I used to know a security guard who was not allowed to leave his post at a front entrance, even to go to the toilet. I considered this to be probably illegal, but he'd pee in a bottle when he needed to. When he needed a shit though, his only option was to hold it in. There were several times when he could not hold it in any longer and had to shit his pants, so he said.

My view was that if he couldn't leave his post to answer the call of nature and couldn't be relieved by another guard, he should at least carry a supply of plastic bags and paper with him for crap purposes, but he insisted that he couldn't do this because his post was covered by CCTV. This meant that his boss would know if Tony had left his post when he wound through the tapes the next day, and he'd also be able to see if Tony squatted down to shit in a bag and it would be humiliating. A pee, he could handle, as he could discretely piss in his bottle while sitting at his desk and be out of camerashot, but if he dumped in his underwear, nobody would know except him. I was sceptical about this, as with beshitted pants he'd certainly be in no comfortable condition to give chase to someone if necessary, or greet a visitor, but he insisted that shitting his pants was the only option if he couldn't hold it any longer.

I got the truth from his wife however. It seemed that shitting his pants was not a rare occurrence. It happened frequently because he actually enjoyed the sensation of doing it, enjoyed sitting in the mess and got a kick out of presenting his wife with his shitty underpants and trousers at the end of a shift.

Needless to say, their marriage did not last. Neither did his job, although for what reason, I can only speculate.

To answer the point raised in your fine story PP, I would say that a shart is acceptable, as is being drunk, as is a sudden involuntary release (sneezing,etc) as is being terrified to the point of voiding one's sphincter. But to shit oneself because one feels that one has no other choice... sorry I don't buy that. Unless one had diarrhoea, finding a place to squat down and release the chocolate hostage should be possible in most situations. It doesn't have to be a toilet, merely somewhere offering a small amount of privacy, even if it's behind a bush, car, building or anywhere. As soon as I feel the tugging I begin to look for a suitable place to unload, as I feel most people would. Only loose bowels should make one feel the need that filling one's pants is the only option.

Agreed PP, drunkenness is no excuse for filling your pants, nor is following through from over-adventurous farting. The only acceptable reason for dumping dung in the undies is illness.

Sickness should have definitely been on the list as a viable excuse to crap ones pants.

I had short-term IBS during the fall of 2006 because of a sick pet. During one particularly bad morning, I was sick to my stomach (said pet has his eye enucleated the day previous) and had the runs. Before I was finished going, I had the terrible urge to vomit; and for some reason our waste basket was not in reach. I turned around to puke in the toilet and splat! I decorated the laundry hamper across from it with a butt burp at the same time that I puked. I could not help it.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I look at it this way, if there were less shitting of the pants, there would be less great poop report storys of the sort.

Agreed. Sickness is certainly allowed.

But as Phats says, without the stories of pants filling, PR would be a poorer place.

Agreed, illness is the only acceptable reason for shitting your pants. But that doesn't mean I won't piss myself laughing about other poop mishaps.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

A few years ago I was at the county fair and I had some serious IBS kick in, possibly from the fine carnival food. I was at the point where I was literally running looking for a bathroom. I ran then the panic kicked in I realized it was too late, the liquid lava had its way over me. I ran behind a trailor and expelled what was left and used the other side of my undies to wipe what I could and tossed it under the trailor. About 30 feet away I see the bathroom, I went inside and let loose the second wave and cleaned up the best I could. I dont call it a sickness issue but I dont think it was my fault I shit myself either.

it is acceptable to shit your pants when seated on an expensively upholstered seat at your soon-to-be ex-wife's attorney's office. Especially as he is telling you how little of what you have worked and slaved for over the past 15 years you get to keep. Best done with massive waterloss diarrhea, under the guise of an accident.

I'm shocked to find out that there are unacceptable reasons to shit one's pants...I must meditate on this.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I've had bosses like you. It usually ends with me handcuffed in the back of a squad car, while he takes an ambulance ride.

