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How To Resolve A Colostomy Mishap

Posted 04.15.2008 by snowpea (90)
A couple of years ago, while working as a nursing assistant at a rehab center for the elderly and the infirm, I had a resident who was suffering from multiple sclerosis and was paralyzed from the neck down. I'll call him Tom. Afternoons with Tom involved reading him the sports page, doing "range-of-motion" exercises to keep his joints pliable, feeding and bathing him, and emptying his colostomy bag as needed.

Once a month, the ride service would show up at two o'clock PM and pick him up to bring him to his doctor's appointment. On one such day, the early afternoon went by with nothing interesting transpiring. We read the sports page and I got him dressed and lifted into his chair to wait for the ride service. While we were waiting, a nurse came in and changed his colostomy bag to a new one, as Tom had been experiencing lots of gas and loose stools lately, and he wanted the bag to be clean for his appointment.

The nurse pulled a new bag fresh from the box, attaching it to his skin with adhesive and clasping the end shut. The van arrived and he was on his way. Twenty-five minutes later he returned, pushed in the door by a flustered ride service driver.

"We need some help!" said the driver. I immediately noticed the scent of human excrement wafting through the door and a pained look on Tom's face.

"We have a slight problem here," said Tom.

Apparently, while picking up another client across town, the driver had moved Tom's chair a bit to make way for the new passenger, causing Tom to shift in his chair and squash his colostomy bag between his body and the wheelchair's arm. This caused the bag to burst and separate itself from the fresh adhesive seal the nurse had applied to his skin minutes earlier. Nobody realized that the man's colostomy bag had become unfixed until the van was filled with the scent of a particularly sloppy BM, which sprayed out of his side. The loose colostomy bag had deflected the glut, making a bigger mess than if there had been no bag at all. Considering the circumstances, the driver high-tailed it back to the rehab center to get rid of this unwelcome passenger.

A nurse came over, assessed the situation, and said, "Bring him to his room and get him cleaned-up."

We got to his room. Tom was already sitting in the sling that gets attached to the Hoyer-Lift to move him from his bed to his chair and back again, so the mess was satcheled in the sling, getting spread around so there was a dark reddish-brown stain from his knees to his chest.

I lifted him into bed and checked out the damage. With the sling now disconnected and limp at his sides, it no longer served as a levy to prevent a flood of shit from running everywhere; and so it did. It ran underneath his body, down his sides, and down between the sections of his air mattress.

A nurse came in after a few minutes to see how things were going, spraying unscented air-freshener everywhere. I don't remember what the stuff was called, but it really was unscented -- it smelled like water, and it really worked well. However, even hospital-grade air-freshener couldn't stand-up to a liter of fresh excrement smeared up and down the length of the bed and sloshing around inside the folds of an air-mattress.

I got my basin of hot, soapy water to the bedside, complete with a stack of fresh, clean wash-cloths. I put on a pair of gloves and got to work. I had to reach down into the folds of the air-mattress, about six inches down, and scoop handfuls of warm, runny, greasy shit out between the folds.

Agitating the puddle of shit made the smell worse. This stuff was fresh, and it smelled salty, somehow. Like, if you didn't know it was shit, you might think it was beef stroganoff or some kind of soup or casserole. (A woman across the hall said later that night that it smelled like Rice-a-Roni.)

The first stack of ten wash-cloths went directly into the garbage -- else I would have been there all day wringing the shit out of them and fetching clean, soapy water. Eventually, after twenty minutes or so, the exposed mattress was clean and wiped-down with disinfectant, as was most of the mess that covered Tom's mid-section. Now the trick was to clean up his back without re-soiling the mattress.

I requested help from another aide. He stood at the opposite side of the bed and reached over and grabbed Tom's opposite arm, pulling Tom's body towards him so he was lying on his side. Generally, cleaning-up someone who can't move themselves is a process of cleaning and re-cleaning the same area over and over, as each area tends to get re-soiled as you move and adjust the resident's position. Also, poop is greasy, and it sticks to skin, preferring to smear around rather than wipe off.

I placed clean towels over the exposed side of the cleaned mattress to minimize the mess and to prevent the shit running off Tom's thighs and back from completely destroying my progress. Five minutes and six washcloths later, Tom's back and left side were clean. Repeating the two-man technique described above, five minutes and six washcloths after that, Tom's right backside was clean. We got clean sheets under him, slipped a clean gown on him, covered him with fresh blankets, and were finally done after a total of forty-five minutes.

A nurse came in to fasten another colostomy bag to Tom's abdomen. We were done, and we hadn't died.

Froty-five minutes spent elbow-deep in another person's shit, trying to move and clean-up a 220-pound guy who can't move by himself. Forty-five minutes spent trying to clean-up a pool of shit, as well as the bed and the person in the bed at the same time, and then affixing new sheets and pads to the mattress WHILE it was occupied. As for the smell -- I couldn't even smell it anymore by the time we left, but residents down the hall were complaining about the odor half an hour later.

That was the day I began to think about quitting.

Thunderbox (761) -- 04.15.2008

Snowpea, you`re a braver person than me. This is real Heart of Darkness stuff, "the horror, the horror..."

I`d have bribed the driver to drop Tom off at the nearest carwash.

Uncle Crapper (1) -- 04.15.2008

...and I'm sure you did all of this in a manner giving Tom as much dignity as possible in this shituation. My hat is off to you, sir, and the tens of thousands like you who do this work every day, making far less than they're worth, just so people can live in the dignity they deserve.

