Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces

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This is the story of my life-long struggle to successfully flush either overly long or
extra large diameter feces.

I'm average size and eat normal sized portions; it's just that my intestines produce
over-size ordure. While I enjoy daily regularity, I'm constantly concerned with
clogging -- that is, will my waste resist repeated flushing today?

You, the reader
with average size poops, should be grateful if you are spared this problem, which
doesn't even have a celebrity spokesperson. This "birth defect" is ignored even in
gastroenterology texts, so there's no medical advice available.

With the goal of preventing any water and waste from washing onto the floor, I consider
each disappearing load a victory -- and each successful time, I end up flushed with joy
and satisfaction. My highest priority is to prevent a situation necessitating use of the plunger, and the unpleasant unplugging stages
beyond -- anything from the plumber's snake to the jackhammer and excavator.

The first step towards keeping my crap in check is my special dietary habits: if I eat a large
dinner, I have several glasses of wine to enable the laxative action of fruit to
eventually produce smaller skat. And I assiduously avoid eating anything "binding," such
as bananas or cheese.

If I'm "late" with a movement, I generate the urge to purge via
exercises -- alternatively compressing and then pushing on the stomach muscles in
ten-second cycles, while maintaining normal breathing, to help move mass through the
intestines. (This unobtrusive workout also exercises the abdominal muscles to firm the
body.)

As one might expect, I bent my home toilet tank float upward to increase the water in
the tank, so as to enhance both water flow and pressure. I also have both a smooth toilet
drain and my piping is larger diameter. If I had rough piping, I would have had it
smoothed and reglazed to make it as frictionless as possible.

Here are additional details of massive manure management. I flush just as soon as the
first feces fall -- the flowing water helps align the ordure with the drain to cause
the dung to descend down the pipes. In addition, a timely surge of water will prevent
kinking to diminish damming by doubled-back dung. I always hold down the handle until
the flushing ceases -- this is because my valve allows extra water to flow into the
bowl. Every added drop is important to help make the difference between a successful
flush or having to get out the plunger.

I always reflush to ensure washing waste into the main piping. At home or away, I
always have a disposable stick to re-align any stuck skat, or, if necessary, to smash
it into smaller, easily disposable fragments. Here, there is no Freudian pride in
production, but instead embarrassment, chagrin and shame. Naturally, in addition to
having an industrial size plunger at home, I carry a small, plastic-bagged one in the
car for emergencies -- similar to carrying a spare tire.

At work, I always use different toilets, preferably in different buildings. I do not
want to become "known" to the janitors, who might betray me to my bosses, who, in turn,
might bar me from company toilets or demand that I use a litter box.

On vacation, my enemy is the low volume toilet. If my room has one, I use the hotel
restaurant or a gasoline station toilet; preferably one with two adjacent stalls, as an
emergency alternative to ensure either a safe finish or a fast, anonymous disappearance
into the ever-changing crowd. My friend is the toilet with added suction action. I
also add shampoo to the hotel toilet to lubricate the waste washing through the pipes.
It's only a small step, but, hey, we all know there's only a small difference between a
successful flush and a flood.

It could be worse. With time, I've learned to adjust to this condition to avoid
plugging, flooding and apologizing. I'm glad that I'm not obese, because then I'd
probably generate even larger turds. In this case, I would need to either (1) own
large wooded properties, where I could disappear from sight to "do my business", (2)
use flushless, pipeless, open pit, construction site-type portable toilets, or (3)
train my anal sphincter to repeatedly cut and clip the extruding turd to achieve
average lengths. I'm glad I only have my chronic -- but controllable -- problems!

Author's Note: Please note that the author is writing under an assumed name to avoid family
embarrassment, unwanted follow-up weird "fan-mail", pesky documentary film-makers and
bills from angry hoteliers. Gratefully acknowledged are the efforts of the engineers
and 'test pilots" who produced today's effective toilets.

-- "Skat"

331 Comments on "Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces"

danholio's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Bung, this really is happening. I suspect most everyone involved with this website are grown men and women yacking about their turds. I think it's 100% comedy gold.

Anonymous's picture

My son has this same problem. The problem though for me is that he is disabled. He has severe autism and cerebral palsy. He's 17 now and always had football sized poops. It's really rock hard and always clogs the toilet. I had tried everything to change his diet but he still has this problem. I tried giving him prescribed medicine and that was a total disaster. He wears pull ups and doesn't understand proper bathroom tactics. He will throw his fecal matter in the toilet which is horrible because it clogs it up. I'm seriously thinking about putting a lock on the bathroom door so he can't go in there to do that again. But I really need to know what can help dissolve this type of poop. My toilet is clogged right now and has many of these footballs in there. I really don't want to get gloves and have to fish these out. Any suggestions? I'm really serious. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to have to deal with this.

Anonymous's picture

I have this problem every time I'm pregnant. I simply clog the toilet every time I go because the poop is bigger around than the toilet drain. I have to let it sit until it breaks up a little on it's own, and then go back and flush it. Sometimes it takes all day. I am always so embarrassed and don't want my husband to know that I can't use the bathroom without clogging it, so if he's home, I usually just don't go, or make sure I use a bathroom with a plunger in it.

Anonymous's picture

Feces is spelt faeces.

___________________________________
Moderators comment;

Not necessarily Anonymous, it depends upon which side of the pond you dwell. Feces is the standard spelling in the USA while faeces is used in the UK.

Another word you used "spelt" is more correctly, in the USA, written as "spelled", neither one is right or wrong, both are regional spellings.

I normally edit words to conform to standard American spelling since this is a USA based website and my spell check is set on standard American spelling.

Another word I edit frequently is replacing haemorrhoid with hemorrhoid. Any way they're spelled their still a pain in the ass, or should I say arse?

Anonymous's picture

This started happening to me during pregnancy and now two years later seems to be permanent. Thanks for the tips!

Anonymous's picture

THE SOLUTION:

I have had this large feces problem for a few years now. It started slowly, possibly from waiting for long periods of time to have a BM. I think it's a combination of things. I no longer wait for BM's and go daily, but still have the problem. I do not have the problem every time. It seems to come in waves. There will be several days where it is no problem and other times, days where it is. I have had older toilets and newer ones. It made some difference, but not enough to have peace of mind.

My solution to this problem was simple. I never break it up or anything like that, although I'm sure that works. I've seen suggestions to put dish soap in the bowl first. I have not tried that, but I will. I think that the clog occurs in the the trap or in piping that is too small. I have plunged and snaked the toilet several times.

Finally, I got tired of doing all of that, as I am pretty disgusted by feces. I felt like I had to sanitize the bathroom every time I was finished. Now, I simply survey the feces to determine if it's flushable. If in doubt, assume it is too large. If it cannot be flushed, I pour a cup or so of splashless bleach in the toilet and let it stand for half a day, sometimes overnight. Then I go to the second toilet, wipe and continue on in peace. When I return to flush, everything goes without any problems. I let the bleach do the work, instead of a glove or a stick.

You might be wondering about smells? To avoid smells, I simply leave the fan on when doing this. It works. My wife basically never uses the "pooping" bathroom, unless checking with me first to see if it's all clear. I also try to pee first and flush before having the BM to avoid the ammonia and chlorine mix.

I think the problem is simple. Plumbing and toilets are not designed for larger than average turds! Since most people are embarrassed to bring up the issue, the manufacturers are able to get away with it. What should be reflected in plumbing code is not because no one is really willing to stand up and admit they have large turds. No one is going to make larger pipes or better toilets, and increase their costs, unless they have to or the market will pay for it. Unfortunately, paying for it means that people have to ask for it or know it's there. I just think the plumbing world hasn't caught up with reality yet. Additionally, construction is a low cost game. It's all frills and thrills and lowest bidder wins. Large BM's will never be at the top of their list.

I would like to contact someone eventually in toilet or plumbing engineering to find out more about this and see what's what, but this is how the market usually works. Nothing is ever made for the exceptions, not unless there is a readily available market for it or forced to do so.

Anonymous's picture

COAT HANGER IS EASIEST FOR ME. I CUT THE TOP OFF OF A GALLON WATER JUG AND JUST KEEP IT IN THERE FOR THE "BOMBS" WHEN THEY DROP...BETTER TO CUT THE BEASTS DOWN BEFORE FLUSHING. TOILET HAS A SMALL "s" CURVE. I DO LIVE ALONE SO THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO...SAVES ON THE PLUMBER.

Anonymous's picture

God, I have the same problem!!
I've began drinking only protein shakes for breakfast and soup for lunch and dinner!! It's gotten so bad that I have to carry baggies with me to the bathroom to break up my B.M so it will fit down the small toilet hole. Our toilet is rather old, so the hole is rather small. (Old as in complete with the pulling chain. Yes those exist!)
It's soo friggen annoying!!

Any suggestions? Email me at johnnyTHM01@hotmail.com.

Anonymous's picture

My dad provides me with disposable "shit sticks" that he respectfully requests I use when I come home for visits. Weird thing is you'd never suspect that I have behemoth turds because I'm a chick and I'm wicked hot.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous, Your comment above is obviously a lie, there is no school in the USA that could ban a child from using the toilet without incurring great parental wrath in the form of a lawsuit.

If by chance you are telling the truth you could have a rewarding future filming anal sex porn with either Ron Jeremy or a donkey named Pancho who lives in Tijuana.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture

HELP ME! I poop 4 inches in diameter and 2 feet long every time. I have clogged 3 out of 4 toilets in my school. I think they are not fixable because those thing have been stuck in there for a month, I am now banned from the Toilets! Help!

