College Pooping 101: The Four Poopers Of The Girls' Bathroom

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m 1+ points - Newb
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First day of college. We've all been there. You just moved in. It took four carts, but most of your important possessions are finally safely stored in your new closet, sometimes referred to as dorm. Your parents just left, but not before taking you to one of the finest restaurants in town. There you order your last real dish of food. Your last morsel of mashed potatoes. As you wave your parents goodbye, the harsh reality hits you. No, not the fact that you won't be seeing your family for months to come; and no, not the bone-crushing fear of massive amounts of text to read; what hits you is the sudden urge to drop a load into the porcelain Jacuzzi.

So you walk to your dorm and then something else hits you. Not only are there four toilets, but hark -- you share them with twenty of your closest friends. Strutting into the bathroom, you glance about at the strangers. All of the stalls are barren, doors swung open, welcoming and inviting. "Come on in," they cry. "The water's great!" There are some girls looking into the mirrors and a couple even decided to brave the showers; but there are a few -- a rare few -- who are just standing there, staring, desperately trying to figure out what to do. You are one of them. Part of the crowd who fears what all of humanity has done since the beginning of time: the fine art of passing poop.

There are four types of shitters in the college world. And each of them is boldly represented on my floor. The first group, the largest group, are those who are unable to shit. It's just beyond feasible to them. You know this group. They are the ones who set their alarm clocks to have a middle of the night rendezvous with the bowl. They quietly tiptoe out of the room and into the bathroom where, much to their surprise (come on ladies, what's the real surprise?) there is already someone in there taking advantage of the silent shit. It's beyond perfection -- midnight shitting -- truly the only much-needed one-on-one time that you desperately need to have more frequently with yourself. These girls are big fans of the "lean back, flush, and quickly poo while the water makes a ridiculous amount of noise" tactic. This works terrifically as long as your intent was to both disguise the noise of pooping and to attract as much attention to yourself as possible.

A fairly small percentage of this group never has to worry if they can't hit the toilet at the right moment. They are the type who go home every weekend to "do their laundry," which we all know is code for "take a giant-ass dump;" and who can blame them? They've got it all. Blue freshness in their toilet water, a silent room, reading material, even the fresh scent of flowers to brighten them up as they leave. Its poo-fection, if you will.

Secondly, you have a smaller group of those who will poop in public (these people are usually the ones whose homes are really far away). But they tend to do it in uncharted lands. That's right, the ladies on the honors floor. They practically never shit. They are always into their studies, and who the hell cares if you take a shit in their bathroom -- they don't know who you are. These are the type of people who can only shit with really close friends and complete strangers. It's the role of acquaintances that really fuck 'em.

Third. This very, very small group contain the girls who don't normally shit. You know these girls as the ones with the anorexic meal plan and Abercrombie tee shirts. They usually also have giant sequined bags and a tendency to puke in the showers on Thursday and Saturday nights. They've got their bases covered -- because without eating, and drinking only to puke, their bodies completely forget to shit. Classic.

Fourth, and the group with probably the healthiest intestines, are the girls who just let 'er rip. There are usually about three of them on the floor, and I'm putting money on the fact that they are lactose intolerant. That's right. Drink milk -- hell, even eat cheese -- and their ass hugs that bowl for hours. They have gotten so good at shitting in public that they think nothing of it. They are also the girls who think enough about shitting to value it as an important part of their day. Sometimes, they even write about it.

144 Comments on "College Pooping 101: The Four Poopers Of The Girls' Bathroom"

Anonymous's picture

I just realized I'm the 4th kind! LOL

Anonymous's picture

As I a girl I can disclose that we do poop, but it is pink powder puffs. The only problem is that we can only do this Alone! If anyone's even in the corridor we just can't do it and it causes us really bad stomach aches, so guys, please be aware of us and give us time alone to go.

Anonymous Coward Girl!'s picture

Part of the reason I moved in with a family member and went clear across the state to go to school instead of going to the same school as my best friend and sharing a dorm room was because of the bathrooms. And the money issues.

