Wiping While Obese

PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Last week, while I was sipping eggnog and stuffing my face with roasted chestnuts, the world of PoopReporting was moving on without me. On Thursday, I got this email from Logjam:

Just in case you've been busy and haven't had the time, you really have to hear Chris Rockwell's show yesterday, where he tried to wipe himself after duct-taping pillows to himself. I was rolling all over the place listening to this, and in fact am going on a diet today given the fair warning his experiment provides. Also wonderful was Monday's show where he interviews his step-father about using corn cobs.

We at PoopReport first publicly wondered back in late 2002: how do obese people wipe? We weren't asking to mock, but to learn -- with the Center for Disease Control estimating that 65% of all adults in the US are overweight or obese, it's really more of being prepared for the inevitable. What are their techniques, we wondered. Can they reach around? Can they reach through? Do they use a sponge on a stick? Do they ask their spouse to help? Do they rub up against a carpet-covered pole?

For two years, we've wondered and speculated. Chris Rockwell has gone one step further. Listen to his podcast:

Thanks for the PoopReporting, Chris!

122 Comments on "Wiping While Obese"

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Chris. Again, thanks for doing this experiment so I didn't have to. So far, I've lost a half pound after listening to your wiping struggle. Some follow-up questions and suggestions:

1. Did you get any shit on Lori's pillow cases?
2. The photo you posted shows you on the pot. But in the podcast, you had Lori take the photo before entering the "studio." Was what you posted an after shot?
3. Now that Lori has played your assistant once, will she be making more frequent guest appearances? And what did she think of your posting the clip of her snoring?
4. PoopReport has been conducting a toilet paper survey http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/Content/
How about using a different brand each day of your report and giving us a verbal description of the experience? If you give me a PO I'll mail you one test roll of my brand and perhaps other PR readers will do the same. I think otherwise you'll be doomed to using the cheap stuff you currently use.


ThreePly's picture

I guess that answers all my questions. If I ever find myself peaking past the 300lbs mark, I'll either go on a diet, or surgically lenghthen my arms. Fortunately, I only weigh 185lbs, so I've got a long way to go before it gets to that point.

stink hole's picture

fat people dont wipe they just walk around with dingleberries stuck to their anus

Rectal Inversion's picture


Rectal Inversion's picture

MaWUhuahahhahahahah! First post? Can it be? Meh, well I've considered a good option to wiping a fat ass would be, at home anyway, to use one of those detachable shower wands.
Ahhh, the Great Anus Famine is over!!! Yay! Please do not torture us over the New Years. And I expect lots of poop reports from the holiday festivities.

Chris Rockwell's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Thanks for listening everyone!


1. There was no shit on the pillow cases. I was quite suprised. I felt something stick to my ass and I thought.. I am a dead man. But it just turned out to be toilet paper that I could not reach.

2. After I did the deed, I thought I must look like a total jackass stuffed in the john with a yard stick minus the toilet paper. I had to flush twice and leave the fan on for 10 minutes before lorrie would come in an take the photo, but she did. WHAT A GREAT WIFE. She then ran from the bathroom not wanting to see what happened when I stood up again.

3. I am trying to get her on the show more. She is much funnier and brighter then I am.

She found out about the snoring while her co-workers were listening to the show at work. She called me and said I was a "fucker", but she could not punish me much since they were in the room.

4. That is a great idea.. I am working on getting a toilet paper sponsor. We are still hashing out the details, but this might be better for the show in the long run. Let me think about that one and let you know.

I also wanted to let everyone know that my Step-father (yes the corn cobb guy) has designed a device for wiping a large person's ass. I will post pictures of it when he is done.

Turd HugeGrunt's picture

I still think the best tool for fat-ass wiping is one of those Klorox toilet brushes with the disposable brush heads.

The Amazing Anus's picture

Hey, guess what obese people do? the reach there arms around while holding tp, and wipe there asses, I know this for I am obese.

the Freak's picture

Fat people just reach behind and wipe. I sit on the toilet and lean leftwards, wiping with my right hand. But I've just recently started trying to change to the standing up, leaning toward the bowl wipe with right hand method. I've broken one too many toilet bowl seats in my life.

