Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces

m 1+ points - Newb

This is the story of my life-long struggle to successfully flush either overly long or
extra large diameter feces.

I'm average size and eat normal sized portions; it's just that my intestines produce
over-size ordure. While I enjoy daily regularity, I'm constantly concerned with
clogging -- that is, will my waste resist repeated flushing today?

You, the reader
with average size poops, should be grateful if you are spared this problem, which
doesn't even have a celebrity spokesperson. This "birth defect" is ignored even in
gastroenterology texts, so there's no medical advice available.

With the goal of preventing any water and waste from washing onto the floor, I consider
each disappearing load a victory -- and each successful time, I end up flushed with joy
and satisfaction. My highest priority is to prevent a situation necessitating use of the plunger, and the unpleasant unplugging stages
beyond -- anything from the plumber's snake to the jackhammer and excavator.

The first step towards keeping my crap in check is my special dietary habits: if I eat a large
dinner, I have several glasses of wine to enable the laxative action of fruit to
eventually produce smaller skat. And I assiduously avoid eating anything "binding," such
as bananas or cheese.

If I'm "late" with a movement, I generate the urge to purge via
exercises -- alternatively compressing and then pushing on the stomach muscles in
ten-second cycles, while maintaining normal breathing, to help move mass through the
intestines. (This unobtrusive workout also exercises the abdominal muscles to firm the

As one might expect, I bent my home toilet tank float upward to increase the water in
the tank, so as to enhance both water flow and pressure. I also have both a smooth toilet
drain and my piping is larger diameter. If I had rough piping, I would have had it
smoothed and reglazed to make it as frictionless as possible.

Here are additional details of massive manure management. I flush just as soon as the
first feces fall -- the flowing water helps align the ordure with the drain to cause
the dung to descend down the pipes. In addition, a timely surge of water will prevent
kinking to diminish damming by doubled-back dung. I always hold down the handle until
the flushing ceases -- this is because my valve allows extra water to flow into the
bowl. Every added drop is important to help make the difference between a successful
flush or having to get out the plunger.

I always reflush to ensure washing waste into the main piping. At home or away, I
always have a disposable stick to re-align any stuck skat, or, if necessary, to smash
it into smaller, easily disposable fragments. Here, there is no Freudian pride in
production, but instead embarrassment, chagrin and shame. Naturally, in addition to
having an industrial size plunger at home, I carry a small, plastic-bagged one in the
car for emergencies -- similar to carrying a spare tire.

At work, I always use different toilets, preferably in different buildings. I do not
want to become "known" to the janitors, who might betray me to my bosses, who, in turn,
might bar me from company toilets or demand that I use a litter box.

On vacation, my enemy is the low volume toilet. If my room has one, I use the hotel
restaurant or a gasoline station toilet; preferably one with two adjacent stalls, as an
emergency alternative to ensure either a safe finish or a fast, anonymous disappearance
into the ever-changing crowd. My friend is the toilet with added suction action. I
also add shampoo to the hotel toilet to lubricate the waste washing through the pipes.
It's only a small step, but, hey, we all know there's only a small difference between a
successful flush and a flood.

It could be worse. With time, I've learned to adjust to this condition to avoid
plugging, flooding and apologizing. I'm glad that I'm not obese, because then I'd
probably generate even larger turds. In this case, I would need to either (1) own
large wooded properties, where I could disappear from sight to "do my business", (2)
use flushless, pipeless, open pit, construction site-type portable toilets, or (3)
train my anal sphincter to repeatedly cut and clip the extruding turd to achieve
average lengths. I'm glad I only have my chronic -- but controllable -- problems!

Author's Note: Please note that the author is writing under an assumed name to avoid family
embarrassment, unwanted follow-up weird "fan-mail", pesky documentary film-makers and
bills from angry hoteliers. Gratefully acknowledged are the efforts of the engineers
and 'test pilots" who produced today's effective toilets.

-- "Skat"

350 Comments on "Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces"

Brown Seymour's picture

What kind of diameter are we talking here?

Che's picture

your TURDS are plugging the toilet? not the toilet paper, but your actual TURDS?

wow. i'm with seymour: give us a number. preferably circumference.

Thunder From Down Under's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

How can one's "anus" be a hole large enough to have crap that thick?

Jen's picture

Thunder... maybe you DON'T want to know the answer to that question.

Trashcanman's picture
l 100+ points

What is the flush rate on your toilet? I have a med-flow toilet, it's like 4.5 gallons per flush. I rrely see problems on high flow toilets, that is, 8 gallons. Have you checked out Terry Love plumbing. Dave and me are obsessed with him. He carries all sorts of toilets, even specialty ones. It's under "links" on this site, so check it out.

Thunder From Down Under's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My question was rhetorical; trust me, I know (but haven't experienced) about activities that would cause "enlargening"!

"Skat"'s picture
m 1+ points - Newb

To Che,

It's poop plugging, not paper.

To Thunder...,

Over the years, one's anus can adapt to stretch. This is similar to another type of body orifice- ask any woman whose had several children about how subsequent deliveries usually become easier.

Tyrdirium's picture

I can't imagine what life would be like with feces like yours. Did you REALLY have to change the pipes in your house? Have you been to a doctor about this?

waynerod's picture

I share the same problem as 'skat' has. It is very embarrassing and something that one must be conscious of, especially the urge to purge hits while visiting friends. You are not alone, sir.

-'s picture

Look, you have a couple problems with your situtation. One thing you can do is try altering your diet. Try eating a variety, then settle on the thing that works best. If you don't believe in artificial laxatives, try a more natural approach. Eating 8 prunes a day can make your B.M.s a lot smoother and a lot softer. If neither of these things work, try a different toilet. If your state restricts water usage on toilets, try a toilet by TOTO; they make excellent and high quality toilets.

harold smith's picture

i love 2 feast on my own turds somtimes i draw pictchers of them one time i named one stew.he reminded me of jerry luis. i cryed all night when my mom flushed him. it made him break into thousands of small brown pieces of my poop. it made me very sad. i miss stew alot sometimes i think of his choclatety goodness and the 2 peanuts that made his cheery eyes i love that poop very very very much i wish i could eat him. YUMMY

Michael Tomac's picture

Harold Smith's comment is of some concern. As a medical person with a background in psychosis, I am alarmed by his post. His behavior is similar to that of a 3-month-old puppy dog. If his therapist is monitoring this page (and they SHOULD be), please take my comments under advisement.


biggie smalls's picture

Have you ever thought of using a knife? When my uncle was eight years old he had a problem with crapping large diameter turds. After holding it back for 2 weeks, he finally let it out. The turd was so big that it had to be cut up with a knife to go down the drain. 5 lbs and 8 inches long! This was the famous family incident that started the use of the "caca knife".

Bung's picture

Is this really happening?

Shit Odor's picture

I like to watch my giant oscar fish release enormous terds, he seems to enjoy it as well... He floats around in a poop paradise called the "poop tank"... to circulate the water we use a device called a "poop circulator" and we also use a "poop bubbler" to provide adequate oxygen to the poop tank for the poop fish. We also use what I like to call the "poop filter" to filter out the giant logs that "fathead" (the poop fish) likes to release on a daily basis. It makes the whole front of the house smell like poontang all the time... so I have to clean the fecal matter off the sides of the tank regularly... poop is such a wonderful thing, i wish everyone could enjoy the pleasures of a sess pool (poop tank)...

-Dr. Poop

Poop Enterprises

big girl pooper's picture

I'm a 5'5" 117 lb. female & I regularly clog the pipes. It's SO annoying. I guess my poos aren't as big as skat's though since I haven't had to resort to stuff like changing out pipes.

