Sorry, but I think that is a bit unethical and antisocial. I don't like farting in the presence of anybody, and even if I'm sitting on the toilet, I say 'Excuse me'.

But (a) there might not be enough paper for the person following you, to use for the proper purpose, and

(b) there is the problem of depleting the environment.

You should only use toilet paper for wiping seats - the toilet seat and your personal seat.

It is the echo in public washroom that makes shitting in them so fun. I love to hear the waves eminating from my dumpfart bouncing around the bowl and then subsequently the rest of the room.
These acoustics are available in public facilities ONLY. You gotta take full advantage while you're in there.
FYI - The washrooms on the basement level of the Vienna airport are huge and serve as a huge reverb tank for travellers dumpfarts. I always have a blast when I there, so much that I can't contain the gigle loops set off by other people's farts.

I only use the paper to wipe my O-ring. I would never hold any paper by my ass while waiting on the brown round to slide from my ass. When I am in a public restroom, it is all businesss. Anyone entering a public restroom knows what to expect. A public restroom is no place for privacy. In the event you are not able to drop your pants and shit like a man or woman, then wait till you get home or take the chance of shitting in your pants. I like to let the farts rip and echo. I like to hear others laugh at me, when I fart in a public restroom, for I in return I do the same when someone else farts. Just my .02 worth

Fuck that! When I'm on the shitter, I'm all business. Anyone who goes into the bathroom and sees feet under the stall door should know that the chances are great of hearing someone rip a few off. Ain't no fucking way in hell I'm going so far as holding a wad of toilet paper against my ass while I'm blowing mud. If others can't respect the human anatomy and its methods of releasing gas, they can go shit in the woods.

Yeah, those shameless posters are correct. Toilets are there for people to piss and shit in.

I'm really tired of dumbed down and sugar coated messages, just go in, shit, wipe, flush, wash, and leave. Everything else is a waste of time.

Yep. I'm with Slim Jim and Three-Ply and Jack Scat here. I would never use the ass muffler concept or not own up to one of my farts or plops during a public facility dump. The author seems to think that Shameless Shitters are fudging (no pun intended!) when it comes to the degree of their actual shamelessness.

The truth is, there are some of us who just don't care variously about being seen, heard or smelled doing the deed in public. The ass muffler concept seems like much ado about doo-doo to me.

I say--let 'er rip proudly. Forget ass origami with the TP.

Ass origami...love it. I am a Shameful Shitter trying to change my ways about doing it in public restrooms, but I have to draw the line with pooping in your hand. I'm sticking with the classic-but-doesn't-work cough when I fart or let one splash down. I am trying so hard to become a Shameless...but what can I do????

Ok, I must say this Ass Muffler thing sounds pretty stupid... I am unconfortable with shitting in public restrooms mostly for two reasons. a) they are usually pretty dirty. thank god for those paper toilet seat covers!! and b) it's not the sounds I make that bother me as much as the smell. Yeah, it's embarrassing to fart when someone is in the stall nextdoor. But I'm more concerned about someone associating the aroma in the air with little old me. We all know about the courtesy flush and use it when appropriate, but the smell still lingers. So anyway, the muffled bunghole technique is totally useless for me.

Let the farts fly and the turds where they may. (Okay, so do that last part IN the toilet. PLEASE!) Fart sounds are produced by the vibration of your asscheeks. Pull your cheeks apart= no sound.

Besides, as TBW and others have said, the bathroom is for shitting and pissing. You go in there for this purpose and if someone has a problem with it then they shouldn't have come into the bathroom in the first place. Tell the S.O.B.s to fuck off!

Ha! Ha!

You all make very good points, thanks. Just trying to share something with those who are not as free with their bodily functions as the rest of ya! I'm not a big fan of shitting in ones hand (or near it) either, however there are times when I prefer to be the strong silent type and the old body just doesnt want to play along. Thinking I couldnt possibly be the only one I thought I'd share.

Forgot to say, HoofArted, your handle gave me a chuckle.

