Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces

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This is the story of my life-long struggle to successfully flush either overly long or
extra large diameter feces.

I'm average size and eat normal sized portions; it's just that my intestines produce
over-size ordure. While I enjoy daily regularity, I'm constantly concerned with
clogging -- that is, will my waste resist repeated flushing today?

You, the reader
with average size poops, should be grateful if you are spared this problem, which
doesn't even have a celebrity spokesperson. This "birth defect" is ignored even in
gastroenterology texts, so there's no medical advice available.

With the goal of preventing any water and waste from washing onto the floor, I consider
each disappearing load a victory -- and each successful time, I end up flushed with joy
and satisfaction. My highest priority is to prevent a situation necessitating use of the plunger, and the unpleasant unplugging stages
beyond -- anything from the plumber's snake to the jackhammer and excavator.

The first step towards keeping my crap in check is my special dietary habits: if I eat a large
dinner, I have several glasses of wine to enable the laxative action of fruit to
eventually produce smaller skat. And I assiduously avoid eating anything "binding," such
as bananas or cheese.

If I'm "late" with a movement, I generate the urge to purge via
exercises -- alternatively compressing and then pushing on the stomach muscles in
ten-second cycles, while maintaining normal breathing, to help move mass through the
intestines. (This unobtrusive workout also exercises the abdominal muscles to firm the
body.)

As one might expect, I bent my home toilet tank float upward to increase the water in
the tank, so as to enhance both water flow and pressure. I also have both a smooth toilet
drain and my piping is larger diameter. If I had rough piping, I would have had it
smoothed and reglazed to make it as frictionless as possible.

Here are additional details of massive manure management. I flush just as soon as the
first feces fall -- the flowing water helps align the ordure with the drain to cause
the dung to descend down the pipes. In addition, a timely surge of water will prevent
kinking to diminish damming by doubled-back dung. I always hold down the handle until
the flushing ceases -- this is because my valve allows extra water to flow into the
bowl. Every added drop is important to help make the difference between a successful
flush or having to get out the plunger.

I always reflush to ensure washing waste into the main piping. At home or away, I
always have a disposable stick to re-align any stuck skat, or, if necessary, to smash
it into smaller, easily disposable fragments. Here, there is no Freudian pride in
production, but instead embarrassment, chagrin and shame. Naturally, in addition to
having an industrial size plunger at home, I carry a small, plastic-bagged one in the
car for emergencies -- similar to carrying a spare tire.

At work, I always use different toilets, preferably in different buildings. I do not
want to become "known" to the janitors, who might betray me to my bosses, who, in turn,
might bar me from company toilets or demand that I use a litter box.

On vacation, my enemy is the low volume toilet. If my room has one, I use the hotel
restaurant or a gasoline station toilet; preferably one with two adjacent stalls, as an
emergency alternative to ensure either a safe finish or a fast, anonymous disappearance
into the ever-changing crowd. My friend is the toilet with added suction action. I
also add shampoo to the hotel toilet to lubricate the waste washing through the pipes.
It's only a small step, but, hey, we all know there's only a small difference between a
successful flush and a flood.

It could be worse. With time, I've learned to adjust to this condition to avoid
plugging, flooding and apologizing. I'm glad that I'm not obese, because then I'd
probably generate even larger turds. In this case, I would need to either (1) own
large wooded properties, where I could disappear from sight to "do my business", (2)
use flushless, pipeless, open pit, construction site-type portable toilets, or (3)
train my anal sphincter to repeatedly cut and clip the extruding turd to achieve
average lengths. I'm glad I only have my chronic -- but controllable -- problems!

Author's Note: Please note that the author is writing under an assumed name to avoid family
embarrassment, unwanted follow-up weird "fan-mail", pesky documentary film-makers and
bills from angry hoteliers. Gratefully acknowledged are the efforts of the engineers
and 'test pilots" who produced today's effective toilets.

-- "Skat"

331 Comments on "Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces"

danholio's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Bung, this really is happening. I suspect most everyone involved with this website are grown men and women yacking about their turds. I think it's 100% comedy gold.

Anonymous's picture

My son has this same problem. The problem though for me is that he is disabled. He has severe autism and cerebral palsy. He's 17 now and always had football sized poops. It's really rock hard and always clogs the toilet. I had tried everything to change his diet but he still has this problem. I tried giving him prescribed medicine and that was a total disaster. He wears pull ups and doesn't understand proper bathroom tactics. He will throw his fecal matter in the toilet which is horrible because it clogs it up. I'm seriously thinking about putting a lock on the bathroom door so he can't go in there to do that again. But I really need to know what can help dissolve this type of poop. My toilet is clogged right now and has many of these footballs in there. I really don't want to get gloves and have to fish these out. Any suggestions? I'm really serious. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to have to deal with this.