But mostly the bathrooms.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Those inhibited college girls should visit ba motorway stop in France.Girls leave the long queues outside womens toilets aqnd enter the mens toilets where they queue up outside the cubicles while males are using the urinals. These females waiting to releave themselves are totally uninhibited about their calls of nature.I have been in rural French towns where teenage girls stroll in past the urinals and enter a cubicle to do their business.No notice is taken of anyone.

Shitzalotamus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Wow, this has topic has been going on for quite a while. I was in college for a year before I got married and moved. During my time there, the ladies knew I woke up at 7 a.m, made a nice cup of caramel flavored coffee, waddled outside to smoke, and then return for my morning b.m. It was their choice if they wanted to be in the bathroom, but I was going whether or not they wanted me to. It had to have been my favorite part of the morning, hands down.

Funny Turd's picture

This reminds me of one time, my best friend came into the bathroom and I happened to be droppin' turds. I wasn't really embarassed because we're really close. So little turds are ploppin' and I start laughing. She busted out in hysterics! I've never seen her laugh so hard. She pissed herself! I have to hop over her piss puddle when I got out of the bathroom. It was definitely a WTF moment I won't forget. That's something that's definitely going to be in my toast at her wedding.

Holy SHIT's picture

Ok, I love this. I'm 2 years away from college. Honestly, I was looking for a picture of some girl shitting in a sink that my friend told me about...I thought it would be funny. But I found this and it's freaking great! Even the comments are funny. You're so my poopy hero! I was literally just on the phone talking to my friend. She told me not to eat so much so then I told her about the other day. My mom made beef stroganoff. I had two plates, a bowl, and then snacked on it. I woke up in the middle of the night and DAMN, I almost tore myself a new asshole. Shit ain't cute, but it is funny so you gotta love it!

Erica M's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

love that this article is still relevant! :)

poopthatsmellls's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Me and my girls are sooo close freinds that we would all not really mind each other, so a fart or a peice of poop plopping into the toilet wasn't really that uncommon.

davydavy's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I love the forth one girls should just dump a load into the bowl anytime and anywhere no matter whos around and she should be so relaxed to even talk to guys about it. I know i have no problems with girls farting, dumping lots of smelly dirty crap into the bowl. I just want the girl to feel the relife. Just let it out loud and proud girl you will thank yourself when you feel lots better.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I actually googled this article because I wanted to read up on the subject! I'm a college freshman (male) but I definitely fall into category 1. I only go in the middle of the night or when I simply can't hold it anymore. I even have a few out-of-the-way bathroom locations where I can go and be sure no one else will be around!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Chief, a gilfreind is a female fish that he befriended.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

AC.....What the hell is a gilfreind? You are a prime example of what is wrong with education in this country. Now get your ass in gear and hurry down to your local elementary school, or kindergarten, and get some "learning" in that empty head. Your gilfreind will appreciate it.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i shit with my gilfreind(and onto her) every day

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

At least she wasn't all, PHEW! You smell that shit ovah there? This is some nasty shit! I had these beef tacos from Taco Bell for lunch and they tore my ass up! P.U. I need some air freshener up in here!
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

ilmtr, you got a great poopreport. I think I would have fainted from embarrassment had she been me.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ilmtr's picture

I'm a guy and had an interesting experience in a public restroom. I had the urge to poop while driving down the road. A nice hotel was just ahead so I stopped. The parking lot was not crowded, a good sign. I went into the building down a long hall by the conference rooms and found the restrooms at the end of the hall. They were very clean and deserted, so I took the first stall. The stalls were the wood type that didn't go all the way to the floor, but to about 6 inches. The doors were the "louvered" type, with no cracks around the sides. I was in mid-visit when someone entered the restroom. They came in and took the stall right next to me in a big hurry. I thought, "great, now I have to crap next to a guy". With mens' rooms, if someone takes a stall, it's a #2, otherwise, they use the urinals. I could hear the pants unzipped and pulled down, and a huge explosion of crap. A pause, then a fart that could have been heard outside! I completed my business silently, and as I was starting to unroll the TP, another huge wave of crap from next door and a HUGE fart. At the end of the fart, a big "UH". I froze. The "uh" didn't sound right. I leaned down so I could see under the stall, and I saw high heel shoes! It was a woman! I quickly cleaned up and was pulling up my pants when I heard her unrolling TP. I flushed and went to wash my hands quickly, when I hear her flush and immediately step out of the stall. I could see her in the mirror and she was pissed. She said "this is the women's room!" I pointed at the urinals and said that it was the mens' room. She covered her face with her hands and said "I'm sorry" and practically ran out of the room. I finished washing my hands and went out the door. Apparently she went into the womens' room and came out the same time I came out of the mens'. She said "I'm so sorry". I said "don't worry about it". She very quickly headed for the front door. I couldn't figure out why she'd made such a mistake since the door was clearly marked "Men". Then I saw another sign, just outside the alcove where the doors were that had "Restrooms" on it, and the little men/women figures. The figures were reversed. I figured she saw this, turned the wrong way and was in such dire straits that she didn't see the mens'. At any rate, this poor lady REALLY HAD TO GO and wasn't shy about it. She was very nice looking, late 20's or early 30's.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Will someone, please, take me home to motha? Supa freakkay!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