Anonymous's picture

I am a 5'4" 115 lb female in my 20s. I have been faithfully clogging pipes since I can remember. When I was in my teens my mom would yell at me for using too much toilet paper and always clogging up the toilet. I never could tell her it was just cause I had massive shits. I work after hours in a office facility and usually use their nice unoccupied industrial strength toilets to do my business, however I started clogging those too.

About two months ago I noticed, in the stall I use most often, they modified a toilet to keep flushing for about five min. I am not kidding here. It just keeps on flushing and flushing. Part of me is a bit embarrassed that this has occurred but I also am relieved that there is finally a toilet I don't have to worry about plugging. I just hope that no one is able to trace it back to me.

Anonymous's picture

You are all just so disgusting.

Anonymous's picture

I have a theory, no toilet can take me. Kinda like what Ron Jeremy used to say about women.

I was sending these logs for years down my throne only to discover my raised floor home had a problem. I guess one of my logs broke the plumbing and all the cannonballs were dropping on the dirt under the house. My logs are the size of a backpacking bear canister.

I am guessing a year's worth were stacking up under my house (yes I cut then using a metal knife cause plastic ones break). The smell lead to discovery. The cost of excavation was close to 2K cause the plumber had to hire a mason to chisel out the mountain of crap.

I now use Mag. Citrate daily; logs have turned to stuff they make Frescoes out of, much better!

Anonymous's picture

I'm 16, 5'4" and high 80s to low 90s range when it comes to weight in pounds. I have Celiac Disease and my poops are the size of four pound newborn babies or, if you need a better comparison on size, a small/medium jar of peanut butter in circumference and sometimes 12 inches long. They weigh about 2 pounds each and I poop about once every two months+.

I'm a healthy person, high energy and all but my poops don't flush. Every time I go I either sneak out of the bathroom if it's public, or if i'm at home I have to dig it out of the toilet using plastic bags. Is this normal

I swear to God I'm not trolling or joking. Can I get a transplant or something to shrink my intestines? Please help me!

Anonymous's picture

It looks like this thread died since 2011. What a shame too, since I was looking forward to feedback on my story or even chatting with you guys.

First, let me tell you how relieved I was to find that I wasn't the only one with this issue. When I was around ten or so years old, the lunch of the day at school was footlong hot dog, and I made the mistake of ordering it. The next day or so, the entire footlong must have come out in the toilet, and I was scared to death.

I had never produced such a thing, so I was terrified to go #2 after that. For a long time I held in my poop (bad idea, I know). Then when I couldn't hold it any longer, I released it upon our poor family toilet. It would clog of course, and my parents were clueless as to how it happened. There was no way the darling daughter could have done it. Eventually, I stopped going at home and only went at school or any other public place. My mom used to give me Miralax as a kid because I did get constipated, but then she switched me over to Metamucil as it is much healthier.

I am currently a 14 year old girl standing at 5'9 weighing about 138 lbs. I'm tall but at a healthy weight, and I don't diet or starve myself to stay at it. I just make sure to eat a balanced diet with junk food eaten in moderation. I don't drink sugary drinks at home, only occasionally at parties. My mother helps by nagging me when I slack off on eating like I should.

I still produce my monster craps, and I've gotten it down to a schedule. Usually I go Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and either Saturday or Sunday. I make sure to do my weekly drops during school, so I usually rotate which class I leave during. I fear my home toilet wouldn't handle it, but the toilets at school are lovely. I've never clogged a school toilet, they are so powerful! I can go pretty quickly, I rarely am truly constipated so that makes for a less awkward return to class.
I never really liked fruit as a child, but I am warming to it.

Recently I discovered something that allowed me to go off fiber supplements completely. I'm not sure why this helps, but it does. I eat Dole's "Peaches in Strawberry gel" which is basically peaches in jello. They are delicious and are very good at regulating. When we first got them I ate way too many and had diarrhea. This was very bad because I didn't have the time at school to deal with it. Eventually I managed to figure out how many to eat a week to keep my poo soft and comfy.

My craps are still very big though, probably because I only go every other day or sometimes every three days.
I never would have thought of the whole knife or utensil idea, and quite frankly I'd be too much of a sissy to even try it.

I don't think I have it as bad as some of you, I've produced my fair share of big uglies but nothing too horrendous. I did get a crap completely "stuck" once earlier on, which was probably the worst time in my entire life.

My problem is the summer time, when I don't have the school as a crutch. Last summer I managed to do a small crap at my own home because I was practically crapping my pants. I get really creative, using places like church, the grocery store, the mall, the pool, restaurants and the library. I've survived almost a month using my assortment of bathrooms, so wish me luck!

I feel like I can breath easier now without this hanging over my head. It feels so much better to know that I'm not alone. Thank you so much PR just for existing.

Anonymous's picture

Of course you had an anal fissure. Those massive turds aren't easy on the asshole! I used to suffer from monster turds, but holding these monsters caused me to have an anal fissure which changed my life forever.

Two years ago, my ex girlfriend's plumbing was bad and she stayed on the top floor of the apartments and I still lived with my parents, so most of the time I stayed with her. I had what some would call a spastic colon. I used to go once a day like clockwork, 5:30 AM.

It hurt to hold in these monsters but I feared her toilet couldn't handle the logs. I was without a chopping axe(logcutter). So every mornin for close to a month I would get up before daylight, 5:30AM, to rush home twenty minutes away.

One morning I was holding a monster and I felt something kinda pop,in my lower stomach and the urge just went away. And now it just works when it wants. I can feel it try to push but it just doesn't have the strength to move without prescription strength laxatives and its getting worse.

I suffer from chronic constipation after the fissure. I fear its gotten so bad I may have megacolon or just a dead part of my intestine.

I wasn't diagnosed properly by two different Dr.'s and due to that and my medication, my stomach basically has no movement. Now, I got one lined up to go but my ass muscle just won't let it go. This has been going on about a week and a half.

Chronic constipation is life altering or possibly life ending So just be sure to take plenty of stool softeners and it's worth considering a very strict diet when you look at the alternative.

Whatever you do ,never hold the beast back if he's ready to go. Because you could get an anal fissure like me and have chronic constipation for life. I'm not even thirty. Just release the beast.Don't hold it.

Anonymous's picture

I despise pooing every day. I take fiber supplements after every bowel movement, but if I poo daily the stool is too loose.

Instead I enjoy pooping every other day. On this schedule I make a healthy looking poop that is one foot or longer and is easy to pass.

The toilet seems to swallow the load hesitatingly, but it still disposes of the poop.

Sometimes I forget to take my fiber, or I'm lazy and feel like pooping on the third day, but then the poop is too hard or too large and clogs the toilet.

I wish pooping was an easier business.

I wish I didn't scorn my poop so much so I could cut it with a plastic knife for when I don't follow my poop schedule. Instead, I beg my mom to deal with my toilet woes.

Anonymous's picture

I've had this problem as long as I can remember. It's really relieving to know I'm not alone. I'm a female, 5'6" and I only weigh 120 pounds. I've always been scared to go to the bathroom in public places and even at my new home because the toilets never flush well. It's really irritating but i'll be sure to try all this fiber stuff. I've been desperate to change this!

Anonymous's picture

Wow, like everyone else, I can't believe that I'm not the only one. I guess I should have known because my brother has the same problem (and he also refuses to go other than at night when no one is awake).

I've read most everyone's posts here and while some of them made me laugh hysterically, others I find I can relate to, and others I have learned quite a bit from. I remember when I lived in Argentina, my host mom tried to tell me in Spanish that I shouldn't clog the toilet, which was perhaps one of the most awkward moments in my life. It was the first time I learned of the knife.

I've always had a problem though: they're long, hard, and I can only go every 2-3 days. It's also over in maybe 15 seconds. Does anyone else experience that?

It took a turn for the worst the other day when I felt something that I had never felt before--normally it hurts a bit and I can't really sit on my butt for half an hour afterwards, but this was excruciating. I think I may have had an anal fissure, and to top it all off, it overflowed and my father-in-law spent maybe 5 hours cleaning it (since we were at his house). Thankfully, he blamed my husband for it. Then, just today, I felt the extreme pain again and this time there was a lot of blood. And of course, it clogged again and I have been dreading all day going down there to see what I will have to do.

I will try the mucinex and adding more fiber, but I am not sure what the issue is. I ate like crap growing up (most because that's what my parents fed me) but I was still relatively skinny - 5'6" at 130 pounds (I'm female). Now that I'm still the same height and moderately overweight (at 170 pounds) it seems to be either the same, or getting worse. The saddest part about this story is that I've lost maybe 8 pounds lately from cleaning up my eating habits (I'm eating healthier than I ever have in my life), and experiencing this kind of pain during this new lifestyle isn't exactly encouraging.

Well, I hope this site continues on for many more years and even though the last post hasn't been in nearly a year, I hope someone sees this, and feels a little bit better about themselves like I did after reading all of these.

In solidarity.

Anonymous's picture

I have this same problem. I went to a gastroenterologist who was no help at all and just sounded shocked (I hate when doctors say "I've never heard of that before" and they seem to say that a lot to me!). I guess it is more of a plumbing problem than a medical problem; although, I do also wonder and worry if it's medical.

I am overweight by 30-40 lbs (I am 6'3" 236 lbs). I have had this problem for several years now. Every time I use the toilet it clogs (without flushing toilet paper). It's just physically too big for the pipe. I would say the stools are usually about as big as my forearm and quite hard, yet I go to the bathroom every day. It's quite frustrating.

I am a life-long vegetarian and eat a lot of fiber through plants and fruits, but I don't eat much grain. I do recall when I used to eat more oats that the bowel movements were softer, but still incredibly large but grain seem to irritate my stomach. I do overeat, especially at night when I take a medication (Seroquel) that really puts my hunger into overdrive, but it's still hard to understand how I can eat as much that comes out of me.