Somewhere on this site guys were comparing their poos using twinkie units (TU's). I was amazed that they were mostly 1 - 1.5 twinkie units each, cuz my regular ones are usually about 2 TUs and probably close to 2 inches in diameter. Where does it all come from?

A few weeks ago, I dreamed I had a poo that was 7 inches in diameter & I was sad b/c there wasn't anyone around I could show it to.

JoePooper's picture

I have the same problem as you: my poop clogs toliets. But did you know that in many ancient cultures, large turds were a sign of manliness? Something to think about.

the-black-phantom-crapper's picture

have had big poops for years. sometimes they won't even squeeze into the bottom of the bowl. i think i use the plunger as much as the toilet paper. big honkin' poops they are, would be in a world of hurt(or at least poop) without that plunger.

Potty Pooper's picture

when i go poopoo in a public bathroom i usually try to time my "cough" with the plop of the poop so no one know's i'm going poop. Or i'll try to drop it long so there's no plop at all. Sometimes i even wait until someone else flushes the toilet to let it drop.

Poop's picture

My turds usually span a foot and a half. I keep a Ginsu knife or a putty knife in a holster strapped to the tank of the crapper. This is the only way to get the huge bastards to succumb to the eternal swirl.

ye110wturd's picture

One word... Dynamite

bigintestines's picture

I'm the same way but i'ma girl so I guess that makes it worse. It is so embarassing.I usually just break my shit up with a disposable coathanger though. You are not alone Skat.

bigintestines's picture

It is also really sad because i'm really small about 5ft tall and 100 lbs......I don't know how the hell something as big as my shits can come out of me.

The Bunger Sisters's picture

I also "suffer" from oversized craps, and usually have to end up stabbing them into pipe-sized tidbits for drainage pipe consumption with my plunger, of course, leaving my rubber-cupped bathroom implement smeared with pungent, peanut-butter-like residue.

My dream come true has come in the form of that low-volume toilet with some sort of bionic suction (kind of like on an airplane toilet) that sucks the cistern's contents in one madly powerful rush. Like something out of the Matrix.

slim jim junkie's picture

I remember having shits that plugged the crapper. They didn't happen all the time but when they did I attacked it w/ a plunger and made a lot of strange noise

JOSH's picture

i always have extra long poop because i dont go on a daily basis. the other day i had a twoo foot turd. i also had a i and a half footer that was bright green.could somebody please email me with pooping suggestions.

LittleLoggerGirl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My poop always clogs the toilet. Too big around to fit through that little hole...its like a long football..lol

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

Even if the diameter does not exceed the size of the drain, the log can bend into a "U" shape. That happened to me a few times. It really irritated me, because I needed a plunger at my friends house.

stinky's picture

A few years ago I moved into a house with modern low flow toilets. I've always experienced digestive irregularities, but these new toilets have exacerbated the problem with my occassional, large, constipated stools. Luckily I live alone and don't have to explain the out-of-commission toilet to a full-bladdered room mate. I never had a poo-clogged toilet problem before, so I blame it on modern wimpy toilets.

Pop of Potato Pooper's picture

My 17-year-old son has had the same problem for years. The turds resemble sweet potatoes, but taste completely different. When he was 13, his titanic turds broke my parents' toilet (while plunging in vain, the ceramic bowl burst; I was too embarrassed to tell my father, and of course he never in his wildest imagination guessed what the cause was). My son has rejected my advice to (1) submit a picture of his turds to the Guinness Book of World Records, (2) do a science fair project to invent a device (using, for example, ultrasound) for pulverizing turds in a toilet bowl and (3) join the CIA to sabotage the toilets of terorist cells.

TS's picture

I have the same problem. I just recently moved away to college and trying to take a giant crap is difficult. I guess its even worse for me because im a girl whos 5'3 and 90lbs. Its actually kind of a family joke because I had them look at my shit once and they couldnt believe that it came from me.

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points

Don't sweat it folks! Do like me and keep a wire coathanger under the bathroom sink! If your at someone else's house, bring popsicle sticks with you ahead of time. Just tape em together if the toilet has deep water.

daytripper's picture

In 5th grade, we had this one kid who was much bigger than the rest of us. One day, he let loose the most amazing turd any of us had ever seen. We gathered around the bowl and studied it for a good while. No way was it going to flush, it was approximately the same diameter as those breakfast sausage packages. Awesome stuff, and he did not appear to suffer any shame for it.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Giant shitters unite!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

me's picture

all I have to say is that you guys are sick.....I understand that you have a problem and all but why do you have to talk about it........ and how do you come up with cutting it up with a knife?and make a name for it? COME ON PEOPLE....GET OUT A LITTLE MORE!!!!!!!!

Bob's picture

When I was 14 or 15 I used to shit huge - I would go days and sometimes (but rarely) weeks without shitting. I also used to eat alot. My school had the Gerber Elongated Low flow the one with the 1.75" trap. Every time I used it, it would clog. Every time. The janitors would try to open it up and it would still stay clogged sometimes for days. I don't know what happened though. I suddenly started eating much less and going everyday. I can't seem to hold it any longer than 2 days anymore. Does anyone have tips for shitting large? Oh well. I actually enjoyed clogging their toilets that way because:
1. It proves to the janitorial staff the 1.6s suck
2. Since it's my shit, I'm not "Vandalizing"; therefore I can't get in trouble.

Here is a link to the spec sheet for the shitters they had:

mywifeisnotalone's picture

Oh boy, when I read that comment about using dynamite I laughed so hard that I farted!
My wife produces monster logs also, and I too have suggested taking photos for submission to the Guiness Book of Records. She is not particularly large herself, but ever since having our 2nd child she has blocked the toilet on EVERY occasion. She doesn't even get constipated - she seems able to produce world record dumps every 48 hours! She blames the toilet "the opening is too small". Yeah right, I tell her, you don't need a toilet, you need your own storm drain. Glad to see that she is not the only woman that regularly drops monster turds. I've been known to block on occasion, with the unfortunate 'badly parked submarine' that just lands at the wrong angle. My wife's logs however are more like the sinking of the Titanic, although the boat went down easier...

turd investigator's picture

Wow have u caontatced the world record books to see if u may have a prize turd.

Sarah's picture
l 100+ points

it hurts really bad when you have diariha and plus squirts and your but hole is sore from poopin. What I do is while im pooping is think about other things and then let it ease out. Plus while your poopin like that take some waseline and rub it in your but hole and it helps your buttock hole.

Fastest in fourcounties's picture

I am the fastest pooper in four counties wiped and clean in 10 seconds unfortunately i havnt had solid feces in about three years

Wade Collins's picture

Your turd heaven huh. Sickening a veritable turd bath of giganto turd action, and from a woman. Ugh
:))!1stink booooom Paint is peeling.

Wally Wallbanger's picture

It's reassuring to know I am not the only human titantic turd machine on earth. Your story is familiar, fascinating, funny, and warms my part (that produces watermelon-size masterpieces daily). The tips are helpful as well. We should start a giant turd syndrome support group.

hatetoplunge or mark's picture

put a liquid soap dispenser in your bathroom(s) and put a squit in there before dropping the kids at the pools and it will act as a torpedo lubricant.

Hermione's picture

I am a 48 year old divorcee, large tall build, but not fat. I often produce turds that are 2 inches to 2.5 inches in diameter, all hard, dry, and knobbly, after a week or more of constipation.
They often block the loo.
I have to confess I am rather proud of them and leave them for others to see.