Anonymous's picture

I have this problem every time I'm pregnant. I simply clog the toilet every time I go because the poop is bigger around than the toilet drain. I have to let it sit until it breaks up a little on it's own, and then go back and flush it. Sometimes it takes all day. I am always so embarrassed and don't want my husband to know that I can't use the bathroom without clogging it, so if he's home, I usually just don't go, or make sure I use a bathroom with a plunger in it.

Anonymous's picture

Feces is spelt faeces.

___________________________________
Moderators comment;

Not necessarily Anonymous, it depends upon which side of the pond you dwell. Feces is the standard spelling in the USA while faeces is used in the UK.

Another word you used "spelt" is more correctly, in the USA, written as "spelled", neither one is right or wrong, both are regional spellings.

I normally edit words to conform to standard American spelling since this is a USA based website and my spell check is set on standard American spelling.

Another word I edit frequently is replacing haemorrhoid with hemorrhoid. Any way they're spelled their still a pain in the ass, or should I say arse?

Anonymous's picture

This started happening to me during pregnancy and now two years later seems to be permanent. Thanks for the tips!

Anonymous's picture

THE SOLUTION:

I have had this large feces problem for a few years now. It started slowly, possibly from waiting for long periods of time to have a BM. I think it's a combination of things. I no longer wait for BM's and go daily, but still have the problem. I do not have the problem every time. It seems to come in waves. There will be several days where it is no problem and other times, days where it is. I have had older toilets and newer ones. It made some difference, but not enough to have peace of mind.

My solution to this problem was simple. I never break it up or anything like that, although I'm sure that works. I've seen suggestions to put dish soap in the bowl first. I have not tried that, but I will. I think that the clog occurs in the the trap or in piping that is too small. I have plunged and snaked the toilet several times.

Finally, I got tired of doing all of that, as I am pretty disgusted by feces. I felt like I had to sanitize the bathroom every time I was finished. Now, I simply survey the feces to determine if it's flushable. If in doubt, assume it is too large. If it cannot be flushed, I pour a cup or so of splashless bleach in the toilet and let it stand for half a day, sometimes overnight. Then I go to the second toilet, wipe and continue on in peace. When I return to flush, everything goes without any problems. I let the bleach do the work, instead of a glove or a stick.

You might be wondering about smells? To avoid smells, I simply leave the fan on when doing this. It works. My wife basically never uses the "pooping" bathroom, unless checking with me first to see if it's all clear. I also try to pee first and flush before having the BM to avoid the ammonia and chlorine mix.

I think the problem is simple. Plumbing and toilets are not designed for larger than average turds! Since most people are embarrassed to bring up the issue, the manufacturers are able to get away with it. What should be reflected in plumbing code is not because no one is really willing to stand up and admit they have large turds. No one is going to make larger pipes or better toilets, and increase their costs, unless they have to or the market will pay for it. Unfortunately, paying for it means that people have to ask for it or know it's there. I just think the plumbing world hasn't caught up with reality yet. Additionally, construction is a low cost game. It's all frills and thrills and lowest bidder wins. Large BM's will never be at the top of their list.

I would like to contact someone eventually in toilet or plumbing engineering to find out more about this and see what's what, but this is how the market usually works. Nothing is ever made for the exceptions, not unless there is a readily available market for it or forced to do so.

Anonymous's picture

COAT HANGER IS EASIEST FOR ME. I CUT THE TOP OFF OF A GALLON WATER JUG AND JUST KEEP IT IN THERE FOR THE "BOMBS" WHEN THEY DROP...BETTER TO CUT THE BEASTS DOWN BEFORE FLUSHING. TOILET HAS A SMALL "s" CURVE. I DO LIVE ALONE SO THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO...SAVES ON THE PLUMBER.

Anonymous's picture

God, I have the same problem!!
I've began drinking only protein shakes for breakfast and soup for lunch and dinner!! It's gotten so bad that I have to carry baggies with me to the bathroom to break up my B.M so it will fit down the small toilet hole. Our toilet is rather old, so the hole is rather small. (Old as in complete with the pulling chain. Yes those exist!)
It's soo friggen annoying!!

