Oops! I meant 'one-up' each other, not 'up-one.'

Yo, Dave J! It is definitely way-over-the-top stuff. That's why it reminded me of 'The Road To Wellville,' which was about a turn-of-the-century cultish bowel movement Movement. (Ha! I can't believe I just wrote that.)

Do you think anyone would really take this excerpt or that site seriously, though? I guess that's where your concern is directed--for those that might. But it sure wouldn't work for me. I mean, I sometimes do serial shitting in one day--maybe one crap in the morning, one in the evening. I can even remember days in which I did three, but they those days weren't all that common. And eighteen inches in length? Sounds like teenage boys trying to up-one each other in the locker room about their one-eyed monsters.

This sort of thing scares me. We are obviously enlightened, and to an extent, educated people. This excerpt from this "site" sounds like Cult Rhetoric that stupid people buy, hook, line and stinker. AAAGH! Stupid, stupid, stupid mean people make me mad.

if colonics were medically necessary, they'd be done by doctors. i really don't buy -alot- of this. if you ever had to have a coloscopy (i can't spell that!) done, you'd have to go thru a whole cleansing routing that doesn't involve any of that. it usually involves some sort of really horrific drink with phosphorous in it. so on that note, considering i don't buy the whole colonics thing, i don't buy the perfect poop thing either =)

Those quotes sound like something out of the movie, "The Road To Wellville," in which Anthony Hopkins, as the BM guru doctor, tells hapless patient, Matthew Broderick, that his small lump of shit really stinks. Whereas, his monstrous snake does not--having the odor of a biscuit. (I'm paraphrasing here, but my reaction when I heard that line was: "Don't pass the biscuits, please!")

An eighteen-inch bowel movement that is light golden in color, floats and doesn't stink sounds more like a big loaf of French bread instead of a turd. This excerpt from Naturally Balanced Health.com is hilarious--my laugh upon getting up this morning. And frankly, I would look for a bodysnatcher pod somewhere in the house if I ever plopped out something odorless.

Ain't gonna happen. I'll stink on proudly at various lengths and in various colors.

I typically take between 2 and 3 dumps per day and none of them meet this description. For one, I think I would positively freak out if I managed to squeeze out a solid 18 inches of crap.

As for timing, it doesn't exactly match up 1-for-1 with my meals. I have to go right away in the morning but for some reason it doesn't all get released until I move around some. So I get up, dump and then eat, get dressed and gather my things for the day and by then I have to send another one down the shoot. I take my second one in the evening. The sometimes third one makes itself known a few minutes in to my workout.

There, I'm sure everyone's feels as though all the epistemological holes are quaintly filled in.

By the way, have people around here ever compared when and how often they hang rats? That might be fun.

Jack: http://www.poopreport.com/Intellectual/Content/Sync/sync.html

Does anyone seriously have a toilet large enough that would allow an 18 inch turd to float?

18 inches??? Jeez, thats longer than a babies arm.

I'd be scared if I ever did an 18 inch poo.

"Please God, make it stop!"

And for more interesting tales of toilets and crappers, check this out:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2960146.stm

I should have known. (Head hung in shame.)

thats the biggest load of shite ive ever heard, literally.

i dont believe any1 could pass 3 turds a day each at 18 inches by 1 inch diameter

they would have to be eating sumthing that resembled expanding foam

i think sum 1 is taking the piss

18 inches?!?

guru asswipie: absolutely excellent slash...'Are your bowels y2K compliant?' ROTFLMAO! I wanted to puke almost the entire year leading up to 0/1/2K. The scams, the snake oil salesmen, the fever pitches...it was incredible. It almost got to my Dad, who has been retired for a while, and who was convinced he needed to withdraw all his money and bury it in the backyard. Finally, my bro and I had to sit him down and put it to him: "Dad, you're acting like a dog trying to bury his shit. Your money's fine where it is!" Fortunately, we calmed him down, and I think he's still a little embarrassed that he almost fell for

the whole Y2K hysteria.

Anyhoo, your comment was the funniest and most incisive I've seen in a long time. Kudos!

This article is complete ....Bullshit. I am in the medical profession and have spoken to people who have really cut open peoples bowels. The insides are completely smooth and nothing sticks or becomes impacted, unless you have a serious bowel disease or deformaties.

People who are selling stuff use these scare tactics to premote fear as part of their sales pitch. By the way, are your bowels y2k compliant?

Skin blemishes are caused by bacteria on the skin surface that gets into the pores. As far as turd consistency goes, it only takes reading a few stories on poop report to know that they vary with the type of food and drink you have. This is normal. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if all the poops were the same?

