Drinking Magnesium Citrate


There's nothing I like better than a good poop story. Unfortunately with the subject of having to drink magnesium citrate, while it makes me laugh at what people have to go through to have a poop baby, it also pains me knowing what the stuff tastes like. I have had to drink magnesium citrate before. I always have used it as a last resort because of the taste, but the results are always worth it.

So I had been sitting here watching "I Shouldn't Be Alive," getting the courage up to drink some magnesium citrate, thinking that these people who faced death didn't really have it so bad: They didn't have to drink what I was about to drink. I digress...

Through desperation I found a way to drink magnesium citrate that made the experience bearable and left me with no aftertaste, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

First, fill one glass with room temperature water to avoid brain freeze (you'll see why) and fill another glass with ice. Pour the magnesium citrate over the ice and wait a few minutes, until it gets cold, and then scoop the ice out. Put a straw in each glass.

Second, and this is the most important part, set aside four to six Altoids mints. (Editor's note: The author did not specify a flavor.)

Third, put half a teaspoon of sugar on your tongue. Then put a straw in the chilled glass of magnesium citrate and, while holding your nose, drink that shit fast. If you have to take a break, breathe through your mouth and keep holding your nose!! Immediately after your finish the MC, keep holding your nose and eat those Altoids! I was totally amazed and astounded how well my method gets rid of the disgusting salty taste of the magnesium citrate.

Fourth, you then drink your eight-ounce glass of room temperature of water afterward. No aftertaste.

I'm still in shock. I should get an award for this discovery.

How do you handle the disgusting taste of magnesium citrate?

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4 Comments on "Drinking Magnesium Citrate"

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I'm due for my semi-centennial scoping. I'll have to remember the cherry flavored shit juice when my time comes.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous's picture

Cherry flavored mag. citrate actually isn't bad and sort of smells like a cherry jolly rancher.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Luckily, I have never had the pleasure of having to drink that crap, so I have no idea what it tastes like. I have no desire to find out anytime soon, either.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

After years of consuming rotgut alcohol products such as Korean Soju or Japanese Shochu, both can be made from sweet potatoes, and the occasional swig of Tennessee Corn Whiskey I have no difficulty at all tossing off a bottle of Magnesium Citrate. I just turn the bottle up and empty it, no big deal. If there is an unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth I kill it with a bite or two of fermented squid or octopus.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

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