Chris. Again, thanks for doing this experiment so I didn't have to. So far, I've lost a half pound after listening to your wiping struggle. Some follow-up questions and suggestions:

1. Did you get any shit on Lori's pillow cases?
2. The photo you posted shows you on the pot. But in the podcast, you had Lori take the photo before entering the "studio." Was what you posted an after shot?
3. Now that Lori has played your assistant once, will she be making more frequent guest appearances? And what did she think of your posting the clip of her snoring?
4. PoopReport has been conducting a toilet paper survey http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/Content/
Plys/results.html
How about using a different brand each day of your report and giving us a verbal description of the experience? If you give me a PO I'll mail you one test roll of my brand and perhaps other PR readers will do the same. I think otherwise you'll be doomed to using the cheap stuff you currently use.

I guess that answers all my questions. If I ever find myself peaking past the 300lbs mark, I'll either go on a diet, or surgically lenghthen my arms. Fortunately, I only weigh 185lbs, so I've got a long way to go before it gets to that point.

fat people dont wipe they just walk around with dingleberries stuck to their anus

I WON, IWONIWONIWONNNN, I WON!!!!!!!!!

MaWUhuahahhahahahah! First post? Can it be? Meh, well I've considered a good option to wiping a fat ass would be, at home anyway, to use one of those detachable shower wands.
Ahhh, the Great Anus Famine is over!!! Yay! Please do not torture us over the New Years. And I expect lots of poop reports from the holiday festivities.

Thanks for listening everyone!

LogJam-

1. There was no shit on the pillow cases. I was quite suprised. I felt something stick to my ass and I thought.. I am a dead man. But it just turned out to be toilet paper that I could not reach.

2. After I did the deed, I thought I must look like a total jackass stuffed in the john with a yard stick minus the toilet paper. I had to flush twice and leave the fan on for 10 minutes before lorrie would come in an take the photo, but she did. WHAT A GREAT WIFE. She then ran from the bathroom not wanting to see what happened when I stood up again.

3. I am trying to get her on the show more. She is much funnier and brighter then I am.

She found out about the snoring while her co-workers were listening to the show at work. She called me and said I was a "fucker", but she could not punish me much since they were in the room.

4. That is a great idea.. I am working on getting a toilet paper sponsor. We are still hashing out the details, but this might be better for the show in the long run. Let me think about that one and let you know.

I also wanted to let everyone know that my Step-father (yes the corn cobb guy) has designed a device for wiping a large person's ass. I will post pictures of it when he is done.

I still think the best tool for fat-ass wiping is one of those Klorox toilet brushes with the disposable brush heads.

Hey, guess what obese people do? the reach there arms around while holding tp, and wipe there asses, I know this for I am obese.

Fat people just reach behind and wipe. I sit on the toilet and lean leftwards, wiping with my right hand. But I've just recently started trying to change to the standing up, leaning toward the bowl wipe with right hand method. I've broken one too many toilet bowl seats in my life.

~the Freak!
fat and wipes.

I recently saw a extremely obese (like 500 lbs or so) guy at a Chinese buffet. There is no way in hell this guy could wipe his own ass without some sort of mechanical device to spread and hold his blubbery ass cheeks apart, and some kind of telescoping handle to hold a wad of buttwipe for the reach-around.

I have no clue. I think that there is a page on this website itself to devices to help with wiping, isn't there? Well, anyway, I remember a long handled thing that you attach a wipe to, and I think that's a good idea.

Hopefully, I won't be a porker in a couple of months. I'm trying to loose my booty. By the way, I don't have a problem wiping.

The experiment is looking at MASSIVE people. I am a fat ass and wipe just fine, thank you. But if I put on another 100lbs I don't think it could be possible.

I don't know whether you have to wipe in the afterlife, but it sounds a bit like the idea of heaven and hell. You have such long arms that you can only feed each other. Hell is where nobody helps anyone else.

Perhaps obese people need to wipe each other's butts, not their own.