Poop on Bros--

well this is juss plain old shat u ppl who dont belive f.y.I i take about 3 poo poos a day and from my family they dont smell to bad ive gotten some nice long smooth ones aswell id say the longest has been about a 25 incher i juss love holding my stomache soo tight for however long i can to get that loooooooong turd in circular motion around the bowl

Thanks to The Big Wiper for the kind response. I too was sort of concerned about y2k until I found out that all the doomsday prophets were selling gold coins or survival gear. I was also concerned about the possible need for huge 5 gallon enemas until I found out that the people talking about "Impacted waste" , "toxemia" and other colonic gloom, were selling expensive enema kits and weird nozzles and dietary suppliments. It seems that they want people to fast, take their expensive products, buy their expensive city water supply tower style enema kits and blast every scrap of solid matter out of their system. If people get off on enemas thats their thing, but these health freaks should not try and scare the rest of us into poopie hypervigilance. If anyone out there feels like fasting just quit eating for a while and drink plenty of water and juice, it's cheap and easy.

I think somone should come up with a stainless steel enema nozzle shaped like an artillery shell and call it the colon pal.

-

Damn, guru asswipie: 'the colon pal.' That's two biggies for you in one day. You should put together a routine.

Back to Y2K. What happened to my Dad was that, being retired, he would stay up late at night and watch those hypnotic infomercials, and he got hooked on one that told him Y2K meant the sky was falling. Some shyster/huckster that said there would be roving gangs of welfare recipients out scavenging the countryside for food since the entire banking system would have collapsed and hurtled us into a vigilante society. The solution to this was, of course, to buy enormous sacks of grain and rice and soybeans (guess who had all that for sale?) and store them in mini-warehouses as an emergency food supply.

Again, when my bro and I sat my Dad down, we reminded him that he couldn't even boil water, so what the fuck was he going to do with big bags of grain and soybeans?

All he would be doing, we pointed out, would be feeding hundreds of rats or sprouting weevils with such a concept. He broke down and had a good laugh at his own expense.

But can you imagine? Umm, umm, good. Grain burgers with rat turds, fresh from the mini-storage warehouse!

That is, if you were able to get into it and not be shot down by the roving gangs of welfare recipients on the way. Too, too funny.

But here's a real sad footnote to all this: one elderly lady down here in Mississippi fell for all the hype about banks failing and unable to function come 01/01/00 and did, indeed, take all of her money out of the bank and bury it in her backyard. She was also stupid enough to go around telling people in public places (like Wal-Mart and the beauty parlor) that she had done this. Poor lady! She was found shot through the head one night in her home and her backyard dug up and the money (presumably) removed.

Later, guru.

Thanks Big Wiper, It is funny how a discussion on turd size and quality turns into an analisis of objectionable marketing techniques! I like your take on the food storage. I would hate to battle all the roving hordes of scavengers to get to my rat infested stash. It's a similar situation with gold coins. Who would want them in a major crisis? It would be better to stock up on firewood to boil creek water with.

On a sickening poop related note, I smelled This horrible dead rat mixed with methane smell permeating our building. I asked someone if something smelled funny because I was hoping it was not a gas leak. Well it was a gas leak, a human gas leak. There was large (think 300+lb.), elderly patient in our facility today. Apparently she took a huge dump because I opened the doors to the outside, turned on a fan, turned on the fan to the AC and you could still smell it.To top it off she went in the mens room that had a broken fart fan. People in another room asked if we had mold in the vents. I said no but somone had a problem in the restroom. Half a can of lysol later its still going... Yuck!

18 inches would be a world record I believe. That would be like emptying your entire large intestine in the bowl. Floating would be possible if you used the Dairy Queen ice-cream cone technique and swirled the poop around the bowl as you layed it.

Before I leave town to spend a week on the road camping and using porta potties (groan) I learned this from an herbal medicine class I took 6 years ago. It confirms your suspicions that the colonics guy is full of shit--despite his pristine bowel.

According to our instructor many preperations sold by the 'colonic detox' people contain laxative herbs combined with psyllium husk. Psyllium is the active ingredient in Metamucil, and it is quite cheap if purchased in bulk. (Its just $4.50 per pound at the San Francisco Herb & Tea Company--FYO so you'll know how much you're being ripped off, elsewhere)

According to the instructor, psyllium, mixed with water forms indigestible goo. To be blunt, it looks just like snot. If you take a big dose of psyllium and laxative, you'll get scary looking huge turds that look like they are full of mucus.

The colonics people will tell you that your poo was full of toxic mucus and their magical medicine helped you detoxify. What really happened is that the mucus is just the psyllium passing through your system. It wasnt in you to begin with!

So that's a common way for quacks to trick people into feeling inferior about their turds and then run head trips on them.

THere are fake gurus who peddle forms of asshole behavior that that call enlightenment, and they con normal, kind hearted people into feeling ashamed that they have kind hearts and care about good manners and the welfare of others.

Now we have people conning us into believing that even our shit isnt up to standard. We gotta fight back, people. Its not enough that the cult creeps are after our brains--they even want to get up our asses too.

Throw their shit back at them. They asked for it.

I love your righteous anger, my friend. You go, girl!

