Poop Is The Cure

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Editor's note: The vast, vast majority of content on PoopReport is original, written specifically for this site. However, every so often, something comes up on another site that is so compelling that I feel it must be shared with the community here. Today is one of these days. The following essay is taken verbatim from The Washington Post. All rights belong to them -- but all the information contain herein belongs to the advancement of humanity.

Poop transplants???



Important Medical News...

      ...delivered in a serious and straightforward fashion


By Gene Weingarten

Originally published March 28, 2004, in The Washnington Post

I am right now on the phone, on hold, waiting to talk to Dr. Johannes Aas, a prominent gastroenterologist from Duluth, Minn. Dr. Aas has been paged. I am calling him because I have just received a copy of a medical paper he has written, and as a serious journalist I consider it my duty to bring this matter to the attention of the public.

Dr. Aas is a busy man, and this is taking a while, so I'll use the time to warn you that if you are currently having breakfast, or contemplating having breakfast, or ever plan on eating again, you might wish to skip over the remainder of this column. Ah, here we go.

Dr. Aas: Hello?

Me: Doctor, I would like to publicize the excellent, pioneering work you have done with an alternative treatment for cases of Clostridium difficile colitis that prove resistant to more conventional treatment with metronidazole or vancomycin.

Dr. Aas: Okay.

Me: I want to make it clear that I am interested in this as a serious medical issue and that it would be impossible for me to write about this in The Washington Post -- indeed, this column would not be published -- if I failed to treat it in a dignified and responsible fashion.

Dr. Aas: Okay.

Me: Could you explain for my readers what this new treatment consists of?

Dr. Aas: You mean why we have chosen this method?

Me: Sure. However you like.

Dr. Aas: Stool is an organ.

Me: Excuse me?

Dr. Aas: It is normally considered waste product, but it is in a way an independent organ, like the kidney, and it contains thousands of different bacteria living in symbiosis. These bacteria are needed for normal health. When you use some antibiotics, some of this bacteria population gets destroyed. If you later get infected with Clostridium difficile colitis, there is this competitive battlefield in the colon, and without the necessary bacteria, Clostridium has the upper hand. So what we do is take normal stool from a normal person, make an extract of it, put it in a blender with water, take two tablespoons of that cocktail, and introduce it into the patient's body.

Me: It is, in effect, a human poop transplant?

Dr. Aas: Yes. To replace the normal colonic flora.

Me: That's a nice word!

Dr. Aas: Okay.

Me: And how is this transplant done?

Dr. Aas: Through a tube down into the patient's stomach. A naso-gastric tube.

Me: It goes in through the nose?

Dr. Aas: Or the mouth, yes.

Me: Okay!

Dr. Aas: Yes.

Me: Can't it go in the other end?

Dr. Aas: There is a doctor in Australia who does it that way, but sometimes the small intestine is infected, too, so it is more effective this way.

Me: In this particular organ transplant, who are the donors?

Dr. Aas: Most of the time, a loved one.

Me: I can imagine.

Dr. Aas: Yes.

Me: And this works as a cure because the microbes remain in the colon?

Dr. Aas: Yes.

Me: It is the gift that keeps on giving!

Dr. Aas: We've been doing it for 10 years without a single failure.

Me: Doctor, on behalf of my readers, I need to ask you, am I making you up?

Dr. Aas: No.

Me: You exist, and I am talking to you?

Dr. Aas: Yes.

Me: How do you pronounce your name?

Dr. Aas: Oze. I am Danish.

Me: Okay. You understand why I am calling you, right?

Dr. Aas: Oh yes. You wouldn't believe the [flora] I have taken from colleagues since publishing that paper.

Me: Yes, I would. Well, I want to thank you for taking the time to speak to me today. As far as I am concerned, if this column saves just one life, if it eases the burden of one victim, then my work here will have been vindicated.

Dr. Aas: Good!


Editor's note: thanks to Arnold for calling my attention to this story. He also found a much more scientific explanation of the process.

