I wasn't thinking. I'm a guy; this is just what we do. Many years of farting have conditioned me to not think about a fart. When I feel one coming, I push and lift a cheek to get the proper relief and maximum amplification. If I'm lucky (which I rarely am), I get to savor the aroma.

Not this time. Nothing good and holy came out of my ass on this fateful day. No, like a freight train running over Helen Keller, I was caught completely off guard. My anus spewed death on my mattress. Pure death. I literally got shit INTO the mattress.

Into the inner workings of the mattress did shit enter.

I was shocked, confused, and bewildered. It was the smell that got me. I don't know how to describe the odor... It was base, earthy, with a hint of musk. Almost hormonal.

The inner workings of my large and small intestine lay there on the bed. On the place where I slept every night. The mattress acted like a coffee filter -- only the liquid passed into the mattress; what was lying on top resembled chocolate shavings like on a piece of cake you would get at a fine restaurant.

The mattress surface wasn't that wet, either, which I thought was odd. Only a brown stain about the size of a half-dollar. I surmised that because I passed the liquishit with such force that it didn't have time to adhere to the mattress cover. I'm no physicist, but I bet this could be explained on the molecular level.

Anyway, I surveyed the damage and began the messy cleanup. This required another pair of underwear, taking a shower, wiping the mattress, and then scrubbing it and leaving it to dry in front of a fan.

I retired for the afternoon.

Day 9
Road Trip! My buddy and I got in the car to attend a couple of religious meetings about seven hours from our home. The plan was simple: drive down during the day, attend an evening meeting, check into a hotel, stay the night, attend meetings the following day, and drive home after the evening service. All in all, about a thirty-six hour trip. It was going to be such a short trip that I decided to only take one pair of jeans, a change of underwear, a shirt and a few personal effects.

Bad idea.

Drinking large amounts of water on such a long road trip means frequent stops to piss. We were having a good time, laughing about my other poo stories, when we decided to stop on the side of the road to take a piss. We pulled off the interstate and walked to a tree cover about thirty feet off the road. Cars were whizzing by but what did we care? We were guys. We could piss in a minute or two and move on before anyone could complain.

My buddy went to one tree and I went to another, about twenty feet away. As I was taking a leak, I felt a familiar pressure inside my ass. This was the old "let out a fart while you piss" pressure that I had experienced a hundred times before. I did a quick double take, remembering the events of the last couple days, and made a conscious decision to fart -- but this time with great reserve. I didn't push, I didn't grunt or strain, I just let nature take its course.

And take its course it did.

Without the force or aplomb of the other shits, watery light brown shit water just ran out of my asshole. Once it started, I lost control. It was like a faucet without a knob. I was yet again at the mercy of my bowels. No force, just wetness. No fart, not even a sound -- just nasty, shitty wetness, accompanied by the horrific musk-like stench.

I was defeated. My ass won the war. I almost started crying. I finish peeing and started back towards the truck. My buddy had finished urinating before I did and beat me back. I opened the door, looked him in the eye, and sheepishly said, "I shit myself."

"What?!" He exclaimed. "Again!?"

"Yup, again." I answered. I asked him to take me to the nearest gas station so I could clean up.

We started out on the highway, but I had to literally hover off the seat so as to not get shit on his nice upholstered seats. The smell was terrible. Even with the windows rolled down, there was no escape. And we just happened to be in the one stretch of road without an exit for fifteen miles or so.

We got off at the next exit and found McDonalds. I waddled straight into the bathroom and left my buddy at the door to keep watch. I was going to have to get naked, and I didn't want anyone walking in.

The vile shit-water was everywhere. On my underwear, on my jeans, on my shirt; it had even run down my leg into the top of my socks. I stripped butt naked, right there in the bathroom.

I promptly threw away my underwear and socks -- they were hopeless. I decided to keep my shirt; I rinsed it out in the sink. I had no choice on my jeans. This was the one pair of pants that I had for the next thirty-two hours. I rinsed them out and tried to dry them with paper towels. I put on the underwear and shirt I had in my overnight bag, but what was I to do about these wet, shit-stained jeans? There was no smell remaining, but there was a VERY obvious shit stain right on my ass.