Any suggestions? Email me at johnnyTHM01@hotmail.com.

Anonymous's picture

My dad provides me with disposable "shit sticks" that he respectfully requests I use when I come home for visits. Weird thing is you'd never suspect that I have behemoth turds because I'm a chick and I'm wicked hot.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous, Your comment above is obviously a lie, there is no school in the USA that could ban a child from using the toilet without incurring great parental wrath in the form of a lawsuit.

If by chance you are telling the truth you could have a rewarding future filming anal sex porn with either Ron Jeremy or a donkey named Pancho who lives in Tijuana.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

HELP ME! I poop 4 inches in diameter and 2 feet long every time. I have clogged 3 out of 4 toilets in my school. I think they are not fixable because those thing have been stuck in there for a month, I am now banned from the Toilets! Help!

Anonymous's picture

I am a 5'4" 115 lb female in my 20s. I have been faithfully clogging pipes since I can remember. When I was in my teens my mom would yell at me for using too much toilet paper and always clogging up the toilet. I never could tell her it was just cause I had massive shits. I work after hours in a office facility and usually use their nice unoccupied industrial strength toilets to do my business, however I started clogging those too.

About two months ago I noticed, in the stall I use most often, they modified a toilet to keep flushing for about five min. I am not kidding here. It just keeps on flushing and flushing. Part of me is a bit embarrassed that this has occurred but I also am relieved that there is finally a toilet I don't have to worry about plugging. I just hope that no one is able to trace it back to me.

Anonymous's picture

You are all just so disgusting.

Anonymous's picture

I have a theory, no toilet can take me. Kinda like what Ron Jeremy used to say about women.

I was sending these logs for years down my throne only to discover my raised floor home had a problem. I guess one of my logs broke the plumbing and all the cannonballs were dropping on the dirt under the house. My logs are the size of a backpacking bear canister.

I am guessing a year's worth were stacking up under my house (yes I cut then using a metal knife cause plastic ones break). The smell lead to discovery. The cost of excavation was close to 2K cause the plumber had to hire a mason to chisel out the mountain of crap.

I now use Mag. Citrate daily; logs have turned to stuff they make Frescoes out of, much better!

Anonymous's picture

I'm 16, 5'4" and high 80s to low 90s range when it comes to weight in pounds. I have Celiac Disease and my poops are the size of four pound newborn babies or, if you need a better comparison on size, a small/medium jar of peanut butter in circumference and sometimes 12 inches long. They weigh about 2 pounds each and I poop about once every two months+.

I'm a healthy person, high energy and all but my poops don't flush. Every time I go I either sneak out of the bathroom if it's public, or if i'm at home I have to dig it out of the toilet using plastic bags. Is this normal

I swear to God I'm not trolling or joking. Can I get a transplant or something to shrink my intestines? Please help me!

Anonymous's picture

It looks like this thread died since 2011. What a shame too, since I was looking forward to feedback on my story or even chatting with you guys.

First, let me tell you how relieved I was to find that I wasn't the only one with this issue. When I was around ten or so years old, the lunch of the day at school was footlong hot dog, and I made the mistake of ordering it. The next day or so, the entire footlong must have come out in the toilet, and I was scared to death.

I had never produced such a thing, so I was terrified to go #2 after that. For a long time I held in my poop (bad idea, I know). Then when I couldn't hold it any longer, I released it upon our poor family toilet. It would clog of course, and my parents were clueless as to how it happened. There was no way the darling daughter could have done it. Eventually, I stopped going at home and only went at school or any other public place. My mom used to give me Miralax as a kid because I did get constipated, but then she switched me over to Metamucil as it is much healthier.

I am currently a 14 year old girl standing at 5'9 weighing about 138 lbs. I'm tall but at a healthy weight, and I don't diet or starve myself to stay at it. I just make sure to eat a balanced diet with junk food eaten in moderation. I don't drink sugary drinks at home, only occasionally at parties. My mother helps by nagging me when I slack off on eating like I should.

I still produce my monster craps, and I've gotten it down to a schedule. Usually I go Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and either Saturday or Sunday. I make sure to do my weekly drops during school, so I usually rotate which class I leave during. I fear my home toilet wouldn't handle it, but the toilets at school are lovely. I've never clogged a school toilet, they are so powerful! I can go pretty quickly, I rarely am truly constipated so that makes for a less awkward return to class.
I never really liked fruit as a child, but I am warming to it.