I also have an issue where I leak a clear, odorless liquid from my anus, especially before impending bowel movements. The larger the impending bowel movement and the longer I have to wait to use a toilet, the more leakage I get. I get really disgusted by having that problem, but I have seen a couple of doctors about it who don't know what it is either. What's strange is that you would expect the liquid to be malodorous or colored, but it's not. It's just like water, but it's still disgusting to me. I feel like a gross person because of it. It's enough that it wets my underwear but to this point it hasn't ever visibly dampened my pants.

I'm one of those types that is germophobic, so I feel like I am spreading germs everywhere I sit when I have the problem.

Anonymous's picture

I have a wire coat hanger by the toilet to whisk up the poop to make it flush. I came home two weeks ago and my housemate has a woman over. When I went to the toilet I saw a white blouse hanging on the back of the toilet door using my poo whisk, I did not have the heart to tell her what I use the wire coat hanger for.

Anonymous's picture

I just figured out how to get overly large turds to go down. I have a low flow toilet, one of those with the two buttons, one for pee and one for poop. My six year old daughter plugs the toilet every time she has a dump. Tonight I decided to try something other than the plunger. I dumped a quarter of a jug of Javax in first and it sizzled but not sure how much good it did, cause when I flushed it a few minutes later, yup you guessed it, it clogged. I tried flushing again and it was still clogged, so I squirted a bit of liquid hand soap in and flushed, and you guessed it. It went down! Yeah! Victory for me! Hope this helps.

Anonymous's picture

I recently checked into a Ho Jo run by Calcutta's finest. After a long day at the convention I hurriedly checked into my room,barely got my drawers down and let it fly. It was a monster load and there was two inches of water in that shitter to take it. Well you know how those no-water, weak-ass hotel shitters are when full of shit....it was a brown water, log-infested run-over. Top it off there was zero paper on the roll, so I used one the white towels on the sink. In the meantime the shit water has flowed into the room, and the shit towel is in the floor soaked. So I call the front desk and the hot chick appears at the door with a plunger...I was mortified as I expected the old janitor. She gagged at the odor and ran off... I was asked to leave when her dad was called.....WTF!!!

Anonymous's picture

I'm really skinny, we're talking rib bones, collar bones, hip bones etc

I've had no problems with my turds until now.

I'm in a new country with a new toilet. Every time I take a dump it almost clogs.

So sick of it.

Anonymous's picture

The advise was not so helpful because I took a GINORMOUS shit today and it has taken me so many fucking flushes to get the bitch down!!! fml 8-------D (.Y.)

Anonymous's picture

I feel so much better after reading this! I'm a male, 27 years old, and have been clogging toilets for as long as I could remember. I'm all too familiar with the "break it up" method of making sure the whole damn thing goes down. It's bad to the point where I cringe at thought of going on vacation or needing to go at work because I know no toilet can handle it except my own. If I ever have to move, I'm taking my toilet with me!

Anonymous's picture

My poop bleeds sometimes.

Anonymous's picture

I am 5'1, 87 lbs, and 14 years old and my poops are huge! I can't even flush the toilet unless I'm in a public bathroom. My parents bought a toilet that was supposed to be able to flush 12 golfballs, but my poop won't even fit!

Anonymous's picture

I have the same problem everyone here as and I'm so glad that I'm not alone! I honestly can't have a bowel movement unless its at my own house because I'm afraid it will clog someone else's toilet..EMBARRASSING!

HOWEVER..I have a solution for everyone. CHANGE YOUR DIET! I started eating lots of all bran, drinking tons of water, and snacking only on fruits and veggies with the occasional toast every now and than. Honestly, I started going once a day, at like the same time, they were much softer, not painful, and my bowel movements NEVER CLOGGED THE TOILET! Seriously! Fruit has so much fiber, and its soooo good for you. You'll feel the effects within 2 or 3 days of changing your diet, and feel very satisfied after you take a dump!

But you have to be careful. If you have a body like me, you need to keep this diet constant. I had chips, chocolate, and pizza at a friends house. The next morning, I had the biggest and hardest poop I have had in months. It took 4 flushes, and LOTS of plunging. But seriously DO THE RESEARCH! FIBER IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! If you don't want to live like this anymore, or have the constant health issues, I can't stress how much your diet can effect your bowel movements. Simple changes like fruit, veggies, bran and water are a LIFE SAVER PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Anonymous's picture

39 year old male here....been having this problem all my life. My mom use to refer to them as Gator Poops. I am notorious about clogging up someones toilet. I avoid taking a dump at someone's home, and rush to get home quickly....that or try and get myself where I can use a industrial public toilet that has mad pressure and suction capabilities.

Anonymous's picture

This story and accompanying comments are so hilarious that I have to share my monster poop adventure. I'm a very conscious eater who doesn't eat most dough based products and if once in a while I do, it's always a multigrain bread. I add flax seed and sesame seeds to everything- salads, sauces, soups, meats, anything. Treat my 5a day like a religion, drink at least 2 liters of water(not including tea, juice or coffee) because of my kidney condition. I do marathons few times a year. Nonetheless, couple of months ago I had a major constipation, I noticed straight away because it's not like me not to poop every day...I decided to give it an extra day, perhaps the chocolates I got from my boyfriend were to blame, on a second day I decided to go into offensive - I swallowed three tablespoons of olive oil, other than making me feel rather unwell it did nothing, on the third day, I got concerned enough to dig out my yoga mat and try the 'walrus' position(named by me), it relaxed me and looked like it's going to work but after dumping perhaps a pitiful nail-sized poop, nothing - oh, I could feel the bastard alright but it wasn't going anywhere. My boyfriend volunteered to buy some laxative since he's been denied his privileges in the bedroom and was instead blamed for giving me chocolate and being useless and annoying and all together a horrible person. On the fourth day I knew it was now or never, my bowels would burst open and I would die, forever remembered as the girl that died from shit...since the poop was still terribly stubborn or perhaps it has grow attached to me and couldn't stand the thought of abandoning me for the eternal abyss of plumbing I decided to treat it as one would a birth but instead of common vagina it chose the respectable anus( I can only presume having strictly watched child birth on TV ). After an hour of hard work that included large amounts of KY jelly and being positioned like a cat in heat, it started to happen. I have somehow coaxed this creature to move, from there everything happened very quickly - my turd baby was delivered in two plops and rested comfortably in the toilet bowl, brown, stinky and utterly too self-satisfied. However feeling at least a stone lighter I forgave it the pain I went through so it could finally see the light of the world - very much like a real mother does in the movies. Just looking at the size of of my delivery was frightening - the thought of being forever loose 'down there' and being forced to wear adult diapers flashed in front of my eyes. The subsequent loss of my boyfriend, friends and family nearly made me weep. At the same time the primitive feeling of pride started to creep in - with a turd like this nobody could call me a wimpy girl anymore, that's for sure! Somehow I resisted the urge to go around the neighborhood showing off my greatest feat of strength and causing the ultimate emasculation my boyfriend would most definitely suffer. After a soft goodbye to this brown, thick mass I pulled the lever of my toilet and watched dispassionately as the cold and cruel water flowed around the turd. The turd seemed to refuse it, perhaps not wanting to leave me alone in this big, lonely world. After a moment I realized I might have a bigger problem on my hands than I previously anticipated, if the toilet bowl decided to bow to the undoubtful prowess of my poop. Desperately I pulled the lever again ad again, forcing the water to flow much more aggressively and with the last twirl the turd disappeared. With heavy heart but so much lighter bowels I sprayed some air freshener, as a farewell and left the toilet. Boyfriend's appreciation and manliness proved that night it was the right choice to remain the wimpy girl in his eyes. That was also the last time I ever ate milk chocolate - one square of dark chocolate a day is an absolute maximum now.

Anonymous's picture

This article is on point! If you think of a clock...one of my shits stretched from 12 to 10. God Damn! I even took a picture and showed my friends. They were disgusted. I just took a doublebkacked dung that that took 3 flushes in my low volume toilet.

Anonymous's picture

Oddly, mine are pretty normal size (1.5 inches in diameter, 5 inches long) but only flush without plunger assistance every other time. Typically the whole thing vanishes into the pipe, but the water doesn't drain after a flush, it just stays high. It's gotten to the point where at a friends house I usually ask for a plunger preemptively.

Anonymous's picture

Folks used to laugh hearing about the fellow who slips into the open holding tank during a nighttime stroll in the countryside after a rainstorm. The rim was well beyond his reach, and nobody heard his cries for help, but he managed to escape. How did he?

"He stood on a large stool and climbed out!"

At the end of the 20th century, it was proven beyond a doubt that the political class differs from the general population where intelligence is concerned. For the average citizen, turd size tends to correspond to intellect. For politicians, it reflects cojones rather than intellect: while most are indeed full of $#!+, it apparently comes out small-sized. Calling one "as smart as a rock" is an insult: to the rock!
When Congress passed laws in the mid-1990's requiring that new flush toilets use less than half the water per flush of old ones, gross flush water consumption increased. due to the new need for multiple flushes. That shows the government is awash in pinheads.

Anonymous's picture

I recognize and have employed all of the strategies suggested by everyone. I don't understand why we simply cannot have toilets that can accommodate people with large feces. Certainly this could fall under the ADA. If manufacturers can make elevated toilets for the elderly certainly they can make toilets for people with larger than average deposits. I've noticed that most people with above average feces have good to average health and fairly normal eating habits. I find it insulting that some people seem to think that we should have to change our diet in order to not challenge the 1.6 toilets. In the 21st century I should simple void my contents followed by a moderate wipe and flush but not have to dive into my toilet to chop smash and plunge the contents as though I was a serial killer dispatching body parts. I would like to see some enterprising person develop and sell a toilet capable of processing our voluminous output. Some engineer out there could easily solve this problem if only they knew it was a problem.