BombsAway's picture

Nice to hear everyone enjoys a good butt-stretching every now and then. Seriously, though, let's hear about your recollections of the history of this phenomena. Have you had this problem consistently throughout your life or can you put a finger on time when it was not such a problem? What other factors seem to be associated with it?

For myself, I seem to remember the problem suddenly escalating around my late teens. Moreover, over the decades I noticed a slight seasonal aspect to it, with an increase of major events occurring during the winter months. I have a BMI of 24, so I am not overweight.

Insoluble fiber seems to worsen the problem, soluble fiber improves things somewhat, but there is obviously much more to it than fiber in the diet since on the whole I get more than most and still clog most toilets. Likewise, exercise can help, particularly on a warm day, but doesn't really correlate greatly, as I have had major events during weeks when I had tons of exercise...it lessens the likelyhood but does not prevent it.

At its worst, the stool is bomb-shaped, with the "front-end" being hard and knobby and much larger than the "tail-end" which tends to usually be softer and normal-sized. How big is the business end? At worst almost 3 in in diameter on a stool 1.5-2 ft. long. No way the average toilet can handle that.

I speculate there must be characteristic metabolic issues, and probably mechanical issues relating to quantity food and rate at which food is eaten. One odd observation: slight food poisoning improves elimination (as it hurries the evacuation process generally). Since refrigeration is a recent phenomena, it may be that large stool formation may be an unintended consequence in some people of being too sanitary. Romans, I read, liked slightly rancid meat...I wonder why?

poo person's picture

how do you make your poo reely big. can you do it by eating certan foods. or is there a procedure you have to follow

Not Saying!!'s picture

This one is almost too embarassing to tell... I usually have mid-size to large turds, and hardly ever have clog problems anymore because I have a select few toilets that I know can handle the tough days.

Anyhow, it seems that most of the problems here seem to be clogging the toilets-- I'm adding my story for a little comic relief, but there's no way I'm putting my name on here because it is the most embarassing story that's ever happened to me.

It was a spring evening, and I was about to head out with my boyfriend to meet some friends at the lake. I could feel that I was "incubating", so I told him I'd go to the bathroom while he filled the car up with gas. While he was gone, I discovered that this was no average turd, no slightly large turd, it was the mother of all turds. Here's where the situation gets sticky-- I was in a lot of pain, but just wanted to get it over with so that I'd be ready to leave when he got back. So I'm straining and pushing and trying not to cry, when it gets stuck. I'm not joking. STUCK. Not in the toilet, but stuck half-in, half-out of my butt, which is stretched to the limit. I could barely move from pain, and it wasn't budging. Not an inch out, and it wasn't going to be "sucked" back in, either. Eventually my boyfriend got back and heard me screaming in pain in the bathroom, so I told him what was going on. After about 15 minutes of this PAINFUL PROBLEM, I let him come in the bathroom, armed with a popsicle stick. (This gets gross, I'm sorry!!) HE HAD TO SCRAPE THE PROTRUDING HALF OFF and drop it in the toilet. Once that was gone, the other half went into hiding again. We flushed, and went to meet our friends. It was the most embarassing moment of my life.

I hate painful shits's picture

I just took the most painful shit in my entire life.I thought I was giving birth, not that I would know, considering I'm a male teen. It was HUGE!!! I'm talking probably 3.2 in diameter. It was FUCKING painful. I hope to god this never happens again, my asshole is killing me.

Ben's picture

I sympathize with big shitters. I was never properly toilet trained as a child. No one told me to sit on the loo after breakfast. Up till I was 14, I was always constipated with no more than a movement a week. GOd, did it hurt each time. Huge and hard and required massive straining. THe worse is the non-moving shit after the initial appearance. However much I push, it remain stationary. Squeezing didn't help either as my butthole muscles weren't strong enough to cut that hard monster.

Glad to say I am no longer constipated. High fiber diet and exxercise helped. Also, I learned to sit on the loo each day after breakfast. I now have a good morning and afternoon dump. Voluminous but not big. Have to admit I DO miss the occasional huge adn ass-streching shit.

anonymous's picture

i am a 16 year old female that shits large turds. i dont know why it happends. it must be a family thing or something b/c its the same w/ my brother. i dont poop every day. but when i do i am always afraid that i will plug the toilet. just about an hour ago i plugged up the toilet w/ my poop. but the problem is that it got stuck at the drain. so i flushed just plain water and it went down slowly. i think i broke my toilet am not sure. help. is there anyway to avoid this embarassing problem. should i go on a certain diet or exercise?

a's picture

...I just pluged a hospital grade, pressure flush toilet... this made me look in the web... I feel much better now after reading this crap...jaja

umm...'s picture

I have a phobia of clogging toilets with my big shits. I never had the problem before, but after I moved away to college, it started. I am really almost ashamed of pooping, even though i know it's natural and that everyone does it. When I lived in the dorms, I never wanted to go poo when other people were in there. So i would hold it for a long time. When there was no one in there (usually at 3 in the morning) I would go in there and let it all go. They were HUGE. But because of the industrial flushing toilets we had, there were no problems. But without that power, I am in trouble.
My problem is that I wait to go until they have compacted so much that they will invariably be huge. If I went everyday, I might be okay. But like I said, I'm ashamed.
I have clogged too many toilets to count. I clogged an aunt's toilet, I have clogged my mom's toilet, I have clogged my boyfriend's parent's toilet. I am living with them right now until my boyfriend buys a house, and it is just terrible. They have ONE bathroom, which is located RIGHT across from the kitchen, where his parents ALWAYS are. So I never have any private time to do my business. I'm always afraid they'll hear me going and then I'll be so embarassed that I'll want to hide in shame, or die of embarassment. So I'll usually wait until they go somewhere or they're asleep with their door shut (which is also right next to the bathroom door). I had to plunge once, but for the most part, like others have suggested, I use a disposable stick to cut them up so they will go down better.
It's a terrible syndrome that I have, and I don't know what to do. I am constantly paranoid and worried about it. It's not even normal or funny anymore!

holy crapper's picture

My turds are so huge i can't go in the toilet anymore. i have to crap in a garbage bag and throw it out. How i wish for a regular sized poop.

TLC's picture

Wow, after reading this I feel a lot better!!! I am glad to know that I am not the only toilet clogger out there. I don't know when this problem started but its bad. I poop almost daily however the frequency doesn't seem to help the size. I've ignored the problem....because it used to be just every once in a while, but when I went away to college the problem got bad. We had industrial flush toilets there so I had no problems, but when I came home on breaks I realized that almost every poop seemed to clog the toilet! It was so bad one time that my poor father had to take the toilet off to unclog it! I am not a large girl, so I don't know where this comes from. I just moved into an apartment with 3 other girls and we share one bathroom with a low flush toilet. I doubt they would understand the constant clogging, so I am forced to go while at school or out at resturants, or as a last resort break up the shit into small enough pieces to make it down. It is sooo embarrassing and I never bothered to think something was wrong. My turning point was when my mother called to say they are renovating our bathroom at home and they ordered a TOTO just for me because it is supposed to resist clogs. I finally decided to look into it and im glad there are other large shitters out there!!!

absolutelywon'ttellyou's picture

i am SO relieved to find this site! i am a girl who poops and stops up our toilets ALL the time. it's mortifying! my husband gets so frustrated with me, but i can't help it! i made him come read these comments so he knows i'm not a freak. we laughed, and i can't TELL you how good it feels to hear that other people have the same problems i have. SO, that said, i have to type in my comments, because i had the most disturbing and fascinating poop experience several months ago, and i didn't want to tell my husband (the closest person to me) because i still want him to be attracted to me, you know? so here goes:
my stomach was bothering me one night while he and i were out at a club. he was busy, so i told him i wasn't feeling good and ran to the car to go find a restroom where i could poop in peace. i found a nearby gas station, and pooped with passion. however, when i got up from the toilet to survey the damage, i was horrified to see that my poop was about a foot and a half long and was just resting on the ceramic toilet bowl, curved into a "u". there was NO WAY that sucker would EVER go down that hole, so i paniced. All i could do was hold my breath and use a bunch of paper towels to grab (that's right - i said GRAB) half of the log and stuff it into the wastebasket. it was so terribly disgusting and so amazing that i was in shock. i then covered it with a bunch more paper towels and tied the trash bag tightly, then snuck out of the bathroom and back to the club to meet my husband. no one was the wiser, but can you BELIEVE i pooped such a gigantic turd? i'm an average size female, but i swear, this thing was maybe even 2 feet long! amazing!