I agree with Bilge.....I thought it was OK to just shit your pants for fun. The looks on the faces of those around you, and their wrinkled noses, is priceless.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Geezerhood is also a legitimate excuse to crap in your pants, especially if you can do it somewhere really annoying, like the check-out line of the grocery store.

My Momma, who has Alzheimer's, has done precisely this before. The look she gets on her face is kinda like Clara Peller in the the "Where's the beef?" commercials by Wendy's.
_______
My special needs student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

I used to have enough sphincter strength to hold back most logs & they'd usually fold back upon themselves, meld with the next load in queue and produce bizarre, striated (and massive) dumps. These days I wonder how I'd fare. Probably not so well.

My last "in-pant event" was back in '95 during a traffic jam in Pennsylvania...yep, on a highway leading to Hershey. We were stuck on a bridge, and there were cops behind me. I just let it sneak out and dealt with things later. I wasn't exactly sure how the gendarmes would react to the sight of me sticking my ass over the side of a bridge. I'd already had a run-in a few years before that just for stopping to pee in some bushes on the side of the road. To avoid jail seems like a decent enough reason.

I wanna know the answer to the questions.And El Scummy, that poopy pants friend of yours? he had to have horrilbe diaper rash.

But agreed. Only when your sick. I have come close when I was drunk,though.

"leading to hershey"...haha was that a pun?

it is ok to shit your pants when you hear the beating of the wings of the angel of death.

Anonymous, if you have kids and your soon-to-be ex-wife took care of them for any amount of time, then that 15 years of slaving is not all yours. There are always two sides to a divorce.

Phats, you should elaborate on that carnival story and submit it for the front page. Taking a dump behind a trailer definitely is a hallmark statement for a quality poopreport.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Does shitting in a Speedo come under this topic?

The only time you should shit yourself is when you can not help it
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Dear Russell:

I think that your conclusion is axiomatic.

And it's pretty obvious too.

Conclusion? It's always obvious when you shit in a speedo.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Pnutty, I try not to think about it too deeply. If a chap wishes to fill his pants with shit for pleasure, he must enjoy the consequences. I'm certain it's got some psychological connection with being a youngster and enjoying sitting in shitty Huggies, but hey, I haven't seen the guy for years and I have no desire to. His ex-wife however, she's involved with someone who has fairly normal habits as far as I can tell.

And Phats, I agree with Daphne. Write it up!

Perhaps it is ok to crap your pants when you look at your quarterly 401K Report.

I will never shit my pants if I have the physical ability to drop them.

The movie in which someone gets shot in the asshole is "The Shootist" and the shooter is appropriatly The Duke.

PD........Your comment about ChiliKahKah's comment was apothegmatic to say the least. Poop Report is certainly an educational site!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I think that it is okay to doody your pants if you are in the middle of some heroic act.
Fighting a fire?

Sorry Frank, but unless you're fighting a fire in hell, I think a trip to the bathroom is necessary.

Daphne, I agree about the Speedo. I have (fortunately) yet to see a balancing of the bulge act at a beach.

I would probably have made a terrible paratrooper, I am sure that I would have shit my pants on every jump.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Well, if anything Chief, you would have had a softer landing.

Well, its never "OK", but when its understandable is when you've held it for a reasonable amount of time and searched out every possible alternative. If you can no longer hold it and for reasons beyond your control like public indecency or other emergency, you can't just drop trou right where you are, then its justified.

These boundaries help make a good poopreport. Without boundaries their would be no tension. Without tension, all of the other fine qualities of a great poopreport are negated, if you just shit your pants for fun, who really cares?
_______
Don't move the truck I'm still on the bucket!

I'm just worried that if enough people start shitting in their pants for fun, then someone (Disney?) will put up a theme park. I can't begin to imagine the rides.

Answers... Movie: thing to do in denver when you're dead. What it's called: buckwheats

-Pill Pooper

I agree on the illness excuse.