Anonymous's picture

Toto Drake toilet will NOT clog.

Anonymous's picture

well, I have a similar problem, but I only go one week out of the month and two weeks before my monthly happens. They are big in diameter and hard to cut up and they length of a 12 inch ruler. I am not proud and i hate them. I have been plugging up toilets since I was 5 and mine are too big for my anus. I would rather be vomiting than have direahea which makes my bowels that much more upset and easier to bleed. I found I could use a knife - but I don't like doing that and decided to go with my diet. I eat plenty of fiber or things that would make normal people run for the toliet don't effect me. I found laxatives gave me the runs so I stopped doing that. I found a solution a few years ago - GREEN TEA! If I drink one tea bag a day with chamomile my tummy won't be upset and it keeps me regular and I don't have to worry about my bottom bleeding. I also found straight granola is a God sent. By the way dairy and banana's those are binding and make a difference in your shit being rock hard and tearing you up to being soft. I like milk and dairy and allergic to banana's so I have to eat yogurt but dairy is limited so I my sinuses and my ass feel better. To the rest of you showing it off - that is just sick.

Anonymous's picture

I also have this problem. Big poop, every 3 days or so, toilet always semi clogs, toilet just goes really slow, but drains in 20 seconds or so.

A good plunger usually fixes the problem. I eat many peanut butter sandwiches, many carbs, bread and bananas i am not sure if that effects anything.

I cannot believe the worthless government refuses to sell proper toilets, why not charge a tax on better toilets rather than make it ILLEGAL?

Anonymous's picture

I always have to cut mine up. It's way better than dealing with a flood.

Anonymous's picture

I'm glad it's not just me with this problem. I'm female, 30, and normal weight. My diet is healthy but not too much...I don't overdo it with fiber. But the bombs I drop can be up to 9 inches. I am constantly using the snake as plungers usually break. I even flush while the first one is dropping but a lot of times it doesn't work. It's been like this for as long as I can remember.

Anonymous's picture

Is there anything chemical I can pour down the toilet to break it up? We don't have a plunger. I do plan to invest in a set of plastic knives, but I feel a bit sick just thinking about getting in the bowl and cutting it up. My landlord gets back in 24 hours, I'm sort of hoping it will be flushable before then...

Anonymous's picture

I'm 14, and started experiencing this problem only a couple years ago, so maybe I'm new to the idea of measuring my turds, or cutting them in half with knives. Kinda disgusting to me. But anyway, it's terrible. I'd rather have the flu for 3 years. At least that's not so damn embarrasing(exaggeration)

Anonymous's picture

I always had problem with poo. I go to the bathroom every 4 days or so they are usually big. Until now I was living in a house with huge pipes so I had no problem. Recently I moved to the UK to do a MSc degree and out of the 5 times I have taken a douche, 4 times the poo was refusing to leave the toilet. I had to go for plastic knives and gloves to surgically cut the douche so it can be flushed away

Anonymous's picture

Ugh. I've had pooping problems since I was a baby and was brought to the hospital. Apparently, the doctors couldn't specifically figure out anything wrong with me that they could fix so I've been clogging toilets since I could use one. ): At home, I'm banned to the toilet downstairs.

At school, I share a bathroom with my roommate, but I'm too scared to try and drop a deuce in that toilet since we don't own a plunger. I end up sneaking around the dorm building's ONE public toilet hoping that there's no one around so I can go anonymously. It's so inconvenient. Better than continuously clogging the toilet I share with one other person, though.

It sucks cuz I'm a 5'6.5" ~130 pounds girl so it's not like I'm overweight or anything. I guess that seems to be in common with a lot of other posters here though.

Anonymous's picture

WOW. I think I tore a muscle in my rectum because It hurts now when I make those large poops.

Anonymous's picture

I'd love to hook up and see it for myself.

Anonymous's picture

I have always had large poo,s since a child, I have degenerative muscle condition which has made my sphinkter loose and able to pass very large stools. Now i,m in my 30,s and require large amonts of oxycodone which make having a dump near on impossible. Now i,ve explained the background to the bio-mechanics of why I have klarge stolls I shall tell you about what I consider to be the world record ( unoffical for legal reasons lol)
it had been nearly 3weeks since my last poo I started taking small amounts of laxatives and I also visited my osteopath as my back needed clicking and the combination of the two lead to a dump that actually was hanging over the toilet and i,m guessing it was over 2 and a half foot and was around 4inches in thickness! At this point I was unaware of the curric scale otherwise I would have made some effort to try to rescue it from the bowl. I did what I usually do with a monster and go get a stick off the tree out the garden to break it up which is nothing new to me, but this beast was on a new level! Now of course I got my wife and our 12yr old daughter to come and look, when you do something that size you need people to see it, just like randy in southpark did when he took his king size effort, of course they were both discusted and said my arse isnt normal. Now I dont know if the use of constipating medicine and laxatives are considered cheating and I dont have any proof , all I know is I was very proud :-D and felt a bit more sympathetic when our second child was born :-P and that is the story of the biggest dump ever taken ( in my opinion) god bless.

Anonymous's picture

I'm a 25 year old woman and ever since I was little I've always clogged toilets with my massive poops. My mom and aunt used to get mad at me because I'd overflow the toilet and now I frustrate my husband because I clog our toilet. I'm nowhere near big either (5 foot 10 and only 130 lbs, just a skinnie minnie). It gets frustrating. I've had to resort to using disposable plastic knives to chop my 1 + foot logs so they'll flush.

Anonymous's picture

Oh my god, I thought I was the only one putting out gigantic toilet stoppers.
There is no cure for this but you can make it easier on yourself by taking two tablespoons of castor oil in orange juice every day. What happens is amazing, BM's are so smooth and easy no strain, takes away all the anxiety. Makes you feel so clean.
Always have small stick hidden in toilet tank to break it all up, flushes much easier. If you have this problem, always be prepared cause it never seems to go away, I'm 70 now and still plagued with this.

Anonymous's picture

Some of you guys' comments are freakin hilarious! Haha, mash 'em up!
But seriously, I've been clogging toilets since I was 12. Now it's on a regular basis. I probably clog it about 6-7 days out of the week, that's with going once a day. I don't know exactly how big they are, but let's just say that half the time they strike blood from my anal sphincter. I like to show them off to people as a trophy, but it's old news to me since I've been doing it so long. I also get this thing where when I strain, non arrousal semen comes out of my little man. I'm sure that its prolly a problem and should get it checked for prostate cancer or something. Anyway. As far as I know, large poops are just the way you are. I would recomend getting those awesome jet flush toilets that are in some public restrooms installed in your house. Otherwise you'll be like me and be a pro at plunging. Sometimes I like to help other family members unclog their poops just to show off my skill with Excalibur, my trusty ported rubber plunger. It prolly takes me between 10 and 20 seconds to unclog one of those brick sized sticky clay poos.

Well, happy pooing!

Anonymous's picture

I am also a girl whos only about 110 lbs. 17 years old. Why does this seem to occur in small people and often in girls!? My poos are 4 inches and i go about once a week. I cant go unless i absolutely have to. It sometimes hurts soooo bad to go but other times it's easier. I actually enjoy diharrea, i have so much poo that it only lasts for one bathroom break however! I think it all started when i was 10 and became constipated and clogged the toliet. After that i started holding them in which made me even worse. I'm forced go in random places. I usually don't flush and just leave it there, i know it's bad but throwin it awayyy or trying to unclog it in a public bathroom is disgusting /: I used to go in school but they have cameras that can see so i stopped before they could suspect anything. Porta poties and bags are my friend. I haven't pooped in my actual toliet for about 3 years! Im glad to know I'm not alone. Its not fun.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Dear Charmins: At least wear rubber gloves, which you can throw away after use. That gets expensive after a while, not to say embarrassing if anyone else finds them before the trash goes out (do NOT flush them!); I think the break-it-up-with-a-plastic-knife method will become more appealing. By the way, I hope I have never shaken your hand; it is next to impossible to remove all the bacteria from your hand after directly handling poop (it helps, though, to apply the soap first, then wash again thoroughly afterwards). Still, I don't want to shake your hand.

charmins worst nightmare's picture

I also suffer from big poop syndrome. What I do for those oversized gigantic turds, is I mash them down with my hands..your gonna wash your hands anyway after you poop, so what's the difference? Just get in that bowl and mash em up good. Also try taking a tape measure and measuring these suckers. You might have to get bigger pipes installed in your house if you don't want to mash em up.... Good luck

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear the girl who scared to poop, I try to be as gracious as possible, some of the time, but I must ask. How old are you? Your comment is a fine example of poor educational standards in America if you are over 12 years old.

If I were you I would worry more about how foolish my writing looks compared to that of a halfway literate 5th grader. The founder of poop report, Dave, said it best when he said on Myspace;

"PoopReport is a site for sharing funny stories about the funny things that happen to us in the bathroom. You know you have a story -- why not submit it at PoopReport.com today? Read a few stories before you do, though -- we prize good writing above all else. If you write like, well, like a 12-year-old on Myspace, don't bother. We're quite literary. Seriously."


