For me, Combos (particularly the pretzel and cheese ones) bind me up like a snare drum. If I eat one of those big bags of combos, the log that will exit my innards could be used for draw bridge cable. I've dropped a few 12-14"ers from Combos, but never anything more then that. better luck nest year.

Bad luck with your effort. Why don't you try to do a few trials over the coming year so that by the next stoolstice you will be prepared for a monster turd? As to what you should eat, try eating food that is slow to digest such as meat and cheese in the first couple of days and then move onto fruit, vegetables and cereal (like bran) to get things moving when you're ready to proceed. Keep us posted!

Next year try figs. If even look at a fig, I can lay a cable from San Diego to Portland.

'Twas the beans and rice, my dear son. Rice is a grain, beans are fiber. You were doomed from the start. Better luck next year.

beans and rice??? no wonder you got diarrhea instead of a brown python

next time eat like 8 Immodium and then follow it up with foods that make solids, not LIQUIDS

He's right. Rice is a carb -- a grain -- something easy to digest. You should have been taking in pure protein -- meat, peanut butter, nuts. The rice was no good.

Right about the rice, but the digestive control lady suggested beans and rice as a combination to SLOW digestion. I figured there would be some magic where they combined into a cementaceous compound.

Aint gonna do the Immodium. I'd rather take an anaconda up the ass than be unnaturally constipated.

I don't know if this would work for you but lately ever since I started to regularly consume products made with Splenda (the best sugar substitute known to man, yum yum) I have been producing the longest and "cleanest" shits ever. I mainly drink the Hawaiian punch and eat the Dreyers Mint Chocolate ice cream... I probably consume more than I should but hey, its sugar/guilt free. And ever since, going to the loo for #2 has been a pure pleasure. I have never had such perfect shits in my life. The last one was almost a two footer and the one before it at least 15 inches... and not a spot of ass produce to be seen on the tp afer wiping.

So try eating a good well rounded meal or chinese takeout (that what produced the two footer) and wash it down with a few cans of some Splenda containing drink and then finish up with a nice big bowl of sugerfree ice cream, it has to be made with Splenda though, that other stuff is crap and will make you shit liquid fire. Good luck!

I'm not surprised you failed, NUTS????? BEANS! and LOTS of WATER! totally the wrong type of diet to make a big solid turd. No wonder you passed a load of mush. Beans and pulses cause gas which will make the stools explosive when passed splattering the toilet pan, nuts will make the motion if soft but formed break up as it is passed and too much water over too short a time scale will overload the colon and not be absorbed so the consistancy of the feces will be loose and mushy and a soft runny paste.

Next time, perhaps for the Autumnal Equinox in September, try eating a bland diet. Can the vegs, especially greens. No peppers, chilies or spicy foods. Eat plenty of well done meat, white meat such as Turkey, Chicken, Pork better than red in this respect, white bread NOT wholegrain, white pasta, white rice, no onions. Stay off of beer, but soft drinks are ok as long as they use sugar and NOT apartime or sorbitol as a sweetener as these have laxative effects by reducing the absorbtion of water by the large bowel, so avoid any drink which has "Lite" or "Free" in its name. White wine is fine but red wine again has laxative effects. Desserts such as cakes and buns are fine but avoid any with fruit and with too much chocolate as these can lead to looseness. If you follow this diet then you should pass solid poos. You could cheat slighly by taking an imodium capsule or two (no more) to slow down your intestinal transit time (in effect to make you slightly constipated) but I would not advise that as it can lead to nasty complications.

Wishing you Good Luck next time and big solid turds!

Mucking about with a good bowel routine seems foolish - rather like the Essenes, a Jewish religious community believed to inhabit the Dead Sea area in the time of Jesus Christ. Little is known about them apart from some biassed written records. There is some evidence that they organised their lives so that they kept their bowels closed on the Sabbath Day. Such ascetism isn't healthy. The Summer Stoolstice may be good fun, but is it good health?

A double serving of pad thai and tofu with spicy garlic peanut sauce topped off by two ice cream cones and a large bottle of diet coke did the trick for me. I dropped a table leg that if measured end to end probably would have been two feet long. This combination worked so well I tried it again and got similar results.

Looks as though there is no "one size shits all" answer. Some people can eat spicy foods and pass a tree trunk others squirt out "soft serve" on the same diet.