A friend told me a story once, of a woman she encountered in a department store. Apparently the woman had a bad case of IBS or just plain ole disgusting habits, but she (wearing a dress) just squatted right there in the middle of the womens department! The dress provided a little privacy, until she just stood up and walked away without batting an eye. Can you imagine having to answer that maintenance call?? "Clean up in the womens wear."

Apparently this woman never heard of adult diapers or this practice is something perfectly acceptable in her country.

So drunkenly forgetting to pull down your thong before pooping on the toilet at a U2 concert is bad? And having to go without undies under my dress for the rest of the night is bad too? In hindsight, should've left the thong at home in the first place. Was Mother Nature was just setting things to right?
Hic*
In the end, I think it was an ok instance, if there is an instance to be had.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

ok.. My two cents... only times its acceptable to shit thine pants,
1.When they are NOT your pants.. example.. trying on jeans at wal-mart and shitting yourself struggling to get them on.
2. If you are, in good judgement, thinking you are just squeezing out an errant fart. not one of those.."uhh might be more behind this one.. fuck it!" moments
3. If you are terrified of something beyond all belief that you evacuate..
4. and finally, you are of the elderly generations. I worked as a CNA and while giving a sponge bath to an octogenarian with alzhiemer's I had the distinct pleasure of catching a freshly baked loaf in my gloved hand! I did not judge her but that kind of horror tells me shitting your pants isn't TOO uncommon as you get very old.
_______
Good...Bad.. I'm the guy with the toilet paper.

I think Frank is on to something. If the paramedic is pounding away on your chest because you've gone into cardiac arrest, should he excuse himself/herself to go get relief or just shit his/her pants while continuing to try and resuscitate you? I hate to sound so egotistical but my continued existence trumps the paramedic's unsullied britches.
_______
My special needs student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

I've had scenario 4 happen to me while caring for my demented mother, Dunker. And on more than one occasion, too. But I'm saving those for a report, when I finally get around to writing up such things.
_______
My special needs student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

I think unless you have a major health issue which prevents your sphincter from working properly then there is NO excuse for shitting your pants. I don't think trying to squeeze out a fart around a shit is an excuse. You should know yourself by now and should KNOW if that fart is going to be "dirty" or not. If it is you wait for a toilet or if no toilet is available you wait for the next time you can safely drop your pants and take a dump. The same goes for drunkeness.
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AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

I have to wait until I can safely drop my pants before I can get drunk again????

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Bilge, I know you have been out of the bar scene for a while. Things have changed.

When I was nine, I threw up in the middle of the night due to a stomach bug. I then went downstairs and drank some tea on the couch, watching television with my dad. Unfortunately, what I thought was a fart lead to a full-out diarrhea explosion between the cracks of our fancy new couch. I covered it with my blanket and snagged a wet wipe from the bathroom and wiped it up without my dad noticing, hiding it behind my back. I then headed back upstairs to change, as my nightgown was slopped with smelly, liquefied poop. It was a great maneuver to hide poop for such a young person!

Willow, was your dad alive at the time?

Dearest, darling daughter of mine, there's something you need to know about parenthood. As a parent you learn to ignore certain things that your children do. This is a process that starts almost as soon as the baby is born. You quickly learn which cries are genuine and require attention, and which cries are just games and crocodile tears. If you answer every cry, you teach your child that you can be manipulated with their tears. So, instead of making an issue of it, you learn how to ignore and pretend that you aren't even aware of it. You do this for your own sanity and for the health and well-being of your children.

Some day, Willow, when you have children, you too will understand this. When your off-spring shit all over themselves and the couch firmly engrossed in the newest episode of "Law and Odor: Special Victims Unit", you will turn on this skill that you have spent so many years honing, sparing you and your child the embarrassment of having to explain why she crapped all over the couch. Oh, you will set there and think "What the fuck has gotten into this kid?" and hope that she's not too ill or that it's not some bizarre teenage attention getting device. Most likely, though, you'll just carry on as if nothing has happened.