~the Freak!
fat and wipes.

Turd HugeGrunt's picture

I recently saw a extremely obese (like 500 lbs or so) guy at a Chinese buffet. There is no way in hell this guy could wipe his own ass without some sort of mechanical device to spread and hold his blubbery ass cheeks apart, and some kind of telescoping handle to hold a wad of buttwipe for the reach-around.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I have no clue. I think that there is a page on this website itself to devices to help with wiping, isn't there? Well, anyway, I remember a long handled thing that you attach a wipe to, and I think that's a good idea.

Hopefully, I won't be a porker in a couple of months. I'm trying to loose my booty. By the way, I don't have a problem wiping.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Chris Rockwell's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The experiment is looking at MASSIVE people. I am a fat ass and wipe just fine, thank you. But if I put on another 100lbs I don't think it could be possible.

Sitting Wiper's picture

I don't know whether you have to wipe in the afterlife, but it sounds a bit like the idea of heaven and hell. You have such long arms that you can only feed each other. Hell is where nobody helps anyone else.

Perhaps obese people need to wipe each other's butts, not their own.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I guess we can call that "the butty system".

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

poopprincess's picture

I happen to have a good friend that is a lil hefty. Well said friend and her boyfriend were at my trailer and the discussin came about oral sex and her boyfriend said that once he went down on her and found little balls of toilet paper in her croch!!!Can you imagine his and her horror? I would have killed myself..Girls do your man or woman a favor and make sure your kitty is free from bathroom break left overs peeeaaccee xxx ooo merry shitmas to all..

stink hole in disguise's picture

whenever I see a fatass with arms obviously too short to do a good job wiping,I always imagine them as a blubbery T-Rex with little their stubby, basically useless front arms

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

Daphne: that's REALLY fucking funny!

I'm young. Therefore I believe I'll never get obese, or old, or baldy. So I can laugh. Surely my life will never change...

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

I figured that people who were too fat to wipe normally, would simply jump in the shower afteer pinching a loaf.

Chris Rockwell's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My step-father made an ass wiping device. You can see it at www.apeboymonkeygirl.com. I will have to try it sometime.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I think this is the article describing the device daphne was referring to above.


Gladstone's picture

I think it National Geograpic which published scene of Roman soldiers squatting in common "latrina" and using sponges on sticks to wipe (accessing butt from between legs). Pretty bold for big name magazine, however picture only part of article on military life for Roman troops stationed along Hadrians Wall (Enlgish border with Scotland).
Just shows poop around for all time in all places. Roman method good one if you heavy or have arthritis. Wet Wipes or variant can sub for sponge. Wet Wipes take more abuse and don't stick to the anus (eg, no pulling at and peeling off residual strips of TP, meaning less stress again fot the heavy or arthtitic pooper). Something else I've found helpfull is to bear-down on the anus while wiping. This unfolds the puckered hole into a smooth smile, which will make you smile, too, as you don't have to hunt down dirty doo with such surgical precision (just make sure BM is done, lest you develope the "manus fuscus).

Ass Phlegm's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardl 100+ points

There is special toilet people for fat people. It is the size of paper towels. They need it because their ass crevice is so much bigger than us normal folk. Think about a juicy diarrhea smear all over an ass crevice that is 6+ inches long x 4+ inches deep. You just have to have something a little bigger than normal TP. I think some major fatasses just have a beach towel that they wipe with and throw it in the wash when they're done.

poopsaround's picture

Yes! They could sling the towel between their legs and rub it back and forth along their crack! Good idea :)

Chris Plouffe's picture


shygirl's picture

I am obese and I have to wipe from the front and stretch really hard to wipe properly. I cannot wipe from teh back.

jen's picture

this is a tiny bit off subject but i saw pregnancy tests for fatay's in the store they were long i guess to reach arount the fat.

joan's picture

im 360 lbs and i as well as shy girl go from the front, but i find the use of the front of the toilet seat help me lift my arm back, and those evil public toilets with no front to the seat should be baned, what the hell are those people doing trying to save money, who the hell wants to sit on half a toilet seat, and if it is made for men and their private parts as i had been told b4 why not keep the damn things in the mens room, some people like me are happy being fat, all we ask for is a little concideration that everyone in the world aint 115lbs and toilets should accomidate all who use them, and if 65% of all americans are obese, then aint we a magority who needs to be listened to!

ohmy's picture

Oh my god Chris! That is hilarious....thanks for the insight ;) And for your next trick,,,,,,,,

Seaturd's picture

I am looking for Jack Schitt. I had a crappy time searching the bowels of your site looking for Schitty.