Thats too much like work.Why bother?. Unless your new girlfriend is waiting outside or youre at a funeral, its no use being discreet. Let 'em rip and enjoy the reactions of others,soon you will discover the fun of being shameless!!!

I agree with you, TBW. HoofArted is a great name! And to HoofArted himself, try the asscheek thing. It works well. Just use the toilet seat to hold em open. Unless you're not a fatass like myself, in which case you can use your hands.

Pooping in your hand? Isnt that Shamefulness taken to an extreme??

If you have a stall-mate and you are paranoid about farting, wait until they fart or plop to break the ice. Once the ice is broken then feel free to start up a 'who's louder' competition. I've purposely been trying to get myself into one.

i cant belive you guys would try that is grouse y would youu even shit in a public restroom cause if you do youu can lock the bathroom door that you enter into come into the bathroom so y did you even talk about this on the internet that is grouse well peace out lov amanda wong

That is cruelity to toilet paper!!

Haven't you heard of the good old courtesy flush? With that method, you're killing two birds with one stone: both the noise and the smell! (I agree with nunyabiz on this one- the smell is my biggest worry when I'm shitting in public.

That is the stupidest thing I ever heard of and I have heard some beauties. Why in the world would one A) waste all that ass paper and B)shit into their hand???? I don't even want to fart on my hand. You are fvkked up, dude.

I hate people who fuck up the commentary section with their long words.
My father suggested another method that he uses. He coughs loudly every time he has to fart. I personally just let it blow, but he's self-conscious about it.

I'm never really worried about stench when pooping publicly. I don't think my poop smells bad enough to commute from stall to stall. I agree with princess of poop though, just do a courtesy flush while you drop\fart. We can name this one the "camo-flush."

Well, sure we are usually somewhat immune to our own stench.
However, others are quite sensitive to it.

That's what makes it fun to stink up a public loo.

When you have shit you run down the hallway and you hope that there are no others in the stalls when you are ready to blow. Basically you spray the entire bowl and then hope you didn't spray all the way up your back especially when you have a hot lunch date. There is no time barely even to get your pants down and especially to get a wad of toilet paper ready to block the explosion. Get Real Dumb Ass!

This article and the following comments about pooping into your hands gave me this horrible vision in my mind.
I see those boxes of wax paper pieces used in hot dog shacks nailed to the wall for toilet paper conservation for pro-muffler poopers.
Sometimes I need to turn my brain off.

Screw the assmuffler when you get the shits every week like me, make some noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My conclusions are this:
Kudos for sharing the embarrasing ass-muffler technique. I am not surprised by everyone on this particular site would be they type of people who we all laugh at in the public bathrooms. If you are obsessed and fascinated with excrement, I hate to think of what you might do with it. It is not a MR.HANKY. Frankly, I am appaled that you all find it so amusing. What has this society come to? I was just doing some research on P&G Charmin toilet paper, because my mother claims that it is ruining her septic tank. Because I live in the real world, and these things do happen. Aparently most of you *sound* like you frequently suffer from indigestion. It is not normal to blow it out your ass with such vigor. I recommend you all add a little fiber into your diets, as well as crystalized ginger or peppermint. And in some cases, add alot of fiber. Lay off the McDonalds.
You are all just a bunch of losers. You say you love to stink up public bathrooms, yet when you walk into a smelly one, my guess is that you hold your breath.... hipocriates- All of you.

Hey, Mister UNEEDFIBER,
UNEEDSPELLCHECK

Mr. Hankey called, he says you've lost that lovin' feeling.

i just blew a large peanut out my "little brown cheerio"!

I think you just like the feelings of fingers pressed into your stinkhole...

I think it's a good and creative idea-the ass muffler. I plan on trying it so I can be a dainty female! Love and kisses y'all!

Irritable bowel runs in my family (means I'm more likely to be constipated than have an easy time shitting) so I've never had to go in a public toilet. but if I did I wouldn't care everyone farts wether they like it or not if they think it's funny they prolly have severe delusions about themselves. (of course in some situations this rule dose not apply) also I don't like putting my hands near my hole more than I have to.