Wow Pooperscooper, thats scary. Thanks for filling us in on this weird con job technique.

then dont eat beets ...They will make your shit jet black. one time i ate my wifes beet salad the next day i shat and it was so black i ran out and bought one of those chemical test strips to detect if you have internal bleeding...I did not it was just the beets so be careful beet eaters dont freak out.

ok. the other day i ate these cookie things. i ate ALOT of them. the icing colors were like blue and red. they messed me up bad. the next 4 days my poo was greenish bluish. damn dude never eat those damn things. *shudder*

Light brown poo with absolutely no odor is no fun. The stink makes the poo. 18 inches long would be fun, though. I wish I had poop that big, but I'd want it to smell reeeeaaaally bad. It's gotta reek if I go to that much effort to poop something out that's a foot and a half long.

If I dropped and 18 inch loaf, I would probably have an orgasm !!!

Food In- Fecal Out. Food In- Fecal Out!

Why am I seeing Richard Simmons in this???

holy shit! if i took 18" shits 3 times a day, i would lose a lot of weight no doubt... & like tpoo, i would probably have an orgasm. for the record: i do shit about 3 times a day... but the size, color, smell & consistancy may vary.

sometimes i shit and blood comes out my ass hole

i poo once every day or every other day and when i do let loose its one hard solid block that you have to break apart to be able to flush

twice a day-when i get home from school and after dinner. varying sizes, looseness, and smell.

Last week, I would shit footlongs that didn't require wiping! That sounds ideal to me.

ha! im a vegan.. i poop 4 times a day minimum.. i dont know about odorless though

my poo is so stinky, i can smell it now

Wow... what a completely freaky site. I came across this while shitting and surfing the web simultaneously. Aren't wireless networks grand?

There is still some "shit fascism" around which was common in Victorian times. It was considered very unhealthy not to shit every day and purgatives were administered to perfectly healthy people who failed in this regularity.

Now there are "experts" who prescribe the perfect shit to be 18" long, to float on water and be odourless, with any variant of this to be a problem.

The ideal shit is one that the person feels comfortable with, doesn't mean rushing to the toilet, nor lots of straining, just the way the person's body processes and eliminates whatever has been eaten.

If you're having problems, seek help, but if your shits are normal for you and feel comfortable; take nop notice of the shit-fascists! Do your own thing!

holy crap! if somthing like that came out of my ass id be pretty worried! 18"??? light brown??? ODERLESS??? WHAT KIND OF A SHIT IS ODERLESS????

how the hell would a foot-and-a-half long anal snake fit in the goddamn toilet bowl!?!?

how can u have a shit that doesnt smell like shit?

like josh, i too have blood follow my poo. it can be a bit of a worry, particularly if it looks like you have had a period and you are a male.

as for this 18" stuff, my goodness, how long would it take to pass through your rectum. if i ever did an 18" poo i would not flush, instead keep it to show my friends. no-one would believe you otherwise.

and poo should stink, crikey, the bad smell tells us not to touch it ,play with it, or eat it. although some people chose not to heed the advise of the smell.

its not realy the poo that is bad for us, but the bacteria the infects it. sweet poo dreams to all

6. Drink lukewarm water with 2 teaspoons of honey every morning on an empty stomach. This effectively lubricates the intestines. If one does not evacuate the intestines regularly, the toxins either end up in the liver or come out in the skin.

recipie for an 18" poo:

* drink 10-24 Pabst Blue Ribbons, followed by one to six shots of Jim Beam Bourbon, depending on body weight.

* between 12AM and 1AM consume large quantities of fast food, 2 Taco Bell 7-layer burritos preferably.

* for added effect, drop dead drunk in the arms of a 52 year old crack whore, or your 3rd grade teacher, whichever is available.

* wake up at noon, smoke a Camel straight and drink 1.25 cups of very strong coffee.

* you will immediately feel Giganticus barking at the back door. Proceed quickly to nearest available receptacle. Don't forget the measuring tape!

* Release the beast. Experience the greatest pleasure known to man. It will almost make the H-bombs going off in your head all day worth it.

Believe me I've tried it and it works! Although I will admit there is sometimes some "inconsistency" that does not permit the formation of the classic "giant anaconda" shape. Current research is focusing on the area of late-night diet and timing thereof. Studies show that Hot sauce and undercooked meat is to be avoided. Further experiments to continue forthwith.

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehahahahahaha.....

this is the funniest site i have ever seen,i laughed so hard that i almost crapped my pants...

while the concept that all men and women are created equal, the idea of three 18" craps in one day is scary and that we all should have the same is even worse. i pride my self on my ability to clear the back rooms of our house(even after using air freshener)when i finish my business. well i have a question for anyone that may have an answer: my wife says that she smells like roses when she goes is this an indication of a serious health problem or something else??? i think it may be a psycological problem called DENIAL...or simply shes full of fertilizer. in closeing the conceptual ideas of the throne room may be specific to the dumpie, i can say that this has been a worthwhile event in poo knowledge. so thanks to evey one who has made comments and donated info(not to mention make someone laugh) to this worthy cause.

thank you all,

-KoC-

Mine are the consistancy of peanut butter. They streak the bottom of the bowl when I flush them. I did take an 18 inch'er once or twice. It looked like the Loch Ness. When I flushed, it started spinning around then it began to rise up out of the water. It would have drew a circle on my butt had I still been sitting. On it's way down it made a large thumping noise which I could feel through the floor boards.

