I fart, therefore, I am.

The suggested ways of avoiding the so-called problem destroy the pleasure of eating. Cancel your subscription to the Reader`s Indigestion immediately, Dumpster.

My solution is to always have a dog by my side. They will take the heat, so to speak, and never complain. They are called "mans best friend" for a reason. Cats dont work as well, but they have other uses.

Ummm something else to point out here, mints help relieve gas. Peppermint oil. A great way to break up gas is to have a few altoids because that is pure peppermint oil. You take a few of those and you will be as grandma would say "getting the gas out"! So they are incorrect in saying mints cause gas.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

i've been really gassy lately. real stinkers, too. but i haven't changed my diet or anything. what up with that?
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i love poop.

I used to read RD cover to cover when I was a kid and it was great. Now if you rip out all the medication ads, recipes and crap stories about global warming and cholesterol, it is a pamphlet at best. Plus they got rid of "Drama in Real Life" which was always the story I read first. I cancelled my subscription 3 years ago. I'm still on a self imposed ban but had to comment on this one.

They advise not sucking on mints because you tend to swallow air when you suck on a mint. And the air has to come out, somehow.
I don't see what's so awful about a few farts, though. I will damn well overeat then lie down on the couch if I want to, noses be damned.

"I fart, therefore, I am."

So, 14 - 23 times a day you have to assert that you exist? Or is this just a reminder to the world that you are somebody?

Nothing like reading about farting while munching on a salad of lettuce, red onions, olives, cucumbers, green pepper and feta cheese. I'm even washing it down with a couple of bottles of water. Everybody in the House of Poo is going to feel my presence tonight!
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

This is how I read the Digest:
1. Receive magazine wrapped neatly in plastic, complete with helpful account statements and offers to send gift subscriptions
2. Remove wrapper and shred everything but magazine itself
3. Rip everything made of construction paper out of magazine; retain one for page marker (this usually ends up being the ad for the Sleep Number Bed or the personalized MedAlert braclet)
4. Read "Humor in Uniform"
5. Read "That's Outrageous!"
6. Read "All in a Day's Work"
7. Set magazine next to toilet in case of need of emergency reading material
8. Wait patiently for magazine to arrive the following month

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Merry feeking Christmas and a crappy New Year to all!

Deja, when I let rip it`s a signal to myself that I`m still functioning on all cylinders; no internal blockages, no following through - I`m at one with the world.

Saying that, corpses fart as well.....

I willingly confess that I do nothing to avoid farting. (BTW, the squeaky clean implications of 'passing gas' are that one is taking a class, not engaging in a bodily function!)

Perhaps I should modify my statement. I sometimes avoid farting in restricted public situations where there is little breathing room. But at home I just let 'em rip, and my companion just laughs. Although sometimes he goes, "Ewww!" and laughs.

RD has become anal retentive in its old age.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

I'm with the Big Wiper on this one. I don't hold them in, I just cut wind when I need to. I typically do this at work, but I'll try to drop the stink bomb away from people if I can help it. The best are the drive-by's: I let'er rip as I drive the forklift past people and leave them all accusing eachother for the "gift". Farting at work has also backfired several times, though.

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

I read somewhere that an OR nurse was concerned about her contaminating the operating suite when she passed flatus. An experiment was done in which a man farted through is pants onto one culture dish, and then bare ass onto another. The bare ass specimine grew mold and bacteria colonies, the pants one did not. Apparently the pants serve as a filter for microbes. The ultimate point of the article was "don't fart naked near food." Interesting.

There is a great simple solution for gas it is called the Flatulence Deodorizer by Flat-D Innovations. www.flat-d.com
The product is an activated charcoal cloth pad that is worn inside the underwear next to the buttocks. When you pass gas thru it - it absorbs the odor out of the fart.

I must be above average! I know on average that I fart 20 to 30 times a day. Sometimes a little more and very seldom less. I just have to pick my place. My kids get the blame most of the time, but my 7 year old bust me out most of the time.
Happy Farting.

Thanks, Dave, for making this into a story for me. I had originally submitted it as a newswire. I had intended by way of some additional research to count the number of my own farts during the day under various controlled circumstances, but I found that when I start thinking about my farts they turn into excess shits, so I had to give up. You know the old saying, "a fart is the cry of an imprisoned turd."

