I was shopping at the local grocery store when it hit. You all know what I mean. So I left the cartful of groceries over by the soda section and hightailed it to the men's bathroom.
When I got in there, I couldn't believe what I saw. There was only one stall, two urinals and a sink. The most horrifying part is that that the stall was occupied. I was starting to panic in desperation.
I only had three options. I could try and wait it out until the stall was empty; I could try to make it home; or I could use the ladies room. But the ladies room was out because some old lady had just gone in there, and going home at this point would probably lead to disaster -- I was sure that I would never make it. So the only other thing to do was to be patient.
But this was becoming ever more difficult by the minute. I had cramps something fierce. The guy in the stall didn't seem to be in that big of a hurry, either. I thought I was going to explode.
Then I thought of it. Something only a man in serious desperation would do. I figured that since the guy in the stall wasn't going anywhere fast, and since it was beginning to look like my only other option at this point shitting myself, I might as well take the very last resort I hadn't thought of until now.
Using the urinal.
I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I walked over to the urinal and gave a last look around in case anybody was about to come into the bathroom, or in case the guy in the stall seemed like he was finished. No sign of the guy coming out yet, and the coast seemed clear. So I yanked down my pants as fast as I could, squatted over the urinal as far as possible, and dumped my stinky and rather huge load.
I was so nervous that someone was going to come in and see me doing this and that I would get in major trouble. So I pulled up my pants as fast as possible, without wiping.
Just then, the guy in the stall comes out. He was a little Mexican dude and was loudly sniffing the air. Then he said something in Spanish and proceeded to wash up. I just went right around him into the stall, where I proceeded to finish crapping and wiping myself.
I couldn't tell if the guy even looked at the mess in the urinal or not. I figured he was just disgusted by the smell. Anyway, he left and I had the place to myself. I was hoping no one else would come in, and no one did. I didn't know what to do about the mess and didn't want to get caught cleaning it, so I just left it for maintenance to clean. I felt bad, but they should have more stalls in the men's bathroom for times like these.
The urinal was clean the next time I went in there, three days later. After having my gallbladder out, I seem to be having regular problems with nearly shitting myself these days, so I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again.
-- Poo Bear
P.S. At least I didn't go in the sink!
