Well, look at it this way. If there is ever a Hovering Event in the Olympics, you should medal, dude.

Just try to do something solid when you compete. Don't think the judges will like being splashed. Later.

Well, I do have very strong legs from all the hours I've spent hovering...

this story reminds me of patient i had a few years back. i was never able to cure him, because i dont think he really wanted to be cured. also, because i am not a freaking shrink.... this fellow had a problem. he could only move his bowels, into an empty and freshly cleaned jar of smuckers strawberry jam. every time, he would place the little jar in the middle of the bathroom floor, (or stall if he were in public) take off his pants and shoes, insert a q-tip into each ear, and lower himself onto the open rim of the jar. then, with yoga-like balance, he would sit there, and begin twirling the q-tips in his ears, and squeeze.

i sometimes still wonder about that gentlemen, and whether he still grooves his disco like that.

Freud would have a field day with this... you don't mind girl butts but you fear seats than man butts touched? Give me a break. You have some serious anal issues here. A good ass fucking will fix your problem!

Just imagine for a minute how bad the toilet feels as you abuse it that way. It has absolutely no choice in the matter. At least you can walk away when you are done, it has to stay, just to get abused by the next guy who uses it. Diarrehea has to be the worst thing any toilet has to put up with. That poor bookstore toilet you used. It probably was real sick long after you left it there suffering for the taste of your shit. It doesn't sound like you care though.

Well... it is obvious that your fear of the seat did not prevent you from getting sick. Soooo sit on it and don't worry!

I noticed that you got somewhat of a problem when it comes to "toileting." Let me share with you what I do when I have to use a public crapper: I wipe off the seat, lay toilet paper over the whole thing (because you never know who or what's been on that seat), then just sit and shit. Whilst doing my business, I roll up five or six "pads" of TP with which to wipe my ass. That way I can wipe quickly, eliminating the possibility of a "drip-drop" on my pants or the floor, or having to sit down again. Maybe you oughtta put this into practice -- it doesn't take as long as one would think it does. Soon after I started college, I learned to take FAST dumps (in the less-traveled toilets, of course) and this maneuver hasn't failed me yet. Good luck!

Hmm. This is my theory: the urge to eliminate FAR outweighs the difficulty I have maintaining that "stoop n poop" posture. We all shit, but I think we ought to be allowed to do it in different ways. Get off Bantam's ass. He doesn't seem to like stuff touching it.

I think you should address the fact that you have diahrea way too much. Stools should be firm and well=formed, MOST of the time.. diahrea should happen on rare occasions! If you are exploding with diahrea every day i suggest you haul your gut bomb to the doctors!

Good for you! I can't remember the last time I pooped anywhere but in my own bathroom at home. I have trained my body not to even think about poop unless we're near home. This is because of my own germaphobia in public washrooms. There's no way I could hover AND poop AND worry about not making noise AND worry about possible smells AND worry about who might be on the other side of the door AND worry... well, I'm getting all worked up just thinking about it. How liberating for you... keep up the good work. You've inspired me!

I don't have the urge to poop in public often. I (unknowingly) kept myself from pooping for five days while at a summer camp because I had no familiar thrones about.

Less often are the loose stool episodes, which is why I've written about them here. They're rare enough to be remarkable and horrible enough to be memorable.

That retarded post earlier is the first time I've ever seen someone, besides myself, use 'homophobia' in the correct context. Good job.

I'm impressed that you've spent your whole life hovering. o_O Enjoy the sit from now on.

thats hurts the legs but sometimes it is extremely necessary!

Sucks to be you.

WATER SPLASH: That's what a thin layer of TP is for,

throw a few sheets into the bowl, then go..

every one on this site must be obsessed with shit!!!! whats the matter with all you LOONEY BINS!!!!!!!!!!! what has this world become of??????????

Don't be such a pussy. You cannot catch anything dangerous from a toilet seat.

Chicago's O'Hare has eliminated the problem of problem elimination. The toilet seats in the terminals are covered by a one-dump-maximum automatic toilet seat cover. You dump and jump and the toilet seat cover rotates and an absolutely clean, and unused, cover is put in place.

There is little chance of catching butt-cooties in O'Hare's public restrooms.

However, for those who are not able to take advantage of the O'Hare amenities, may I suggest that while you are out and about you carry in your pocket one- or-two paper toiletseat covers. You can fold them up and keep them in your back pocket or purse. Then when you have to vent in a public restroom you will at least have something between your presumably pristine bottom and whoever or whatever had been before you.

And if you do not want to be a victim of flush-and-splash, wipe, stand, then flush.

I used to be afraid of using public toilets cause my Dong would touch the seat and i always thought i'd get some kind of STD via Schlong-touch-toilet incident. To protect my Ding-a-ling-a-ding-dong I always did( you should to) what J D L said earlier: "I wipe off the seat, lay toilet paper over the whole thing (because you never know who or what's been on that seat), then just sit and shit.". It's either that or pull a "Van Damme#2" - doing a split with both feet pressed against the stall walls hovering just above the toilet seat, your ass not touching the seat at all so you can easily make a "Hard Target". You have to have flexibility, strong legs, a drug addiction and make crappy B movies to pull that off though.

Ha ha ha ha!!!

Nothing like laughter to loosen the stole! I laughed so hard I nearly shat myself (sorry for the insensitivity). You people have voiced, about crap, what I've been afraid to all these years. We all the that fear of the squat-by shitting! Keep up the great writting and keep the brown side down!

Bantam,

I assume the same position when shitting in public and when time is of the essence(ie, no time to take off my trousers and undies). Last week, I had an Indian meal. As i was out early the next morning for a breakfast meeting, I had have take a shit at the hotel after the meeting, which went on forever. As a semi-shameful shitter, I hadn't want to excuse myself when nature called. I must have held it for at least half an hour. Of course, you don't feel how urgent it is when sitting down. The moment I stood up, I knew I had to say goodbye and quickly dash to the loo. Well, you know how crowded public loos can be after breakfast. I squeeze as hard as I could till a stall became available, which was an eternity. Finally, I entered and pulled down my pants, but halfway through, the Indian dinner started making a quick exit. Next thing I knew, the loo seat was full of gluey shit. I did however clean up before exiting. To make the story short, your position works only when one is sure the shit is solid!