37 Comments on "Poop Is The Cure"

Double Flush's picture
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I'm impressed that something like this was ever printed. This looks more like material that one would only see at PoopReport or a similar site.

Just wondering: what's wrong with bacteria pills and such? Do they serve the same purpose, or is a poop transplant currently the only way to do this?

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

Logjam's picture
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A new product idea, Dave. A small sticker we can attach to our driver's license that says "Poop donor."

Logjam

Grogan's picture
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There should be a poll.

Would you even admit let alone go through with receving the organ donation of poop?

If it was going to save me alot of hassle headache and medical i would. But I doubt I would ever tell anyone. Might have to have the doctor and donor taken out proffesionaly just so this information doesnt accidently leak out ;) (J/K)

Logjam's picture
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An alternative method of introduction just occurred to me. The patient eats out five nights in a row at their local Chili's, Applebee's, Friday's.... Based on numerous firsthand accounts on this site, I estimate the chances of not ingesting some nice fresh shit as (1/2)^5, or 1/32.

Logjam

Turdie McDooDoo's picture
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Dave,

This is not really related to your story, but I have an idea for improving your site. I've become a really big fan of poopreport and greatly enjoy reading the stories on it, but I often end up wasting my time reading bad stories and only find a story I really like about every 4 or 5 stories. To solve this problem I was thinking that maybe you could set up a poopreport story rating system. After reading a story you could rate the story out of 5 stars (or maybe even out of 5 turds or something like that). Then the average rating could be posted next to the story's title so that you can know what it was rated and if other people liked it before reading it yourself. You could even add it into your point system. For instance reporters get more points for a high rated story than a low rated one. Let me know what you think, and suggestions from other poopreport readers and reporters.

Turdie

P.S. Double Flush, I'm glad you found a good new signature.

krzyzewskifan's picture
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All I want to know is who first thought of this...Who actually thought of eating someone else's poop, to make them healthier?

I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

The Random Rectum's picture
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Even though this doctor's name is pronounced "Oze," I can't help but marvel at the irony that it looks like it is actually pronounced "ass." I suppose Oze could be likened to ooze, which means this guy's name is really Dr. Ass Ooze.

~Keep your friends close, and your enemas closer.~

Logjam's picture
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Now that Turdie McDooDoo mentions it, I get irritated too by all the time I waste reading worthless drivel on this site. Maybe he or someone else could start a wake-up call service -- when some good drivel finally appears, our phones ring to let us know.

Logjam

Grogan's picture
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Not everyone is a stellar writer, and if it takes a few "bad" stories to inspire a person with a great story or is a great story teller, then so be it.
My thought is that if you start to rate stories on good or bad it takes away from the site. People might not feel so inclined to post their submisions for fear of the story being considered not good enough. I for one think the voteing is not such a hot idea.

C Everett Poop's picture
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Crappy stories are good too because then everyone gets to bilge them like the one yesterday.

Thunderbox's picture
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Only a complete ass, like Dr aas, would ingest the product of someone else`s ass. And expect to get better.

The voice of sanity

grinchygut's picture
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Thunderbox, that is a completely ignorant statement! You should do your homework before making an ass of yourself! The doctor's ideas only sound silly because of how he's trying to explain himself. We do, indeed, have millions of types of bacteria living in us symbiotically - if we didn't have them, we would die! If someone takes antibiotics to treat an infection, it kills the good bacteria and the bad bacteria and the same time. Ingesting poop from a healthy person is simply the easiest way to reintroduce all the good types of bacteria into the intestines. It's ignorance like yours that keeps people sick!

_______
squeeze and pray.

Today's weather: Heavy downpours with intermittant thunder and pervasive smog. Air quality low.

Thunderbox's picture
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grinchy - I`ve commented in the past that the best way to be healthy is to eat and ingest as many different foods from around the world as you can. This boosts immensely the good bacteria in the body, and gives better health.

This fuckwit may not be suggesting it, but the implication is, that eating someone else`s shit can do you good generally.