Puffer Poop's picture

I have the same problem and after rushing to shut the water off and throwing the rugs out of the way whilst grabbing a plunger, I had an idea. Keep your Chlorox liquid cleaner out by the toilet, and a dish glove. After you drop your load, put your hand in the glove (grips facing AWAY from the poop), and break up the dook. Then flush and "feed" the toilet the poop chunks slowly, so it doesn't clog the hole. After it's clear, use the toilet cleaner to wash off your glove (in the toilet, not the sink!!). It's easier to clean the glove if you put the glove on so that the grips are on top of your hand, not your palm. This way, no one will ask you about your putty knife, and it's sanitary! And it's good to carry such a glove with you to hotels, friends' houses, etc. You need a bag for storage, and they might not have the liquid cleaner laying around. Works like a charm. And I am a fan of industrial toilets-- the kind at college bathrooms.

I lay short, multi-lobed too-thick ones, or super long sausages (1-footers) that poke out of the water like nuclear submarines coming to the surface. My worst poop story was at my brother's co-ed dorm toilet (equipped with an industrial toilet of course). While I was pooing, a guy stayed in the bathroom too long and I'm sure he heard the following: this was the famous nuclear turd incident. I couldn't leave it there, and I know it wouldn't flush. The toilet bowl was too big and had too much water, so toilet paper wouldn't have helped protect my only tool--- my hand. So...I was forced to break up the monster with my bare hand...you know that crap never comes off either! So the smell was stuck under my fingernails for a couple of hours, despite repeated washings, etc.

My family and boyfriend love to tease me. I was always blamed for plugging up the pot, and accused of using too much tp. If they only knew I had a gargantuan colon. I should refer them to this site!

Puffer Poop's picture

Wow, you guys have nothing on me. I'd like to add that I lay impossibly large dooks every time I go, so I use the glove all the time. I've also had the half-in-half-out sydrome, but only 2x in my 25-year-old life. You gotta break it off manually. I would never have anyone do that FOR me!!! By the way, dumping into a bag isn't really a good idea, there's lots of human diseases that can be passed on to others...use the glove method and forgo your bags, wire hangers, and popsicle sticks! And the best thing is that it's reusable! Just keep her clean. P.S. Why does it seem like everyone here is a female like me? I wonder if this is statistically significant.

Me's picture

Hi. I am a 12 year old girl with a HUGE problem. I live with my grandparents half-time and I crap HUGE poops. I usually hold it in 'till I get home but it gets unbearable. Sometimes I poop in a ziploc bag and throw it out but it smells. I need help, badly. Very badly. PLEASE HELP!!!

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Me, if your poops are so big that you can't flush them, make sure to take something disposable (like a plastic knife) into the bathroom with you, cut up the poop, flush, and dispose of the utensil.
DON'T hold it in. The longer you hold it in, the more poop there will be.
Try eating a lot of prunes and oatmeal. This will give you the runs and you won't have to worry about clogging the toilet.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Me, if you are having problems like that at age 12, I suggest you get your Mommy to take you to the pediatrician.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Me is probably not a 12 year old girl.
It's probably a 40 year old, 500lb man with nothing better to do than pretend he's a little girl online.

But just in case you (Me) are really having trouble with clogging the toilet, take the afore mentioned advice.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

FP, you are wise beyond your userpoints.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

LOL. I try, dumpster.
If you want to hear (or read) some real wisdom, you should see the mods.
Not trying to kiss ass or anything, but they're poop experts.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

What do you mean, "see the mods"? Are they all really 40 year old, 500 pound men? If so, I'm suing AB2K for fraud!

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

LOL. No, I meant seek them for their wisdom.
40 year old, 500lb men that pretend to be 12 year old girls online aren't wise. They're... pathetic, to put it kindly.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

When I was at UGA, the joke was, "why wasn't Jesus born in Athens?"

A: "Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin."

At least we have the wise men (and women) on PR, but where, O where are the vigins??

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

I would never have approved that comment. Fake shit doesn't cut the mustard with me.

Oh, and sorry, Dumpster, you probably won't find virgins here.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

I've never been in a chat room before. Does that count?

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

Yes you have . . . I devirginated you. I feel so dirty.

But you were a chat room virgin, technically. Were you a forums virgin, as well?

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I suggest a coat hanger that is kept in a bit of plastic pipe behind the toilet.

Rectum Rector
The Church of Poop

The Emir of Crapistan

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Well, I think I did wander onto a forum about Ron and Hermione (of Harry Potter fame) one time, but it was just a bunch of teen-age girls ya-ya-ing at each other, so I didn't stay. So, yes, AB2K, you have my virtual cherry. Hope Mr. Blaster doesn't mind.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Holy cow! This is totally believable! I have suffered from the same condition for years. I am extremely careful about where I dump, not out of embarrassment, but fear that I will plug it up with a log. I have, to some degree, mastered the art of "cutting it up" into pieces as it comes out. Still, if I don't see a plunger, I think long and hard (no pun intended) before I get down to business. I'm surprised at the replies, as I would think this would be more common...

fake's picture

I have had some huge dumps in my time. Clogging toilets isn't anything to be ashamed of. I'm proud when i have to bring out the plunger. Makes me feel like i won the war with the toilet. I do agree that big turds can take some time to come out, but don't rush things, just let them slowly ease out of your butthole. Well, this is the best webpage ever! Nice pooping everyone!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

My pre-teen son has the same problem. He leaves 2 inch diameter logs that need to make passage through a 1.5 inch opening (2 inches is an eyeballed estimate, I never actually made a measurement). We use an old golf club, a 9-iron, to break it up. If necessary, you can hold some of the pieces back and save them for a 2nd or 3rd flush. I tried using a 2-iron but it was hard to maneuver due to the longer shaft and shallower club head angle.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Me, I started having giant shits when I was 10, so I know you are probably really 12. My mom started keeping a coat hanger, like a few people have suggested, in the bathroom for me to use as a turdcutter. Worked like a charm.

The problem may be hereditary. In my case, my grandpa had the same problem and kept a yard stick in the bathroom. Whatever you use make sure to mark one end as the shit end and one as the handle so you don't mess them up. My damn dad used to mess them up anyway and it drove me fucking nuts!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

sometimes i like to indulge in a littlt bit of coke and or heroine for a few days this causes me to have extremely large turds such as the ones you all speak of but mine are also so hard that they leave no smear on the butthole therefore not needing a wipe (evrynow and then a little pat though to dry the blood on the real monsters)

Fiancee of a Massive Pooper's picture

I am engaged to a man who has the same problem as "Skat" and I can say that no matter how much disbelief there is about the size of the offending poop - there is truth in his story. My fiancee claims to poop soda pop cans... though I have never seen the actual turd in person, I have found the toilet clogged on more than one occasion (too many times in fact). The plunger was overworked and I was tired of being the operator of it. Metamucil is working best... I mix it into his orange juice in the morning and voila... the toilet flows freely once again!