Mr Hankey I almost can believe you. The part about the circle on your ass made perfect sense. No SHIT! (very little)

Good GOD! Poomaniac, you have made one of the absolute best studies in poopreport history. Please e-mail any further research to the man in charge. He would really enjoy it.

Oh, recently, I felt I was mount vesuviASS attacking the pompeii of porcelain recently. It was so bad, I had 3 nightmares last night.

I only go evry other day, now i have 2 break them up tho because i used to do really long ones and they wouldnt flush!!

Thank god i quit smoking. I didn't know how much i was missing,it sends you down the path of constipation and once you quit you will enjoy the rewards of a healthy visit 3 times a day...and your wife will say,still pooping!!

we all know how healthy 'regular movements' are. And i have them-regularily. But I miss those satisfying big jobbies. Any (sensible) advice on how to still enjoy them from time to time?

heh. I'm lucky enough to take a shit oece a week! :( was born with collidous and I used to shit ALOTT when i was a baby. Now I'm am lucky enough to take a crap once a week now : ;sobs ::

Hi, this may seem like not so serious of a question, but it is important to me. I have abnormally large poops. My toilet never flushes, and often overflows. PLEASE help me, my roommate is disgusted! Let me know if you have any suggestions. Thank you.

18 inches of shit? Try flushing that down a water saving toilet! Then again, try flushing ANYTHING down a water saving toilet.
By the way S.H., try cutting up your logs with a yard stick. That's what my Grandpa always did. I use a bent coat hanger.
Better yet, put it back where other people will use it and don't tell them. Then your toilet problem will be fixed and you will have some fun besides.

We have water saving toilet in the main bathroom and it SUCKS! It seems everytime i take a shit i haveto get out the damned plunger. Whover invented the water saving toilet should be shot down! Grrr

Disemboweling would be more appropriate.

Damn straight!

i love discussing how i shit. mine are usually long and somewhat thick, expecially after i eat healthy, lots of veggies. little odor is of couse desired. the perfect shit for this woman, is comfortable, relaxing with a good sounding fart sound in the beginning, then dump away, with a nice feeling squeeze.

My carap just comes uut in one HUGE Plopo
sometiems it feels like a truck is coming out of my butt. :p

this morning, had my high bran fiber cereal, and washed it down with coffee, to get the process going. hardly before i was done eating, i felt the pressure.i had to almost race to the toilet, sat down, let out one good sounding fart, and bombs away. many worm like shit curdles. what a nice way to start the day, some smell though, but the feeling was so purging. that cereal really does move one's bowels...

Heh. have you ever tried eating grapes n' Nuts cereal? That's a good source for fiber too. :-d

I haven't had Grape Nuts since I looked at my grandmother's cremated remains. They look the same and taste similar.
For an interesting load try eating extra hot curry. It burns on the way in and out again.

Yeah, right, I poop thrice daily, always produce tannishbrown 2.5cm diametre turda at 43cm lenghs!...Right...if i were that Belgian artists digestive machine! ...Or I be DEAD! What a load of crap! (Sorry John) I am NOT a medical professional, but I am not so gullable as to believe this twisted 19 century rubbish. It is simply not possible to produce the same boring turds time after time! Myself, I have produced such a variety, as I am sure that you may have, from my infamous 'Beast' which was light brown in colour but seemed like it weighed in a over a tonne! It was approximately 5cm at the widest point in diametre and 35cm in lengh! But I have also produced loose stools, pale yellowish claylike stools, 'Chocolate-chip' stools, even had grennish diarrhoeal stools once or twice! I have even had the intestinal flu, that had produced a beige-like melted ice cream appearing stool as having viral diarrhoea!
So who ever it is (or was) that has tried to sell this line of crap, are you SURE you are not an android? I have even produced some tannish turds that are more like a ball shape (about 4cm) that were painful to pass!

I poop once every three days and is over twenty inches long at one time. I had to stand up and let the beast curl around the rim so that it would not hand over the seat. To this day, I still do this.

I poop once every three days and is over twenty inches long at one time. I had to stand up and let the beast curl around the rim so that it would not hang over the seat. To this day, I still do this.

I take ex-lax every day and take a three minute straight poop, and it feels great.

I take Free Lax once ev3ry week, but this week it didn't work and now I"m worried thsat I'm going o have another hemmorige attak becuase of my consipations., *sighs*

When I get diarhea I just go on a road trip. Everyone talks about traveler's diarhea. I always get travelers' constipation. Not even Ex-Lax works on that! It's a good cure of the runny stuff, though.

I don't agree with the info on that homeopathic website. It says that a healthy bowl movement floats, which is not true - it only means that you have a high-fat diet. Conversely, if you have a low fat diet your poop will sink.

I've also heard that there are some life threatening medical conditions whose symptoms include large, floating shit. I can't think of which ones because I'm not a doctor. I'm just a sick bastard who reads medical books for fun.
My sister is studying to be a homeopathic doctor and she laughed herself out of her chair when she heard about this article. She's never heard of a "healthy poop" before, especially not one that floats or is eighteen inches long.

