Bringing Out Baby
I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front of someone, don't invite them to your birth.
So yes, I too pooped during those final hours of labor. But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, what happened to me was far more embarrassing than squeezing out a few doo-doo droppings on my OBGYN.
It was my first baby and I opted for the epidural -- the injection that numbs you from the waist down. And as many of you might know, when you are numb from the waist down, that includes ALL of your muscles. As a result of this numbness, I was unable to control any gas that needed to exit, and ended up ripping LOUD (I mean LOUD) farts left and right. They seemed to be coming every three seconds.
Mind you, I have never been a farter or a Shameless pooper. I've never had any trouble with my bowels; I rarely fart, and I NEVER farted in front of other people -- even my own family and my husband of six years. But on that day it all changed.
I eventually told the nurse I didn't want any guests, and to only disturb me when absolutely needed. I was so embarrassed by my out-of-control gas. I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind. Instead, I ended up wedging a towel in between my cheeks to muffle the sound. It worked. I lay there, numb as can be, farting in blissful silence, and no one could tell.
I implore everyone here to ask your own mothers about their childbirth stories. I'm sure there are some good ones.