Ouch! A tricky one.

I have often had the hard type of crap that you can feel tearing your insides as it comes out and leaving a small amount of blood on the TP. An anal tear is different to piles, but thats how it starts. I reckon you should leave it unless you get it all the time.

And as for the embarresment factor, well that another thing altogether. I had to buy some medicine for my mum who had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Not only did I have to ask for it at the counter but I was servered by an attractive teenage girl. My protests of "It not for me....obviously" feel on deaf ears. "There's nothing obvious about it." came her reply "It could be for you!" I of course went bright red and nearly burst into tears. Its people like her who make tasks like this that little bit harder.

Dave J.,

From what you have said, I doubt you have hemorrhoids. It sounds to me that you were enjoying yourself a little too much and you dug a little too deep. I have done this before, no big deal. Just keep an eye on things in the near future. If it persists, then prehaps you may have a problem. I wouldn't worry over one BM.

"anesthetized with your bum stuck up in the air like it's a parking spot for a bicycle wheel."

-ROFLMAO

To Honey and Pat; Nice to see some names on the boards that I'm not used to...if you're truly new, then let me be the first to say "Welcome, but please flush!".

Thanks for your comments, and not to sound condescending, I've considered both of those possibilities, although Pat, I like your's a lot.

I mentioned in my story I was worried about a fistula, which is a bit like a tear, but is actually a necrotizing infection (meaning it's essentially decay promoted by bacterial presence...poo is loaded with bacteria, so if you DO get a tear, you could end up with a nasty little colony growing down there). However, due to my unbearable level of embarassment (obviously not great enough to keep me from telling the whole world about via the internet, just enough to avoid any interpersonal confrontation) in conjunction with almost all of the classes I've ever taken (in medicine), I've come to the conclusion that whether it's a tear, a fistula or a 'roid, if I'm careful, it'll get better. I'm proud to say that for the last few days I've been good.

Thanks for the advice and concern, and as one pooper to another, don't stop dumpin'.

That sounds like that feeling I sometimes get after taking a mean loaf. Even after a good wipe, my ass gets the itchies, and as you walk it only gets worse. One time after sailing some logs down the river, I went to work out at the gym. When I came home to take a shower, I had spots of blood on my shorts. Nasty, but they were gone after a shower. I think you may have just caused some minor irritation. Give it a day or so and it should be gone.

I don't know if any of this will help but I feel compelled to answer to your plight. First of all, it doesn't sound like hemmerhoids. I'm no doctor but I've birthed enough babies to know a description of said affliction when I hear one. Sounds like vigorous wiping syndrome and nothing more. Give it a few days before you freak, k? Next, I saw this on TV (CSI, I think) so it MUST be true. Some people (movie stars, etc.) use Prep H on their upper and lower eyelids to reduce wrinkles. Apparently, the medicinal ingredients in hemmerhoid treatments not only shrink the blood vessels of the rectum, but anywhere else they are applied too. So if you DO get the guts to go buy the stuff... laugh a bit and say that your girlfriend read a tip in Cosmo about Prep H reducing eye wrinkles. Hey, it still sounds lame but at least it makes the clerk quit thinking about your ass. Good luck!

dude, if necessary, buy it online or something. i bet you could. good luck.

Dave J: I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. First, as others have said, you probably don't have hemorrhoids. Second, you can buy Preparation-H at Wal-Mart or any equivalent store. The busy clerks at the check out won't give it a second glance! Preparation-H is just an over-the-counter item and you don't need to go to a pharmacy to get it and the thought of having to buy it online is just laughable. It's even available at Grocery Supermarkets! Also, I think you're talking about a "fissure" not a "fistula." A fistula usually occurs after an acute infection like a perianal abscess. You would have known about that big time if you had it. A fissure on the other hand can occur because of constipation, but even then you would have persistent pain and bleeding. So the fact that you're getting better suggests that you have a minor perianal injury because of passing a big log or over-enthusiastic wiping. Doing nothing sounds correct to me, but there sure is no reason for being embarrassed about buying Preparation-H at the local Supermarket.

