I've taken notes on your dig and ferret method, it does go a long way in enhancing that "fully moved" feeling after an especially good throw.

Thanks!

Drinking plenty of water is important too, because if you get dehydrated traffic jams can form.

Ditto. I have trained my body for a once a day, relaxed, evac right before my 0700 shower. After the humiliation of barracks life, privacy, comfort, and cleaniness are critical.

Okay, I just think that there are some things in life that are unexpected and a shit is one of them. If you have to "fit" poo into your shedule it is just sad. This coporate "Planet Starbucks" existance has gone way too far and this shit timing thing is just pissing me off!

I am sorry but it had to be said.

This may or may not be a good time for me to offer any insight as I just finished a harrowing couple of weeks dealing with something possibly called and "anal fissure" (more on that later) but I thought this writer's technical approach to the act of letting the turds flow reminded me of my own search for the smooth move - that is, dropping logs without struggle. This is for the turdletter who wants to have more success turding...smoothly.

First of all, struggle shouldn't take place on the toilet. One should never push to birth "the brown baby" - as another writer called it. OK, occasionally one feels one might have to help out, but I am here to tell you constant pushing each time you go to the toilet leads to a weakening of the blood vessels down there and then onto other more serious problems down the road, such as hemorrhoids, or worse, such as anal fissures, or, the dreaded monster: the fistula (it is even worse than it sounds, I guarantee you.Think alien.)

How do you avoid the struggle? If you have problems releasing perfect steamers most of the time you might just need to make some simple dietary/lifestyle changes. Fiber (soluble and insoluble), adequate water intake, exercise and timing consistency each day all seem to play a part in passing the perfect stool. There is also something called "outlet dysfunction" - a fancy way of saying your sphincter can't relax/dilate enough for full evacuation, but we'll leave that for another time (file that in the same category as IBS - Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and other related problems of a more tricky nature). Psyllium husk is available at most health food stores and is one of the more recommended types of fiber. Just remember that you need to take in water, especially when you take fiber. Or you can follow the anonymous writer's method which call for counting grams here and there as you go along - me, I don't have time for that, although I do make sure to eat as much fresh fruit and veggies as I can on a daily basis, which adds it's own level of fiber too. It is recommended that you take this fiber supplement before going to bed. One thing that you should notice if you've never taken the psyllium husk fiber before is that it usually helps you form the perfect shit. If you have been shitting clods, spattering bits and clumps, or just draining a soggy mess, this is different, and as such, can be quite exciting.

(Before we get too far into another technical paper here, let's define what is the perfect stool(healthy type): this is a stool well formed but not compact or hard. It is one that given a few moments in water will break up easily. Most importantly, it is slick, like it's been coated with a thin layer of gel. I had the pleasure of passing a few of these just before my problem took a nose dive and it was like my insides were tickled as the critter literally slipped out of me. That was sheer joy. There was no struggle, just a little tightness at the first crowning (due to my affliction) then it was like one of those marine mammals going down the slide. Yes, to pass these angels is nothing less than a pleasure. Let's face it, successfully passing turds, perfect or not, can be one of life's greatest, or at least smaller, pleasures.) One more thing about the fiber.....supposedly it helps drop LDL cholesterol levels.

Posture? Well I just read that squatting actually aligns the rectum up way better than western style toilets. (The stats point to more constipation in the modernized countries with the throne style toilets. Most everyone else squats. Apparently children are birthed this way too.) Choose you own way on this (you can squat on a western toilet too). I live in Japan so I have a squatter that I have rigged for either a high-knee position sit, or a squat style, whichever I feel in the mood for. Once I get past the danger zone with the fissure thing though, I will probably work on the the squat technique more.

Hygiene? Well, over here in Japan, there are some plumbing benefits for that too. Once a toilet is flushed the water used to refill the tank comes out of an exposed fountain, designed expressly for washing one's hands. They even have a towel on the wall there to dry your hands with. Remember, it's tap water that fills the tank up, so it's not like your sticking your hands into the toilet bowl or anything. The last thing I do once I have successfully dumped, wiped and cleared what I take to be the totality of shit particles from around my anus (with a little extra digging too) I dampen a piece of toilet paper and give the whole area a minor bath. Then with one last dry sheet, or two, I blot the area and consider it a job well done. Showering after a shit is a luxury, but sure, if you got the shower and the time, why not?

Finally, while of one the commentators is disappointed to find people out there who adhere to a shitting schedule, the fact is every body has some form of weak link, whether it's muscular, nerve related, bone, tissue or otherwise and they have to find ways of dealing with it. Some people (certainly myself) happen to have weak "links" as our weak links and thus our methods of helping the process do it's thing -ejecting a perfect shit, whenever it is most possible. Sometimes shit just happens, and is unpredictable as "d" mentions, but by and large, creatures around the world are creatures of habit. Doctors everywhere recommend getting on a shit shedule if you are having irregularity problems. The squirrel that sits outside the window shits out there too, and usually on a schedule. Would that it were that we could all shit comfortably wherever and whenever we chose, but in general, shitting on a schedule is indeed the most common shit that happens. That doesn't mean I don't admire someone's ability to shit anywhere, anytime. I think we could use a forum on how to gain the ability to shit perfectly anywhere, anytime.

Peace and smooth trails-

Joel

Errrmmm.... I believe we should keep ourselves clean but perhaps some of this is getting a bit obsessive and perhaps even manic. However, if all this digging around in the shit chute is really only just a way of justifying a rather pleasurable activity then who am I to criticise? Now, where did I leave those salad tongs?

He's right about one thing, 100% wheat bread will help you dump regularly. In my experience white bread just doesn't cut it as "helpful" fiber. It actually makes me constipated. Pasta and really doughy pizza also make me feel backed up. They may make you feel full but you'll be taking unfulfilling "Rabbit-shits" unless you eat something really oily to "Open the gates" so to speak. Even then you might still drop pellets instead of a healthy log.

Thanks, Joel, for the thoughtful comments. Two specific points. 1) Linseed (flax) as a dietary supplement works wonders in terms of clearance - since taking a daily dose, I've had many 'clean' craps, i.e. needing almost no paperwork afterwards, plus I eat an almost totally vegetarian diet, notorious for problems. 2) I too would like a debate on techniques. Here (in the UK) once a kid has learnt how to sit on a toilet, crap, and wipe itself with paper, that's it in terms of education. There must be techniques for crapping to order, and keeping the anus relatively clean at the same time. (Consider spitting as a similar activity. Most people can rid themselves of excess saliva without leaving dribbles down their lips!) And how do women manage to crap so cleanly? In a long life including sexual encounters, dirty bottoms do seem an exclusively male preserve.... Very interesting web site, just a pity about the modern americanism 'poop'. You guys used to call spades spades, and shit shit. What's happened?
Regards, Allen.

WHAT A LOAD OF

CRAP!

If I have problems with poo, I do one of two things.-
-If the poo is diarrhea-like, eat yogurt with live cultures. The good bacteria in the yogurt harden the logs.
-If the mail is not moving, or moving with pain, then the movie therapy is in order. Popcorn is full of fiber, and helps free constipated rectums.

So, if your poo has gone bad, the cure is to harden with yogurt, and pop around the clock!

Poop on! (and easily)

-Poopgirl