Recently I discovered something that allowed me to go off fiber supplements completely. I'm not sure why this helps, but it does. I eat Dole's "Peaches in Strawberry gel" which is basically peaches in jello. They are delicious and are very good at regulating. When we first got them I ate way too many and had diarrhea. This was very bad because I didn't have the time at school to deal with it. Eventually I managed to figure out how many to eat a week to keep my poo soft and comfy.

My craps are still very big though, probably because I only go every other day or sometimes every three days.
I never would have thought of the whole knife or utensil idea, and quite frankly I'd be too much of a sissy to even try it.

I don't think I have it as bad as some of you, I've produced my fair share of big uglies but nothing too horrendous. I did get a crap completely "stuck" once earlier on, which was probably the worst time in my entire life.

My problem is the summer time, when I don't have the school as a crutch. Last summer I managed to do a small crap at my own home because I was practically crapping my pants. I get really creative, using places like church, the grocery store, the mall, the pool, restaurants and the library. I've survived almost a month using my assortment of bathrooms, so wish me luck!

I feel like I can breath easier now without this hanging over my head. It feels so much better to know that I'm not alone. Thank you so much PR just for existing.

Anonymous's picture

Of course you had an anal fissure. Those massive turds aren't easy on the asshole! I used to suffer from monster turds, but holding these monsters caused me to have an anal fissure which changed my life forever.

Two years ago, my ex girlfriend's plumbing was bad and she stayed on the top floor of the apartments and I still lived with my parents, so most of the time I stayed with her. I had what some would call a spastic colon. I used to go once a day like clockwork, 5:30 AM.

It hurt to hold in these monsters but I feared her toilet couldn't handle the logs. I was without a chopping axe(logcutter). So every mornin for close to a month I would get up before daylight, 5:30AM, to rush home twenty minutes away.

One morning I was holding a monster and I felt something kinda pop,in my lower stomach and the urge just went away. And now it just works when it wants. I can feel it try to push but it just doesn't have the strength to move without prescription strength laxatives and its getting worse.

I suffer from chronic constipation after the fissure. I fear its gotten so bad I may have megacolon or just a dead part of my intestine.

I wasn't diagnosed properly by two different Dr.'s and due to that and my medication, my stomach basically has no movement. Now, I got one lined up to go but my ass muscle just won't let it go. This has been going on about a week and a half.

Chronic constipation is life altering or possibly life ending So just be sure to take plenty of stool softeners and it's worth considering a very strict diet when you look at the alternative.

Whatever you do ,never hold the beast back if he's ready to go. Because you could get an anal fissure like me and have chronic constipation for life. I'm not even thirty. Just release the beast.Don't hold it.

Anonymous's picture

I despise pooing every day. I take fiber supplements after every bowel movement, but if I poo daily the stool is too loose.

Instead I enjoy pooping every other day. On this schedule I make a healthy looking poop that is one foot or longer and is easy to pass.

The toilet seems to swallow the load hesitatingly, but it still disposes of the poop.

Sometimes I forget to take my fiber, or I'm lazy and feel like pooping on the third day, but then the poop is too hard or too large and clogs the toilet.

I wish pooping was an easier business.

I wish I didn't scorn my poop so much so I could cut it with a plastic knife for when I don't follow my poop schedule. Instead, I beg my mom to deal with my toilet woes.

Anonymous's picture

I've had this problem as long as I can remember. It's really relieving to know I'm not alone. I'm a female, 5'6" and I only weigh 120 pounds. I've always been scared to go to the bathroom in public places and even at my new home because the toilets never flush well. It's really irritating but i'll be sure to try all this fiber stuff. I've been desperate to change this!

Anonymous's picture

Wow, like everyone else, I can't believe that I'm not the only one. I guess I should have known because my brother has the same problem (and he also refuses to go other than at night when no one is awake).

I've read most everyone's posts here and while some of them made me laugh hysterically, others I find I can relate to, and others I have learned quite a bit from. I remember when I lived in Argentina, my host mom tried to tell me in Spanish that I shouldn't clog the toilet, which was perhaps one of the most awkward moments in my life. It was the first time I learned of the knife.

I've always had a problem though: they're long, hard, and I can only go every 2-3 days. It's also over in maybe 15 seconds. Does anyone else experience that?

It took a turn for the worst the other day when I felt something that I had never felt before--normally it hurts a bit and I can't really sit on my butt for half an hour afterwards, but this was excruciating. I think I may have had an anal fissure, and to top it all off, it overflowed and my father-in-law spent maybe 5 hours cleaning it (since we were at his house). Thankfully, he blamed my husband for it. Then, just today, I felt the extreme pain again and this time there was a lot of blood. And of course, it clogged again and I have been dreading all day going down there to see what I will have to do.