"Resisting the wave of panic that besets the best of us in similar circumstances, I pondered my situation. Is it cancer? Nah, not enough blood, and it wouldn't be bright red."

Hey, I'd like to correct the errors in the above statement. Colorectal cancer causes bright red blood in the stool. This can be large in amount or small in amount.

Poop-Lover said: "The busy clerks at the check out won't give it a second glance!"

I have always tried to convince myself of this when having to buy pharmaceutical products designed to either cure or treat the more icky problems we experienced with personal hygene.

I've never been able to successfully prevent that bashful feeling after these sessions. If they are anything like me, they will notice. And what's more, they will think about it.

You see, I'm a bastard. When I see someone buying toilet paper, I immesdiately start picturing them using and am amused, revolted and sometimes even a little turned on. I am not proud.

When I see someone buying condoms, my brain and I have a little giggle session over it.

And when I see some poor bastard buying cream for his 'roiders, the one part of my brain that is Butthead turns to the other part that is Beavis and says "That guy's ass is inside out."

Now I realize that all this proves I am a dick. But if the person ringing through your purchase is anything like me (and I know there are others out there)then Dave is wise to have sat on the problem before putting himself at the mercy of other arse-holes like me.

Hey Jack, I know what you mean, but PoopReporters are a different breed. When we see someone with a 12-pack of TP we think of them using it. My guess, however, is that most regular folks don't give that a second thought. Also, have you ever stood in a checkout at Wal-Mart? Those clerks are under such pressure that I don't think that they think of anything except their next break! Condoms are another subject. I always enjoy seeing some dude chosing condoms. I always pretend that I'm looking for the Magnum size so as to increase their discomfort level if they chose the regular size. Some just don't give a shit; others get all embarrassed and move away until the condom section is clear of other customers. Why do folks have to be so worried about chosing items of personal hygience that everyone uses? For me, it's just like buying milk or OJ. I don't give a shit what others think!

I only have one thing to say: Why the hell would you care what they think?

You don't know them. They don't know you. And they sure as hell aren't going to go home and talk about your ailment.

Think of all the other people they see, every day, buying the stuff. It isnt a big deal.

I love Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but its NOT good for ass health to spend too much time on the toilet. Conventional toilet seats actually put stress on the anus and blood vessals and over time, can indeed put people at risk for anal fissures and piles.

This gives a terrific article in Salon.com from a guy who found out he did have an anal fissure.

http://archive.salon.com/health/feature/2000/01/05/hemorrhoids/index1.html

'Though hemorrhoids can affect everyone' write the author 'some people are more prone to the condition, according to Dr. Binderow. Affluent, upwardly mobile, highly stressed, hyper-busy people are more likely to get them. Rectal surgeons even have a name for this esteemed group: YETTS (Yuppie Executive Tight Sphincter Syndrome).

"The etiology of a lot of anal-rectal disease is pressure on the anus," said Binderow. "Hard stools are the culprit. They push on the hemorrhoids, rip at the lining and expand the sphincter."

According to the good doctor, the sports section of the daily paper is a leading cause of hemorrhoids and anal fissures in men. The bathroom isn't a library, he warns. "Go in, if nothing comes out, get out." Words to live by.

My surgery could have been avoided if I had been properly schooled in the toilet arts. Never hold your breath when you're on the bowl. It means you're trying too hard. Breathe. Don't effort. Don't strain. Be at one with the bowl. There is no place for struggle in the art of the Zen dump'.

sometimes the TP makes my ass bleed

I just had one of those dumps that no matter how many time you wipe theres always more wiping to be done. I really thought I was up fart creak without a paddle. I was thinking ass cancer at first but now I've seen this I guesse I was wiping too hard(pulled some hairs out come to think of it). It's happened a couple of times now so I was becomming concerened(I smoke alot) I'm 19 this stuff shouldn't happen to me yet should it?