Now, if the person who`s shit you are ingesting happens to have any manner of diseases, you`re fucked. How do you know they`re healthy? I guarantee that a healthy, disease free person from say Thailand, would cause you no end of problems if you had his shit due to the different water, food etc that he ate. Maybe even from someone from Florida taking a Californian`s or Alaskan`s shit would come down with something. Think about it.

And I agree completely with you about antibiotics, they destroy your guts. Hope you can see clearly now grinchy, I know what I`m talking about.

The voice of sanity

The Big Wiper's picture
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This gives new meaning to the phrase, 'taking shit from someone.' Serially, though, there are simpler ways to restore healthy bacterial flora in the gut: yogurt is always a good solution.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Big Wiper's picture
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On the subject of rating stories: we more or less do this anyway with our comments under all entries. The better articles and stories get better comments or create interesting threads among readers.

In the past we have had some informal flame artists who have taken it upon themselves to lash out at various efforts submitted. There was nothing productive about the flame wars of the past.

Expressing an opinion reasonably, pro or con, about a story or article is the best way to go, I think.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Thunderbox's picture
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You`re right TBW - The comments and trails make the story. This isn`t even a story, yet it`s becoming a debate that is hopefully enlightening people on how to become more healthy. My first comment was just meant to be a witty play on words, but has started a serious topic.

Through eating the likes of yogurt - specially home brewed stuff (which I make, and the initial pot can last for years by adding more to the brew each day) - and to try every kind of food you come across wherever you travel, will help build up more diverse bacteria in your guts. Every species of animal eaten helps:-)

These will protect you from all manner of bad bacteria you encounter. Not eating stuff like the lips and assholes served up in burger restaurants also helps.

This kind of sensible action will mean that you don`t have to eat (or ingest as Dr Aas would like to put it) other peoples shit.

The voice of sanity

The Big Wiper's picture
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Imagine if there were truth in labelling for many of the dishes eaten in certain restaurants, particularly of the fast food variety. Imagine a menu that levelled with its patrons. Wouldn't be too appetizing, in any case:

Pig Lips Surprise

Small Colon of Cow Casserole

Chicken Beak Cut-Up

Fish Guts Fry

I'm going to have to stop. I'm making myself nauseous.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Poop Shooter's picture
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I think it's pretty neat someone found a usefull purpose for poop other than us here talking and joking about it on a regular basis.

Thunderbox, do you not realize what a lot of medicines are actually made up of these days? also, I'm sure they sterilize or purify the shit before giving it to someone else. So, lets see the options:

Die

or

Eat Shit by way of purification and a stomache tube?

I'm kinda partial to living these days!


_______
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Thunderbox's picture
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Sterlising or purifying it kinds of defeats the purpose don`t you think.

This is just another fad of the kind that Kellogg started.

The voice of sanity

Double Flush's picture
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I don't really see a need for a rating system. I agree with those above that say the comments more or less say what people think. On top of that, comments usually bring about whole new topics, this being a good example of that. I say it's fine just like it is. If I'm not fond of a story, I say so, though I still try to be positive if I find something I still like. One simple vote doesn't show your mix of positives and negatives. If you like it, say so. If you don't, say so. That's what the comments are really for, though we do tend to add new (and rather interesting) things. However, sometimes it's fun to totally derail the comments too!

Turdy McDooDoo, I'm glad you like my sig. If you're around a lot, you should register so you can get points and be known.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

daphne's picture
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I, too, think the remark by Thunderbox missed the point that antibiotics can kill our natural internal bacteria. You can be as healthy as hell and still get sick from time to time.

I had a relative that visited another relative in the hospital and came down with a staff infection, that, after treatment, left her quite "flushed out", and I don't think her eating yogurt before going to the hospital would have prevented it.

Obviously, this is an extreme measure, and I don't think any of us can trash it unless we've spent the morning doing a bit more reading as to its reviews by unbiased critics. And by unbiased critics I mean people or organizations that don't benefit from the practice suceeding or failing.