Thanks for the laughs.

downunder's picture

Fatties either have self cleaning sphincters which have devoped as a process of evolution...or... they've got a serious compost problem in the underpants department. Which is it?

Pooparazzi's picture

i think im very fat (if u consider 345 lbs fat) and i have no troube=le wiping my butt... but then again.....

ImYoPusha's picture

I'm really fat...403lbs. And I'm a midget so I have really short arms, so wiping my butt is almost impossible. I either just take a shower after I poop, and on the weekends I hire someone to wipe my butt for me. Any question email me!

katie's picture

i am obese and i have to wipe my self from front to back. it is such a pain as my stomach often gets stuck in the seat i hate it..... i must diet but you cant help being large it is life

lucy jane mann's picture

i am also obese like katie but i have ginger hair which makes it so much worse.... i wipe from front to back and sometimes my top heavy weight tilts me off the seat i agree tht public toilets need to have much much much larger seats my ass cudnt fit on 6 of the poxy seats that already exist us fatys must campaign too the governement email me if u have any ideas love u all my chubbies

Karen's picture

This doesn't only apply to fat people, I have had several major back surgeries, and when you cannot bend or move your back sideways, you have a very hard time wiping. The physical therapist said to buy a plastic long handled salad tongs (the kind that works like sissors) and you wrap the paper around that and use it. Then you just shake it off the end of the tongs.

crapheadandpoopiepants's picture

I am obese. Sometimes I can wipe going in through the front if I use baby oil on my arm and get it all slickered up and wa la, I can wipe. But this only works if I am not full of food. When that fails I use a wet towel, and then wash it. Use bleach people! Poopie strays stay otherwise.

fat ass man's picture

I have recently attained a level of obesity for which I realized that very soon I will not be able to reach my anus with toilet paper in hand. So I did an internet search to find bathroom aids for the obese and stumbled across this website. It is hilarious and very entertaining. After reading everything on this page and finding no serious answer to the question, "How do fat people wipe their asses?" I will now have to move on to find a website that has the elusive answer. All joking aside, I would have loved to have found the answer on this website which, ironically, is certainly the best website on the subject of pooping. My only criticism is that for a website so devoted to such a specific and important topic as pooping, that the website should HAVE THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION OF HOW DO FAT PEOPLE POOP!!!!!!!!!

A Fat Ass Man Who Can No Longer Reach His Anus And Must Find A Website That Has The Simple Yet Mysterious Answer But Couldn't Find It On The Number One Website On Pooping

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am obese and have come to this page for help wiping to, but after reading I realize I am ahead of the game.I have a 1/2--3/4 in" round handle about 10" long of plastic which I wrap toilet paper over and then pass over the but hole after changing paper serveral times it comes clean and then as a after math I wrap with a (wet one)etc, over the handle and give it the final wipe, up works great the wet ones can be kept wet in baggys for taking with you and a long wooden spoon handle or simular will fit in your pants pocket and up under shirt for emergency travel. Hope this helps some people out, have used it myself for several years now. Would rather loose weigh but one has to do as they can with what they have, when in a fix.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I weigh at least 350lbs and am kind of short, but I can wipe my ass just fine. I just lean and swipe. I can't imagine how fat someone must be to not be able to wipe properly.

Jeana's picture

Why do you people have to call bigger people fat asses and all these other names. Some people can't help that they are fat. You guys are telling others that fat people don't clean their selfs. Thats BS. I am really clean and yes I can wipe my ass. Thank you. Some people look really ugly and gross if they are too skinny so go make fun of them.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Im only 20 and im 560 pounds! I cant stop eating! I cant even walk anymore!!! I gain pounds every day! Just 1 week ago i was 551.
What should i do?