I will try the mucinex and adding more fiber, but I am not sure what the issue is. I ate like crap growing up (most because that's what my parents fed me) but I was still relatively skinny - 5'6" at 130 pounds (I'm female). Now that I'm still the same height and moderately overweight (at 170 pounds) it seems to be either the same, or getting worse. The saddest part about this story is that I've lost maybe 8 pounds lately from cleaning up my eating habits (I'm eating healthier than I ever have in my life), and experiencing this kind of pain during this new lifestyle isn't exactly encouraging.

Well, I hope this site continues on for many more years and even though the last post hasn't been in nearly a year, I hope someone sees this, and feels a little bit better about themselves like I did after reading all of these.

In solidarity.

Anonymous's picture

I have this same problem. I went to a gastroenterologist who was no help at all and just sounded shocked (I hate when doctors say "I've never heard of that before" and they seem to say that a lot to me!). I guess it is more of a plumbing problem than a medical problem; although, I do also wonder and worry if it's medical.

I am overweight by 30-40 lbs (I am 6'3" 236 lbs). I have had this problem for several years now. Every time I use the toilet it clogs (without flushing toilet paper). It's just physically too big for the pipe. I would say the stools are usually about as big as my forearm and quite hard, yet I go to the bathroom every day. It's quite frustrating.

I am a life-long vegetarian and eat a lot of fiber through plants and fruits, but I don't eat much grain. I do recall when I used to eat more oats that the bowel movements were softer, but still incredibly large but grain seem to irritate my stomach. I do overeat, especially at night when I take a medication (Seroquel) that really puts my hunger into overdrive, but it's still hard to understand how I can eat as much that comes out of me.

I also have an issue where I leak a clear, odorless liquid from my anus, especially before impending bowel movements. The larger the impending bowel movement and the longer I have to wait to use a toilet, the more leakage I get. I get really disgusted by having that problem, but I have seen a couple of doctors about it who don't know what it is either. What's strange is that you would expect the liquid to be malodorous or colored, but it's not. It's just like water, but it's still disgusting to me. I feel like a gross person because of it. It's enough that it wets my underwear but to this point it hasn't ever visibly dampened my pants.

I'm one of those types that is germophobic, so I feel like I am spreading germs everywhere I sit when I have the problem.

Anonymous's picture

I have a wire coat hanger by the toilet to whisk up the poop to make it flush. I came home two weeks ago and my housemate has a woman over. When I went to the toilet I saw a white blouse hanging on the back of the toilet door using my poo whisk, I did not have the heart to tell her what I use the wire coat hanger for.

Anonymous's picture

I just figured out how to get overly large turds to go down. I have a low flow toilet, one of those with the two buttons, one for pee and one for poop. My six year old daughter plugs the toilet every time she has a dump. Tonight I decided to try something other than the plunger. I dumped a quarter of a jug of Javax in first and it sizzled but not sure how much good it did, cause when I flushed it a few minutes later, yup you guessed it, it clogged. I tried flushing again and it was still clogged, so I squirted a bit of liquid hand soap in and flushed, and you guessed it. It went down! Yeah! Victory for me! Hope this helps.

Anonymous's picture

I recently checked into a Ho Jo run by Calcutta's finest. After a long day at the convention I hurriedly checked into my room,barely got my drawers down and let it fly. It was a monster load and there was two inches of water in that shitter to take it. Well you know how those no-water, weak-ass hotel shitters are when full of shit....it was a brown water, log-infested run-over. Top it off there was zero paper on the roll, so I used one the white towels on the sink. In the meantime the shit water has flowed into the room, and the shit towel is in the floor soaked. So I call the front desk and the hot chick appears at the door with a plunger...I was mortified as I expected the old janitor. She gagged at the odor and ran off... I was asked to leave when her dad was called.....WTF!!!

Anonymous's picture

I'm really skinny, we're talking rib bones, collar bones, hip bones etc

I've had no problems with my turds until now.

I'm in a new country with a new toilet. Every time I take a dump it almost clogs.

So sick of it.

Anonymous's picture

The advise was not so helpful because I took a GINORMOUS shit today and it has taken me so many fucking flushes to get the bitch down!!! fml 8-------D (.Y.)