Well crap...Im in the same boat as you...and I have to go to the store tomorrow and buy some prep-h...im horrified to say the least...gonna get drunk first maybe...lol sad I know...

P.S. These things suck really bad...I have had the itch before...but this time its actually pain!, and the worse part is that I am leaving in two day for a 5 day vacation!

GREEATTT!

Oh yeh and I am only 24...So I feel your pain (literally)

For the past seven months I have been cursed with a rectal fissure, which means I need a lot of poop supplies. I also am a lecturer at a large midwestern university. Drug store clerks tend to be either a past, present or future student. This last semester I was faced with a current student from whom I bought several boxes of laxatives, metamucil, medicated pads, and most recently an enema kit. I know that there is a very good chance that every student in the class knew that I have a problem, and frankly I think it is funny as hell. Buying something as innocuous as a tube of Preparation H is silly. Buck up trooper. It could be worse.

Roids are not funny- my old man sprays the toilet bowl with blood every time he poos and then I have to clean it up. Very nasty.

put the tube of preperation H in your pocket... buy a drink and walk to fuck to the nearest restroom and smear your brown with ointment!

what about neospoeran?

I recommend always wiping with wet toilet paper, especially TP that is wet with warm water. It is messy to stand up, wet a thick bunch pf paper at the faucet, but it soothes the poor old sphincter wonderfully. Pat dry with the last TP

I remember taking a painful crap and wiping blood off. Thankfully, it never happened before or since.

Hey, DaveJ...ready for one more self-important opinion?
I've had hemorrhoids since I was 18. You may have them. However, they do start small...and can go under the radar for long periods.
What I would suggest you do at the store, when buying Nupercainal, Anusol, Prep. H, or Tucks (recommended...the first time you use Tucks may be a bit 'bracing', to say the least), is remember that the main goal here is seeing to your hinie's health, not impressing the peroxide addict at the register. If you get an unauthorized 'load' of attitude, humorously remind her that tampons aren't precisely a fashion statement, either, but they serve a purpose, as do your product.
The human body, contrary to television and film, ain't glamorous, but at least we don't drag our asses onna carpet to drain our anal glands...with the exception of music critics, naturally.

i want to hear about anal orgasams

Does anyone know where to download the song "ode to the colorectal surgeon"?

Dave J,

I got them around 26. Was itchibg one day and decided to strach before showering. To my horror I felt a little lump on my anus. Know it was the big H immediately. I have had them on and off now for 20 years but also under control. Preparation H always did the trick. However, once I farted and all the melt liquid got expelled in my undie. Always put some loo paper agianst the butt when I use it now.

Yea, i wiped a wad of tp, and there was a bit of blood on it, i freaked out cause its never happened before, im really panicky right now, what is happening? is it bad? what would the doctors do?

OHhh, i eat a healthy breakfast and dinner, usually the lunch is kinda crapy, i drink alot of water, a vitamen at dinner, and crap once a day or every other day.

Ode to the colorectal surgeon can be found at www.Drunken-Pumpkin.com

I couldn't get the video to play, but the Puking Pumpkin on the front page is hysterically funny. I canNOT wait until Halloween, now!

Drive to a different town and tell the clerk you find preparation H makes tastes good. She'll be so shocked she won't even think about you having the ass itch.

Ever since I was really young, probably around 7 or 8, I have caused blood to appear nearly every time I wipe. That sounds ridiculous, but I think it's because I always try to ensure no remnants when finishing the job on the throne. A couple of years ago I saw a physician about this because I read about cancer and such and wanted to make sure it wasn't the cause, and the doc did tests and said that I had no signs of any diseases.

Dave J, I'm sure that since this story posted, youre piles are a distant memory. Yes, piles can be a bit embarassing. I guess the thing is, the person with the piles begins to think that other people will (this may come out wrong) dwell on "the man buying the Preparation H". Shamefull shitting is comparable to this. In both cases, there is a fear of unwanted attention and perhaps teasing (fear of a likley false danger).
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

He's probably forgotten all about it by now.

_______
And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.