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points

Ya, I crap pretty large turds, so Ill try out the metamucil and see if it works.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Anonymous Coward? YES!'s picture

My Goodness! I thought I was the only one with this problem. Kinda good but also kinda sad to know there are others suffering the shame. YES, This is all BEFORE the paper. I would never use paper on the first flush... I know better! (Only ONE variable at a time please!) Once the primary "business" has been disposed of... and a second "make damn sure flush" has been conducted...only then does the paper work begin. It is shameful to know what Jack Pallance meant when he said, "I crap bigger than YOU, kid." But it is good to know that I am not alone. Thanks!

headman402's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

headman402 says his friend calls him to either break up his clogging turd or to pack it in a ziplock so i can use it as fertilizer in my garden. I use my bare hands to pick up the turd, and clean his toilet afterwards

CrappinSlap's picture

Like every other girl who found this site, I've got to say I breathed a sigh of relief to know that I wasn't the only one stopping up the plumbing!

And since this is pretty much confidential, I can tell my embarrassing story as well!

I moved into my fiance's parent's home until we get married. I have always had a problem since I was 10 or 11 years old with massive bowel movements. When I lived with my family I would just use an old toilet paper tube (minus the paper), to chop it up and dispose of the cardboard helper after. After moving to college I encountered those lovely high-powered flushers that work like a dream. But after moving here, I found that my parents-in-law to be have a very old fashioned low-flo potty.

Now like another poster, the bathroom is located RIGHT by the kitchen and there's only one. I so in order to prevent anyone hearing me make a plopper I would usually hold it until I showered.

However, one evening my stomach was killing me. I knew I had waited too long already, so I took my chances and prayed that this one wouldn't be a monster. Unfortunately, it was. I'm not good at estimating measurements --- and thus I actually tried to flush it. Water started to rush to the brim of the bowl and I lunged for the knob to shut off the water.

One hour and forty-five minutes of plunging, flushing, and praying later, and I still had a toilet that would fill to the brim.

I was covered in sweat from fear of having my mother in law find out that I drop monster craps, and from all of that desperate plunging.

I told her that it clogged from too much teepee, and hoped that she didn't hear the sloshing and plunging coming from the locked bathroom for over an hour.

It's good to know that I don't suffer alone.

no longer alone's picture

I am also a 25 year old female who takes large poops and it probably started when i was around ten...I remember telling my mom that I was bleeding and she assumed it was my period...it took me a while to understand why my period didn't come regularly until I was about 13. I clog toilets all of the time and I am guilty of having broken up turds with my bare hands on multiple occasions. I have also done something that only girls can do which is insert my thumb into my vagina where i can feel the large turd and ease it out...3 inches in diameter isn't unusual for me but I can't compare to most of you when it comes to length...exercise helps avoid the really dry hard ones, but I just had major knee surgery and the lack of exercise combinded with the pain killers has done me in again...my grandmother's toilet has officially been sealed with something that is not even letting a drop of water pass.

Thanks for all of the tips...popsicle sticks...clothes hangers...has anybody got any tips on what might soften a stool that is already in the toilet...there has got to be something simple that might break it up and make it a little easier to plunge.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i have the same problem. i cant remember the last time i went poop the last time w/o clogging it. im a normal weight and everything but my crap is HUGE. any ideas??????????

Anonymous Amateur Poopologist's picture

Seeking a reference to a multi-story hotel being built near Kabul Afghanistan, where the poop holes in the bathrooms all aligned with ones below them? This was published before the Russian invasion, 1979. The thing stood as a shell for some time I think. Poop resistant turbans may have been developed to make it useful to transients. Not sure about that part.

angrygrandpa's picture

You don't know disgusting until you're the plunger-wielder who has to plunge daily thanks to 2 resident grandsons who are currently 12 and 16. It's been going on for years. I've wrestled turds that resemble baseball bats rising high out of the water and hard huge bombs that don't look like it's humanly possible to pass. This has been going on for years. I keep 2 industrial strength plungers next to the toilet at all times. I have had to work on clogs for over 25 flushes. Our water bill is pitiful. In extreme cases, I have my wife make "poop soup" by boiling several kettles of water and pouring it one at a time into the toilet to soften the offenders. WARNING: this truly STINKS but works eventually in tandem with the plungers.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i am so glad i found this site after plugging in various requests in the search engines. i have just now started having this problem and i am 45!!! at first i was not sure what had blocked the toilet but then it happened each time i had a bm. it is terrible!!! i have tried the breaking it up with sticks and plasticware and coat hangers but none of that has worked for me. i am wondering why it doesn't just disintegrate after a couple of hours or at least reduce to a manageable size? does anyone know the answer? the worst thing is that when i am trying to get the poop out that it hurts so much that i feel like my anus is tearing in half. if you have never looked at the bristol stool types you should look it up. mine are always 1 and 2 without a doubt. there should be more attention drawn to this problem; not only is it embarassing but it is terribly painful. and to think i have been refusing to have anal sex all this time for fear of the pain and now i am still getting the pain without any of the pleasure.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am glad to find this group!

As a child, I only pooped every few days. Then, as a teenager, I started having bouts of constipation and diarrhea. Eventually, these cycled every month, and during the rest of the time I alternated between constipation and some regular movements. From time to time, I would have big-diameter ones that would hurt like heck.

About 16 years ago (on my wedding day), I took the biggest dump I'd ever taken. Since then, I have discovered that I was lactose intolerant, and eventually changed to a vegetarian/vegan diet. I regularly clog the toilet at our house, and look for power-flushing toilets at work or at the mall to poop in to avoid having to plunge or use the coat hanger.

So glad to find this group! United in poop...

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Folks ol T.C. here! Gotta tell ya I have had dumps that I swear were coming out sideways. Large BALLS of shit big enough to choose up sides for softball! I have had large Lincoln Log shits. I have had pretty much every shape and size dump you could imagine. HOWEVER I have never in my 44years on this earth EVER met a turd that I could not flush down. I think some of this problem has to do with timing and use. OK so you think your dumps are toilet cloggers well then as it falls out perhaps you should begin the flushing sequence mid shit. That could help a lot. Another thing is STOP using an inordinate amount of T.P. along WITH that huge dump and that may also take care of the problem. Parents please dont scold the kids for having skidmarks because of improper wiping, not only does it give them a complex they will probably exhaust that entire roll to clean thier ass. Put some flushable wet ones on the tank for them to use instead. That is my advice!
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!


gotta love poop's picture

i have had the huge poo problem since I was just a little girl!! i was at a birthay party once where I poo'd and the girls grandpa had to get a stick from outside to encourage my poop down the drain.

I've even resorted to finding q-tips in a guests bathroom to cut poo's in half, or quarters.. as needed. WHAT A PAIN!!