I guess we can call that "the butty system".

I happen to have a good friend that is a lil hefty. Well said friend and her boyfriend were at my trailer and the discussin came about oral sex and her boyfriend said that once he went down on her and found little balls of toilet paper in her croch!!!Can you imagine his and her horror? I would have killed myself..Girls do your man or woman a favor and make sure your kitty is free from bathroom break left overs peeeaaccee xxx ooo merry shitmas to all..

whenever I see a fatass with arms obviously too short to do a good job wiping,I always imagine them as a blubbery T-Rex with little their stubby, basically useless front arms

Daphne: that's REALLY fucking funny!

I'm young. Therefore I believe I'll never get obese, or old, or baldy. So I can laugh. Surely my life will never change...

I figured that people who were too fat to wipe normally, would simply jump in the shower afteer pinching a loaf.

My step-father made an ass wiping device. You can see it at www.apeboymonkeygirl.com. I will have to try it sometime.

I think this is the article describing the device daphne was referring to above.
http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/Content/
Bottom/bottom.html

I think it National Geograpic which published scene of Roman soldiers squatting in common "latrina" and using sponges on sticks to wipe (accessing butt from between legs). Pretty bold for big name magazine, however picture only part of article on military life for Roman troops stationed along Hadrians Wall (Enlgish border with Scotland).
Just shows poop around for all time in all places. Roman method good one if you heavy or have arthritis. Wet Wipes or variant can sub for sponge. Wet Wipes take more abuse and don't stick to the anus (eg, no pulling at and peeling off residual strips of TP, meaning less stress again fot the heavy or arthtitic pooper). Something else I've found helpfull is to bear-down on the anus while wiping. This unfolds the puckered hole into a smooth smile, which will make you smile, too, as you don't have to hunt down dirty doo with such surgical precision (just make sure BM is done, lest you develope the "manus fuscus).

There is special toilet people for fat people. It is the size of paper towels. They need it because their ass crevice is so much bigger than us normal folk. Think about a juicy diarrhea smear all over an ass crevice that is 6+ inches long x 4+ inches deep. You just have to have something a little bigger than normal TP. I think some major fatasses just have a beach towel that they wipe with and throw it in the wash when they're done.

Yes! They could sling the towel between their legs and rub it back and forth along their crack! Good idea :)

It’s obvious that wiping is not a solution for the very obese (Unless someone helps them). Thus, they have two options if they desire to be clean following a dump. Jump into the shower or use a device like PHESS. Otherwise they must endure the discomfort of shit crusting up into the crevasse, not to mention the stench others around them may have to tolerate!

If I may say so, PHESS would turn an obese person into a Born Again Pooper, asking himself why he or she had tried to emulate cave man’s crazy idea of smearing instead of washing for so long!

I am obese and I have to wipe from the front and stretch really hard to wipe properly. I cannot wipe from teh back.

this is a tiny bit off subject but i saw pregnancy tests for fatay's in the store they were long i guess to reach arount the fat.

im 360 lbs and i as well as shy girl go from the front, but i find the use of the front of the toilet seat help me lift my arm back, and those evil public toilets with no front to the seat should be baned, what the hell are those people doing trying to save money, who the hell wants to sit on half a toilet seat, and if it is made for men and their private parts as i had been told b4 why not keep the damn things in the mens room, some people like me are happy being fat, all we ask for is a little concideration that everyone in the world aint 115lbs and toilets should accomidate all who use them, and if 65% of all americans are obese, then aint we a magority who needs to be listened to!

Oh my god Chris! That is hilarious....thanks for the insight ;) And for your next trick,,,,,,,,

I am looking for Jack Schitt. I had a crappy time searching the bowels of your site looking for Schitty.

Thanks for the laughs.

Fatties either have self cleaning sphincters which have devoped as a process of evolution...or... they've got a serious compost problem in the underpants department. Which is it?

i think im very fat (if u consider 345 lbs fat) and i have no troube=le wiping my butt... but then again.....