However, if it's any consolation, Willow, in another 40 years, when you invite this old fossil over to your house for lunch and I shit on your couch and act all awkward and embarrassed about it, you can come clean with your tail's tale and we will all have a good laugh. You'll be laughing because you thought you got away with something and I'll be laughing because, after 40 years, I finally got some payback.

Willow's Dad.........My mother's rule of thumb, which worked well, was that if the child is crying and screaming bloody murder, the child is probably not badly injured. The ones that just lie there bleeding silently are the ones you should worry about.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Dear Willow's Dad,

It's been proved that children who are ignored when they cry before the age of five months end up having issues of abandonment; while it's also been proved that children over the age of six to seven months can be spoiled.

The reason is that the human brain isn't able to differentiate between the self and others at young ages. Do you remember the first time your child dropped a toy and was ecstatic to see it in your hand? That's the first time the child realizes that not all things are extensions of itself. This is why kids at the age of six months will drop a toy for hours for you to pick up. They're learning that things that disappear are separate from themselves. If a child isn't developmentally able to differentiate between the self and others, then when it cries and doesn't have an answer, it causes emotional and psychological trouble.

I picked up my son every time he cried, as I did my daughter, when they were babies, and now they're pretty good kids. My son is extremely well-adjusted and is one of the most self-assured kids I know. My daughter is delightful, although due to a severe illness (food poisoning) at the age of 18 months, she has some anger issues.

I'm not trying to harsh your mellow or tone of post, but when I read that someone says "let the baby cry it out", I get a bit pissed.

Pick that little fucker up. A baby is a baby for one year.

By the way, your couch stinks.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Goddammit Chief! Lol!

This does NOTHING for my credibility; but when you posted that, I was on ticketmaster.com buying Yankees/Mariners tickets for out here for 14 August. I pop back and you've replied before I was finished.

I realize that buying Yankees tickets reduces my opinion to squat unless Willow's Dad's last name is something like Munson, Jeter, or Jackson.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I have to disagree, all the way around...children should be eaten BEFORE they shit on the couch.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

I grew up with a plastic couch. Genuine imitation naugahide! It didn't matter if we shit on it.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Genuine imitation naugahide! What a spoiled and privileged childhood you had! I was a teenager before we got wall to wall floors!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I let baby phatgirl cry it out. I cant and wont pick her up or carry her around everytime she decides to cry. Kids do need to learn that they cant control their parents like that, by crying and making enough noise, they will get their way everytime. And that will just lead to more problems down the road.

I'm of the personal opinion that you can't spoil a child with attention. Children are made spoiled by tangible things.

The Papoopse was still fussing during the night for his bottle at 18 months. Mrs. Poo and I finally decided to just let him cry it out as the Pediatrician recommended. It took about a week, but he finally settled down and slept through the night.

Our Ped also said that there would be times when the kid would cry just to make noise. That is, he would only be exercising his lungs. It's apparently a pre-speech thing. In any case, he recommended that we let him carry on, if it seemed that there wasn't any need behind the tears.
_______
My special needs student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

My mom had this problem with my brother. She started giving him a bottle of water in the middle of the night instead of milk. From what she said, it took 2 nights for him to abandon the mission.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Most of the rules for shitting yourself are kind of hazy but I will say a sneeze is a very good time. I was at work once with a bit of IBS or maybe mild food poisoning but I had been to the john 5 or 6 times already that day but like a good trooper I just kept working with my ass all raw. On the final trip I was destined to make that day, I got about 10 feet from the door and had a sudden violent sneeze from the dust in the factory and something else happened that was also very violent. My boss at the time was easy to get along with but he's also the type that likes to know exactly what is wrong with you because he tends to be very good at fishing out bullshit stories as to why people want to take the rest of the day off. Needless to say, after a few seconds in his presence, he figured out the reason I needed to go home without me having to say exactly why and promptly invited me to use the phone in one of the unused offices to call my wife to come pick me up as she had my truck that day. I wouldn't tell her why to come get me, just that it was an emergency so she thought I was hurt when she arrived. She kept asking me what was wrong when she saw "the walk" and didn't figure out my dilemma until I calmly grabbed a towel I had behind the seat and put it on the seat and very carefully eased my squishy ass onto it. We didn't leave the parking lot for another 10 full minutes while she laughed so hard tears were coming out of her eyes. It's ok, though. I got my revenge at a later time but that's a story for another day.