Adding fiber DOES help kind of. mostly it just gives me horrible gas.

i swear I'm still a lady.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

He encouraged your poop? This sounds like he gave it a motivational speech.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Backwoods dumper's picture

Have you ever noticed that when you poop in the outdoors, the poop is always runny and not a solid grogan?

full of shameful shitt's picture

I am so surprised. I guess if you exercise any brain cells you could figure out that with so many people in this world...you are not the only one with the "Monster Poo-Poo Syndrome. But regardless... I have been ashamed of this for a couple of years now, ever since it started...and never thought about looking for others like me! Well...I mean it's not a topic easily brought up! LOL.
Unlike most of you though, I know exactly when and why my problem started. It started after I had Intestinal Bypass surgery three years ago. I ate so little food after the surgery,that I couldnt go poop for sometimes a week - and even then I had to use an enema. And, my body extracted every bit of fluid out of my poo poo as it possibly could due to my small stomache and inability to ingest enough fluids without great effort and constant sipping - which resulted in hard saved up "balls" of poop.
As many have experienced...these hard "balls" were painful to pass! I remember bleeding every time I went poo poo!
So, as our amazing bodies usually do, my body began to adapt. My sphincter ( yeah, I just love mentioning that word! NOT!)began to stretch out a bit, finally allowing my consistently hard "balls" to pass without much pain or blood.
Well...3 years later, my stools are no longer hard as a rock or ball shaped! They are HUGE logs! Why? Because my adapted sphincter now allows more poopoo out at once due to it's stretched condition - making what was once a relief - an embarassing (to understate a bit)charachteristic of nearly every single #2 visit to the Bathroom!
Yup...my husband has become a reluctantly recruited PRO at toilet plunging and de-briefing! To this day, it still embarasses me so much, that I have developed almost a phobia of my own poo poo! I can't stand to look at it or smell it - and unlike a few of you...I am nowhere near "Proud" of my poop!

I figure...I can live with it - and buy one of those toilets...or talk to a surgeon about "sphincter tightening"! LOL.
Now...I have never thought of breaking it up with my own hands! EWWWW, and even with a glove...EEWWWW! But...I think the knife or "tool" tactic may be in order to try! LOL.
Good Luck to the rest of you with this problem. It really sucks, and you just can't bring it up casually at dinner or at the coffee table!LOL

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am also a girl with this problem, but it has gotten worse lately. I live by myself, in a 2 bathroom house, and I have clogged both toilets at the same time. When I lived with my boyfriend I was the first one to clog the toilet at our house. I have memories of clogging toilets at an age as young as 6, and I was an itty bitty skinny little girl. I was looking to this site for advice, I do the "safety flush" but it doesn't help much. I eat healthy, take fiber, excersize.....oh well! Gotta go plunge...

Wynn D. Bottom's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Honey, get the camera!!

Wynn D. Bottom

Wynn D. Bottom

Pregnant with big poop's picture

Hi, I am so glad to find this site. I am very petite, and very pregnant, but I have a big poop problem.

Being pregnant seems to exacerbate the constipation, hence the big poop.

This morning I had to relieve my bowels. I could feel tension building and that this was not going to be a regular size. I knew I was constipated.

After much painful straining and pushing (it's extremely painful when one has an extended pregnant belly), my bowels were relieved.

However, when I saw the end result in the toilet, I was aghast. It was the biggest single poop I have produced in years. It wasn't very long (about 5"-6", but its diameter is what shocked me. It was over 2", maybe 2.5"/3" in diameter. If I were in my right mind, I would have donned rubber gloves, and removed that turd from the toilet.

But ... I naively flushed it, and it blocked the toilet! So for the next 2 hours, with very extended pregnant belly, I worked the turd loose with the plunger and a wire hanger, and finally the toilet and I were both breathing a sigh of relief when the blockage was removed!

I definitely did not want to call a plumber. If ever this repeats, I'll know what to do.

A. Woodward's picture

I wish I had that problem. It would be such a fantastic event to produce even a solid turd, much less a record-breaking log monster.

Unfortunately, I've been battling I.B.S. and other "gut issues" for many years now. The nearly constant diarrhea, cramping, pain and bloating have taken their toll on me. In fact, the almost daily pain has changed everything about life, including the enjoyment of it.

It's amazing... poop is funny right up until the moment your pooper doesn't work anymore.

I like this website because it reminds me that poop can, in fact, be just that - poop. Nothing painful or terrible about it... just.. well, poop.

Poop on! I'm working with doctors, cleansing, trying many, many therapies and hope to have a "super-poop" to talk about soon. I'll let y'all know!!!

Andrew The Hopeful Pooper, Allentown, PA

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

Well, unusualy on this subject it seems, I'm a man! I had thise problem for years. I produced very big, satisfying turds that would not go away with an ordinary flush. My tactics were simple:

1 Never shit in a private house except my own

2 In a public toilet, flush a couple of times, put the lid down and leave quickly - you may have left a calling card, but you don't feel guilty because you don't know whether or not you have

3 At home, use a knife or other implement to cut the large turd into manageable pieces, and quickly pour a full bucket of water down the toilet, from as great a height as possible, to generate the additional water power needed (sometimes two or more bucketfuls may be needed). The knack of pouring the water with maximum force and minimal splash is soon perfected! This method removed even the largest and most stubborn turds I could generate.

I like to poop's picture

This may be the coolest site ever.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

ILTP - well join us then!! It's even free!!!

Backend Server's picture

I just stumbled here into the Big and Beautiful topic. I'm so glad there is a place to talk about this. I've been dumping 2-inch+ turds since childhood and I've left a trail of clogged toilets behind. There isn't a lot of science or acknowledgment of the fact that some people just produce larger turds than others.

Here's my limited view of the situation:

* I (and others) simply have a larger diameter bowel. As the feces are stored by the body, they get shaped into bowel-sized units.
* This large-bowel trait is probably a combination of genetic traits, personal history, and diet. My much smaller daughter has inherited this from me and is also a regular toilet-clogger. My wife and other daughter do not tend to clog toilets.
* This condition is not recognized by the toilet manufacturing industry. The latest method of measuring toilet effectiveness is based entirely on the volume (or mass) that can be flushed. The oft-cited MaP report (http://www.cuwcc.org/uploads/product/MaP-5th-Edition-Revised-10-6-05.pdf) does not even mention that size matters. All their test media is 3/4 inch diameter without any consideration for larger diameter tests.

How widespread is this condition? Have any studies been done? Taking this topic as a sample, it seems that there is a significant percnetage of the population with large bowels!

I would guess that there are more folks with "large-bowel" condition than those using wheelchairs, so I think that public toilets should accommodate people who are affected by various conditions equally. Possibly the ADA could be used to encourage the building of "useful" toilets!

Fartknot's picture

Metamucil. Seriously. My husband claims that Metamucil fixed our plumbing.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

Absolutely - quite right. You are far from alone on this. Why are there so many pathetic toilets that can't flush away a decent sized turd or two??

Plastic Knives's picture

It's a good thing I'm not going to work today, because I have just spent so much time reading and laughing about this website. Here's how I deal with this lifelong problem: Just keep plastic utensils in your purse or briefcase at all times. That's it. I have no fear anymore of any toilet. Of course, there is the occasion I have had to steal someone's pen because I forgot my plastic knife or fork. But if I steal a pen, I try not to take a good one.

Biggus Turdus's picture

I stumbled across this website looking for a solution to my 'chronically clogged toilet'....perhaps it is my turd size after all. Although I never had a problem with those industrial strength public toilets. Must remember to always double flush...must remember to always double flush.

dontaskdonttell's picture

hell, i've had a 3 inch thick by 3 foot long turd before, and i still wasn't finished crapping.

Not Alone (at last)'s picture

I am *so* glad to find out I'm not alone. I've pretty much solved my problems with humongous toilet-clogging poo through diet.

