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 The Dairy DietPosted 01.21.2008 by Chorn (25)
My last story on this site is a few years old. Since then, some things have changed. For instance: among the diseases I have now, I'm a diabetic. Which makes for some interesting fecal madness.
Up until I was diagnosed with diabetes and prescribed medication, I was pissing out of my ass every time I went to visit the commode. Every time!!! This went on for two or more years. Eventually I had had enough of that crap. I had always heard that cheese (or dairy products in general) could cause constipation, so I got the great idea to just start consuming dairy. I started eating as much of it as I could stand -- milk, cheeses, etc. -- and cutting my sugar intake (remember, I didn't know yet that I had diabetes). I did not drink any soda, any Kool-Aid, anything. I started this diet on a weekend. And I tell you, the poop stopped. First, the liquid dried up -- I noticed for the first few days I had no liquid poo. Within one week, not only did I have no liquid poo, but the shits were coming fewer and farther between. By the next week, I noticed that I had not crapped for three days. No pressure, no emergency, and no poop. It was really strange. At the start of the fourth poopless day, it hit right as I arrived at work. The pressure hurt -- and I mean it really hurt. It felt like nothing I have felt before. I made a mad dash for the bathroom and my favorite stall. I sat down to what I thought would be a great, easy release of my waste. I could not have been more wrong. I wish that God would have sent a prophet to me to warn me of what was coming. But no "let my child go" was spoken from the heavens, and I am still sore because of it. I sat down. For five minutes, nothing happened. With the pressure I was feeling, I was sure it would have shot out of me the moment I sat down and there was nothing. So I pushed a little. I could feel it, but nothing happened. So I went for broke and pushed a lot. I have never felt such pain. I felt my tiny virgin ass being molested by a gigantic, hole-ripping monster. I swore I heard it yelling, "Squeal, Squeal!!" I had to stop pushing -- and it was then that I realized just how much trouble I was in. The monster sucked back into my colon. I winced in pain and pushed again, getting it a little further out. But OH MY GOD, THE PAIN!! It continued to climb back up into me every time I relaxed, and I realized I was being sodomized by this damn thing. I fought and struggled with it for about half an hour. I finally gritted the old teeth and managed to hold on, to not release, to keep it sticking out. I closed my eyes and just thought, "I have to get this over with." Sweat was running down my brow, my body was shaking, and my hole was in dire straights. I pushed with everything I had -- and I shit you not, I opened my eyes and all I saw was white light. The pain was indescribable. But then the pain lessened and I heard a splash. I had to look, and what I was greeted with was nothing less than incredible. This thing was not the longest turd I had ever seen -- don't get me wrong, it was at least a foot -- but it was as big around as my wrist! I swear to everything holy. I still can't believe the sheer mass of this thing. It appeared to be the same diameter from end to end -- no tapering off. Usually there is some kind of pointed tip on at least one end, but not this Trojan turd. It was one diameter from tip to tip. I'd crapped this thing out with no relief on either end. I half-expected the thing to stand up and start puffing on a cigarette after it had had its way with me. My knees were still shaking as I sat back down on the throne -- beaten, raped, humiliated, but alive. Needless to say, I did not have any more to unload; but darn, I wished I had a camera. I wiped my sore love tunnel and -- no surprise -- hardly any mess there. I guess, like a hard barnacle, the damn thing had scraped my hole clean and left very little residue. It should surprise no one that this thing did not flush the first try. I had to use the plunger to break it up enough for it to go down the water slide and join the others. I've got no need to say that I changed my diet to include a little more sugar, so that I would not have a repeat of this. And I swear, sometimes, right after I sit down on the toilet, I can hear the faint sound of Dueling Banjos, and I get a little afraid. Post new comment
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