Drinks N Shrinks's picture

What happened to the Daily Download? We miss you Chris!!

Anal-Retentive History Buff's picture

What's funny about this thread is that before the invention of toilet paper, EVERYBODY wiped with a sponge on a stick. Roman lavatories had two water channels cut into the floor - one to wash away the waste, the other to bring in fesh water to clean the sponges. Isn't it amazing what you can learn watching the History Channel?

Here's a thought: how many trees are obese people saving by not flushing scads of paper down the sewer every day? Greenpeace ought to start a "Get Fat - Save the Rain Forest" campaign.

The fattest guy here's picture

Ok, i'm the fattest guy here. 475 and i'm only 5'6". On top of that I have the biggest ass you've ever seen. All the mysteries are about to be revealed.

I had to figure this out by myself recently when my fiance of 9 years got sick of my fat ass and bailed. Before that time she had been wiping me for about 6 years. I miss the good ole days. Anyways

I start off by sitting on the toilet. I then lick my fingers on both hands and rub the seat below me to get some friction going. Then I lick my fingers again and grip my large hips to attempt to spread my asscheaks. They don't spread very far but it does help some.

Then i do my thing. Now when i'm done, no matter what, there is a large chung of poo that remains in my arse. I've tried taking fiber pills, everything. It's not hard enough to come all the way out. So I stand up, squishing the poo everywhere.

Next step is the shower. Two things are required. A detachable shower massager with good water pressure and a pulsating stream and a crow bar. Since i can't reach my ass crack to pull it open i have to use a crowbar to pry it open to allow the water to blast the large chunks of poo out of my ass. This can prove quite difficult for anyone who ways as much as me because of the bending and just basic standing required. I then watch as large chunks of shit fall all over the shower floor and the water turns brown. So after giving my anus a shot of high powered water i use the massager to guide all the shit to the drain. Then I grab a towel and some baby wipes and head for the bed. I lay sideways and grab a back scratcher that I have and wrap a baby wipe around it and go in for the kill. I twist and turn it all around my anus sopping up the poo that remains. Sometimes quite a bit, depending on what i've eaten. So after about 6 to 12 wipes with the "long arm" I go in from underneath. I used to not do that but it got itchy and one day I tried it, to my shock I found a whole stash of nasty poo in my lower anal/gooch region. Apparently sometimes the water blasts it down there. So after I make sure that is all squeaky clean I hide the long arm, put the trash can back in the bathroom. Take the crowbar out of the shower and cry and pray for death soon.

As you can see my anus is sparkling clean. Now if only my balls and penis didn't start smelling like death after 6 hours everything would be cool.
your friend,
The fat guy

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points

I thisnk the showes is da best way.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Yes, the dick and balls thing. A friend of my psycho sister divorced her 600 pound husband after he stopped washing his dick and balls. Everytime they had sex (which they could only do in one position) she would get an infection in her vagina.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Some EMT Guy's picture

Regarding the twig and berries of fat people:
I am an Emergency Medical Technician. A few weeks ago we took a very large man to the hospital. We have taken him a few times before and I have never seen him walk; he is always in bed. Anyways, this time I was in the back of the ambulance with him en route to the hospital, he had to urinate. I told him to hold it but he had a urinary tract infection and said that he couldn't. He was not dressed, just covered in a large hosptial like gown. I got out the urinal and lifted up his gown and HE HAD NO PENIS. He was so fat that his fat completely surrounded his penis. All you could see was his large discolored nutsack stuck between his thighs and a indentation where his dick was sucked up into. I had no clue what to do so I just stuffed his nutsack in the urinal so maybe the piss could dribble out and down his sack and into the urinal. By this time we were only a minute or two away from the hospital so he never did go but that was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen.

Big Guy's picture

Buy toilet paper on sale. You'll need more than most.

mapoopsalot's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Wipe one handful at a time until clean. Good for flexiability, bend your knees.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I need your help...My eleven year old son wont wipe his ass. He has a thing about getting his hands dirty. My wife and I have taken privleges away and made him do a report on the importance of cleanliness and good hygiene but to no avail. Any suggestions?

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