A Load Of Horse Shit

// // 19 Comments
0
0

Back in 2000-2001, I owned a horse. Her name was Jubilee and she was a long-held dream that finally became reality. She was a lot of work, but she was worth it. She was also the creator of several interesting situations. You know, poop-wise.

One nice thing was that Jubilee would give plenty of warning before she pooped. She'd always raise her tail a few times and have some gas. The one right before she pooped was always smelly. So at least I never ended up getting pooped on. That did happen to a girl I read about in a magazine.

One time, Jubilee was standing next to the wall when she had to poop. So she raised her tail and pooped. It hit the wall before falling to the floor, creating a brown spot on the wall. She did this at least twice.

Another thing Jubilee loved to do was pull all her hay onto the floor of the stall and create a nest out of it to sleep on. Of course, this meant that the hay was often peed and pooped upon. It created quite the job for me when I arrived in the morning to feed her and clean out the stall.

Sometimes, while I was cleaning out the stall, after I had gotten the dirty bedding taken care of, Jubilee would poop on the bare floor before I had a chance to put down clean bedding. That was a nuisance, but I would simply pick it up and get rid of it. It was worse when she would pee on the bare floor. Then I would have to put shavings down, let them absorb the liquid, and then clean up the shavings and put down more.

Then there was the time that the people with whom I was boarding Jubilee said I had to clean out her paddock. That meant picking up all the individual poops she had made, plus the poops she had made in her huge hay nest. So I had to clean that up. Part of the problem was that this happened in the spring and the nest was still partially frozen. This meant it took me several weeks to get the nest cleaned out.

Those weren't the worst things that Jubilee ever did, though. You know, poop-wise.

One morning, while I was cleaning out her stall, Jubilee was turned to face the door with her butt facing her water bucket. I came into the stall just as Jubilee raised her tail and pooped into the water bucket. I stood there in shock for a few minutes, not able to believe what I had just seen her do. I went over to the water bucket and, lo and behold, there was horse poop floating in the bucket of water.

Okay, now what do I do? I went and got the apple picker (horse poop is often referred to as horse apples, and the apple picker is a large basket with long tines on the end attached to a wooden pole that is used to pick them up off the ground or the bottom of the stall). I used that as much as I could to get the apples out and onto the stall floor, where I would then take them out when I took out the rest of the soiled bedding.

But there were still horse apples floating in the bucket that I hadn't been able to get, because they had started to disintegrate. It was the middle of winter, so I was using a heated water bucket to keep the water from icing over. Then, of course, there was the problem of any horse poop that might have been settled on the sides and bottom of the bucket.

I remembered an old bucket I had used until I got the heated one. I decided to use this to bail out the poopy water and dump it outside.

I got the old bucket. Just as I was about to leave, I saw an old brush that I knew nobody ever used anymore. It had a handle, so I took it and decided to use it to clean out Jubilee's bucket before I dumped it. I grabbed a pair of yellow latex gloves and put them on, too.

Back in the stall, I used the brush to scrub at the sides of the bucket and swirl the water around to get the sediment off the bottom long enough to get the water transferred. Once the water was swirling in the bucket, I unhooked it and poured it into the other bucket. The water was brown from horse poop. It also had bits of hay in it, but that happened a lot because Jubilee would take drinks of water when she still had hay in her mouth and the hay would go in the water. I was used to that.

I carried the dirty water out and dumped it, scrubbing the transfer bucket thoroughly with the same brush before filling the bucket with fresh water and taking it back to Jubilee. It took me two trips to the pump and back before the bucket was full.

From then on, I was always on the alert for horse poop in the water bucket.