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Chief is going to have a field day with that one.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

the girl who scared to poop's picture

Im a girl and im sooo scared to poop!!! 2 days ago I new my poop was gonna hurt but wurst came!!! It was HUGE!!!! There was NoooOo way it was going down the toilet! So I got gloves took it out of the toilet and put it in a dog poop bag and my dad was throwing the garabge away because of garbage day so I QUICKLY put the bag (filled with probably about 50 pices of tissue covering it to make it not smell And now two days later (today) it is 11:13 at night and I have to poop sooooo bad!! But I jus can't ill have to poop it out in the moring WISH ME LUCK!!! And I love this site because now ill have to cut my poop up with a disposiable knife! But the thing is im very scared of the water in the toilet rising it very scary to me! Sometimes I jus think of going in my backyard and pooping it all out and not having to worry about it overflowing!!!!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

omgthatssogross, I just sent out several hundred emails and found out all the other posters here are just making up stories. You are the only one in the world that does this. Sorry to have to break the news to you.

omgthatssogross's picture

You're not alone!!! I have the same problem here. It only really started in the last year or so, but it's so embarrassing!!! I don't know what to do.. Sometimes I actually have to use something to cut my poo before I flush. This could be anything from a small piece of cardboard to an old toothbrush (obviously I dispose of the toothbrush afterward) I thought I was the only one in the world. Thank you for sharing!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Mike, We never fumigate our hose for bugs. We have discovered that when we turn on the water they are all flushed out immediately.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Mike_Rickman's picture

My 6 year old daughter drops several foot long turds that are easily 3 inches wide on a weekly basis. She shits like clockwork and they always clog up the toilet. They're like logs of wood! I have no idea how a skinny little girl like her can out-shit a 250 pound 6"4 guy like me, especially when we're flesh and blood! Nature works in strange ways some times...
And don't get me started on her farts... Holy God... Because of her we'll never need to fumigate our hose for bugs, that's for damn sure.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Oh jeez,I'm so horrible at guessing.Uh...is it C?
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Very interesting Dinky Doo Doo, I have surmised from your comment that you are either;
a) A liar.
b) A child who doesn't know what diameter means.
c) A blue whale.


_______
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Dinky Doo Doo's picture

I once pooped out a turd that was app. 28 inches in diameter and some three feet long. It was so hard that I needed a coat hanger to cut into 20 or so pieces flushing each one down at a time.
And just in case you were wondering, i nearly passed out.
DINKY DOO DOO

Anonymous Coward's picture

Not long ago I had a big poop that clogged the toilet. Unfortunately I flushed and it not only didn't go down the hole, but it flooded the bathroom with dirty toilet water.

Anonymous Coward's picture

My husband shits up the place. He finally bought a new toilet called the stealth which does not swirl the turds and they go down much better. he also told me that sittin' on the can first thing in the morning for twenty minutes helps.

Butt of the Joke's picture
l 100+ points

Or maybe you could poop sideways.
_______
More people flush than they do wash their hands.

More people flush than they do wash their hands.

Lady Poops-A-Lot's picture

I too have huge poop! I've had 3 toilet-clogging poops in the past 24 hours. It's actually the worst when I eat a lot of fiber and drink water, like you're supposed to do to be healthy. If I don't do these things, then my poop is little pellets, kind of like they say giraffe poop is. I've never looked at giraffe poop, have you? If you've never seen the South Park episode on the subject of large poop, you must see it ("More Crap", Season 11, episode 9 at http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/111250). Here, poop is measured in "Katie Courics", which is approximately 2.5 pounds, according to urbandictionary.com. I'm all for water conservation, but those low-flush toilets have two problems: 1) They don't get the poo down the drain and 2) The water is too shallow, so even if your poop floats, it leaves residue on the bottom and/or sides of the toilet. How unsanitary! Even my toilet at home is a water-guzzler, but my poop seems to align with the magnetic poles by orienting itself perpendicular to the drain. I think I'll have to try the abdominal exercises so as to have more frequent BMs.

Mom of a tremendous turder's picture

THANK YOU!!!! 2 cups of super hot tap water was enough to melt my son's 4" diameter enough to be flushable. Found your site by googling poop clogged toilet. Yes this site is for real, I think its genetic also. Unless you have a tremendous turder in your family you would never know this problem existed

Anonymous Chick's picture

I have been on pain meds for a while now due to a bad back and recent surgery. These meds have a tendency to cause constipation. I am irregular and only move my bowels every 2nd or 3rd day even though I use stool softeners and drink 3 tablespoons of milk of magnesia every 3 or 4 days. Today I literally gave birth out of my butt. The specimen was 9 inches long and 7 inches in diameter. It required the use of Vaseline to birth this thing. This was so astonishing, I even took a picture. I had to put on a glove and lift it out of the toilet because it covered the entire hole of the Champion (a toilet that supposedly never clogs up) and would have never flushed. Even if I would have broken it up into smaller pieces. All I can say, yall ain't got s&!t on me!!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Only if you were in a twinkie-eating contest, PD... but then of course it would just rot inside you because the starch would ferment due to not being broken down properly by the ptyalin in your saliva first.

Oh wait, you didn't really want to know all that, right? ;)

Happy New Year to you, too, dearest Dogginperv. I hope it's a truly healthy one for you!

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

IBBY, would it help if I soaked my Twinkees in water before eating them?

JK, Happy New Year

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Too Hearty -- Try eating more raw fresh fruit, especially as an appetizer at least 30 minutes before a meal. The higher the water content the better: citrus fruits, berries, apples, grapes, etc.

(More high-water veggies should help too, like leafy greens, cucumbers, carrots or any other root veggies, yellow squash and zucchini, etc. and can be eaten anytime.)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

too hearty's picture

i'm 17, 5' 7", and skinny but people still mistake me for a 14-year-old so whenever i clog the toilet it's a major surprise to my mom. she thinks it's something wrong with my digestion but in reality i only clog the toilet when i get tired of "arranging" the material everyday and neglect doing it. so every time it happens she's like, "ok, what have you been eating lately, you need more fiber more water fewer loser genes" and she doesn't believe me at all about it being normal for me. at least i know it really is normal for some people and i'm not the only one that deals with it. any suggestions for making them softer/smaller so i can stop frustrating my whole family?

Big Cloggers's picture

I had a laugh about some of the comments made on here. Let me tell you its not that funny when it happens to you. For some reason i pass 10 inch by 2 inch cloggers that always block everything in their paths. I was once in a fast food joint; after taking a monster s...t i wiped and flushed, then walked away. I didn't even realise that i clogged up the john and that the water overflew. The manager came running in and angrily yelling that someone clogged up the toilet and they had to close down the restaurant for 2 hours to clean up the brown flood.

Big Cloggers's picture

I had a laugh about some of the comments made on here. Let me tell you its not that funny when it happens to you. For some reason i pass 10 inch by 2 inch cloggers that always block everything in their paths. I was once in a fast food joint; after taking a monster s...t i wiped and flushed, then walked away. I didn't even realise that i clogged up the john and that the water overflew. The manager came running in and angrily yelling that someone clogged up the toilet and they had to close down the restaurant for 2 hours to clean up the brown flood.

Porcelain Pounder's picture

I have massive dog eggs when I go, over the past 3 weeks I haven't been able to knock 1 out. I get the feeling in my ass to go and whe I sit on the throne I usually end up just having a lady wee. But finally joy of joys today was D-Day. I gave birth to a beautiful mound of shit! No joke this thing was huge I could barely fit it in the bog and at 1 point thought I may have to manouver over to the shower and squat scout style. In the end I got it all in but had to physically pick it up and wrestle that beast to get it round the bend. It was a long process but did it after 45mins.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I found this site because I was bored; typed "really big turds" into google, and here I am...

I'm amazed at what some of you people go thru; I've been thru a lot myself. But it seems like my nether regions still have samplings yet to try.

I've almost blacked out from some of my monsters; I mean, pushin' so hard your eyesight narrows to pinholes (stopped pushin' real quick on that one!). One time I blew out one of my hemorrhoids; my hole stopped itchin', but there was a ton of blood (bright red). I probably should've went to the hospital or doctor, but I didn't; that's been several years ago, and I haven't had super-bloody incidents like that since.

Most of my problem had always been not crapping often enough; about once every 3-4 days was my "norm". I had hemorrhoid problems regularly, hard stool, turds that felt like the Empire State building was comin' out backwards. I've had my legs fall asleep sitting so long trying to go.

One time, I had constipation on a road trip - so bad it was causing my hemorrhoids to flare up; I ended up taking a suppository and waiting. Then it hit me like a freight train. I was running to the bathrooms of the KOA like my pants were on fire (because they nearly were!); I made it to stalls, sat down, and holy-mother-of-hell - did I crap. I crapped for over an hour; towards the end it was like dry-heaves, from my anus. I shit you not, some of the stuff that came out in the end was not shit; it was like my body was expelling satan or something.

One time I was at my brother-in-law's house and plugged his toilet but good; they have super low water-pressure from living on the top of a hill/mountain, and their toilets are low-flow, too; bad situation. I ended up trying everything to unclog that bastard - in the end, I had my arm up to my elbow in the toilet, turds and all floating around. I couldn't unplug it. They had to get a plumber after my wife and I left. We still laugh about it.

Hey - you ever take a dump and think "man, that was one hell of long crap" - then turn around and see like a 6 inch turd in the bowl? You ever then have another dump, and it feels like it only took a few seconds, and you turn around and "OMFGWHATISTHATTHING!!!"?

WHY IS THAT?

Nowadays, I take FiberSure regularly; I mix a couple tablespoons in with some orange juice or tea in the morning, and drink it up. I go every day, and while my turds are sometimes enormous, they rarely ever hurt anymore, and I haven't had any serious issues with my hemorrhoids in over a year (minor irritation that goes away after a few hours, mainly - and that only very occasional, maybe once a month if that). I also try to eat more fiber, less red meat, more chicken and fish. I also take several vitamins each day.