Anonymous's picture

I feel so much better after reading this! I'm a male, 27 years old, and have been clogging toilets for as long as I could remember. I'm all too familiar with the "break it up" method of making sure the whole damn thing goes down. It's bad to the point where I cringe at thought of going on vacation or needing to go at work because I know no toilet can handle it except my own. If I ever have to move, I'm taking my toilet with me!

Anonymous's picture

My poop bleeds sometimes.

Anonymous's picture

I am 5'1, 87 lbs, and 14 years old and my poops are huge! I can't even flush the toilet unless I'm in a public bathroom. My parents bought a toilet that was supposed to be able to flush 12 golfballs, but my poop won't even fit!

Anonymous's picture

I have the same problem everyone here as and I'm so glad that I'm not alone! I honestly can't have a bowel movement unless its at my own house because I'm afraid it will clog someone else's toilet..EMBARRASSING!

HOWEVER..I have a solution for everyone. CHANGE YOUR DIET! I started eating lots of all bran, drinking tons of water, and snacking only on fruits and veggies with the occasional toast every now and than. Honestly, I started going once a day, at like the same time, they were much softer, not painful, and my bowel movements NEVER CLOGGED THE TOILET! Seriously! Fruit has so much fiber, and its soooo good for you. You'll feel the effects within 2 or 3 days of changing your diet, and feel very satisfied after you take a dump!

But you have to be careful. If you have a body like me, you need to keep this diet constant. I had chips, chocolate, and pizza at a friends house. The next morning, I had the biggest and hardest poop I have had in months. It took 4 flushes, and LOTS of plunging. But seriously DO THE RESEARCH! FIBER IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! If you don't want to live like this anymore, or have the constant health issues, I can't stress how much your diet can effect your bowel movements. Simple changes like fruit, veggies, bran and water are a LIFE SAVER PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Anonymous's picture

39 year old male here....been having this problem all my life. My mom use to refer to them as Gator Poops. I am notorious about clogging up someones toilet. I avoid taking a dump at someone's home, and rush to get home quickly....that or try and get myself where I can use a industrial public toilet that has mad pressure and suction capabilities.

Anonymous's picture

This story and accompanying comments are so hilarious that I have to share my monster poop adventure. I'm a very conscious eater who doesn't eat most dough based products and if once in a while I do, it's always a multigrain bread. I add flax seed and sesame seeds to everything- salads, sauces, soups, meats, anything. Treat my 5a day like a religion, drink at least 2 liters of water(not including tea, juice or coffee) because of my kidney condition. I do marathons few times a year. Nonetheless, couple of months ago I had a major constipation, I noticed straight away because it's not like me not to poop every day...I decided to give it an extra day, perhaps the chocolates I got from my boyfriend were to blame, on a second day I decided to go into offensive - I swallowed three tablespoons of olive oil, other than making me feel rather unwell it did nothing, on the third day, I got concerned enough to dig out my yoga mat and try the 'walrus' position(named by me), it relaxed me and looked like it's going to work but after dumping perhaps a pitiful nail-sized poop, nothing - oh, I could feel the bastard alright but it wasn't going anywhere. My boyfriend volunteered to buy some laxative since he's been denied his privileges in the bedroom and was instead blamed for giving me chocolate and being useless and annoying and all together a horrible person. On the fourth day I knew it was now or never, my bowels would burst open and I would die, forever remembered as the girl that died from shit...since the poop was still terribly stubborn or perhaps it has grow attached to me and couldn't stand the thought of abandoning me for the eternal abyss of plumbing I decided to treat it as one would a birth but instead of common vagina it chose the respectable anus( I can only presume having strictly watched child birth on TV ). After an hour of hard work that included large amounts of KY jelly and being positioned like a cat in heat, it started to happen. I have somehow coaxed this creature to move, from there everything happened very quickly - my turd baby was delivered in two plops and rested comfortably in the toilet bowl, brown, stinky and utterly too self-satisfied. However feeling at least a stone lighter I forgave it the pain I went through so it could finally see the light of the world - very much like a real mother does in the movies. Just looking at the size of of my delivery was frightening - the thought of being forever loose 'down there' and being forced to wear adult diapers flashed in front of my eyes. The subsequent loss of my boyfriend, friends and family nearly made me weep. At the same time the primitive feeling of pride started to creep in - with a turd like this nobody could call me a wimpy girl anymore, that's for sure! Somehow I resisted the urge to go around the neighborhood showing off my greatest feat of strength and causing the ultimate emasculation my boyfriend would most definitely suffer. After a soft goodbye to this brown, thick mass I pulled the lever of my toilet and watched dispassionately as the cold and cruel water flowed around the turd. The turd seemed to refuse it, perhaps not wanting to leave me alone in this big, lonely world. After a moment I realized I might have a bigger problem on my hands than I previously anticipated, if the toilet bowl decided to bow to the undoubtful prowess of my poop. Desperately I pulled the lever again ad again, forcing the water to flow much more aggressively and with the last twirl the turd disappeared. With heavy heart but so much lighter bowels I sprayed some air freshener, as a farewell and left the toilet. Boyfriend's appreciation and manliness proved that night it was the right choice to remain the wimpy girl in his eyes. That was also the last time I ever ate milk chocolate - one square of dark chocolate a day is an absolute maximum now.