I love to fart. My gf likes to fart too. And there's nothing like a good ol morning thunder right when you wake up lol. Screw this article, but its funny comming from the digest. Which is mostly bathroom reading material.

It's true: the RD needs to ask if people really want to limit their farts. I personally fart three or four times per hour. It's my favorite part of the day.

And their list of things not to eat is actually the core of my diet.

man i hate gas especially during school while were taking a test, in third period and fourth i always get it. im just sitting there doing my work and all of the sudden i get this tingly feeling in my gut.

I enjoy Brussels sprouts, and I often drink water with meals (doctor says I should). I do find that very cold or ice water sets up more gas. Of course, I try to be discreet in public situations or among my students, but at home I let go at need. Once I let a short but very audible one in front of a female student, to whom I apologized; her reply, "Never mind; it's nature." Yesterday I ate perhaps too well at a church potluck; after a nap, I was quite bloated. A nice walk outside helped me release at least a dozen strong farts, and thus deflate. Nothing wrong with it that I could see. I did have a decent bowel movement after supper--my second of the day--which may have been pushed along by the amount I ate at noon. Anyway, I eat what I need, and fart when I need. So what.

i find i fary most in the morning while im in bed, and since i turned 40,it has increased.i can,t take it i noticed after a bowl of cereal,or anything with a high fat content, stay away from onions!

I'm 46 and I don't fary at all. Oh wait....there was that one time, a really drunken Halloween Party....I had the cutest Prima Ballerina outfit...

Help help help!!!
Every afternoon about an hour or less after lunch I start to get this horrible gas!
That's bad enough, but, they smell so bad and linger in the air forever!
They smell like a, excuse the spelling, a catalytic converter or hard boiled eggs and I hate eggs!.. Does anyone know why this is happening,. I first thought when it started it was due to the cholestrol medication I was taking, but now my sister has it, and she doesn't take that type of medication.
This has been going off and on for four yr's now.

Please anybody??

bilgey, you just made me have to explain to mr. pance why i snorted.

most recent anonymous coward, i'm gonna take a wild stab and say you're a senior in high school. and maybe your sister is a freshman in high school. am i close??
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i love poop.

I think farts are helpful if I have them while pooping, so I try to hold them in if I feel them coming withing an hour of when I think I'm going to poop. At other times, though, I just cut loose at the first opportune time. I'd hold the farts in all the time, except I'm afraid I'd get major gas pains.

Just wondering if anyone here like to smell their farts like me

Hard to tell. Just how do you go about smelling your farts? Do you fart then quickly spin 180 degrees to catch the updraft? Do you scoop them with your hand around and up to your nose? Do you try to get your nose as close to your ass as possible when farting? There's a million ways SYP. Please be specific.

i usually just hold a jar up to my butt and trap the fart. that way i can save it for later.
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i love poop.

What is the point of farting if you're not going to enjoy the fruits of your labor? Just let fly, turn around, and inhale.

PD, I find that a meter long section of 8mm bore, home brewing hose, concealed from ones neckline to buttcrack by apparel, is a cheap and easy way to sample the odd trouser cough.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Why yes BVC, and it will lend some complex notes to the beer also.

BVC, your idea for a blurt-sniffer is good, but it occurs to me that 8mm hose by itself would not be flexible enough to get to the source.
So, I present for your consideration, the idea of going to a sports store and purchasing a cheap diving-snorkel.
The U-tube at the end might provide that nice, snug fit between the buttocks, and the 8mm tube could be attached to the top part. The tube could then be directed around the ribs and up to the chest/throat area, maybe discreetly secured to an ornamental pendant hanging around the neck.
Consider this- at one time, snuff was considered fashionable!

Capitol idea Mr. Mullet. I submit further that you cut a hole in the side of the snorkle mask and ensure a snug fit with the end of the hose. That way you would not have to share the farts with anyone.

Fellows, I think some form of lubricant will be in order if you`re going to be jamming snorkels up your jacksies.

I usually take the gas outside or into the restroom..

I like to keep one of those silent dog whistles jammed up my
rear port. When I fart it is not audible
to human ears and a dog shows up to take the blame.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!