Disco--

Don't blame ya, dainty females have all the fun. Being massless and able to balance perfectly on needle-thick heels is cool enough, but now you tell me they can teleport their poo from gut to sewer without a single grunt or splash?

Oh well. If I can't break the laws of physics with sheer estrogen power, I can at least have the fun of sitting in public bathrooms next to women who can--there to crap like I'm bombing Atlantis.

I'm sorry, but that's just far too much effort to rid yourself of sounds. Not only will smell and microscopic fecial matter remain on your hands, but it is a rather grotesque technique.

If you aren't having runny poo, my advice is to lift up a bit so you can push your cheeks as close together as possible. With them close, lean back down on the seat so that the lid can hold them together. This should be a great way to muffle the sounds. However, this should only be done when you don''t have runny poo -- otherwise, you'll be cleaning up your ass cheeks for an extra ten minutes or so, which would no doubt leave those dreaded moments when poo touches your fingers.

The parinoia of things like this are what make people totally insane.. If you are so worried about pooing in public bathrooms.. then dont... go out into a more private bathroom.. like at a gas station or even just use your own before you leave..the poo shoot or muffleror whatever is not that smart of an idea.. just lift your feet and poo it out.
Go ahead and market it if you need to... I bet your get some money off it.. just make em disposible

I use up as much paper as I can; also I try and make sure there won’t be any paper left for the next unfortunate sod, in fact when I leave I laugh to my self thinking the next person might shit and have nothing to wipe with. I fart any were and I don’t care who here’s me, If I’m having a good day with the gas I like to powder my ass so when I fart I huge powder cloud rises from my ass, where I live its hot so I only have thin trousers this helps the powder to seep through. You should try it the looks I get are amassing. My wife has given up on me and when we are both out she disowns me.

Society and nature contridict themselves so badly. We must shit, yet it is impolite to shit. You must fart in secret. Then, the only way you can handle it is to laugh. People consider farting rude, those people should not be able to interact with others. Society is bad. It makes us all paraniod and freaked out.
To the guy who wrote about the ass muffler: it's not strange.
People frequently do strange things witht heir body they would never admit to in a million years, such as pooping in their hand, or watching the poo come out with a mirror, or sticking your finger up there (I notice people find that gross wether it's sexual or not...), OR using a wad of paper to cover their a-hole.
I find this site very interesting, it adresses a taboo for most of society. Fecal matter, stool, bowel movement, anus, fiber, and touching it!
keep up the anti-social behavoir.
-flesh

The downside of the muffler is when your shit catches you by surprise, and lunges at your hand. It's like waiting outside a burning building to catch kids from the second floor, and some huge woman drops from the fifth.

That was beautiful- I will have to try it sometime.

i have a flawless way to muffle the "kerplunk" sound. before you sit down on the porcelin God, take strips of toilet paper and gently lay them across the surface of the water. make a wide landing pad in the water for your poop. the bigger you suspect it to be, the thicker the layer should be. one layer is good enough for me, and the poop is cradeled by its soft bed of TP. try it!!!

farting is a gift from god, if we weren't supposed to fart, god wouldn't have created us to fart, if you can't fart either in your home, or in a public john, where can you fart, the ass muffler was excellent, i have a sister that excuses herself every time she farts. she would use the powder concept

my other sister loves farts as long as it comes from her ass, everybody else's farts are gross

I like HoofArted's suggestions, but I would never even consider using a public restroom. And it wouldn't take 20 minutes to wash crap off your hand.. just give it a quick rinse with water

um...ya...a quick rinse with water eh?....and you have never noticed how much it still smells?...i'm thinkin a bit more than a quick rinse under the tap.....

"if its there then use it" The bathrooms are meant to feeled with the glorious sound of a special one being freed to its hanky home. When i go to the public restrooms i usually get people to either chuckle or hit the deck because when it is go time the people in the restroom are going to think that i dropped a grenade in the shitter. There is no shame in using a little "vigor" when having a toilet baby. That is for UNEEDFIBER most of all. That freakin dumbass. Bless the shits all.