i don't know if this falls under geriatric or illness (as in mental ones) but when i was 16 i was a cashier at a local grocery store. one day at work this old guy walked up to the counter to put his purchases down. i rang him out and he left.....curiously while he was there.....i began to smell a nasty odor....apparently he had been shitting his pants throughout the whole store and it had just been dripping down his leg.....classifications anyone????

Old age/incontinence= excusable.

There's no excuse for that. We have adult diapers and they should be worn by old incontinent geezers. How come your store didn't carry them e_d?

maybe they did but the old guy was waiting to get back to his wife to ask her to change him.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

elephant___dukey........The same thing happened in a store I worked at years ago. The shit that dripped out of the poor old man's trousers was green. One of the stock boys was called to mop it up, he thought someone had broken a jar of strained spinach. When he found out what it was he almost tossed his waffle.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I probably would have gagged more if it actually was strained spinach.

Was the mop sterilized afterwards or did they keep spreading E. Coli all over the floors??

Scuse me, ughhh, I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I've had a couple occassions that I almost shit my pants. One time my sister was driving me to the airport to catch a flight to Ft. Lauderdale to see my old highschool friends. I don't know why my tummy was acting up - was it something I ate or just nerves. Well anyway, on the way to the airport my bowels were rumbling so badly I knew I wouldn't make it to the airport or to stop somewhere off the highway, so my choices were to shit myself or have her pull over in broad daylight in rush hour traffic to relieve myself of my explosive diarrhea hoping that the onlookers coming off of 695 to I-95 couldn't see me. I am very thankful for the stack of fast food napkins she stored in the glove compartment. I made it to Ft. Lauderdale somewhat clean and had no other close calls that trip!!!

I shit in my pants a few years back, because I was caught in the center land of a 3 lane miles long traffic jam. I found out after traffic started moving that the jam was caused by an accident involving a tractor trailer and several other vehicles. The area I was stuck in had nowhere I could go without exposing myself. I held it as long as I possibly could, and then filled my pants. Ironically, there was a sign saying "Rest Area 1 Mile" staring me in the face as lost control and shit myself.

Sorry I caused that accident, and your accident, traffic shitter. I had to shit real bad myself, was trying to get my rig to the shoulder, and well, those cars were in my way.

We just had a staff meeting here at DTI about pants shitting, and we decided that pants shitting is okay on payday Fridays, but only after the sixth beer has been consumed.

Next meeting we are going to decide on when you can call in sick when you're really not.

Posty, it's ok to call in sick (when you're not) if you have sick days. Only then. Otherwise, you run into vacation days anyway and mite's well take a vacation day.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Good idea, Bran. I think I'll take a sick day tomorrow. My customers always complain when I bring them bills or junk mail anyway. Who am I to make their already dreary Monday even worse?

Postman, I'm aware now that we had a staff meeting. Why didn't anybody wake me up? When did we run out of bourbon?

Sorry, PD. Bilge was supposed to wake you, but he got sidetracked while he was out getting the hookers.

No no. It was...

(Cough*cough* ***)
Scuse me, I was gargling.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Shitting your pants while puking constitutes being sick right? I once was wasted and split a pair of shorts from a vicious Puke-Shit. It was a post BBQ blunder i never want to relive.