Or if your crap is white colored. LOL!

Just like to mention that 3x 1" diameter 18" length poos a day would equal just about 1.1 litres or 37 oz a day. Sounds like a lot, doesn't it :)

At the Isle of Wight festival in 1971, I didn't go for four days, but then I had to. Looked down into the latrine trench as the grand movement seemed to be taking a while, and saw a turd over four feet long falling into the depths. It would have been about 2" thick. Impossible to say if it smelled or not, when you are above a trench with that much shit in, you breathe through your mouth if you have any sense.

Good God! Four feet long!!! That's got to be a record!

haha

It says that eatting right and you will have a "perfect shit" right? Well it says your poop should float but that is a bad thing, If your poop floats, that means your eatting too much fat. If you eat alot of fibre and veggies which we know is a good diet, it will sink.

it's impossible to get three 18 inch long 1 inch thick bowl movment DAILY

I think my poop record was in basic training when I didn't crap for 3 days due to lack of toilet paper. If the ideal shit is 18 inches, I must have pulled a 54 incher.

i have a tip on keeping those monster turds!!instead of going in the toilet mix up a batch of plaster of paris in a plastic container-release the beast into the solution (ploping sound is good)wait for the plaster to dry and walar!a perfect mould of ur masterpiece-give them as gifts to your friends or even make ur wife some earings-i did-now single!!!!if u are interested in my poo design kit just mail me

A lot of these colonic health spas and crap are almost exactly like cults. I have read quite a few testimonials about them, and they are disturbing to say the least. Almost all of them describe their 'detoxification' as a 'deeply spiritual experience', and indeed, these colonic health spas are usually full of self-help and new age books and pamphlets.

Another thing they claim is that they pass this black rubbery stuff, which they refer to as 'shedding their membranes'. Others claim this is a layer of toxic tar that builds up on the wall of the colon. (With all the crap they put in those detoxification formulas, I am certain it is a chemical reaction caused by these compounds.) These spas are walled off from society. Even those who do the detoxification in their own homes at their leisure become completely obsessed with their feces (and not in a healthy Poopreport way, either) They end up putting pasta strainers in the bowl then crapping and seeing what kind of stuff comes out of them, often grabbing a stick and poking at it so no millimeter of shit goes unsearched. They actually become excited about their next BM because they can't wait to fish through their feces to see what prizes they've crapped out. They'll often keep the 'black rubbery tar tendrils' as trophies. These people have issues...

Oh, another thing. Floating poo isn't always a sign of fat in the stool. If you ate something that caused the flora in your gut to have a fiesta, it's normal for your semi-solid poo to have innumerable gas bubbles trapped inside of it. This will cause it to float (it will also cause a horrendous sulfurous odor for a few seconds)

Stan, Stan the sanitary man,
he's the leader of the shit house gang,
he works all nite,
cleaning sanitary towels,
Listening to the sound of the rumbling bowels,
All of a sudden,
A sound is heard,
Its the slip, slop, slime of an 18 inch turd,
Into the basin it goes, slip, slop,
Hoochy, coochy, coochy,
Its the shit house rock.

18" turds are best saved for a special occassion not wasted everyday.... I don't think I've ever been that full of shit to take 3 of those babies in one day. If you do, you're eating too much. Excess is wasted through the bowels. It is healthy for food to digest often coming out the next day. I for one poop every other day usually a good 1.5x6-8 incher. Anything more I think would be uncivilized :D

All your poo are belong to arse.

I poo 34 times a day and they average 20 inches in lenth, I am also 6'6" and weigh 620 lbs. My wife is 5'5" and it would amaze me if hers were like mine. Everyones poopie is different as body shapes and sizes are different. As for rotting out your intestines if poop sits in your stomach too long, this is impossible and complete ignorant scare tactics.

one i woz in a subway when i had lite gas which actually happened to be a solid follow through

DR. Turdston, pooping 34 times a day would meen you shit about every 45 minutes. Thats highly unlikly. You couldnt live a live. OH well, good laugh though. About the healthy shit crap, 18 INCHES LONG IS NORMAL! Ive never had a shit that LONG!!!!!!!!!!

ok i barley shit I maybe have one once a week and my back is always paining i havent had a good shit in i dunno how long I have IBS (inflameatory bowel syndrome) and I hate it big time makes u really uncompfortable any question feel free too email me

I have never laughed so hard... I have tears coming from my eyes for sure and its not because I hve passed 18" of shit... I was trying to find out the average a person takes a poo and found this site... I go 4 to6 times a day... in the morning it can reach 18"... one day I had to spread my legs to see what was going on as my poo seemed to never stop... I thought about stopping and coming back at a later time to finish it up but was to tired to get up... so how many times a day should a person be taking a poo...