I put some paper towels between my new underwear and the jeans to absorb some of the moisture from the washing, but it didn't help much. So I untucked my shirt and went without socks. No problem.

We went to the meeting that night, where the preacher gave a blistering sermon that moved me to run to the altar area in front of the church and lie face down, repenting some random sin -- all the while completely forgetting about the shit stain on the back of my pants. It was only later that my buddy told me about going down to the altar and seeing me on my face, shit-stained jeans in the air. He lost it and almost had to be carried out by the ushers for disrupting the service.

So, if anyone was attending the Brownsville Revival in Pensacola, Florida, sometime in early 1995 and saw a guy at the altar with shit-stained drawers, that was me.

Days 10-22
Uneventful.

Day 23
Gross. That's all I could say about this day's movement. I had a slight pressure while working, so I went to the bathroom, sat down, and let loose the gates of hell. It felt like a normal diarrhea shit, but, being a standing wiper, I turned around to see what had come out that day.

Not good. Looking in the bowl, I saw a colorless, odorless bowl of snot. That's right, snot. I had shit mucus. Lots of it. It took about three wipes to get to skin. It was clear, like the first day of a bad cold, before the sinus infection sets in.

I cleaned up quickly, ran out of the bathroom, and got on the Internet to find out if I was ill or not. Turns out that your intestines are coated with mucus to help your poo move through the colon easily. (Am I right, Poonurse?) Nothing physically wrong, but I wear the emotional scars to this day.

Days 24-39
Uneventful. I had a couple more explosions, but they all occurred in the right environment -- namely, the toilet. I was master of my domain once again. I reclaimed the throne of my bowels and reigned as a sovereign over them.

Day 40
Over the course of my first forty day fast, I lost three pairs of underwear and two pairs of socks, and permanently stained my mattress. Oh, the price of spiritual power.



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Dave (11538) -- 06.16.2004

Immediately after receiving this story, I sent this email to The Holy Shitter:

this story is really incredible. However, I know the people of Poopreport. They're not going to believe it. Specifically, they're not going to believe that you could recall what day what kind of shit happened for 40 days. So how do you remember? Did you keep a journal?

Also: someone is going to say "no one can survive 40 days without food." how exactly did you survive? Did you drink water? How was it possible?

=======================

His response:

Dave,

It's absolutely true. I may have taken some liberties with the descriptions, but it happened just like that. I know the days because I know when i started and when I finished. It was easy because I started on the 1st of February 1995 and finished forty days later. The first episode was on a Sunday, before church, the second, the day before I left for the trip, the third while on the trip.

The only date that I am estimating is day 23, It happened on or around that day. Also, my wife will tell you I have a photographic memory. Being traumatic events, they are etched into my memory like the ten commandments into the stone tablets.

As for the feasability of fasting that long, this is where I got some of my initial information from: http://www.billbright.com/howtofast - You can also find out how to live through it on the site. I have undertaken a 40 day fast every year but one since the date of the story. I start each year off with an extended fast and do many shorter periods (3, 7, 10, 14 days) throughout the year.

It's a not so common approach to Christianity that was first modeled by Jesus Himself. (Matthew 4:2) He actually commands it too: (Matthew 6:16). Paul the Apostle also did it: (II Corinthians 6:5)

Anyway, hope that explains things. Let me know if you need anything else...

Thanks,
The Holy Shitter

Still_shitting_in_Atlanta (not verified) -- 06.16.2004

that was quite a harrowing experience! I have a question though.... "fasting" seems to involve drinking fruit juices and blended up veggies (according to the billbright site). A layperson would consider fasting to be the ingestion of nothing except water. How do the arbitrarily draw the line between what you can drink and what you cant, while still fasting? Could one blend up a steak, mashed potatoes, and water, drink it, and still be fasting?

Please enlighten me, as I am the layperson I was referring to....

doniker (1517) -- 06.16.2004

My grandfather was real religious. He would fast every Friday during lent and then go on a 3 day fast Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday.

So what is your purpose for fasting?

Do you hallucinate from lack of food?

pooQueen (not verified) -- 06.16.2004

Wow, how did you ever do that.....no wait, I'll check out the website in your post. So what was the first thing you ate afterwords? Did you totally binge or did you have to reintroduce solid food slowly?