I'm really fat...403lbs. And I'm a midget so I have really short arms, so wiping my butt is almost impossible. I either just take a shower after I poop, and on the weekends I hire someone to wipe my butt for me. Any question email me!

i am obese and i have to wipe my self from front to back. it is such a pain as my stomach often gets stuck in the seat i hate it..... i must diet but you cant help being large it is life

i am also obese like katie but i have ginger hair which makes it so much worse.... i wipe from front to back and sometimes my top heavy weight tilts me off the seat i agree tht public toilets need to have much much much larger seats my ass cudnt fit on 6 of the poxy seats that already exist us fatys must campaign too the governement email me if u have any ideas love u all my chubbies

I am obese. Sometimes I can wipe going in through the front if I use baby oil on my arm and get it all slickered up and wa la, I can wipe. But this only works if I am not full of food. When that fails I use a wet towel, and then wash it. Use bleach people! Poopie strays stay otherwise.

This doesn't only apply to fat people, I have had several major back surgeries, and when you cannot bend or move your back sideways, you have a very hard time wiping. The physical therapist said to buy a plastic long handled salad tongs (the kind that works like sissors) and you wrap the paper around that and use it. Then you just shake it off the end of the tongs.

I have recently attained a level of obesity for which I realized that very soon I will not be able to reach my anus with toilet paper in hand. So I did an internet search to find bathroom aids for the obese and stumbled across this website. It is hilarious and very entertaining. After reading everything on this page and finding no serious answer to the question, "How do fat people wipe their asses?" I will now have to move on to find a website that has the elusive answer. All joking aside, I would have loved to have found the answer on this website which, ironically, is certainly the best website on the subject of pooping. My only criticism is that for a website so devoted to such a specific and important topic as pooping, that the website should HAVE THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION OF HOW DO FAT PEOPLE POOP!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
A Fat Ass Man Who Can No Longer Reach His Anus And Must Find A Website That Has The Simple Yet Mysterious Answer But Couldn't Find It On The Number One Website On Pooping

I am obese and have come to this page for help wiping to, but after reading I realize I am ahead of the game.I have a 1/2--3/4 in" round handle about 10" long of plastic which I wrap toilet paper over and then pass over the but hole after changing paper serveral times it comes clean and then as a after math I wrap with a (wet one)etc, over the handle and give it the final wipe, up works great the wet ones can be kept wet in baggys for taking with you and a long wooden spoon handle or simular will fit in your pants pocket and up under shirt for emergency travel. Hope this helps some people out, have used it myself for several years now. Would rather loose weigh but one has to do as they can with what they have, when in a fix.

I weigh at least 350lbs and am kind of short, but I can wipe my ass just fine. I just lean and swipe. I can't imagine how fat someone must be to not be able to wipe properly.

Why do you people have to call bigger people fat asses and all these other names. Some people can't help that they are fat. You guys are telling others that fat people don't clean their selfs. Thats BS. I am really clean and yes I can wipe my ass. Thank you. Some people look really ugly and gross if they are too skinny so go make fun of them.

Im only 20 and im 560 pounds! I cant stop eating! I cant even walk anymore!!! I gain pounds every day! Just 1 week ago i was 551.
What should i do?

What happened to the Daily Download? We miss you Chris!!

What's funny about this thread is that before the invention of toilet paper, EVERYBODY wiped with a sponge on a stick. Roman lavatories had two water channels cut into the floor - one to wash away the waste, the other to bring in fesh water to clean the sponges. Isn't it amazing what you can learn watching the History Channel?

Here's a thought: how many trees are obese people saving by not flushing scads of paper down the sewer every day? Greenpeace ought to start a "Get Fat - Save the Rain Forest" campaign.

Ok, i'm the fattest guy here. 475 and i'm only 5'6". On top of that I have the biggest ass you've ever seen. All the mysteries are about to be revealed.