When I was a kid, I would pray -- not kidding -- pray that God would somehow grant me just one more dispensation and make my shit disappear without resorting to my parents having to plunge the toilet. They would curse at me and blame me for the problem and for years, I would hate taking a dump just because of the *potential* of clogging up the pipes.

After I got out on my own the problem continued, but I lived in military dorms and we always seemed to have toilets equipped with industrial strength jets. Now that I'm older and wiser, I've isolated my problem: I just never had enough fiber in my diet.

While I still leave behind huge water-topping shit, it all goes down smoothly thanks to its modified consistency. I've had to do the double flush even into adult life, but it's more to clear the swirl tracks than anything else.

I recently had a complete physical and the physician said (after percussing my abdomen and giving me a digital rectal exam to check my prostate) that I had a very healthy bowel. Since he was on the subject, I just asked him if he thought I had a large anal opening and without missing a beat, he said 'let me guess... you think you do because you think you have abnormally large bowel movements?'

I was embarrassed and confirmed his assertion and he more or less dismissed it with a 'everyone thinks that' comment. This morning, I made another huge bowl of gently looping shit and decided to check out the internet and found this site.

I'm just happy to know I'm not alone. For those of you with the huge turds that require manual assistance to disappear, let me suggest adding fiber to your diets. I put just a tablespoon of wheat germ in a protein shake (or on my oatmeal) every day. I also try to make sure that for every ounce of meat I eat, I also eat at least two ounces of fruits or vegetables. I don't shy away from cheese, but I apply the same rule. I'm not sure it affects anything, but I also take a Flaxseed oil pill everyday.

We may not be able to do anything about the size of our shit, but we shouldn't have to resort to manual methods to dispose of it. Good luck.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

What an excellent contribution, Not Alone. Thank you for sharing what helps you.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

OneHeinousAnus's picture

I'm a 20 year old dude and I'm always embarrassed by my large craps. Currently, I'm down visiting my father, and he only has one bathroom, and I always clog the toilet. I haven't taken a shit for over 2 days now due to a fear of clogging the toilet. Hopefully tomorrow when my father goes to work I can unleash my feces and break it up with a stick and get it to flush before he comes home for the day.

Randy Marsh's picture

Watch the South Park episode "More Crap".

That episode made me realize that I should take pride in my large dumps.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Has it occurred to you to hide a metal clotheshanger under the sink or in plain sight and use it whether he's there or not? Somewhere bn the site there's a photo of someone's Poop stick - it sits in the same crock as the plunger. No one knew what it was for until one family member told the others Dad used it to break up poo. Gross, but effective.

Good luck breaking up that crap.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

fuckyouman's picture

well.. this isn't embaressing or anything, but im glad to know im not the only person. Im a girl, im a teen, i probably shit biggeer then my whole family. i dont know why though, no one else shits like this. i hold my shits in for about a week because its embaressing. ive come up with the conclusion of shitting in a bag and throwing it in the garbage outside. its pathedic. :/ is there anything i can eat that'll fix this or am i fucked for life?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Oh hon, don't hold it in, that's so bad for you. If you continue to do that, your colon might become so distended that it will be desensitized to when you need to poop. Then, it won't be able to force poop out as well as it used to.

Drinking more water and eating more fibrous foods will increase your poop output, but it will also help you poop more frequently, so that's good. If it comes out in pieces, try the courtesy midflush technique, too. That's when you flush as soon as your "brownload downloads". If you flush twice, it might help avoid clogs. The softer it is, the easier it will be to flush, so bulk up on fruit and vegetables. And don't feel so bad, you're not alone.

Can you talk to your mom? If my daughter brought this up to me, I wouldn't laugh at her.
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Rocket Scientist's picture

I don't know if you guys are serious or not, but the problem is serious to me! Due to an accident (not like you think) my turds are 2 1/2 inches in diameter. Fortunately, they only come once every three days.
After extensive research into the toilets available on the market today, I found they all have one thing in commom, even the Kohler super flush and the "wonderful" TOTO. They all have a trap diameter of 2 - 2 1/8 inches. Being a rocket scientist, I realized no amount of water, under no amount of pressure, would force a 2 1/2" rocket down through a 2 1/8" hole.
But, my friends, there is an answer to our problem. Sealand. They make toilets for motor homes and boats. These toilets don't need 1.6 gallons of water to flush away your crap. And they have a porcelain model that looks like a nice residential model, except tankless. When you flush, a three inch (yes, 3") hole in the bottom of the bowl opens up and lets your load drop out of sight. Forever! It's called gravity flush. You can even get a shower nozzel so you can direct the log around in the bowl so it won't be perfectly centered over the hole. It's got to go one end first, right?
This is even better than installing a garbage disposal on your toilet.

qk2dlvr's picture

My arsonal includes disposable gloves that sometimes are necessary to break up the big ones. A little gross, but effective. Best to rinse the glove and put it in the trash.

Anonymous Coward's picture

come december we always go visit family in england we spend 2 weeks which is mostly christmas and new years and then we leave after new yeas day, but ever since i plugged up my aunts toilet like 4 years ago i was so embarrassed cause i had taken 2 cousins who i thought were cool and they found out i plugged up it i was denying it cause i was so embarrassed he even went out and bought a plunger!!! they had to take out the shit with a bucket of some sort and burry it i was so embarrassed i wanted to die i did it twice in that year and the next year we went and i plugged it up again!! my cousin who lives over there saw it and called me a monster! i wanted to die i knew it wasnt normal the next year we didnt go and this year i was afraid of going because i would plug up their toilet so i made sure i took a dump before we left and this time i had a plan to hold it in for 2 weeks and a half and come home and dump it but after 6 days already there i felt i needed to go badly so i just went in hoping it wasnt big but i was wrong they were enourmous i knew that wouldnt be flushed so i got a whole bunch of toilet paper grabbed the turd and threw it into a bag all of them and wrapped it up and took it to a public trash can luckily there was no one around the restroom when this happened 4 days later i felt like going again i looked at the turd and i knew it was going to to be flushed so i did the same thing luckily we just got back we left early these years due to some things we had to do! boy am i glad im back home

poo_girl's picture

I was Googling "massive poop" and found this site...Don't ask...Oh wait...I'm not the only one...

Once I had a poop so big at my friend's house that her mom made me pick it up with a paper plate and throw it into the neighbor's trash can. She said I was no longer allowed to poo at her house. As a result, I do my damndest not to poo at *anyone*'s house if I can help it. I am a 26 yr old female and I've been having this problem all my life. Apparently there's a medical reason, mega-colon.

poo_girl's picture

PS: I have an outhouse. Life is much easier now. Except for the sh*t-sicle. But that's life in Alaska for ya.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

She wanted you to put it in the neighbor's trash can? I wish to God her neighbor would have caught you - not because I think you were wrong, but because I'd have liked your friend's mom to have to answer for how she could rationalize treating someone else's property how she obviously felt was below hers.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Home Depot rents both gas and electric log splitters. Just a thought, I have quite the opposite problem.

Anonymous Coward's picture

You aren't the only one. i google the topic and this thing came up. life isn't easy for those of us who take fore-arm sized shit bigger than the pipe. Many believe it isn't possible, but i promise you, it very much is.

I live in a condo with very cheap plumbing. this is a huge problem, sometimes after a night of drinking and eating out, the next day, just to be sure i just shit in a cup and toss it out. ive had to do that a couple times rather than spend an hour with plunger inching it down.

Anonymous Coward's picture

My son has this problem. Diameter...bigger than the toilet hole. Have to cut them up to go down....