19 Comments on "A Load Of Horse Shit"

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

jesus crist....there must have not been any other stories to post. This was horrible. It would have been funy if the horse had pooped on her.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

Several years ago we were invited to a fancy party at a fancy country estate where they had horses. I had always been fascinated by horses but rarely had the chance to observe them closely. This time I got the opportunity and for perhaps half an hour simply watched several magnificent animals walking around, eating, and--yes, finally--pooping. As Rachel said, there was plenty of warning, though I was not close enough to hear or smell any gas. The tail went up, the anus slowly pooched outward, and the turds slid out and thudded down, all while the horse was still eating. In and out simultaneously; a neat trick. As a guest, I did not have to clean it up.

Mr. Ed's picture
0
0

Will-bur-r-r-r. I may know how to talk, but Jubilee knows how to shit into a bucket. She should have her own show.

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
0
0

I learned something today...horses poop.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

A lesson I learned while fairly young was, never stand behind a farting horse that has been eating bran unless you want freckles.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
0
0

Having been brought up around the noble equine I have nothing bad to say about them. Horse shit stinks but nothing on the order of our carnivorous pets, cats and dogs.

Our neighbor owned a palomino stallion whose name I have forgotten. When we kids went riding , I was the youngest, I was usually given the stallion with no saddle or bridle. I only had a hawser (halter with no bit, only bailing twine tied to the cheek rings). I was usually scraped off the back of this beast at the first osage orange tree (think thorns). I still love horses and think the stench of their poops is incense compared to some other smells I am familiar with.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
0
0

I'm with you on the horse manuer. It smells sweet compared to carnivorous scat
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

I try to be positive. I try to point out the good parts of posts and stories. I try. But I cannot. Here is the story in 3 sentances.
1) Girl gets horse apparently never seeing one before.
2) Girl is surprised that horse poops all the time.
3) Girl hates cleaning up all the horse poop.

This explains why she only had the thing for a year.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points
0
0

Lol. I'm shyyyure she rode it on ocassion. (or however you speel that.)
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
0
0

Just ignore them, Rachel. I liked your storie just fine. In fact, in an act of solidarity, I'm going to go outside and shit in a bucket, too. And I'm in the city, no less!
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous Coward's picture
0
0

A surreal piece of horsehit. The writing was kinda weird to. You know, poop-wise.

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

how dare you say that anonymous. how dare you!-- what smells?

-- what smells? shit!

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

phatmanxxl-you never knew that.really.-- what smells?

-- what smells? shit!

assfixation's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

When I visited my cousins farm, they would play tricks on me. Unbeknowenst to me, they would cover the manure pile with a little hay or straw and tell me to jump in it. That was great summer fun for a "in town girl".

My shit don't stink.

sasafras's picture
0
0

i had a bad expierence at horse camp with a clydsdale named Maya.One day in the field I couldn`t catch my horse Scruffy (recently deceased) so Matt said he would try.He told me to hold his horse Maya.Unfortunetly she steped on my foot.No one was near me so they did not hear me.I learned if they ever step on you to lightly push them but she did not move an inch.By the time he came back with my horse he finaly realized that she was standing on my foot.He tuged on her harness and she moved off of my foot.When we got back to base we took off my shoe and my foot was swollen and purple but do not be alarmed it was not broken. 2 or 3 days later the swelling went down.And my life was back to normal.

THE END!!!!!

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points
0
0

As Mr. Ed would say, Buttttt Wilburrrrr !

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
0
0

Goddamn, Chili, that was clever, who writes your material?


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous's picture
0
0

I am the author of this story and I want to say three things.

First, when I submitted this story the person I submitted it to changed the writing style so it doesn't sound like something I would write.

Second, I had been taking riding lessons off and on for a while so I had been around horses and knew how to act around them, I just had never had to clean up after one and I had no idea that they would go to the bathroom in their food and water buckets.

Third, Jubilee was too young to be ridden when I had her and the reason we gave her up was because she got too rambunctious for me, a first time horse owner, to handle.

Anonymous's picture
0
0

My horse shat on my shoes. They were designer too! I still adore horses though. Sadly Starlight, my big chestnut-brown stallion, died on the 21st of August 2007. But, this was in 1998! Starlight was only 11 months! So big though. RIP Starlight.