Gargling sperm, are ya? Brannie?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Cough***

Nonono, not me.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Not you? What is making you cough. You trying to swallow poo. Gross, Brannie!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

oh yeah riiiiiiiight.
Just chokin on the shot of bourbon.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Having a little mid-afternoon toddy with the Chief and ya didn't invite me!? No matter as I'm still at work. But I nice slow shot of a nice bourbon would be relaxing after work. Just a little tiny bit.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Ex-soldier here. God's honest truth. When behind enemy lines we were instructed ONLY to shit in our pants. If we shat on the ground, the smell might give away our position in the hot humid jungle of S Viet Nam.

ass man, thank you for serving our country - you and everyone with you - THANK YOU!

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Oh assman, how long did you have to wear shitty pants. How in the world did you get shitty pants cleaned on the frontlines. I always wondwered what soldiers did when the time to pop hit. Did you keep a raw red asss from the poo acids while in Vietnam? I have so many questions!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

When George W. Bush was elected to a second term. I believe that was a great day to shit one's pants.

I was wondering what that smell was the next day where I live. I believe all my neighbors shit their pants.

Pennsylvania News

I don't know, man. Seems to me that shit just happens, sometimes. It's a pity that only the very young, the very old, or the very disabled can crap their pants with impunity. That being said, soiling one's pants over a spider seems kinda pussified to me, but I don't think we should judge.

ass man (not verified) on 08.02.2009 said,
"Ex-soldier here. God's honest truth. When behind enemy lines we were instructed ONLY to shit in our pants. If we shat on the ground, the smell might give away our position in the hot humid jungle of S Viet Nam."

I would say that this story is a crock of shit for several reasons. I was a non-combatant during the war in Vietnam but had many friends who were engaged in jungle fighting, a few even lost their lives in the process. None of them ever mentioned being instructed to shit their pants.

Ever notice that when a baby shits it's diaper you can smell it right through the cloth? A man with his drawers full of shit would be trailing a cloud of stench that would not have taken a bloodhound to follow. I ran this past a few friends who are veterans and they laughed their asses off, they said they dug a small hole, shit in it, then covered it back up.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

ChiefThunderbutt, This morning, I locked myself out of the house. Of course I had to go so, in the woods, I dug a small hole...
then covered it back up.

Instead of shitting my pants in the wee morning hours, I went outside, dug a hole , shit in it, then covered it up.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I was taking no chances on the enemy smelling my shit. I rented a backhoe and dug a huge hole in my backyard, teetered precariously on the edge as I dropped my log, covered the hole, and resodded the lawn. I was then able to fall back asleep.

Oh shit, it was a dream.

You mean there are times when its UNacceptable to shit your pants?! Well crap there goes my weekend.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Don't give up MMC, you can always vomit on your shirt and salvage the weekend.

Just to insure that my theory is correct I have taken a massive dump in my boxers. Tomorrow I plan on going to both Kroger and Target and see if I am followed by any VC.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

i think it perfectly alright to poo yourself i actually do it all the time.

I went poo this morning in my toilet as usual. Is that wrong?
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Thats just sick, BL...keep it up and you'll find yourself banned from humanity.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

The movie is Things To Do In Denver When Youre Dead. It's one of my all time favorites.

OK, back to shameful status I go.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

No.
Wait a minute.

Anyone have Bilge's address? I have a front porch to find.
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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Brannie, Bilge lives on Poo poo Peepers Row. U. S. A.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Is that in Intercourse, PA?

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Yes, Brannie it is. Zip code 69696
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

There are numerous situations that could arise
and make shitting in one's pants totally unavoidable; for instance, being chased across the African Savannah by a rampaging herd of red eyed rogue elephants always has a bowel loosening effect on me.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

I have a half a dozen panty specimen's to send to DTI, but I can't get antbody to pick them up.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

How about I piss myself and we call it a draw.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

ok, you go first.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Here at DTI, we were planning an official guidebook on pants shitting, but that's been put on the shelf. This was supposed to be Bran Lover's and sittingpretty's project, but they're too busy playing around in France.

Just can't find good help these days.

SP, antbody has been soo busy. I have him locked up in the cellar.