And personally, I don't mind the 5 star rating thing for the stories. Lots of sites have story rating systems. But then, Double Flush and CEP have valid points that maybe the ratings system would decrease the fun or importance of the comments section.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

bowlfiller's picture
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When a cure or remedy is found for some illness or condition, do you go to a shop and but a chunk or Bark or log and chew on it?

If a bactieria is found that assists, cure, treats an illness or conditions, do you find whatever its growing on and eat that?

aside from yogurts and bio-cultures in this form, the answer is pretty much no in modern society, the bacteria would be grown in hygenic conditions, cultured and given to patients in a much more sensible manner.

Eatting someone else's shit family or not, is not somthing I would consider.
I dont know how serious this condition is, but Is it really so serious that eatting poop is required?

To me it seems like an extremely Cheap way of treating this illness, but also a disgusting unhygenic flawed way of performing a task.

I dont know much about medicine, and bacteria etc.. these are just some thoughts that came to mind.

Never would I eat poop, I'd sure Donate it though!

bf

GottaGoGirl's picture
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If you go and read the additional information, though, it almost (and I mean ALMOST) makes sense. The point is that all the other possible treatments had failed, and this was the last hope.

The docs were probably brainstorming and someone said, "Gee, if there was only a way to REINTRODUCE the right flora to their intestines."

"The only way to do that would be a POOP TRANSPLANT!"

"Hey! That's so crazy, it Just. Might. Work.!

Rottenshit's picture
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I don't care what the cure is. If shit is whats gonna save me, put it on a roll and hold the mayo!

DungDaddy's picture
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A story about poop in the Washington post. This goes to prove that PR is indeed, mainstream.

Poopgirl's picture
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I never thought that poop transplants were possible, or helpful in any way. That just goes to show how stupid I am. I mean, some animals, such as koalas, eat their mom's poo so that they have the bacteria that they need to digest their food. If they can do it, why can't we? Of course, OUR way is less gross, which is a bonus.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Turbid's picture
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I can just imagine the Red Cross advertizing for a "poop drive". It would be the reverse of a blood drive since they would feed you first and then you get to donate.

Save log, Save a life. Become a poop donor today.

turbid

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points
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A scary though occurs to me - the organic matter that comprises our food once could have actually been shit. Ashes to ashes could apply to shit you know.

After entertaining this thought, lunch isn't setting so good...

Fart Poopie's picture
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When I read this, I pictured a tube going in through your nose or mouth, all the way down to the small intestine.
The slurry probably has to bypass the stomach so that the bacteria don't die (or so you don't get sick). Am I right to assume that's how it works, or is it really people just eating crap?

Double Flush's picture
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I would think they would implant the fecal bacteria in the intestine somehow, though I can easily imagine someone eating the poop or having a tube or needle in their gut. No thanks, I'll just be weak for a while.

_______
Around here, our women poop, and it stinks too.

[Insert witty banter here]

Liz's picture
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I actually had this condition (where all the good bacteria in my intestines died because of antibiotics) but they just gave me some pills that replenished the bacteria in my colon. There was no mention of a poop transplant. I wonder why? I wonder how sick you have to be from the problem for the doctor to suggest it? I was really fascinated by this article!! :)

Miss Simone Scat's picture
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_I DO NOT ever want to be that sick!______
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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can you imagine if they collected shit for transplants like they do blood? Can you imagine the smell of that place?
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

John Woods's picture
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Talk about shi --y treatment!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points
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Heh... And we thought being told to "eat shit" was a bad thing!

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Hi John, Shifty treatment? Shimmy treatment? Don't leave us hanging!


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Powersoak's picture
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Gene Weingarten is a hilarious writer. I have enjoyed reading his work for many years and this is not that far out for his column.

Now, about herbivores: Most baby animals have to sample their parents' poop to get the bacteria needed in their gut to digest the cellulose they consume. If you have watched a program like Nature or other shows about elephants, you will learn of this. So inoculating guts with beneficial bacteria is not new or strange.