Anonymous's picture

This article is on point! If you think of a clock...one of my shits stretched from 12 to 10. God Damn! I even took a picture and showed my friends. They were disgusted. I just took a doublebkacked dung that that took 3 flushes in my low volume toilet.

Anonymous's picture

Oddly, mine are pretty normal size (1.5 inches in diameter, 5 inches long) but only flush without plunger assistance every other time. Typically the whole thing vanishes into the pipe, but the water doesn't drain after a flush, it just stays high. It's gotten to the point where at a friends house I usually ask for a plunger preemptively.

Anonymous's picture

Folks used to laugh hearing about the fellow who slips into the open holding tank during a nighttime stroll in the countryside after a rainstorm. The rim was well beyond his reach, and nobody heard his cries for help, but he managed to escape. How did he?

"He stood on a large stool and climbed out!"

At the end of the 20th century, it was proven beyond a doubt that the political class differs from the general population where intelligence is concerned. For the average citizen, turd size tends to correspond to intellect. For politicians, it reflects cojones rather than intellect: while most are indeed full of $#!+, it apparently comes out small-sized. Calling one "as smart as a rock" is an insult: to the rock!
When Congress passed laws in the mid-1990's requiring that new flush toilets use less than half the water per flush of old ones, gross flush water consumption increased. due to the new need for multiple flushes. That shows the government is awash in pinheads.

Anonymous's picture

I recognize and have employed all of the strategies suggested by everyone. I don't understand why we simply cannot have toilets that can accommodate people with large feces. Certainly this could fall under the ADA. If manufacturers can make elevated toilets for the elderly certainly they can make toilets for people with larger than average deposits. I've noticed that most people with above average feces have good to average health and fairly normal eating habits. I find it insulting that some people seem to think that we should have to change our diet in order to not challenge the 1.6 toilets. In the 21st century I should simple void my contents followed by a moderate wipe and flush but not have to dive into my toilet to chop smash and plunge the contents as though I was a serial killer dispatching body parts. I would like to see some enterprising person develop and sell a toilet capable of processing our voluminous output. Some engineer out there could easily solve this problem if only they knew it was a problem.

Anonymous's picture

Toto Drake toilet will NOT clog.

Anonymous's picture

well, I have a similar problem, but I only go one week out of the month and two weeks before my monthly happens. They are big in diameter and hard to cut up and they length of a 12 inch ruler. I am not proud and i hate them. I have been plugging up toilets since I was 5 and mine are too big for my anus. I would rather be vomiting than have direahea which makes my bowels that much more upset and easier to bleed. I found I could use a knife - but I don't like doing that and decided to go with my diet. I eat plenty of fiber or things that would make normal people run for the toliet don't effect me. I found laxatives gave me the runs so I stopped doing that. I found a solution a few years ago - GREEN TEA! If I drink one tea bag a day with chamomile my tummy won't be upset and it keeps me regular and I don't have to worry about my bottom bleeding. I also found straight granola is a God sent. By the way dairy and banana's those are binding and make a difference in your shit being rock hard and tearing you up to being soft. I like milk and dairy and allergic to banana's so I have to eat yogurt but dairy is limited so I my sinuses and my ass feel better. To the rest of you showing it off - that is just sick.

Anonymous's picture

I also have this problem. Big poop, every 3 days or so, toilet always semi clogs, toilet just goes really slow, but drains in 20 seconds or so.

A good plunger usually fixes the problem. I eat many peanut butter sandwiches, many carbs, bread and bananas i am not sure if that effects anything.

I cannot believe the worthless government refuses to sell proper toilets, why not charge a tax on better toilets rather than make it ILLEGAL?