That doesn't mean there aren't days I don't plug my toilet; that still happens on occasion. Sometimes my turds are behemoths of the deep that I don't know from whence they came, but they rarely cause me pain. Sometimes its one of those "surprise!" things. Generally I just get the plunger just-in-case, flush, and pray it goes down, or that I can get it down...

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello, Hong! Welcome to the site, and thanks for writing. I still think it is best to chop up the big turds and not have to fix the toilet.

Hongizdaman's picture

Ahaaa, now I am seeing how Americans are doing for handling these problems is real. In Korea there is only best ways for big pooping and some times most toilets were not true. Then my grandparents toilet was excellence but this day almost exploded. But also Im knowing now to fix them better. My writing in English was hardest so commenting is first this time. Buy this way I am also enjoying and watching tv on football and the nascars. OK bye.

poopapotimus's picture

This site just made my day LOL!! You people need not be ashamed- be proud, the bigger the better (granted you're more likely to feel this was after than before or during) Poo Pride!

Poopanonymous's picture

I thought I had huge ones since I regularly beach em but then my pregnant wife laid a softball sized turd... I nearly passed out when I saw it. For the rest of you, one word: probiotics. I had wicked bad digestive issues after an overseas trip for about a year and those little pills put me back together almost overnight.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

My suggestion, if your poops are too big to flush is; stick a pastry bag nozzle up your ass to reduce the diameter of the turd as it is extruded. If this doesn't reduce the turd size enough at least you will have more attractively shaped poos bobbing about in the commode.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Another option: when it's just too damn large in diameter, is to use a clear plastic bag (such as those in produce departments) with no holes in it. Use it like a glove, grab the offending beast, tie it up, then double or triple tie in another 2 or 3 bags. Finally, dispose at nearest dumpster. Works for me!

Mr Dip's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

AC, please, at least keep a pair of disposable latex gloves on your person at all times if you feel you must go mano y mano with your sewer pickles. A guy could get real sick doing that.

Also you should probably contact your landlord regarding your plumbing.

And, I almost hate to ask but, what in the world do you do with the paper?

Anonymous Coward's picture

OK, I actually Googled to find "best toilet for flushing turds" and found the link to this website. Thank goodness to know I am not alone with this problem.

I moved into a condo in a high rise that, to me, has the worst possible toilets for my kind of problem... and I am so ashamed to admit this, but I usually have to reach my bare hand down into the toilet bowl and squeeze and break up my turd(s). Right now, one of my toilets somehow collected them in the "line," and that toilet fills up with water whenever I flush it. (Obviously, I only flush water in this toilet... until it clears. It has been this way for two weeks.)

I NEVER flush paper... only turds.

I appreciate the ideas for the wire hangers or or even a plastic knife when going on the road, so to speak. I hate visiting my in-laws house.

This is a pain that is just unthinkable. I can't believe it is happening to me. Thanks for letting me talk about it here.

El Turdo Loco's picture

It's such a problem. Every where I go I clog the toilet.(@ home @ friend's houses @ parent's house, @ MacDonald's @ Subway @ movie theatre) I also clogg the toliet at work all the time. They finally had to buy a new shit pot with a better "commercial" flushing capacity. (the hole at the bottom was at least twice the size and when you flush it it really has some power) and the first time I go ahead and bust a "GRUMPY" it clogs. Either I have "super turds" of there isn't a commode out there that is worthy of my crap.

Trusty Wire Coat Hanger's picture

I have for two decades, produce BMs that have clogged all toilets known to me, even industrial toilets found in office buildings, shopping malls, etc. I am not talking about clogs caused by an excess usage of paper products, as I have adopted a technique of release the log, chop, flush, wipe, flush, wipe, flush, etc.

I have found a simple solution, a wire coat hanger. I have one stored in each of the bathrooms in my house, bent and at-the-ready for any child I can drop off at the pool. 'THE hanger', as I affectionately call it, is the perfect implement for shat dicing activities as may be required. I have it bent in such a way that I do not need to get too close to the mega-turd to quickly chop it in bite-size, toilet friendly pieces. The hanger has another advantage that it stays relatively clean, a few quick swishes around the bowl, and old faithful is ready for the next time. This solution has worked for me for almost 15 years to keep me virtually plunger free and my pipes free flowing.

When leaving the residence, I keep a plastic knife on me at all times, in case I have the urge. This solution has allowed me to use the facilities at any location required with out shame or fear of a clog. I am able to dispose of my shameful instrument at the conclusion of the poop baby birthing session.

I hope this helps some anxious shitters out there who find themselves in clog filled despair find some relief and to know that they are not alone. It is possible to live a putrid peanut-butter covered plunger free life!

George76's picture

When I was young, I went to the bathroom every 2-3 days. My turds were thick and hard and my anus always hurt after a bowel movement. When flushing, the turds sometimes didn't go away. I took a piece of toilet paper then and pushed the turd a little bit forward while flushing.

Nowadays, I go to the bathroom daily and my poos are soft and smooth and always flush away. I put a piece of toilet paper on the bottom of the toilet to prevent skidmarks.

L's picture

This is a very difficult condition, and I want to offer a few ideas. First, look up the book 'Fiber Menace'. Fiber can be quite detrimental (it can't be digested, after all) to a person's intestines and create large stools as well as desensitizing the intestine so you don't feel you have to go right away. Also, try looking at food allergies. Peanut butter, dairy, artificial sweeteners (polyols cannot be digested and therefore hurt the intestinal tract, aspartame, etc.), wheat, other grains, and more foods can all hurt the villi on your small intestine. This can cause diarrhea, which is basically what this problem of large bowel movements is - formed diarrhea. If you have very large bowel movements, I would guess you're not absorbing your food. I would suggest that people try some sort of elimination diet - for instance, eat nothing but fresh/frozen plain meat and cooked/pureed vegetables (this breaks down the fiber) for a few days. Does this help? A few other thoughts -
- historically people have eaten very little fiber. Plains Native Americans ate mostly buffalo meat and fat until Europeans came.
- look up fructose malabsorption. Too much fructose in the diet can damage intestinal villi, causing them to secrete mucous to protect themselves and thus not absorb nutrients from food, causing diarrhea
- does the problem worsen if you eat very large amounts of food at once?
- excersing, especially jogging, may make things worse, overstimulating peristalsis. Neolithic peoples did not go running at 80% heart rate for hours on end! Weight lifting and short bursts of sprinting may be better
Take care, and don't give up!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AC You are welcome to visit me at any time but please, let me know if I do anything that pisses you off.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I can Identify with Mrs Marley, I also poop every 2-4 days. Sometimes longer and I also always use public toilets. I rent a flat and am too embarrassed to ask the landlord for a better toilet.

If a shop has upset me, you can be sure I'll clog their toilet. I often pass a long hard stool, and then 15 minutes later will have another softer poop, which means on occasion I almost clog 2 toilets, which I find very satisfying.

Am I the only one that view's my clogging ability as a special power? When at college I went to a party at a guy's house who cheated on my housemate. Needless to say I completely clogged his toilet. He didn't even have a toilet brush, As a result the toilet overflowed and bathroom got trashed. People took to relieving themselves elsewhere. My friend even took her revenge by peeing on his carpet. It was a horrible thing to do, but he deserved it and I felt justice had been served.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

For those who repeatedly clog toilets, I wish there were a socially acceptable way to drop turds into a sanitary opaque plastic bag and send the bag out with the garbage. That seems much less painful than what some of you are enduring now. Does anyone know a suitable receptacle?

Monstrous Turds 'R' Us's picture

What a great comfort it is to see I am not the only female producing monstrous turds! I'm 17 years old, 5'6" and approximately 126 pounds - so not skinny, but not humongously fat either. My family has gathered around the toilet bowl many a time and wondered how a girl my size can produce such massive poos! They are HUGE... not of considerable length, but extremely wide - sometimes I think they are wider than they are long! Like many people on this site I often resort to breaking up the log before attempting to flush, usually with a plunger. As I'm about to pull the chain, I pray to God that the damn thing will go without a fight. Only once the turd has disappeared up the U-bend and I have breathed a sigh of relief can I even think about wiping myself.
Each dump is such an ordeal that I am very grateful to only have to empty my bowels once every 3 days. I have tried eating lots of fibre and pooping daily but the reality is that it can't come out if it's not there - my body obviously only wants to produce turds 2 or 3 times a week. I've accepted that, but what I can't accept is the sheer width of these poos! Surely it can't be natural to produce turds more than 3 inches wide???

Something else I have noticed is that not many people have mentioned the pain of producing faeces of this magnitude... when I go for a dump it feels like I'm giving birth, for God's sake! When it's a particularly massive turd I actually have to push every thirty seconds and then give myself a break in between, gripping the bathroom sink and panting like a pregnant woman having contractions. If after 30 minutes or so I've made little progress, I'll stick my thumb up my vagina and push firmly against the wall, which runs parallel to my rectum. I can help the poo along by pressing against the widest bits to make them narrower and therefore easier to excrete. If the poo is too hard for me to change its shape, then I'll eventually resort to scraping the turd out of my anus with my bare hand. I have only ever done this twice and both times rate number 1 and 2 on my list of the most disgusting, repulsive things I have ever done in my life... the smell lingered on my fingernails all day no matter how many times I scrubbed them with soap. You may be wondering why I didn't just leave it to nature, but after several anal tears I have learned that poos taking longer than an hour to push out using butt muscles alone come under the definition of "stuck" and desperately need a helping hand (if you'll excuse the pun).
However, experience has given me a tip on how to make things easier: if the turd is refusing to make an appearance even after much straining, bring your knees up as high as you can and rock back on the seat - this opens the rectum up wider, allowing more room for you to defecate =]

Shitsky!'s picture

Having just experienced the double whammy of the turd from the abyss and a migraine, I decided to google to see if my offering to the gods would be in some way normal.

