Strange.

I guess he is trying to say that the suction from a "sealed" toilet bowl sucks the shit out of your ass faster, minimizing the time the shit is on your bunghole.

But unless you sit on the bowl, there is a gap between the seat and bowl plus unless you have some type of suction from the toilet....ahh forget it...this is stupid.

What? How? I'm confused. Did she make it to the toilet or not? How do you "seal" the toilet with your arms and flush? Do step 1 but not 2 and 3 then back to 2? I agree, this was stupid. Plus I think your acid shit was caused by ACID, not dairy. Jalapeno and coffee are highly acidic. acid X acid = acid square.

See therein lies the problem Anal just the jalapenos alone would bring on an acid crap. Its just like when I make hot peppers. I make very good long fried hots but I also know that this could incur a particularly acidic dump and actually its really NOT the acid so much as it is the pepper seeds remember folks SEEDS DO NOT DIE and apparantley do NOT lose their punch. Now I liked the description of your technique that was good and courteous too I might add. I wish females were a little more shameless they are so far and few between. Dont be so dainty and sweet which I am sure you are. But in these matters where your colon is at risk and holding it in is unhealthy. Its gonna stink, its gonna be loud you should just accept it. You will feel much better believe me!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I am visual.....diagrams or pictures,please. This may clear up any confusion.
Producing waste since 1967

The gargoyles in the picture add a nice touch. It's as if they are watching your exploding ass with sinister satisfaction.

Hey cool story, I once had acid poop and ended up givng me a rash.

I like the picture also.
Anal fiddles while Paris burns.
Mwahahaha!

Nothing kills a good day like a burning anus post acid crap. While I am not quite flexible (or skinny) enough to manuever the seal method, my prayers are still with you, as I feel your pain...literally.

Q: Can anyone figure out what he's trying to accomplish?

A1: Get sucked down the toilet with with their disgusting Acid Crap.

A2: Find out how much equity is in the house not that the interest rate on the sub-prime loan has reset.

A3: Summon the spirit of R M Nixon.

A4: Practice their contortionist act.

A5: Read the most recent revision to the Senate's proposed Illegal Immigration bill in the only venue that make's sense.

A7: Free Willy.

A7: Keep G Bush's idea of peace in the Middle East in its rightful home.

A8: Bedazzle and Befuddle the best and brightest of the new American literati.

A9: Call Paris Hilton on the only phone available at her new residence.

A10: Get published on PoopReport.com.
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Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

Caca, you do not LITERALLY feel her pain. You would have to be conjoined twins attached at the ass hole!

Damn, I'm cranky today. I think I'll give myself a time out until I can play nice.

Thou shalt not crap acid.

Disappointing. I thought he was going to explain how to shit LSD!!!

Ah yes - the good old suction shit. The original "EVACUATION". Problem is it's almost impossible to get that airtight seal without a special gasket. Here's another approach. Keep a Fleet Enema bottle filled with a mild bicarbonate of soda solution. Get on the potty and push hard to get all the battery acid out of your rectum. Then immediately insert the enema and squirt, letting the antacid coat your rectum and your burning asshole.

Will definitely bring a smile and an "OOOOooo, that better" to your lips.

By the way there's a similar trick for the monster turd that stretches your hole so wide you think its going to split down the middle and leaves you in searing pain even after its all out.

If anyone is interested ??

I honestly thought this story would be some drug induced crapping of the pants.
Dear writer you had me laughing till I almost craped my dress.
Thanks

I didsome good acid craps after hittin the ol LSD back in the 70s. ever try drivin a big rig stoned? its mind alterin

No, but I do remember my friend Kevin Hanzak driving us around Euclid at midnight while we were tripping in the summer. If we were lucky, it would be a Saturday night. Every Saturday one of the local radio stations would play Maggotbrain at midnight. Nice.

The few times I've had poop like this, wiping quickly was the most important thing to remember.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

yeah generally it was harley davidslayers and the snake bitten few (a local death metal band) that showed us the way when I was in town, bunch of times when I was on the road truckin id get a buzz goin on to pass the time, and believe it or not the acid usually made me a better driver but it gave me the shits something awful, guess that's why they call it speed, it speeds up your craps

I always thought if LSD gave you the shits, it was because it was old tabs. Some people say "strictnine shits", but I think that's an urban legend.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Splash cold water on your ass !
it works.

might of been bad tabs daphne, bumpass virginia (yes it is a real place, mapquest it if you don't believe me) wasnt and still aint exactly nyc or la, quality smack was hard to get locally, usually you had to go to richmond or norfolk or virginia beach to get the hi qual jenk

I stopped reading at "jalepenos". Mystery solved.

And I just do not understand the arms-sealing-the-commode thing, at all.