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 06.16.2004

I knew there would be questions to this...

To answer still shitting: I believe it really is up to the person doing the fasting to decide what type of fast they are doing. I decided to have al ittle intake of diluted fruit juices and water on this one. There really is no hard and fast rule, despite what people may say. It's a very personal thing that only deserved to come out of the closet for matters related to poop.

Doniker: What is my purpose for fasting? POWER. Do I hallucinate for lack of food? No. But my dreams get real screwy after a few days. Dreaming and thinking of nothing but food for weeks...

pooQueen: Were I to totally binge after, I would get real sick or die. I slowly reintroduced things like broth, a light salad and worked my way back to my normal hefty diet after about 5 days.

doniker (1517) -- 06.16.2004

POWER over what?

I can understand cleansing one's self or it being a discipline thing.

do you have weight loss and weight gain during these fasts?
I have always heard that alot of weigh changes as well as the fact that you are not getting all the proper nutrients could damage your body.....then again being an alcoholic I shouldn't throw stones!!

Still_Shitting_in_Atlanta (not verified) -- 06.16.2004

this is totally unrelated, but whats up with women trying to get men to pee sitting down? On TV the other day I saw a woman demand that her husband pee sitting down. I guess so she wouldnt have to clean up his splatter?

that is just inhuman. Does is really occur outside the little box in my living room?

doniker (1517) -- 06.16.2004

hey Still Shitting, if you want to have conversations on this site then go to the forums:

http://www.poopreport.com/phpBB/index.php

and register.

Private Pile (16) -- 06.16.2004

Maybe God was trying to tell you something by your sharts.

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 06.16.2004

Doniker: Power over sickness and disease!

I normally lose somewhere from 35 - 42 pounds during the extended fasts and quickly gain it back unless I am careful.

Kernel Crapper (not verified) -- 06.16.2004

HOLY SHITTER! pvt. pile is right! OOOHRAH! god was trying to tell you to grab a goddamn cheeseburger and fries! i'd like to know what kind of god awful sin your wife and buddy committed. god must be using you to punish them.

POONURSE! like i said before, you know your shit-pipes, so what about that mucus?

Kernel Crapper (not verified) -- 06.16.2004

second Kernel Crapper post rules. OOOHRAH!

Brother BigLoaf (not verified) -- 06.16.2004

Wow, after 40 days the Holy Shitter is still full of crap. He had a backlog larger than the post office at Christmas. I'm envious

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 06.16.2004

You should be.

Jimbo (41) -- 06.16.2004

heh, Brownsville...

ThreePly (not verified) -- 06.17.2004

Its amazing what faith does to one's shitting habits. Sometimes prayer is the only thing that keeps one grounded when the brown devils begin tempting your intestines.

PoopIsMyFriend (not verified) -- 06.17.2004

I think you're a wacko. No religion is worth destroying your body over.

You knew that was coming, and I assume you'll spout some religious diatribe that just further proves the point that religious fanatics are lunatics.

daphne (3325) -- 06.17.2004

Hey! I fast during Easter, too. I eat a huge dinner on Thursday, and I don't eat until Sunday afternoon.
It sucks, but I figure if Jesus died for me, then I can spend that amount of time fasting.

It's not too bad, and I don't poop mucous.

Holy Shitter, you are an amazing person.

the shit reaper (not verified) -- 06.17.2004

I tried extended fasting many times, but no matter what I did or how I planned it - I could NOT, EVER go beyond 48 hours with just water - it just becomes unbearable!!! The smells of food drive you insane, you can't concentrate because you keep thinking about food. aaah!

Poop Is My Friend (45) -- 06.17.2004

Sorry, fasting is stupid. If christianity requires you to fast, then I'll be praying to a giant purple goat instead.

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 06.17.2004

Poop is my friend: Religious diatribe? Heck no, you're not going to get the satisfaction from me.

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 06.17.2004

Daphne: Thanks! That was nice...