SPs a super freak, super freak, she's super freaky yeow!
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I have a patient that looks like Rick James. *Singing* She's a very kinky girl. Super freak*.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Rick James had some amazing boots in that video.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

The difference is, I am the type of girl you can take home to mama. I'm not sexy. I look silly if I try to look sexy, lol. That's my opinion. Honeyman thinks I look sexy in boy drawers and an old John Lennon T-shirt. To each, his own.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Okay. I'm gonna look him up right now, since you want me to.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Rick James
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Okay. So he is that important, huh?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Google him
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Should I know who Rick James is?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Rick James would be proud of you, SP.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I restarted college in January, twice, so that makes me a super freak, Bilgepump?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Starting college in January? You're a freak, no question about it.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

scared of pooping's picture

I'm starting college in January and the thing I'm most worried about is having to poop around other people.
I never poop in a public toilet or at another person's house. I can barely stand peeing in a public toilet or at someone else's house; I only go if I REALLY have to.
In fact, I wait until very early in the morning, before I shower, late at night, or when the house is empty to poop in my OWN toilet.
I'm terrified of pooping and other people knowing.
Am I some kind of freak or is this normal?

Shit happens's picture

i just want to thank who ever wrote this artical thing, it truely captured the pooping situations in every dorm/student housing that i know of. i love how she got every single type of pooper in this. I personally am the pooper who travels to places where i know no1 to poop and i laughed so hard when i read the whole paragraph on them! lol i thought i was the only 1...apparently not haha

WhoeverUWantMe2B's picture

LMAO! Oh I am suffering now waiting for the bathroom to be clear. To me their is a golden rule that you should not go in to a stall next to a person pooping! Oh so disrespectful! I hate when people is in the bathroom period! What used to be my favorite time of day is now the most nervewrecking!

Poopsy McGee's picture
l 100+ points

I'll never being in the dorms at NorthEastern (I was just visiting a friend) and being straight horrified at the conditions. Not only was it necessary to wear flip flops in the shower to prevent jungle rot, but the condition of the shitters was deplorable. It looked like a dungeon in there.

After a weekend stay, I can confirm that this story is true. When nature called after a night of drinking, I found my way to a Chinese restaurant on Washington Street and laid some serious cable. There was no way in hell I was going to stink up with 3rd floor dorms or sit on one of those 3rd world toilets.

I was never so happy as when I returned home to my parent's bourgeois potpourri scented palace of a bathroom. It was heaven on earth complete with Quilted Northern and turkish hand towels.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I'd rather eat a quarter ounce of shrooms and listen to Bilge scream at people online.

Yes, the shrooms make that possible. What? Oh right. My underwear. Well, occifer, you asked for idenfication. What else do you want?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

For a good laugh at college girl bathroom humor, go ahead and You Tube "Howard and Kumar Battleshits."