I kid you not - it has taken most of the night to get it out. I have never given birth but I can honestly say if that is what it is like - I think I will pass.

It wasn't huge by your standards but I couldn't work out what was worse the pain and flashing disco lights of the migraine or the sore tender ruptured bumhole was worse; so the pain oscillated between head and bum.

When the thing finally did arrive I became ridiculously curious to see what had caused this and I guess you know what is coming - I know this is disgusting - I fished it out.

It wasn't huge but boy was it hard - about the size of a goose egg and solid - to me it felt like I was pooing a kettlebell.

Never had anything like that except once I did have long gelatinous seaweedy poo after a detox of bentonite and psyllium husk - it was mutant seaweed. If you are ever curious to know what a rubbery cast of your intestines looks like - try the detox - you end up with the most amazing stuff coming out.

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you all - and I wish you happy and successful defecations.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Make sure you get a pen that writes underwater to sign those masterfeces. I would not go #2 in my house anymore. Just go to a gas station or Howard Johnsons. Problem solved!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Mrs. Marley,

Thank you for divulging the fact that you are in the village of Newcastle. I have been retained by the US Department of State to track you down for the crime of commode clogging. I am presently on my way to your village with a turd taken from Epcot Center and plan on seeing if I can find the anus that extruded it. When you are finally caught you will be declared "arsehole non grata" and your visa will be canceled.

Hercule Poirot


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Mrs Marley's picture

I poop every 2-4 days.When I do I always use public toilets, as I clog the toilet everytime.
I'm from the U.K. I remember visiting Florida USA, I dropped a poo that was about 2ft long and 3 inches in our hotel room toilet.
My husband and sister banned me from using the hotel room toilet after that one.
However my turds were so wide they didn't fit in the hole in the toilets.
I managed to seriously clog seven theme park toilets in two weeks!
My husband said "your poo disney flush away"
I still produce bowl clogging turds today.
I regularly clog the village ladies public toilet up here near Newcastle.
If someone has annoyed me I poo in their toilet to get back at them.
It has it's uses being able to produce massive turds that clog toilets....

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

AC 7/15: Everyone has fairly similar sized intestines, male or female, thin or fat, tall or short. The size and consistency of the turds vary according to the amount extruded at a given time. Nobody has to be faking here; we all have a range in the size of our productions.

Free at last in Ottawa's picture

To begin with, I hope you all accept my apologies, I was too curt to see the humour in the site. Also I should mention life changes forced me to move outside of Ottawa to Stittsvile (an exurb) but I thought Free at last in Stittsville might confuse things.

I switched medications and diet as well. I now eat strictly greens and fibers along with soy milk and whole grains, this has freed me from having my previous problems.

Also my physician suggested I add a glass of red wine a day to my diet or a small tot of sherry before bed and I must say it's helped me immensely. My gardener Jacques and I have a tipple before dinner and then one or 2 before we retire to our separate quarters. I still have the paint stirrer but haven't used it in months!

P.S. Jacques is not your typical dirty Frenchman, Quel Dommage!

Another big pooper's picture

I'm probably the fastest pooper in town. Shit, I'd reckon I'm the fastest in four counties. I can take a crap, wipe, and wash faster than others can urinate.

My poop varies greatly, but I'm pretty regular as far as timing. Sometimes, I have a handful of little nuggets. Sometimes, it's more like pasta noodles. Other times, though, and most often, I have enormous poops. I've trained my anus to narrow the diameter and slice the poop at regular intervals. Otherwise, I'd never have a peaceful flush. Sometimes, I just let the long ones keep going while I flush. My poop really can be amazing, and I think I should start taking pictures.

Anonymous Coward's picture

all the female stories are fake or they are not giving their true body sizes , because they can't all be small females with these huge turds. and also a lot of their stories sound to similar.

poops ahoy's picture

I remember the first time I clogged the toilet with one turd...at my aunts house, everything had been normal of my 13 year life span until one day my huge starter turds just destroyed it, it's highly embarrassing and I want it to stop.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hello, AC: Do you eat lots of fruits and veggies, especially greens? How about exercise? In basic terms, it sounds like you are doing very large movements because you go only every other day. You might check with your doctor to see if there is a way to stimulate your bowels every day instead of every other. Good luck!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have the same problem... I've been toilets for a long time but now its like 100 percent of the time. If its a home toilet, it will be blocked. I now always buy a toilet brush (for breaking the shit) and a pump with me anywhere I'm staying at.

I try to take dumps outside of the house with industrial toilets but today my turd was not even moving with the flush. It was crazy size. I flushed about 10 times and then it finally went. Whew. I didn't want anybody to be subject to that creation o_O

It's really odd because I'm a 105 lb asian girl. I usually go every other day or so too... I've been drinking alot of water and eating fiber to soften the stool but never works (or if I have no fiber, I dun go at all for FOREVER!). I can actually feel shit in my colons on the left corner of my stomach. What the hell. I wish i had normal colons...

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I have a 4 inch incision where the doctor removed my appendix. He apologized and said the appendix was quite small, but his hand was very big.

Laughed at's picture

I am a 33 year old small women. Every time I go I clog the bowl!!! I am so tired of my hubby telling me to use less paper. He just smirks at me. I have always had intestinal problems and when I was 27 my intestines twisted and part of them died. The doctors had to take out 6 ft of some of my small and large intestines and then resection the rest. The incision they had to make is about 15in down my stomach. The dr apologized but said that my intestines were very large. In subsequent tests aka a BE , they again were amazed at the size of my intestines (mega colon) They also believe that maybe I have a mild case of Hirschsprungs disease. So look into if folks maybe that is what you have.

The Apex's picture

I also have large poops and (as everyone else here) am constantly concerned with the abilities of available toilets.

How about those toilets on airplanes that can barely fit a quarter down their shoots? Luckily, I've never attempted to poop on a plane but I can only imagine the ramifications of "testing" it.

Sometimes I have very long ones that "bottom out" and required me to stand up to fully escape my rectum. And not only that, if I don't stand swiftly enough, I run the risk of the poop tipping and brushing up against my sack - the thought of this gives me the shivers.

With all that said, I must also mention how incredibly satisfying it is to watch a toilet start filling up because it can't handle your poop .. and then all of a sudden BAM .. down it goes. Wow. Such a wondrous relief it is to behold!

My trips to "shipping and receiving" are always an adventure. Having to sit there using a plunger is never something I look forward to .. so I try my best to take note of large ones and flushing before I wipe. I suggest everyone with similar issues should do this.

Thanks for the informative article!

Log Boy's picture

I'm 28, 6'2", and I've had big poops since high school. From what I gather on this site, there is a large percentage of us big-poop makers around. We should push for larger diameter toilets and pipes. I eat a good variety of foods, plenty of fiber, poop once or twice a day, and am very healthy. Perhaps there are so many people out there with sedentary lives, that we big-poopers represent the minority, simple because we exercise our bodies more, and consume more food on a daily basis. Maybe it's time to build myself an outhouse...

Blank's picture

I have the same problem..but my poops aren't big..actually they're smaller than when I was a kid. I am in HS right now. I'm not sure what my problem is, but my dad is starting to get really pissed off. Besides that, for some reason, I only go to the bathroom every 2-3 days..

Just joined this here club's picture

I've recently joined the club here, not in girth of turds but density. I have chronic pain issues and have been prescribed a low but steady around the clock oxycontin dose. Result - I can keep working and not go on disability from the pain but, ouch! Hard poop. And yesterday I had to spend my whole tax refund - seven hundred bucks - replacing a year-old toilet bowl, so filled with it was hard feces. Crap. Literally. I'll be using your ideas here - cannot let this happen again. Seven. Hundred. Bucks.

Anonymous Coward's picture

It was very moving to find that many other people suffer from this particular predicament. I have finally found a solution - as others have indicated, using an implement to break the turd up does the job. 7.5 inch long wooden coffee stirrers will become standard equipment when venturing to any areas where taking a dump in a "weak" toilet may be necessary. The stirrers are easy to break up and hide in toilet paper for discreet disposal after use...

Bowelderdash's picture

It just occurred to me...since there are obviously so many of us megaturdians out there, we should demand our rights. We are an unserviced group and I, for one, am tired of the discrimination. We should all start a...er..."movement" to demand larger toilet apertures. Heck, I think we can qualify under the Americans with Disabilities Act. They'll be afraid to discriminate against us. We are like "X-men", born with an awesome power. Be proud! Demand your rights! Say no to the poop stick! (This feels so liberating). I say we should intentionally clog toilets across the land until we are granted our rights. The movement begins here, and it's going to be a messy one!

Bowelderdash's picture

I have found that the stick works exceptionally well as a tool for breaking up my monstrous turds. One of my favorites is a clothes hanger with the cardboard tube on them. Bring an extra one in the suitcase when on a trip. This is a way of keeping one handy. Of course, after the megaturd is flushed in manageable little chunks,there is always the issue of disposing of the tool, which can be a problem if you are a visitor in the house. More than once I have stashed the poop stick in an out-of-the way location so that I could reclaim and dispose of it later, but forget. I have often imagined the looks on the faces of distant relatives as they pull the stick out from its hiding place later and think, quizzically..."what the..?". I have also mastered the ancient Tibetan art of the pulsating anal pinch that was mentioned in the article. This is an effective measure to break turds into smaller portions when on the way out to freedom, and when no tool is handy, and it doubles as a tantric yoga move that is rather impressive.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Kratos, I didn't read in your message (maybe I just missed it) anything about a tool to break up your big turds. At home, surely you could have something in your room or someplace else off the beaten track; when you know a big one is ready for offloading, take your chosen implement in with you, unload, then use the tool to break up your result. With any luck at all, you should be able to flush down the smaller pieces. Please try it!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Kratos -- NO it's not the same. You are slowly poisoning yourself by holding it in and causing internal bodily damage you may not be aware of until it's too late to correct.