I was so relived to read this!! I meet this criteria to a tee!!!!!!!! And get real, of course it flushes! hehehe I thought for so long that something was wrong with me. And now I found out that I'm just healthy!!! :)

I have a movement 3-4 times daily and each time its about 8 inches and slippery as can be. It has a very,very strong odor which I find to be very pleasant because its natural. My children beg to differ;they evacuate when i go. I linger inside my bathroom to experience this overpoweringly natural odor. Does anyone else love their poop smells????

i like poo, in any shaper size!

yah me too people! i poop like yah know, six, seven times a day. its now freaking 18 inches long! people who poop 18inchers are sissies! i go like, yah now, 20, 21inches. and its not golden brown either..its more like deep chestnut.

I have to say that all this bowel movement talk makes my ass-slime want to slither away. Some poor sap has probably believed that matchstick, and is now sticking unnescessary things up their hole. I know that I have about half a large cup of coffee, and a cancer stick in the morning and I'm on the run for the lou. I have had one stick out of the bowl water once and it freaked me out! My latest poo ponder is why is it that guys have to poo for 20 mins , but when women go, it's like maybe 2 mins. I don't get it. Any ideas?

well, do u shit for 20min? if so..take excessive ammontsa laxitive. tht's wut us women do.

If ones "poop" were a reult of an inblance, then try explaining why my Poop turned black after drinking "BlacK Samboqua?

Everyones poop smells and as far as it floating....what are you eating POOPCORN?

i am lucky enough to have witnessed the odourless-light golden-18cm* long-poop a couple of times. it was more than an inch in diameter though.

*i think 18in is a mistake, and its definately cm.

oh the poop was my brother's, bless him.

I look forward to pooping when I am at home, but while away at university, I don't like other people hearing me go and poop much much less.

I am SUPER-regular, however I like to take some "Colon Cleanse" (Psyllium) every 6-8 months for a few days because I'm also a steak fanatic and definitely build up a lot of undigested meat pack. Usually on Day 2 of the "Cleanse" I can rip an 18-24" dark monster Anaconda that is probably ~2 INCHES thick and, if I have good sphincter control at the time, I can avoid a premature pinch-off and get one nice, uniform dookie.

It's really a moment of personal pride for me. I try to get my wife to look and share the moment but she is oddly reluctant.

Her loss.

Raising a question related to the new editing protocols, if you go back to the very beginning of this thread it looks like TBW is responding to a post from Dave J that may subsequently have been deleted.

A downside of the ability to substantively edit or delete posts may be that it renders much or all of the subsequent thread meaningless.

I have experienced the 18" poo phenonmenon just recently after completeing a juice fast, taking digestive enzymes, adding a nightly psyllium shake AND drinking a large quantity of warm water with lemon in the a.m. In fact, I just had one this morning. I would guess it could be up to 18" long, but anywhere from 12"-18". And, yes 1" in diameter, light colored. It doesn't really "float," but sort of. One end down the chute while the other end floats up (at an angle). I am 110 lbs., petite. Before the fasting and additional regimen I was severly constipated often. The fasting program I used in Stanley Burroughs Master Cleanser. I had one colonic at the end of my fast and NOTHING came out, so i would say colonics are not necessary if using this specific type of fast. There is a salt water flush that gives a coplnic of sorts from the inside and cleanse out the small intestines as well.

Any suggestion that there can be an ideal poop for everybody sounds like faecal fascism. In the UK the government (although officially Labour, it is very right-wing) wants to bring in compulsory ID cards, with many details. Maybe this will include (a) the length of the log (b) the number of evacuations a day (c) and, we might as well add, the number of sheets of toilet paper used per visit.

I have never measured my turds to see if they are 18 inches long, and I would not want to evacuate after each meal. It can be quite embarrassing if at somebody else's house.

Sometimes I have to go to work very early, and before I set out, I check my emails, which might be relevant to a meeting I am going to.

Yesterday was one such day. It was a meeting where I had to wear my best suit and an immaculately clean and ironed shirt. When I had checked my emails, I decided to see whether it was worthwhile to pull down my perfectly creased trousers.

It proved to be one of the most perfect poops I have ever had. There were 5 distinct plops without even the gentlest of squeezes from me. After a pause, I thought, just to make sure, I would do my usual squeeze. 6 squeezes, and the mandatory grunts, brought 6 more logs. I wipe from the back, not the front (I like to keep my balls clean) and stood up to look down. It was very satisfactory and aesthetically pleasing dump. I did not expect I would be needing a toilet to sit on again during the day, and this proved to be the case.

Best recipe for a monster loaf:

Eat a whole pizza by yourself.

i like to poop only at home it makes me really uneasy if i had to poop somewhere else

If you eat fibre does your fece sink or float more than if you didn't eat fibre? Overheard huge discussion in restaurant and didn't know the answer.

Perfect crap for me is one that stinks less than usual and doesn't require wiping. Even better is if I don't have to double flush (I usually do)

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

i find havin a poop is really relaxing its the only time i get to be with myself, since you dont have lots of ppl running around while you takin a dump, just like when a cow stands on itself in a field and is disturbed by noone...