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

AC, I suggest just removing the toilet, and have sonny boy shit directly into the plumbing. You must be so proud.

KingCrapper's picture

I would like to do some turd-comparisons as I believe that I have taken some of the largest turds in North America.

Not only are they sometimes very difficult to flush, they often totally block/clog the evacuation hole in the toilet and require breaking up before attempting to flush.

Let me explain further. As a huge fain of opioids, I am sometimes bound-up for ten days or more. During times of extreme opiate use, I am resigned to leaving only several coco-pebble type turds at the bottom of the bowl, despite my insistent squeezing and straining.

However, upon cessation from opioid medication, it's usually 2-3 days until the m-m-m-m-m-monster turd can stay confined no more. Usually a good cup of coffee will bring the beast forth as it increases ones natural anal lubrication and allows for easy-but-steady evacuation.

Now you may be wondering to youselves...Just how big are these mammoth turds? My forte in the field of log-birth does not lie in length. It's diameter. Though it varies depending on the previous few days diet, I have dropped turds approximately 3.5" to possibly 4.0" in diameter.

As you can imagine, these turd-trysts can be serious undertakings, and are often made extremely painful if I've carelessly swallowed a few shrimp-tails or other abrasive food items that aren't totally digested beforehand.

My record fart-blockers sheer volume and solid mass was surprising, even by my standards. I knew I had a big bastard on my hands, so before wiping, I just had to rise and admire my handiwork, even screaming for my unsuspecting wife to 'come quick, and bring the digital camera'.

Anyways, my theory is that because of constipation brought on by the opiates, the feces are compacted and slowly gain girth over a period of days.

They truly are impressive and it always gives me a great appreciation of what women go through during childbirth after dropping one.

It is my hope that I can one day share these masterfully bowel-shaped beauties with the world.

JB, Ontario

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

KingCrapper wrote: "I knew I had a big bastard on my hands,"....so...did you wash them? Boil them? These little details are essential to a truly good PoopReport...but, and I am assuming here, you are from Canada, and therefore, not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I'm gonna let this slide. If, by some odd chance, you are from Ontario California, give me your address, so I may pay a visit and have you spayed and/or neutered.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Help Question's picture

Are there any products on the market that can dissolve the poop once in the tank? Moved to a new house with new toilet and continuing to block toilets. Have tried flushing when have immediate release - no T.P. - this still clogs toilet. Would like to put a product in toilet to dissolve prior to flushing. The plunging is not working to well and haven't tried coat hanger method yet. Please help this is such an embarrasing problem and I thought I was alone.

Anonymous Coward's picture

A large turd can clog the toilet even if the circumfrence is not the diameter of the toilet opening: The turd can fold in on itself during the bombing run or the flushing itself, creating a mega-wide clogging turd.

The creator of Poo Monsters's picture

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has this problem. All my life I only take a dump once a week, it's always over in like 15 seconds and the smallest I think I've ever had was about 5 inches long and 1 inch thick. The largest was about a foot long, and about 3 inches wide, try gettin that sucker in the drain. It was NOT a fun day.

Browneye Bob's picture

Wow if half the people that have commented on here are serious this is hilarious. Take a dump people, don't be scared to go to the bathroom, I go twice/three times a day and I have no gigantic turds here. holding it in for more than 1 whole day can produce a monstrosity. And if you do have large poops all the time, try an icepick to poke it down.

Help Question's picture

Well ladies and gentlemen - since my comment of 4-1-08 I have discovered what some of you have said works - METAMUCIL. Yes it works - I have been clogging our toilets up in our new home daily for the past 9 months and since I started 1 capsule of Metamucil daily for the past month I haven't clogged a single toilet.
If you have this problem - really try it the readers of the site are so right. Thank you all.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

The other day I found a clogged toilet at the school where I teach. I flushed it, and it regurgitated 3 large hefty turds. As individual entities they were not big enough to clog the machine, but they went down as a sort of mass, and that most assuredly did it. After the cough-up, the turds were lined up so as to go down one by one, all in a row, and they did that with no trouble (tremendous skidmarks, of course).

big poopi's picture

These comments are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.

Anyway I'm a 21 year old skinny dude with the same problem. About fifty percent of the time my toilets clog. So many of the people seem like small, skinny women. I wonder why?

No dramatic stories involving me. Just many, many close calls. Usually they involve a plunge and then a flush. Then a dangerously filled and still filling toilet. Then an agnostic prays to god to offer one mighty swirl to a whirlpool failing to bring down the brown. Lather, rinse, repeat 'til it goes down. No floods yet!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i dont even know how i found this site but i can't get over how you guys can talk about your shit like that

Anonymous Coward's picture

"Then an agnostic prays to god" - lol, I've been there before. I thought I was the only one to deal with this problem in creative ways, till I found this site. I have clogged a few dorm toilets, but everyone cares more about the other mysterious person who does not flush at all. I try to use the public ones around campus most of the time. I think I shall try that Metamucil and see what happens.

Anonymous Coward's picture

yeah like i hate to take a dump or a shit as i like to call it.just the other day i took a foot and a half size shit and then went on the scale and i weighrd like 4 pounds lighter than when i weighedmyself in the morning.i really hate to go over to other peoples places like family and shit(oh i didnt mean that apersonal pun or anything like that ) unless i can visually see that there is an industrial size plunger i will not allow myself to dispose of the large turds that plug up toilets. i am a small female whose friends ask wow where does that come from? i guess i was just born lucky to have these green giant shits.so if your in the line of disposing large shits just make sure you just do it ..,signed a pretty big shitter myself.

DigitalBeachWar's picture

My friends little brother has this problem too... he would scream while he was dumping. i think he is on stool softeners. before he could flush he had to "soak" them, let them sit and soften up for a little while... and i'm tellin ya these thigs were like the size of coke cans!

jayhill's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Jeez, if even half the stories here are true I'm definitely an also-ran in the poop department. I occasionally drop a big one and for some reason feel real pleased with myself---go figure. I'm not sure of my record size (do people actually measure these things?) but I would guess about 8 inches. I am interested in the fact that some posters seem to imply that diet can affect turd size. Is this factual? Also is there any reason to believe that (aside from the runs) turd size and consistency have anything to do with general health? I doubt it but again some of the earlier posts make me wonder. Finally, I think the guy who said concern about turd size has something to do (for men anyway) with concern over penis size may be on to something.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ya just like to chime in. I tend to poop in cups and bags now and throw them into my apartment dumpster. I get scared of flushing the toilet. It just cant take the....girth of feces. It will clog all day mo matter what i do. Like the guy above i havent taken a peaceful crap in years. And im only confident abotu flushing diaherea down the toilet. Pooping is a chore, Ive had this problem so long i hate it. When I was 16 I pooped in my parents bathroom and it destroyed the plumbing. Literally my dad had to break open the wall and put a hose down the stack.

Sorry guys...'s picture

I tend to clog every toilet in the house. Whenever there's a toilet clogged everyone starts yelling at me. I can't help it, it's something in my diet that makes this happen. Whenever I go on vacation I have to hold it in for a long time which is so bad for you but what am I supposed to do! darn poop.

Powersoak's picture

There is a product available commercially that might help dissolve or soften these blockages. The generic name for it is sewer solvent. It is for dissolving heavy duty plugs like when a storm drain fills up with mud. Maybe checking the classified pages under Janitor Supplies or Googling sewer solvent might help you find it.

turd turdgutson's picture
l 100+ points

I really think you should consider getting a garbage disposal installed under your crapper.

Or a wood chipper.

"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

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