I had to figure this out by myself recently when my fiance of 9 years got sick of my fat ass and bailed. Before that time she had been wiping me for about 6 years. I miss the good ole days. Anyways

I start off by sitting on the toilet. I then lick my fingers on both hands and rub the seat below me to get some friction going. Then I lick my fingers again and grip my large hips to attempt to spread my asscheaks. They don't spread very far but it does help some.

Then i do my thing. Now when i'm done, no matter what, there is a large chung of poo that remains in my arse. I've tried taking fiber pills, everything. It's not hard enough to come all the way out. So I stand up, squishing the poo everywhere.

Next step is the shower. Two things are required. A detachable shower massager with good water pressure and a pulsating stream and a crow bar. Since i can't reach my ass crack to pull it open i have to use a crowbar to pry it open to allow the water to blast the large chunks of poo out of my ass. This can prove quite difficult for anyone who ways as much as me because of the bending and just basic standing required. I then watch as large chunks of shit fall all over the shower floor and the water turns brown. So after giving my anus a shot of high powered water i use the massager to guide all the shit to the drain. Then I grab a towel and some baby wipes and head for the bed. I lay sideways and grab a back scratcher that I have and wrap a baby wipe around it and go in for the kill. I twist and turn it all around my anus sopping up the poo that remains. Sometimes quite a bit, depending on what i've eaten. So after about 6 to 12 wipes with the "long arm" I go in from underneath. I used to not do that but it got itchy and one day I tried it, to my shock I found a whole stash of nasty poo in my lower anal/gooch region. Apparently sometimes the water blasts it down there. So after I make sure that is all squeaky clean I hide the long arm, put the trash can back in the bathroom. Take the crowbar out of the shower and cry and pray for death soon.

As you can see my anus is sparkling clean. Now if only my balls and penis didn't start smelling like death after 6 hours everything would be cool.
your friend,
The fat guy

I thisnk the showes is da best way.

Yes, the dick and balls thing. A friend of my psycho sister divorced her 600 pound husband after he stopped washing his dick and balls. Everytime they had sex (which they could only do in one position) she would get an infection in her vagina.

Regarding the twig and berries of fat people:
I am an Emergency Medical Technician. A few weeks ago we took a very large man to the hospital. We have taken him a few times before and I have never seen him walk; he is always in bed. Anyways, this time I was in the back of the ambulance with him en route to the hospital, he had to urinate. I told him to hold it but he had a urinary tract infection and said that he couldn't. He was not dressed, just covered in a large hosptial like gown. I got out the urinal and lifted up his gown and HE HAD NO PENIS. He was so fat that his fat completely surrounded his penis. All you could see was his large discolored nutsack stuck between his thighs and a indentation where his dick was sucked up into. I had no clue what to do so I just stuffed his nutsack in the urinal so maybe the piss could dribble out and down his sack and into the urinal. By this time we were only a minute or two away from the hospital so he never did go but that was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen.

Buy toilet paper on sale. You'll need more than most.

Wipe one handful at a time until clean. Good for flexiability, bend your knees.

I need your help...My eleven year old son wont wipe his ass. He has a thing about getting his hands dirty. My wife and I have taken privleges away and made him do a report on the importance of cleanliness and good hygiene but to no avail. Any suggestions?

Disregarding for a moment that this thread is about how the obese wipe, I suggest you drag him from pediatrician to pediatrician to be embarassingly examined, questioned, and chastised until he either cries "Uncle!" and starts wiping, or until one of the doctors tells you there's something actually wrong with him and treats him for whatever condition that may be.

On topic: Pictures!

It kinda looks like one of those new-fangled dusting tools. Maybe a fat person got the idea while wiping...

GGG, nice find. I don't think one would need to use that until really fat. I'm humongously fat and I think I could gain 200 pounds before I started having trouble wiping.

I am helping an elderly gentleman that has just recieved a patent on his product which is called the EASY ACCESS TOILET SEAT. This seat is for obeses peole. Go to US Patent #6868561 and in the name of Dwight Myers. We are currently working with some major manufacturers and I would love to get some input.