I suppose it is a matter of finding out by trial and error what foods produce large solid turds in your own GI system and stick with them and avoid those which have laxative effects. You want stuff that produces residue but does not irritate the colon and is passed through slowly thus allowing the water to be absorbed and a solid stool to be produced. I find that cheese sandwiches with white bread, and SMOOTH peanut butter sandwiches again with white bread are very helpful, and of course HARD Boiled Eggs. Also I question the wisdom of the two stage approach of suddenly chaging the type of food eaten. Stay with the constipating bland foods then let your bowels move when they want to, changing suddenly to all that high fiber veggy rubbish,Granola, Celery, etc, is sure to result in the diarrhea disater you experienced.

I would ignore the "Digestive Control Lady" as it looks as though she is talking through her arse (ass)!

Chick peas my man . . . chick peas

Loved the title "Going long," fitting in this respect as well, that what usually happens when you go long is that you walk back to the huddle empty handed and out of breath.

Protein darlin', Protein. I know others have suggested it... but it does work. My chubby hubby and I visited a local steak house that offered up one of those deals of "Eat the ol' 96 ounce steak with all the fixings and get your meal free and your fat, bloated picture on the wall". He took the offer and succeeded. Now, a quick background of my hub's poop... he craps atleast (I kid you not) four times a day and he's a "Mr. Softee" kind of guy... his poo is never firm. Anywho, after eating that beefy beast he didn't shit, or couldn't, for 3 days afterwards... and when he finally got the urge to purge that dark-n-lovely... oh my god... I still say it's a miracle he birthed that log without an an episiotomy and epidural. Not only was it unbelievably long, it was terrorizingly girthy. After the dirty deed was done... his system just wasn't the same for another 3 to 4 days later. He couldn't poop but he was extremely gassy... the kind of farts that start way up high in your chest and rumble their way down through your colon. They were extremely explosive and noxious... not to mention long. He admitted his sides hurt from straining to expel those gas blasts. Once the farts started to subside, he had a touch of the squirts but thankfully they didn't last long. I don't think his pooper could have handled anymore if those runs would have hung around. So, as I agree with what a lot of others have said... go protein!

I suggest, to observe the summer stoolstice next time round, measure the shit cubically (no pun intended...) because sometimes the shit comes out SIDEWAYS!!! Anyway, feedback wanted.

Lifted off the pot by a fart... I dropped a table leg...Dark-n-lovely...
:-D :-D :-D

Between this PoopReport and its accompanied PoopRetorts, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

I don`t know about you guys but i have absolutely no problem having those kind of poops.I have always pooped liked that.I only get the monster ONE maybe,once a month but other wise the rest even a amature would be jealous.If you need advice I`m an expert,If I do say so my self

DungDaddy, I know you have kept us posted from time to time about how you and your family are doing since your house burned down, but what's your latest turd, er, word?

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Dumpster, thanks for asking. We (seven of us) have moved into a single-wide trailer, while our new house is being built. It appears that it will be an awful long project though. The government agencies are queuing up to fight us and we haven't even bought the land yet.

A single-wide for seven people? Damn, DD, do y'all sleep (and shit) in shifts?

And, if I might ask, how do you and DungMommy find any privacy to, er, make any more DungBabies?

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Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

It's not so bad. I spend all my time at work. The kids are out in the yard all day. All of our belongings were incinerated, so the house is not cluttered. It being small, it is easy to keep clean.

There are three bedrooms and I built a narrow-gage triple bunk bed for the boys so space is conserved. Clementine (DungDolly:age 4) sleeps in a little hammock that is stowed during the day. She loves it. It's slightly better than camp.

We had become pretty bad materialists before the fire and now we can be more Zen. Until the new house is built, we will concentrate on experiences rather than belongings. OOHHMM!

I must say there has been limited DungBaby producing type of activity since the fire. But there is a Hotel a couple blocks away to which we have occasionally escaped.

nice try dungdaddy better luck next year :-)

The following always makes me go long:

1 tbsp of Sonne's #7 immediatley followed by 12oz of Moxie, 2 bowls of Fiber One, a medium sized lunch, and a big dinner, 2 Pabst Blue Ribbon beers, and 6 12oz glasses of juice or water. Follow that, and next year you should be able to lay train tracks for Accela, never mind cable.
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Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

I like to see some of these old PoopReports come around. After reading the above, I have decided that I am indeed, the best PoopReporter.

I don't know which dietary factor makes a difference in the length of my poops, but a technique for retaining maximum length is to sit, not on the seat, but on the rim of the bowl, closer to the water. Sometimes that lets a moderately soft turd hold together for most or all of its length rather than breaking up. I have done some whoppers that way, for length at least. I must admit, it works only some of the time, and the toilet rim is often cold.

Good idea MSG, I might try it and see if one of my chunkys
(sometimes as many as 12 pieces) will hold together better. I have a year of practice to get my shit together...pun
intended.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!