Why does this statement make me think of the donkeys I walked by today? They were trying to screw and got really annoyed because I was there watching them.

_______
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense!

LOL! I have yet to walk by any animals trying to do that, though I have chased a dog from the yard that was intending to try (and did later), but that's another story.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

i'm 42 and I've had on and off constipation problems for the last ten years. I am hoping I am alergic to a certain food rather than having a more serious problem. I had a colonoscopy done five years ago and they couldn't find anything wrong. The thing I notice the most is that when I eventually break down and take a laxative (either orally or injected into the anus) the poop that comes out is accompanied by yellowish / clear slime. I am going to have an alergy test done next week and I'll report back to post the results. I think it may be watermelon because I was okay for 2 months, then I ate watermelon and after that I could poop. I really hope it's something as simple as that.

My poop is usually between 17 and 21" and it occurs about 3 times a day. I just sit back, relax, and start making some long ones.

Hey! My Son, who is 13 months old,has been having white clay-like stools, that is sometimes dry and crumbly. I would say that there has probably been some constipation. Any ideas? Having just turned 1, he has just switched from soy formula to whole milk.They are sending him for a dairy allergy testing but I swear that it is a sign for something else. If you have a clue, please let me know! Thanks!

I would assume that you were looking online for some information because your pediatrician's office was closed for Labor Day.

Now, since I'm sure that you called the ped's office First Thing Tuesday Morning, what did the doctor say?

Anonymous Coward,

A substance called urobilinogen is what gives stool its dark color. Urobilinogen is a product of bilirubin degradation. Bilirubin is a breakdown product of red blood cells, which is degraded in the liver.

White stools can be caused by blockages or other malfunctions of the liver such as hepatitis.

_______
Always looking out for number two!

What a load of poop...here I was thinking I was just full of crap...and I find out there's a whole world out there with people just like me...who talk shit. Got a case of Bali belly once - as the plane took off I had an overwhelming urge to defecate and couldn't get out of my seat - it was the funniest thing. I thought my bowels had never recovered from that traumatic experience - I now know that my poops are like everyone else's...I will be able to sleep tonight - thanks pooreport...

Three eighteen inch turds a day would make for a total of 54 inches of poop. Thats 4 and a half feet!! Do you have any idea how much you'd have to consume to produce that much unabsorbed waste? You'd be over 4 and a half feet in diameter in no time. What a crock.

18" poop, rotting intestines, sounds like pish posh to me. I can vouch for the golden brown, and solid all the way through. As for the odor, everyones poop smells (unless you use that stuff that makes it odorless). Some people (like me)leave little to no odor behind (the toilet water is enogh to mask the smell). As for size, I normally do a sinking 7 to 10 inch long by 1.5 to 2 inch thick turd. I personally go only once a day, I am 29 and have the health of a teenager. Lastly, if a person's intestines began to rot in their body, they would very likley die of a severe infection.

I shit a brick the other day,
And I'll tell you there was hell to pay.
Out it came, long and square -
How did that thing come out of there?
I must say, it really hurt
It didn't emerge with a juicy squirt.
Hard and heavy as ton of lead
It dropped out my butt, left me for dead.
I laid for hours on the floor,
Much to weak to crawl out the door.
The sight was awful, the smell was dire
The O-ring burned like a forest fire.
So here I am with grievous lament,
No longer to eat powdered cement.
This the epic of my perfect poops,
My poor bung now just sags and droops.

_______
"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Came across this site while doing a bit of research on poo as I had a spate of turning out 18" solid poos three times a day a couple of weeks ago. I just couldn't believe how much and how often. I was on antibiotics at the time and eating shed loads of yoghurt as well. Just to be clear on how 'healthy' such large regular turds are my skin was more of a mess than it has ever been in the 15 odd years since I was a teenager and I felt horribly illthe whole time. Now I am back to my one-to-two-a-day schedule I feel much better indeed (and I experimented by eating lots of yoghurt still and it didn't make a difference).

....OMG! Just found a website suggesting digital stimulation for those of you having trouble going. At first I thought it involved a machine or something, but no, finger-ass-stimulation. They recommend up to 20 minutes stimulation. Surely that's just kinky?

I do find something very interesting with the colon cleansing compainies. If you go to each one of them, you will find that the criteria for a "healthy bowel movement" are different.

Some say that a healthy poop shold float and be fluffy. Others say that it should be firm and sink to the bottom. While others, say that it should be loose. I consider my normal as one that is solid, sinks, and is large (8 to 10inches long x 1.5 to 2inches thick). That is my normal. I think that alot of these doctors base normal as their normal.

In the end, I would say that normal is what a person produced when they were younger, and that everyone's normal is different. Some peope poop three times a day, others go four times a week.
_______
A man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.

Was that 18-inch turd advice a typo? Nothing 18 inches long has ever entered or exited my body and I would be scared shitless (ha!) if it were to happen now.

I have to disagree on the original topic. My favorite dumps are only fairly large ones, and they always stink! That's a given for anyone I would imagine.

I also enjoy the ones with nice extra farts, and after expelling some of those you can't help but go "ahhhh".