BTW - this is much better than that existential shit you posted a couple of days ago.

CC (not verified) -- 04.15.2008

I hope there is special place in heaven for all the health care workers.This story should be shown to all the people who think they have to put up with alot of shit.

Logjam (2356) -- 04.15.2008

Snowpea. Great story. But, my god, to quote Bette Davis, "What a dump!" Cleaning a guy and his bed WHILE he's in his bed? Are you kidding me? Why couldn't you have stripped him down then had a go at him while he was in the Hoyer-lift? No shower stall that you could roll a wheel chair into? Take him outside and hose him off? When you get gum on your shoe, do you try to clean it off with the other shoe?

Bilgepump (1471) -- 04.15.2008

Wow...flashback time. Thats precisely what I was faced with each day during my dad's final days. I wasn't blessed with any help, but fortunately, Dad only weighed about 170, so rolling him over wasn't too bad. I totally understand what you went through, Snowpea, although my Dad didn't have a colostomy, he was terribly incontinent, and those adult diapers aren't the blissful convenience I had envisioned for my own last days. All that said, taking care of Dad was one of, if not THE, most rewarding experiences of my life.

prarie doggin (1546) -- 04.15.2008

Snowpea, (you have my permission) if that ever happens to me, just wheel me up to the roof and push me off. I will thank you in advance.

Logjam (2356) -- 04.15.2008

Since we seem to be in share mode, I'll share my final request -- that some caring snowpea wheel me out onto I-80 and face me east, bringing me eye-to-eye with prarie doggin heading west in his big, ol' semi, pedal to the metal. With my final breath, my teeth will be perfectly straight and I'll be "on the road, again."

Bilgepump (1471) -- 04.15.2008

Uh...no...you'll be on the grill again. Maybe you don't remember the last time you were on the grill, you did have quite a few Bartyles and James Wine Coolers, but your ass was blistered and scabby for weeks...and I threw away your butt donut several months ago.

The Thunderous ... (651) -- 04.15.2008

This is why I have a living will. In it I have stated if found to have ANY type of cancer in that area that I am to recieve absolutely NO colostomy bag whatsoever. If it kills me......IT KILLS ME! You can treat it if you want with chemo....NO BAG EVER. And if the pain becomes too much then I will simply draw a hot bath get into the tub slit my wrists and just bleed to death. Now I do NOT want you all to think I believe in suicide but I also do NOT want to NOT HAVE a quality of life which I think would be taken away with a colostomy. No thank you at that point I would want out. I wouldn't BLAME YOU AT ALL snowpea if you quit that day.....
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

prarie doggin (1546) -- 04.15.2008

Sorry LJ, can't help you. Don't drive 'em any more. Just manage a bunch of them. I do however have some fecal-alc-eyed hillbillies that will do the job. I'll just tell them to look for the country music hatin', Nascar hatin', married outside his immediate family (oh and can't hurt to mention the full set of straight teeth) guy in a wheel chair on I80. I'm sure there will be a race to get to you.

Hieronymous Bowels (122) -- 04.15.2008

Hey pd, not all truckers marry their cousins...some of 'em marry those little mexican girls they bring back across the border with them.

Yo quiero Gordita.

prarie doggin (1546) -- 04.15.2008

Only if they are at least 11 years old and have their brothers permission.

Bilgepump (1471) -- 04.15.2008

Um..."ocho" means 11, right?

Logjam (2356) -- 04.15.2008

Ocho, I think, is the new 16. Prarie, you got it mostly right, but not about the country music. Uh, "On the road, again?"

ChiliKahKah (38) -- 04.16.2008

The driver did not tell the truth. That day,unknown to dietary, the residents had conspired to have a treat at White Castle. Poor Tom ordered a sack of sliders and did not anticipate his other "sack" would not hold the
burgers and the onion chips.

daphne (3325) -- 04.16.2008

Snowpea, I liked your "existential shit".

And this is good, too.

It's all good.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano (3646) -- 04.16.2008

Disgusting! But a good story. It brought back my memories of the time my grandpa shit himself and I was the only one home to deal with it.

He was a good sport and tried to stay quiet, but after the long, drawn-out fart I knew he'd done it. I finally hoisted him to the bathroom and cleaned him up, since there was shit all up and down his back, ass, and legs.

Then I asked him to sit quietly while I cleaned the couch. That took a while because his liqui-shit got all down in the cracks and wrinkles (fucking faux leather). I actually resorted to scooping some of it out of the cracks with my bare fingers!

Finally (after a preliminary hand wash and a few wretches) I was able to hoist him back up and lead him back to his couch. Then I quietly headed to the bathroom to clean under my fingernails.

It really wasn't as disgusting as his spit cup. He died of congestive heart failure and he'd cough up the snot and blood in this cup until it was full to the brim. I usually got someone else to take care of that, reminding them that I was usually the one who changed his diapers and scooped shit out of couches with my bare hands.

I think the worst part about the whole thing was not the grossness but the fact that my grandpa was always such an independent man now reduced to diaper changes and spit cups. Fortunately, he did not suffer too long in that condition. My family and I took care of him for a month or so and then he died. I was happy to see his dignity return in death.

You did a good job there, Snowpea and Bilgepump. Having just a short taste of this sort of thing gives you a real appreciation for those who do it much longer.

_______
Born right the first time.

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