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Chief, if the red-eyed rogue elephants happened to use Visine, would you still be so scared as to shit your pants? I was chased by a regular-eyed rogue elephant oncet. I didn't shit my pants. I think it was the red eyes that caused your problems.

I could be wrong...

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Chief, just splash some aftershave in those red eyes. That'll calm them down.

SP, antbody doesn't work at DTI anymore. I will send either maggotbody, or beetlebody to pick them up.

Sorry to hear about antbody, PD. I really liked him. He was a helluva guy.

Yeah, he took Chief's American Express card and charged a caramel mocha double macchiato grande latte frappaccino at Starbucks without permission. Boy was Buttstein pissed. He grabbed antbody by the thorax and almost strangled him.

Wow. I can understand Chief's fury. If it had been me, I would have pulled off his legs and just left him on the sidewalk to bake in the hot sun.

Antbody was delicious but did leave the taste of formic acid in my mouth. I look forward to tastin......er....meeting his replacement wichita grub body.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Bran Lover said, "Chief, if the red-eyed rogue elephants happened to use Visine, would you still be so scared as to shit your pants? I was chased by a regular-eyed rogue elephant oncet. I didn't shit my pants. I think it was the red eyes that caused your problems."

Actually it was the tusks that bothered me, they seemed intent on making me into a large succulent shish-kebab.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Brannie, you made that up. There is no such thing as a red-eyed rogue elephant oncet. And poor Mr. antbody. I hope he makes it. I stopped my miralax for a few days. It was a mistake as my rectum really hurt to get formed poo out this morning.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I wanna know what happened to Leechbody...I may have to call in CSI on this.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Sorry......It was an honest mistake...leechbody looked like an escargot that had been removed from its shell and when he tripped and fell into that vat of garlic butter I could not control my natural instincts.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Chief, you may be mistaken. I saw leechbody yesterday, but his cousin bloodynoseclotbody
seems to be missing.

Oh well....Que Sera, Sera....garlic butter makes anything taste good!

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

O K, Today! It's Okay to poop your pants.
Today!

I'm one step ahead of you there Frank.

I heard through the grapevine that Leechbody, Maggotbody, and Beetlebody are all going to leave DTI and start their own company.

You know what this means, PD and Chief. We'll have to crush them like the vermin they are.

I feel the need for a fishing trip arising.

br>_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Well, we're going to have to act quickly. I poured some salt on slugbody, and tore the wings off of beetlebody. They're not going anywhere now.

Does this mean I have to dispose of maggotbody?

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Man, Bear will eat anything. I bet he'd eat the asshole out of a dead rhinoceros if he was hungry enough.

I know better now. I'm not lookin at any bug videos of Chief's any more. I'm still reeling from the last one. I all ready pooped my pants today. Don't need to do that again til tomorrow.

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I'm glad you're keeping your pants pooping down to once a day there Branny. Any more than that would be considered showing off. In my book anyway.

May I see this book?
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I have his book.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Well? Are ya gonna let me see it?
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

As long as you don't mind the pooey thumb prints, sure. You can borrow it, as soon as I record my lastest poopy pants in it.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The book marker might be a bit sticky. Be careful not to tear it.

Mind if I sterilize it a bit?

On second thought, I will let Sittingpretty keep it.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

NO! No sterilizing the book. You will destroy years of DNA!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Absolutely no problem. You can keep the book. I have just developed a doggin-germaphobia. I'm getting a strange rash from touching it and I don't like it.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Does your rash look like big nipples with purple halos around it? And its all over?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Don't worry Branny, that bad case of leechee nuts I got at the Chinese buffet is healing quite well now.

Brannie, PD sounds contagious!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

I lol'd hard as shit.

Hmm. Purple halo nipples. Am I about to give birth to a litter of leechees?
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Anonymous Coward wrote: "I lol'd hard as shit."

Correction: "I lard-ass twit."

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To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

I don't even know what leechee is.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17