Poop Is My Friend (45) -- 06.17.2004

Thanks :)

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 06.17.2004

Poop Is My Friend: If your Giant Purple Goat can do what my God can do, then you ought to introduce us... I want in!

bigintestinedgirl (not verified) -- 06.17.2004

not sure if someone has already said this but
"No, like a freight train running over Helen Keller, I was caught completely off guard. My anus spewed death on my mattress."
that was genious
I also found it kind of ironic that it was called the brownsville revival

romeo and pooliet (not verified) -- 06.18.2004

holy shitter, what do you do when you're not fasting or training for a fast. Your dooary from your experience was really interesting. Stay healthy, keep it flowing.

Poonurse (1313) -- 06.18.2004

That's right--there is mucus lining the interior of the colon. However, it's meant to stay there. You shouldn't be looking at your own colon mucus in the toilet. Jesus wouldn't have wanted that.

Fasting--I just couldn't do that. Anytime I have to fast, I get to hour 2 and eat some pizza. Maybe I should try it and keep a journal!

Bare-Cheek Jon (not verified) -- 06.18.2004

As I 13-year old choirboy I was shocked when I read the heading for this discussion, but decided to read it.

I do not think that the story of Jesus spending 40 days in the wilderness should be taken literally. I have been brought up not to be a fundamentalist and I do not believe that all of the Bible is literally true. I think that the stories of Jesus in the wilderness are about his whole life. I also think it is doubtful whether Jesus believed in fasting. Regular sensible eating is most important.

Jesus was not an innocent middle-class posh little choirboy like I am, dressed up in surplice and cassock. Jesus would be regarded as indelicate in the way he talked sometimes. In Mark chapter 7, it is obvious that he talked about going to the toilet. Jesus was a complete human being like everybody else. He did the same things that we do.

Somebody, admitting that it was irrelevant on this site, asked ‘what’s up with women trying to get men to pee sitting down?’ I have wanted to talk to people about this, because it will not be long before I start to get erections. Quite a lot of boys of my age, and some a bit younger, get them in the school showers (which are not in separate cubicles) after sports and games. Some say that first thing in the morning when they get up, they have to sit down to avoid wetting the floor. I think boys have been brought up to think this is not very manly to sit down to urinate when they are not going to do anything else.

My best friend Dominic who is very open about these things has to sit down sometimes first thing in the morning. He has two tiny brothers who often are in the bathroom at the same time, and one of them was telling everybody for a day or two that ‘Dominic sits down to wee-wee’, even their parish priest. They do not think it is funny when they see him sitting for the other reason after breakfast.

I am an only child and have my own facilities, but I would not want to spray the floor and will probably sit down when the time comes. We have a cleaner in our house 2 days a week and I always leave the toilet clean. I have my dignity.

Crapmonster (19) -- 06.19.2004

I tried a liquid diet fast earlier this year in an attempt to clean out the ole system after the excesses of xmas and new years took their toll. I started monday. I ate nothing but smoothies, juices and raw fruits and veggies for just 4 days but holy crap did I hate it. I was always hungry and I think I was going through withdrawal from the lack of melted cheese, beer and meat. My poo was a little unusual during that time if I remember correctly.
Considering the trouble I had with that wussy fast, I have much respect for anyone who can do it longer. The whole jesus aspect is a little weird but hey, whatever you're into.

Winslow Oddfellow II (not verified) -- 07.12.2004

That sounds like you went on the Super De-Tox Program. Holy crap! With the emphasis on both holy and crap! That's a good story!

Annoyed Christian (not verified) -- 07.24.2004

Holy Pooper (I choose not to use your real name.): I hope I get a response to this. First, let me say that I am offended and disappointed in you as a fellow Christian. I am not doubting your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, but I will say that it's reasons like this that we get the "I'm not going to church because it's filled with hypocrates." thing from those who try to make excuses not to join us in a celebration of the Living Son. I know that I had a choice to read this, but it was sent to me through a friend because she thought it was funny.

I do hope that you pray about these thoughts and actions in the future and think to yourself:

1. Would Jesus post something like this on a site where Christians and Non-Christians alike are able to access it. As well as those all over the world that have been debating the existance of a God, or Jesus Christ in Himself.

2. Would I be proud to show fellow church members, Christian friends, my pastor, deacons, ministers, or anyone else this sort of thing?