Clogging a toilet should be preferable to that, wouldn't you agree?

_______
Open your eyes AND your mind to the power of food!
Health via Food (scroll down to read by chapter)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Kratos's picture

I've considered that, but what if letting it go on my first impulse results in a large turd and consequently clogs the toilet as well? Then it'd be the same thing as holding it in.

Utter Clogfest's picture

It is refreshing to come to a site with such a pile of information.

I would like to say that I have had the problem of unflushable productions for many a year and like many a previous poster naturally find the end results typically rather embarrassing. I do however have a little solution which is easily carried with you in a pocket or carrying device. Simply it is a wooden tongue depressor. Cheap, portable and disposable and rather more excusable than carrying a knife on your person to chop up those monumental turd masterpieces.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Kratos.........I read, then reread your comment, you continuously mention that you "hold it in" for a variety of reasons, I would suggest that you start letting it fly on the first impulse from now on. Try it, you have nothing to loose except, self respect, the love of your family.....er...never mind...just give it a try.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Kratos's picture

It's incredibly relieving to see that I'm not the only one in the world with the issue of big poops. I am the only person that I know in person that has this dilemma, and it's been plaguing me since I was 12, as I am now 18.

I do not suffer from constipation, I eat healthy, and I exercise on a daily basis. I am very fit and healthy for my age and I always have been. As a result I have no idea why this problem happens to ME. It is not hereditary. A lot of the advice I've read here is stuff that I have not yet tried, and hopefully will never have to. However, as days go on the embarrassment becomes more and more overwhelming. My parents and family constantly ridicule me and I pretend to joke when it's really just a problem that I have to deal with.

My typical procedure is that I wait for everyone to be out of the house or for everyone to go to bed. At the time, and only at that time, will I go to the bathroom to drop my load. When it's at night I usually turn on the bathroom fan to hopefully make more noise than me plunging the toilet. Also, my poops have lately been wider than they are long. And there have been many times when I'd get up off the toilet only to look into the bowl and be completely horrified at what I'd see. Just a few days ago I had one that had a girth too big to fit down the pipe. Somehow, though, I was able to push it down with the plunger. And although the toilet did not overflow, I did have to call my mom and work to notify her that I was not unable to unplug the toilet.

Lately my problem has been getting worse and worse and it really worries me. On vacations I always hold it in unless I get the perfect chance to go in a somewhat secretive spot. And the future worries me as well. As a habitual large crapper who's leaving for military boot camp soon, I worry about the toilets at the bases. What if they don't have a lot of suction power? Or what happens if the toilet does plug up and there's no plunger around? It'll result in unrelenting yelling from Drill Sergeants over something that I am unable to control.

Lastly, I know that an average person poops about one to two times a day. But I am simply unable to do that. For example, last night I took a deuce and I only let one slide out instead of two. I felt that if I wanted to let a second one be released that I would be able to, but I held it off until today. Then, today, when I tried to drop the remaining load from last night, there was nothing there. I pushed and I squeezed and nothing was in my bowels. However, by tonight or tomorrow I will have to go incredibly bad. Usually what happens is that the urge to go creeps up within an hour and at that point the turds are always gargantuous, even when I didn't have to go at all an hour before. This problem seems impossible to complete for me. I've tried to go daily but I just can't.

2 ply for my brown eye's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

i usually get a towel to put over my face then get a kettle of boiling water to pour over my krap kayak. that helps break it up. if that doesnt work, use your roommates toothbrush..

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

As has been suggested before, have a turd-slicer at your apartment or home (hard to take along to work or school, I know) so break up the big ones into manageable parts; an old kitchen knife would do. You could have it in a nicely concealed spot if it bothers you to have it where a guest might see it. Wash it with antibacterial soap from time to time. Try not to scratch the porcelain when using it.

Pandaman's picture

Wow I thought I was almost alone with this issue. I constantly clog the toilet, and I'm a tiny guy too! I eat very healthy, esp. foods high in fiber, but I still have problems. I've always been SOOO embarrassed by this, so I try not to use the toilet in my apartment or at anyone's house. I always go to somewhere with highflush toilets. But sometimes, "it" hits me when I don't have time or access, and I feel helpless. It's the biggest grief EVER.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I also have the problem of turds that are so big they clog the toilet. Yes, the turds themselves; it has nothing to do with the toilet paper. This was mainly a problem I had at home; however, now I'm in college and the toilets here are much more powerful than the ones at home. They will take any size turd. It's great!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Wowza -- welcome! Reading funny poop stories is great huh? We really like reading them too, so if you have any yourself, please do register and share them!
_______
Open your eyes AND your mind to the power of food!
Health via Food (scroll down to read by chapter)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Wowza's picture

I don't have the problem that is being discussed...and I don't know if this site is for real, but I hope that I'm not being insensitive in saying that this is one of the coolest sites I've ever seen! Y'all made me laugh until I cried! Thanks for making my day!

Anus bleeder turds's picture

I have large turds too! Sometimes when I'm away and I don't have anything handy to break them up with, I have to reach in and break it up with my hand. I always wash really well but my hand still stinks even after using soap. Think I will try the knife thing and just make sure I keep one in my purse.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

... and feed the kid more fruits and veggies.

_______
Open your eyes AND your mind to the power of food!
Health via Food (scroll down to read by chapter)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Maybe you should buy a plumber`s snake.

The voice of sanity

Tired of Plunging's picture

my 10 year old daughter has this repeated problem....EVERy time she goes, it clogs the toilet....we have tried metamucil and a high fiber diet, and prunes, and miralax, and everything else under the sun....aside from keeping a knife/stick/etc to "cut" it up...does anyone else have another suggestion....and what is up with PLUNGERS???? why do they not all fit properly in all toilets? our new rental home and every plunger i have purchased are not compatible...the slope of the toilet is too much for the plunger to attach and produce the plunging suction needed to unclog...advice greatly appreciated...i am running out of money for the plumber to keep snaking and unclogging, and i just know he doesnt believe it is the little skinny girl....thanks everyone

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Trooka -- you are on the right track giving her an apple with every meal. You can fix her poop by adding more raw fresh fruits and vegetables into her diet and reducing the amount of starches and proteins she eats. Like one serving each of starch and protein per day--at separate meals only!--and all the rest of snacks and side dishes should be raw fresh fruits and raw or lightly cooked (steamed or baked) veggies.

If you feed her like that, you will not only fix her poop but also set her up with lifelong eating habits which will make her healthier than you ever dreamed possible.

Read the book linked below for more info.

_______
Open your eyes AND your mind to the power of food!
Health via Food (scroll down to read by chapter)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Anonymous Coward's picture

wow I had no idea other females went through this until now. When younger, I've always had heafty poop turds. Now, I'm 21 and they're much bigger :( lol. When my poop won't flush I will pour a good amount of clorox in the toilet...I figure it eats some of the poop up. In about 24 hours or more the poop is dissolved enough to go down. Thank goodness for commercial toilets in college or it would of sucked! lol!

trooka's picture

Glad I found this page. I was looking for advise on how to live with my 7 yr old daughter who drops the "timber" off at the "lumber yard" every day, plugging the toilet with her 2x8 turds. How can a turd that big come out of a 50 pound KID!?!?! I have tried prunes which do not help even slightly. Apples and apple juice seem to help but only if she has one with every meal. We need to buy her an outhouse!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I wonder if that line works on E-Harmony, or Match.com...


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

That's some mating call there, poopoo.

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

poopoo2big's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

If any of you nice females want a man like me with my big poops and clogging episodes please email me. I am divorced with no kids. handsumluv@hotmail.com

Hands

poopoo2big's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I've had my share of clogged toilet and some toiltsoverflowed. I am amazed how the digestive works to produce large poops. Once the poop wqs so hard, knobby and wide it took 40 minutes to push it out and I pushed and strained so hard I saw stars..lol. When I find a new love/wife I sure hope she is familar with these issues and has the same type poops. If you are out there please let me know.

Hands

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ok. For all of you who have been through "monster poo from Jupiter-9" nightmare, especially at hotels, etc. I have three suggestions:
wire coat hanger, wire coat hanger, wire coat hanger. But don't slice the poo inside of you: Wait until it's out of the hole and in the bowl.

Hasnain's picture

Hi, okay I realize this comment is 8 years old. So I'm just sharing some health facts in general.

Okay I skimmed through your post and lol...sorry.

On a serious note, digestive issues is quite common for alot of people. Probably because in this modern age we eat processed foods, we eat loads of white bread (not enough fiber - needed for digestion), and we prefer all sorts of artificial drinks instead of drinking enough water. I myself am guilty of this.

So...take of yourself, everyone???

Eat consciously:

Fibers (Wholegrain bread, fruits)

Drink enough water!!! (60%+ of our body is water)

Exercise!!!

Eat in a civilized manner? - Eat small meals several times a day instead of a bulkload at once or twice a day. - I know people don't have time to care or eat properly, too much stress to think of this - but won't it add to your stress if you deteriorate your situation by ignoring your health like this?

I should learn from my own advice here. Take care people and be well.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

You use shampooh in the stool ? With or without conditioner ?

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