OMG!! Reading all the entries above made me laugh so hard I damn near shit myself!!! Everyone deserves a mention except the lame logger who has such a difficult time spelling such basic words. Thats what scares the shit outta me!!
Oh yeah, who farted? Sir? I think you dropped something!!!

Mr. HoofArted,

Might I say that as I am a high schooler (15) and I'm a shameful shitter and all the boys bathroom stalls don't have doors on them, I might ake your advice, I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't use the bathroom in public, it scares the crap out of me, though I could be plotting my own demise by doing so. I'll take your advice, if this screws up... (fart sound as I slice your throat) just Kidding, Just the girls will cackle.

omg u ppl! i love farting! it's sucha wonderful noise! i mean, come on! how do u think music started? yah come on i am sitting here cracking up about this stuff the ass muffler!!!???? hehehehe!!!!!!!

oo yah i forgot to mention! when u poop or piss in the bathroom u can allways like flush the toliet like twice so no one hears!

My creation is for a loo seat cover with a small enough hole for the shit to pass through.
The covers acts as a sound muffler and any foul fumes passing upwards are filtered and a sweet smell is created. This way you can fart until your hearts content and shit till the cows come home especially after a bad Friday night curry, WITHOUT A WORRY!!!!!

i have had plenty of shits in my day and why hold it for use people who eat hot sauce and other shit that makes the shits wet just have to let it loose man. So i leave you all with this advice if it hurts let it burst.

Not only is this a terrible waste of paper, it is a terrible idea for a shameful shitter. You must be clogging up that poor toilet bowl, after every poop. The person that walks in after you, will know that it was you. Pooping in to your hand is just plain nasty. Yucko!

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

I agree, Sam. Pooping into your hand is a sign of a mental issue.

I for one can fart with pride. Never holding one inside. I never fear the passerby ear. Believe it or not I have gotten a cheer. Muffled maybe, it's still a joy. Even when blasted by Helen of Troy.

listen, most of us starrt off a little shy, then progress to shamelss status. I used all the muffling methods listed and then some, (coughing, flushing, etc) the toilet paper landing pad sounds ingenious, IMHO. Public rooms are NOT the best places to take craps. I have not had any of my top 25 in a public stall.

Once you take the plunge and let nature in all its glory take its course in a public restroom, life becomes less stressful. Why should anyone have a problem with someone making noises to do with defecation? I can think of far more unacceptable public noises - eating, for example.

I'll bet a trombone accessory such as a cup mute would work just as well and not plug the toilet.

Can't you picture a row of butts using their natural timpany timbres and creating diminuendo with the cup mutes as appropriate. Ending, of course, in a unison consonance tutto. Butt Orchestra: I'd pay to hear it! I wonder who would play first 'chair'?

I must admit that I have used the muffler technique but only when absolutely necessary. (e.g. 5 seconds of pooing, 15 minutes playing hard on the old butt trumpet) Also I work in a SMALL office... only one 6'x4' single occupant bathroom with offices on either side of paper thin walls.

To "Here I Sit"-- Why not put a radio in the bathroom? Tune it to a station that plays a lot of music with sax, trumpet, and trombone, and that way everyone can play along.

I will always "let it rip".
Hmmmm....maybe a PR anthem...
Music in the bathroom sounds awesome!
I play my guitar on the mug...(between grunts)
Awesome reverb/delay. F>.K PooP shame!
Let it RING!

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

This was very informative. Thanks! Now I can shamelessly poop at Wal-Mart! :)
I was wondering if you have a newsletter, if so I would like to join.

This ass muffler technique is just about the grossest shit I have ever read! I am shameful and this offers no help. Samdamnit is spot on; Yucko is right! Christ. There better be some more classy techniques out there. I still can't poop in public, especially after reading this technique. Gross.

i tried got shit all over my hand and sleeve and didnt even get it in the toilet good work NOT lol