3. Would I send a non-Christian this that I am trying to minister to? Would it send across the right kind of attitude toward a God-Fearing man/woman?

4. Would I use this kind of language around my family? Would I really say that kind of thing in the presence of other believers without them getting offended? How would I feel if they had said something like this to me? What would a non-Christian say about something like this?

Bare-Cheek Jon: Yes, everything in the Bible is true. Jesus did spend 40 days fasting and well as other things. You see, 40 days is shown to be a resonable amount of time to do things and get yourself in tip top Christian shape. Those who believe in fasting fast. Some take a long vacation and spend the time praying or on a mission trip. Some meditate and study more in hopes to come closer to the Lord. Jesus spoke that 40 days in a sufficiant amount of time to do anything. Yes, a person can live by only drinking water for that long period of time (it's been scientifically proven.)

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 08.13.2004

Annoyed Christian: Sorry you're offended. Didn't mean to offend you, but oh well.

As for your questions:

#1 - Would Jesus post somethig like this on a site? Not unless he had a laptop computer and an internet connection.

#2 - I have shown this story to "fellow church members", pastors, etc. They laughed their ass off (I bet you did too).

#3 - Non Christians laughed their ass off too - Funny is funny, doesn't matter where you are spending eternity. 'Nuff said.

#4 - Yes I would use this language around my family. They laughed their ass off. As far as other believers getting offended; that's just tough. Get a stronger conscience. If someone talked like this to me, I would laugh my ass off. Non-Christians think it's pretty funny too, just read the above comments.

Sounds like you are totally hung up in what other people think. I have found that the lost respond a lot better to reality, more than religion. So, in the spirit of that truth, stop willingly reading stuff that your weak conscience can't handle.

Ass.

Annoyed Christian (not verified) -- 08.15.2004

First, let me say that no I did not find if funny in the least. No, I don't care what other people think only Jesus Christ and I know he would not post something like this. I read the first paragraph and I was done. I left my grievences and I left. This is the first time I have returned. I did not find it funny and I cannot respect a fellow christian that handles his beliefs in such a way. Yes, non-believers do respond better to reality; but the reality of this is not something that we need to be sharing. Share more of what happened during the conference, the connection to God that you felt...they may not be as funny but it's honestly the best situation. When you pray to God do you say, "Jesus thank you for everything you have given me. But *curse* *curse* *curse*" I don't think so, why would you say you are so holy (first of all, no one is truly holy because to be holy would mean that you are perfect and by posting this in the first place is is obvious to everyone that even christians sin). My favorite saying would be by Maya Angelou:

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean living;"
I'm whispering "I was lost, now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say "I am a Christian."
I don't speak of this with pride;
I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide."

When I say "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say "I am a Christian."
I'm not bragging of success;
I'm admitting I have failed and need GOD to clean my mess.

When I say "I am a Christian."
I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are too visible, but GOD believes I'm worth it.

When I say, "I am a Christian."
I still feel the sting of pain;
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon HIS name.

When I say, "I am a Christian."
I'm not holier than thou;
I'm just a simple sinner who received GOD's good grace, somehow.

The Holy Shitter (157) -- 08.22.2004

When I say, "I am a Christian."
Secretly, I am gloating;
Athough I too call myself a Christian, I am grateful to God that I am nothing like you.

Eat that, Oprah.

JMA (not verified) -- 09.09.2004

Fasting is between you and God, oh "power"-seeker.

Mark (65) -- 10.06.2004

Never mind all that, I think your story was bloody hilarious! You have a wonderul way with words and managed to turn a couple of shits into a highly amusing story.

Rob Sebert (not verified) -- 10.10.2004

Maybe, just maybe, Mr. Holy Scheister.....that is the reason Yahshua went outside the camp to perform his 40-day fast. It's very possible that He would have become "unclean" during his fast, and according to Jewish tradition, before toilets existed, you went outside the city walls to take care of bussiness. It seems Yahshua STAYED OUTSIDE the city walls for most of his fast.