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

YE GADS!!! THAT'S IT!!!! YOU HAVE SINGLE HANDEDLY SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!

uh...oh...yeah..hearing aid was off...sorry about that.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

YOU DRINK YOU WEE, YOU EAT YOU POOP, WHAT GOES IN MUST COME OUT

asiansprinkles1's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I lived in a dorm my freshman year and this is completely true. I can honestly say that there are many a time when I went into the girls' dorm restroom after a brutal dinner of dining hall food in the middle of the night and heard a few of my floor mates taking big fatty dooks. Why can't we all just get along and poop together?

edmund mcgrath's picture

Quick, to the point... Man must get over, and accept the fact that females functions are the same as ours.,, that means maybe twice a day defecation and the more fightening prospect of spending 8 hourts in bed at night with the knowlege that there is absolutely, and guaranteed 4 to 5 gas episodes during this period..How will you accept this? This is the most important aspect of a relatiomnship, it can not be avoided, no manner how many times she gets up to "feed the Cat". Can you deal with the Dutch Oven.. or will you break up..no girl is immune...!!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

To the point...Women poop, get over it or be single..End of story

(PPP) phat pride pooping's picture

damn...lol nothin' better than a g' ol dump ya know...

Anonymous Coward's picture

Oh My God, you've described my dorm exactly. I am one of those middle-of-the-night poopers (or when i just can't hold it anymore) and this site is just hilarious.

Really enjoyed the different classes of Poopers and the comments really remind me of 30 Rock when Jenna (the blonde) said: Love is going downstairs to the Burger King to poop.

It's a sad world when women aren't allowed to poop or fart (my best friend doesn't even like to in her own family and what the hell is up with that?)

So thanks.

Anonymous Coward's picture

holy shit

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

So Anonymous Shiter, given that they let you go home some weekends, I take it that this was a low-security prison you were in?

Logjam

Anonymous Shiter's picture

me i lived in a mixed dorm and on the floor i was on there was about 40 guy/girls and a mens toilet and girls toilet with 3 toilets each so it was not uncommon to see a girl in the mens room and most did not seem to care that other more so guys saw them going. and more then one i know was the go home and shit kind skinny as a bone but thu out the week you be able to see there bellys getting full then the weekend they go home and come back slim as a bone even in there belly so you know they had to be holding i stayed in the dorm one weekend to study for a class i was having problems in and saw the hotest girl one of the only shits at home typeish and she seems to only go once a week when the dorm was empty. also saw quite a few that seemed to use the pee sounding poop to get them out. was at one girls room getting help and asked for a drink and she had a cooler full of laxitives. and i know more then one used the enema to rush the poops along i had seen severl girls trying to had the fact that they were walking around caring them why they were on the way to the toilet. and in case your thinking about ibs or something like that i asked most of them and none would admit to me that anything was wrong with them. and this girls were quite open in there lifes so its not like they were hiding most of the answers i got was i just cant do it with others around and as for the girl that waited all week+ to go home and go she told me that even if she tryed to go at the toilets in the dorm even if they were empty her body just would not go and she even admited that she had to use plugs to hold it in her so she not "darken" her panties with farts and leakage

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Actually, girls are different individuals, just as boys are (and women and men, too). If a person (either sex) was locked in with a person (opposite sex) and the need arose, there are only so many choices. The girl above took the sensible one.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Herbert, you're what, 18? What the hell would a British army cadet barely old enough to have had his nuts drop know about hot women and how they act?

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Herbert's picture

The story by "HugeDump" above is clearly a lie. Hot girls simply do not act like that.

HugeDump's picture

Well, all of them do it. And I witnessed it: GIRL SHITTING. This is a bizzare story.

One day, in a hall corridor, a hot girl and I were walking down, doing some after school work. We went into a large closet, looking for some supplies, when we noticed we were locked in. Nobody would find us until the morning at least, if that soon. We were stuck.

Now this girl was incredibly hot. She was extremely pretty and had the most wonderful rack I had ever seen. I was surprised what happened next.

"Uh-oh," She said.

"What?"

"I have to take a shit." She farted loudly and let out a grunt. "Really bad..."

So she found a box, pulled down her pants+panties and sat on it. She started dumping right in front of me without telling me to turn around. I heard major sounds of ripping and her poop hitting the bottom of the box. Then she wet the box and pulled her panties back up. It was weird.

But then me and her had a good conversation about shitting, and how similar boys and girls really are. It was actually about the hottest thing I ever saw a girl do, since she opened up to me. We made out, too. ;)

It was a good learning experience.

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