Anonymous's picture

I always have to cut mine up. It's way better than dealing with a flood.

Anonymous's picture

I'm glad it's not just me with this problem. I'm female, 30, and normal weight. My diet is healthy but not too much...I don't overdo it with fiber. But the bombs I drop can be up to 9 inches. I am constantly using the snake as plungers usually break. I even flush while the first one is dropping but a lot of times it doesn't work. It's been like this for as long as I can remember.

Anonymous's picture

Is there anything chemical I can pour down the toilet to break it up? We don't have a plunger. I do plan to invest in a set of plastic knives, but I feel a bit sick just thinking about getting in the bowl and cutting it up. My landlord gets back in 24 hours, I'm sort of hoping it will be flushable before then...

Anonymous's picture

I'm 14, and started experiencing this problem only a couple years ago, so maybe I'm new to the idea of measuring my turds, or cutting them in half with knives. Kinda disgusting to me. But anyway, it's terrible. I'd rather have the flu for 3 years. At least that's not so damn embarrasing(exaggeration)

Anonymous's picture

I always had problem with poo. I go to the bathroom every 4 days or so they are usually big. Until now I was living in a house with huge pipes so I had no problem. Recently I moved to the UK to do a MSc degree and out of the 5 times I have taken a douche, 4 times the poo was refusing to leave the toilet. I had to go for plastic knives and gloves to surgically cut the douche so it can be flushed away

Anonymous's picture

Ugh. I've had pooping problems since I was a baby and was brought to the hospital. Apparently, the doctors couldn't specifically figure out anything wrong with me that they could fix so I've been clogging toilets since I could use one. ): At home, I'm banned to the toilet downstairs.

At school, I share a bathroom with my roommate, but I'm too scared to try and drop a deuce in that toilet since we don't own a plunger. I end up sneaking around the dorm building's ONE public toilet hoping that there's no one around so I can go anonymously. It's so inconvenient. Better than continuously clogging the toilet I share with one other person, though.

It sucks cuz I'm a 5'6.5" ~130 pounds girl so it's not like I'm overweight or anything. I guess that seems to be in common with a lot of other posters here though.

Anonymous's picture

WOW. I think I tore a muscle in my rectum because It hurts now when I make those large poops.

Anonymous's picture

I'd love to hook up and see it for myself.

Anonymous's picture

I have always had large poo,s since a child, I have degenerative muscle condition which has made my sphinkter loose and able to pass very large stools. Now i,m in my 30,s and require large amonts of oxycodone which make having a dump near on impossible. Now i,ve explained the background to the bio-mechanics of why I have klarge stolls I shall tell you about what I consider to be the world record ( unoffical for legal reasons lol)
it had been nearly 3weeks since my last poo I started taking small amounts of laxatives and I also visited my osteopath as my back needed clicking and the combination of the two lead to a dump that actually was hanging over the toilet and i,m guessing it was over 2 and a half foot and was around 4inches in thickness! At this point I was unaware of the curric scale otherwise I would have made some effort to try to rescue it from the bowl. I did what I usually do with a monster and go get a stick off the tree out the garden to break it up which is nothing new to me, but this beast was on a new level! Now of course I got my wife and our 12yr old daughter to come and look, when you do something that size you need people to see it, just like randy in southpark did when he took his king size effort, of course they were both discusted and said my arse isnt normal. Now I dont know if the use of constipating medicine and laxatives are considered cheating and I dont have any proof , all I know is I was very proud :-D and felt a bit more sympathetic when our second child was born :-P and that is the story of the biggest dump ever taken ( in my opinion) god bless.

Anonymous's picture

I'm a 25 year old woman and ever since I was little I've always clogged toilets with my massive poops. My mom and aunt used to get mad at me because I'd overflow the toilet and now I frustrate my husband because I clog our toilet. I'm nowhere near big either (5 foot 10 and only 130 lbs, just a skinnie minnie). It gets frustrating. I've had to resort to using disposable plastic knives to chop my 1 + foot logs so they'll flush.

Anonymous's picture

Oh my god, I thought I was the only one putting out gigantic toilet stoppers.
There is no cure for this but you can make it easier on yourself by taking two tablespoons of castor oil in orange juice every day. What happens is amazing, BM's are so smooth and easy no strain, takes away all the anxiety. Makes you feel so clean.
Always have small stick hidden in toilet tank to break it all up, flushes much easier. If you have this problem, always be prepared cause it never seems to go away, I'm 70 now and still plagued with this.

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