Rob Sebert (not verified) -- 10.10.2004

As far as Mr. "clouse mouse" is concerned, if Yahshua were here in the flesh today, he would be "a man of the common people", and would not be at all offended by a little potty-humor. Sure we are to focus on "whatever is pure, godly, of good report...dwell on these things"....but if one were to observe all the Scripture, not just the Apostolic Writings, one would discover that the Tenach says "do not be over-righteous, also do not be a fool, hold on to one while not letting go of the other". You need BALANCE. LIVE A LITTLE! Don't be such a bubkis, clouse-mouse.

werewolf pooping on trees (not verified) -- 10.21.2004

doniker- "My grandfather was real religious. He would fast every Friday during lent and then go on a 3 day fast Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday."
I go to a Catholic school and they try to make us do that. But this school tries to control eveyr aspect of our lives. It's a dictatorship.

Popp (not verified) -- 10.23.2004

Man, this is stupid. Let's all gather around and talk about poop? Find lives, idiots.

gangsta crappa (not verified) -- 11.07.2004

Popp,

Sorry that the poop report isn't intellectual enough for you. Perhaps, the poop report should begin talking about non-poop related topics. After all, everyone knows that people who come to this site don't want to read about poop. I suspect that you were originally looking for poo fetishes, and accidentally stumbled across this disgusting site.

Rob Seibert (not verified) -- 07.14.2005

I stumbled on this site awhile ago, because I had a burning, itchy tuchas, and was looking to find what in the world I was experiencing. In my previous posts above, I misspelled the name of Yeshua. I'm usually a great self-editor, but that last post slipped me by. I guess they are both acceptable forms, but most people are comfortable with "Yeshua" than invoking the NAME "YAH-shua". It is simply Hebrew forms of "Joshua". Meaning: "God saves", or "God's Salvation". Most people call him by his translated Greek name, "Jesus". But he was a devout Jew, and would have never called himself "Jesus". Anyways....aren't you glad you got this free Hebrew lesson for checking out poo???

Bare-Cheek Jon (not verified) -- 08.13.2005

On 6.19.2004 I said that I didn't think it was necessary to accept all of the Bible as literally true.

On 7.25.2004 Annoyed Christian disagreed with me. Does this mean that he agrees with suicide-bombing? Because that is in the Bible - when Samson pulled down the pillars of the Temple. The writer of the Book of Judges doesn't condemn him for doing that.

Bare-Cheek Jon (not verified) -- 08.15.2005

The reference to Samson pulling down the pillars of the Temple comes from an article in the British newspaper 'The Guardian', by Giles Fraser, and is called 'Fundamentally Speaking'. You can find it on

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story
/0,3604,1534628,00.html

Arctic Turd (6) -- 12.15.2005

Your story has horrified me beyond what I thought possible.

But, nonetheless, it is truly awe-inspiring! You, sir, are truly my Shit-hero today!

God Bless!

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.28.2006

As a devout Christian, I, too, practice fasting: I never touch food before I get out of bed in the morning.

Seriously, the great majority of religious and secular opinion is that occasional fasting is a healthy thing. However, it should not be an end in itself, but should be for the purpose of bodily and spiritual health. If you are doing it just to see how thin you can get, or to earn brownie points with Jesus, you are wasting your time. (And don't be thinking about those brownies while fasting, anyway!) Jesus wants your heart, not just your cellulite.

Finally, we here at PR don't want to encourage excessive fasting. The less going in, the less coming out, and that can't be good for business here!

KeepOnCrappin (545) -- 01.28.2006

I could never do a fast.

The Dumpster (2510) -- 01.28.2006

KOC, for you to fast would be like Santa skipping Christmas. Head on back to KOC, and don't even think about it!

massive shart. (not verified) -- 01.20.2007

I just stumbled across this site while looking for something about a man shitting out his intestines while doing squats... i would have to say this is as funny as that if not more. btw sharting at work is the worst possible situation ever.

The Thunderous ... (653) -- 09.01.2007

Wow I never knew sharts could be so deadly during fasting. But I guess it was for a good cause after all it was for Jesus! What's the difference between Church and a Baseball game? In Church you sing Stand up for Jesus and at a baseball game you holler sit down for Christ sake!!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 05.13.2008

I say curse words in prayer, have since I became a Christian. No one ever really told me not to, and looking back, I can't really find a reason not to.

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