I just recently found out that i am obese. I was thinking that i was for quite some time now, but it just got clarified. I have been having problems wiping, but i thought that it was just my back hurting. Now i know otherwise.

I prefer to use a toilet plunger with an old sock on the handle. I just wet the plunger and stick it to the lifted toilet seat like a big suction cup, then use the old sock on the handle to properly clean my anal region. It works flawlessly as long as you never use the same sock more than once.

Mark, can you put a cat on the handle?

FFS guys. Assuming that not all these stories are made up (some probably are), then there's an easy solution to your problems with wiping. Just eat less and exercise more, and stop feeling sorry for yourselves!

Political correctness, and thereby saying that we can't refer to overweight or obese people as fat, is not helpful. I'm not condemning fat people - we all have different natural body shapes, and no one expects (or wants) everyone to be skinny. And I know a few people have metabolic problems etc. But if you're morbidly obese, then just use some willpower. It's like giving up smoking - just wean yourself off the excess food, eat regular healthy meals instead of sugary snacks, and join a gym or take up a sport.

Rather than worrying about how to wipe your ass, just try to address your main problem of being obese.

A great deal of people are obese because of seriously evident chemical imbalances in their brain. A person who doesn't produce as much dopamine through eating as normal people will have to eat more than the normal person to feel full or satisfied.

It's real easy to sit and tell these people to stop feeling sorry for themselves when you don't have that condition, and it's probably impossible to understand having a lifetime of never feeling satistfied.

Please don't judge.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

And no, I'm not fat.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I would imagine that obese people have quite a time wiping their asses. I am a nursing assistant, and my job is to wipe ass after ass, and some of the asses I've wiped are larger than others. Now, if I find it hard to wipe a fat person's ass, I can only imagine how difficult ass wiping must be for the fat person to do him/herself. Once, I was involved in wiping a 400-pound elderly woman's ass. The reason I say I was "involved in" it is that it was quite a project. It took 7 people to wipe her ass. 5 people to hold her fat ass over, then two on the other side of her--one to hold the flab out of the way of her asshole, and the other to actually clean her asshole. It literally took the whole unit to wipe this 400-lbs. woman's ass. I vow that if I ever get that fat, please euthanize me.

This stuff really scares the shit out of me! oops! If this information were shared in schools to young wannabe obese kids, they would voluntarily loose weight. this would also make a great comedy sitcom. Everyone has heard of Scrubs. We could call it "Shits and Giggles".

You ask how we become obese? Because for the Love of Money, we pump chemicals & hormones into beef to make them get FAT faster & MATURE younger. Then, those same chemicals go from their meat & milk into our systems.

We even do it to our grain & Veggies. For the Love of Money. And that food that got Fatter, Matured younger, grew faster is also the CHEAP food. Our Consumers' Love of Money makes us BUY the CHEAP stuff.

Have you not noticed that OBESITY is mostly a Disease of the POOR, in Russia, America, Europe...

Have you also noticed that Red Meat tends to make your teeth Yellow? People, starving in Sudan, have white-teeth.

you must be hungry after that rant, can I get you a pork chop? maybe some veal?

I am obese. I can't wipe my ass. But I shower after I take a shit. I think the fat on the back of the arms makes it hard for a fat person to wipe the ass. My crack is 7 in deep. So it's hard. Put god help me no showers are avbl to help. I'm fucked then!!

7 inches deep!!! That's not a crack, it's a canyon.

AC, you have a point, but there is another thing that is contributing to the obesity "epidemic". A number of people who are listed as obese are not actually obese. The BMI is grossly inaccurate. Before I got pregnant (when it really doesn't count), I got down to nearly 150 pounds. My ribs were actually sticking out of my body and I was showing signs of malnutrition. According to the BMI, I was six pounds overweight.

Yes, there is an obesity epidemic in this country, but there are far fewer overweight people out there than you would think.