Hello Anonymous Coward and everyone else! My son just turned one, and we had a very similar experience to Anonymous Coward as described in the following post:

"Hey! My Son, who is 13 months old,has been having white clay-like stools, that is sometimes dry and crumbly. I would say that there has probably been some constipation. Any ideas? Having just turned 1, he has just switched from soy formula to whole milk.They are sending him for a dairy allergy testing but I swear that it is a sign for something else. If you have a clue, please let me know! Thanks!"

My son also just switched from soy to cow's milk. A day or so after the cow's milk, he started white clay-like poops, with parts that were dry, crumbly and hard in a way was very different from any of his previous poo. Over the following day or so, the white part of the poop had more soft parts overall and became streaked with blood. He had an allergist (due to eczema and cat allergy). When I called the allergist, he said it sounded like "milk induced enteropathy" or another of the "delayed reaction" allergies (that do not, by the way, tend to show up on allergy scratch or blood tests like "faster reaction" allergies often do). He said this based on the blood streaks, so I'm still wondering about the white color. He said not to be very concerned given the great variety of baby poop. I hope it's no problem, but my husband and I have been a little concerned, given that it seems white poop can be associated with liver issues. I wanted to ask how Anonymous Coward and family were faring. Have you gotten any more info. to help you, and how's your baby doing? Does anyone else out there have any thoughts? Thanks everyone!

For me, I dont usually go more than two times a day but what i lack in frequency i make up for in size. Since breakfast and lunch are my main meals I usually only go bout twice a day but the lil devils can reach 20-30 inches and are usually 2-3 inches in diameter... they near ripped my ars hole one time.

Does anybody know why some poops are clean breaks and other times poop gets caked on the inside of my butt cheeks?

A long time ago there was blood in my poo when i wiped, that cant be good can it? Also, sometimes i have to pee and poop at the same time so i tuck mr.hanky down and do what like to call the number 3 (1+2). is that normal?

I was reading some of the comments about your disbelief about 18 inch poops. You obviously know nothing about colonics. You can only get the long floater types when doing a deep colon cleansing using fasting and herbs to dislodge PLAQUE. That is not poop, those 18 inchers, it is plaque. Stuff that has accumulated in your intestines for years and years and just gets hard and rubbery. Parasites hang out in plaque which is why people try to get them out.

Check out for more info on this subject: Cleansethyself.net by Richard Anderson - a doctor and specialist in colonics.

Ah 18 inch poops huh? Well I dont think I have ever achieved that although I wonder what those big HUGE shitballs measure if I were able to lengthen them. I guess this fella above me is trying to sell yet another colon blowing experience!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

The excerpt delineating the requirements for a perfect poop is pure bullshit. You cannot induce the body to retain toxic matter. The immune system usually has something to say about toxins. Toxemia also does not ususally begin with pimple either. An elevated temperature and signs and symptoms of general malaise are generally first to manifest themselves. This sanctimonius drivel should be totally disregarded. Bowel functions are as individual as those who have them.

i used to go about 1-2 times every 2-3 days but that was when i was smoking a pack a day and was drinking almost 3 times as much liquor as i was water on some days it was more like a 7:1 ratio after becoming ill i quit smoking and cut rite down on the drinking now i have bowl movements about 2 times a day not very big ones though but i only eat healthy these days also exercising allot more i would estimate about 4-5inches long and 2-3 inches wide

You must be a man, because I see you don't have any periods.

I poop like clockwork 15 min after I wake up every morning. About 2 hours later I have an encore. Then in the evening about 2 hours before I go to bed, I have a night crap.

I want to take a poll.
- How many of you bunch the TP and how many fold? I am a buncher 100%.
- Inspect to make sure that the TP is skid free?
- Do you think public restrooms should be equipped with wet-wipe quarter machine?

Thoughts anyone? Should we start a "movement"?

We have polls on some of those very things! Check out this list.

ialways have problem with pooing,always constipated,now iam upgrading my fibre uptake and see how it goes.hope to poo atleast once a day becuase it used to be once every two weeks.

i am so relieved to find this description
i consistantly have 18' ones my husband can't believe it i once brought him to see a three footer. no problem here. it feels so good to go
also i do yoga daily and eat organic diet
sorry doubters health is something we westerners know little about!

How many shits would I of shat by the time i die? Is there a number i should be counting for? I honestly really wanna know. It sorta crossed my mind, I estimated about 161280- 201800.four shits a day, 28 a week....so on.Hey, I gotta good motto for you bud, Count your shits. i want 100 bucks.

Whys My Poopy Floating?!

x

Charlotte,I liked LJ's answer better.

Gees, another woman with a husband named Poopy. Anyway, you gotta put him in a gunny sack, dear, add about 300 pounds of concrete or rock, tie it tight, and only then dump him in the river. My guess is you're trying to skimp on the ballast. Good luck.

The 18" turd as normal is, of course, fiction. Nonetheless, people do have such long ones from time to time; I know I have. There is a poll on PR about the longest turd you've ever done--check it out.