"By the way there's a similar trick for the monster turd that stretches your hole so wide you think its going to split down the middle and leaves you in searing pain even after its all out."

You mean there is an episiotomy to prevent massive birth anal ripping?

I've read this thing several times now, and my best guess is that the author is trying to contain the stench of the acid shit. I think paragraph three holds the key: this person is so "seriously shameful" that he(?) couldn't even take a dump in his own place because he had company in the next room. That's truly sad - this person seems to have NO comfort zone. As for the arm-seal technique, I'm with G3: I don't get it. When you're sitting, the only gap is the 1/2 inch between the bottom of the seat and the rim of the bowl (and the space between your thighs). I would advise Acidcrapper that well-timed courtesy flushes are very effective for stench suppression. I really think this boils down to a case of extreme Shamefulness.

The closest I can come to relating is when you have nuclear diarrhea for a few days straight.

Your butt burns because you've wiped it a hundred times and you finally have a solid poop...*shudder*

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

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teddy Let clear up what he is saying..If when he puts his arms around the top of toilet then flushes.He will create a suction as the water goes down pulling fumes and gas out of the bowl simple as that .The gap between the seat and toilet itself will be where fresh air is sucked in .I don't think it will remove as much odor as he says.Cause when the shit hits the air before he flushes is still there....My thoughts on it .teddy

Just to clarify the suction theory. I don't mean that the rancid air is actually sucked out by using the arm technique and that vacuums are created. To me, and maybe it's only psychological, sealing the gap between the seat and the bowl minimizes the dissipation of the stench into the rest of the bathroom, a tell-tale sign of a badly dropped deuce. Being the most shameful shitter in history means minimizing the public exposure my craps get.

Who let Teddy out again??? God damn it, now I have to go get my aluminum foil hat again.

oh just let it rip and stink up the house. i never understood the shamefull. sure, one has to have a measure of respect, im not gonna rip a fart im front of a nun, but if its my house and im in pain u better clear out cuz there will be no pausing, stalling, avoiding or aborting the anal evacuation. and to be honest, ive never bothered with courtesy flushes. if im at home then i close the door and turn on the fan or crack the window. if im in a public restroom then anyone else whos in there or walks in knows there was risk involved by the sheer nature of the place. if bathrooms were supposed to smell like roses then people wouldnt shit there.i refuse to suffer internal physical PAIN because of someone elses minor olfactory UNPLEASANTNESS. than said, i mix coffee (w/ milk or cream) with mexican (w/ dairy) all the time and i must say ive never had the acidic shitties.

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Dry-Wipe, someday you will have an acid crap. It's only a matter of time my friend. You will call it- "the diarrhea scream".

huh?
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underwear are to catch the drippings!

Um... Hmmm.... I would have to agree with the people who say it must suck the smell out, not the shit. Still, I agree with Doniker that the smell would still creep under the toilet seat. There is no real seal.

Then again, I couldn't make much sense out of this whole article. It must be my current state of utter exhaustion.

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What if everyone farted at once?

i have had the acid craps... beer and taco bell are staples of my diet so trust me, i kno... but when i get the acid shits i simply find a bathroom and proceed to exercise the demons, regardless of my location or who may be around

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

he forgot to post wipe w/ tp soaked in cold water. ahhhhh it feels like angels sprinkling snow flakes on your brown eye......wonderful!

I seriously don't get this one sorry :(

Always eat jalapenos, serranos, habaneros, etc. with a bag of marbles. Take a bite of pepper, pop a marble. Bite of pepper, marble. When the pepper comes out, just when you think you can't take the burn any longer, a marble drops out, splashing water up on your ass.

There is a whole lot of hate rolling around this post people. While I feel at being ashamed of anything that your body doesby design is silly, I also respect that some poeple cannot wrap their heads around that concept. Let the coward share the idea of trying to minimize the smell, and move on. One day God wil judge them all, and those who cannot take peasure in the simple things, will surely not be allowed greater pleasure.

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If want something done right, send a midget.

i have had the acid shits for two days now, but thanks to your detailed stepped process on how to side step this demonic shit explosion, i have curbed the problem and will hopefully be taking solid shits soon!

This topic is interesting to me because one of the foods we use to aid digestion is spice--hot peppery spice, including habanero and cayenne. I have, of course, had burning diarrhea on occasion, but never from eating hot pepper, rather from either some disease or from having too much grease (e.g., from certain types of pizza). Carbonated cola drinks give me the worst runs, so I simply avoid them. Spices (in moderation, to be sure) are healthy for my digestion; had some nice spicy food yesterday, and I expect a nice painless normal b.m. sometime fairly soon now (it's 5:05 a.m. here).