_______
Born right the first time.

There are quite a few products out there on the market for both obese people and elderly people (who lose flexibility) to clean the nether regions. Essentially, they're TP on a stick. Go to google and type in "Bottom Buddy" or an example.

im obese n it very hard to wipe my ass.. i have only one leg lost other in car accident

Have you ever tried wiping with a belt sander? It creates a nearly-orgasmic sensation as it rips the dook from your ass, but you have to be careful not to stay in contact with the sander too long, or it'll rip your flesh away very quickly.

In the absence of a belt sander, high-grit sandpaper also works quite well.

_______
"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

I'm huge. 517 the last time I weighed, but I can only weigh at the doctors, or on two scales -one foot on each and then add the sums of both read-outs. Kinda fun. Kill me now.
Anyway, I can't reach my asshole on the toilet except in a handicapped stall where I can hold the bar with one hand and use that as leverage to pull myself around more. To wipe I either have to get in the shower where I have a plastic loofah on a stick that's only for crevas cleaning. I wash it, but still, I don't want to use that for cleaning anything else. I can also wipe lying in bed where I can reach my hole with toilet paper and then a wet-one or three.

My wife's best friend's daughter June tells of the time back in high school that she brought an obese friend home to spend the night. The friend could not reach her asshole and after taking a dump she called for June to come and wipe her.

June says that if she had known that was going to happen she would never have extended the overnight invitation.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

So Chief, did June help her out and wipe her ass for her? What a friend if she did.

I understand that people are overweight for any number of reasons, but if I get so large that I can't even wipe my own ass I think I'll just have to call it quits.

Or I can just hire a professional asswiper to do the job for me. How about it, turd turdguston? You seem like you've got plenty of time on your hands with nothing better to do...

Uh, thanks, Artful Dodger, but I think I'll pass. I have no sympathy for people who let themselves go to the extend you're describing. In fact, if you do get that big, I think you should do as you've proposed and go ahead and remove yourself from the gene pool (falling out of bed should do the trick at that weight). Your demise will help bring food prices back down.

Hugs & kisses,

turdy

_______
"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

Thanks a lot, turd. Now I'm hungry for Hershey Kisses. Some personal motivator you are.

Yes Dodger, June helped her friend the experience so inured her to poop that she is an RN now.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

i'm pretty fucking fat. most of it's collected in the abdomen; central obesity. my limbs are pretty much normal. anyway, i have PCOS and haven't been treated for it for about a year, because i haven't had insurance coverage since then. in addition, i ended up being put on prednisone for a fucking month after an episode of anaphylaxis when an ER visit went awry; i gained fifty fucking pounds as a result.

with that in mind, i wipe my ass just fine. at least, i did, until i moved and found a horrible non-standard toilet in my new apartment. the fucking thing is too low to the floor, and is actually significantly smaller and shallower all around than most every other goddamned toilet in the western hemisphere. i have no idea where my landlord found this piece of shit, but i HATE it.

instead of my normal reach down, wipe, toss and flush routine, i have to get up and stretch one leg onto the bath tub and bend down and wrench my fucking back like hell, stretch around and wipe. usually four times. this is pure fucking hell and if even i were skinny, i'd be doing the same thing because of this stupid tiny toilet.

i should just get a fucking litterbox.

Or a sumo diaper.

_______
"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

No offense, PCOS, but just so you know, you would not do the same thing if you were skinny. I can wipe my ass standing up without hoisting my leg up on the edge of the bathtub and bending way over. I just stand there and wipe it.

Maybe it really IS the worlds tiniest toilet, and your landlord installed it as a cruel joke. He's probably video taping you and selling the videos online. Just kidding!

No seriously though, I understand that obesity is a result of food additives, and thyroid conditions and other terrible things and people shouldn't judge. But really, don't blame the toilet. Poor little guy! I know you have a tough job, but he has a tough job too!

Did you check to see if maybe the floor under the toilet is sagging?