Taming Tremendous Turds: My Son's Massive Mounds
Editor's note: This was originally posted as a comment on Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces.
*Sigh* I can't believe there's a website on this problem. I put in a Google search for "toilet 'too small' feces," hoping to find out what to do about this problem.
My son is seventeen years old and autistic, and we just moved into a new house with new toilets that are apparently the tiny-sized ones. The FIRST day, he let out one of his giant subs in the master bathroom and flushed it; it got stuck inside. I know this is gross, but the plunger didn't work and I didn't have a toilet snake (at that time), so I had to STICK MY HAND DOWN THE CRAPPER and try to break it up and un-stick it.
And that didn't even work -- even after having my hand, up to my elbow, in the brown water!!!
So I poured in intervals a whole bottle of the toilet bowl cleaner with Teflon. And THAT didn't work, either. Then I poured about half a bottle of bleach (which was all I had left) in a few more intervals. That might have helped a little. But I kept flushing away and plunging, trying to get it down. I had never been so frustrated in my life.
I finally just left whatever bleach was in there overnight in the toilet. And then, after about two days and a few flushes and plunges, it finally went down. The feeling I had at that moment was that of being more relieved than any good shit will ever provide you in your lifetime.
The problem is that it's still happening. I went out and bought a fifty-dollar heavy-duty toilet snake, but I hate taking that sucker out of the shed every time this kid has to take a dump. I mean, if company comes, I have to go to the shed and walk in with this four-foot apparatus??? So what I'm doing now is training him to NOT put paper in after he shits, but to CALL ME from the bathroom so I can go in and assess the problem and big it is.
I had been trying to use the leftover cardboard cores from paper towels to break his turds up into smaller pieces and flush them that way. But the turds are occasionally too hard for that to work, and the cardboard gets soggy and becomes useless. I also had some long wooden BBQ skewer sticks left over the in the kitchen drawer, and I now keep them in the bathroom to jab the turd and try to break it up a little. But they're too thin and I feel the stick may break.
Yesterday I got real pissed off. I just could NOT bring myself to go through this again, so I jabbed this perfectly huge super-heavy submarine with the BBQ stick, picked it RIGHT UP OUT OF THE TOILET, put it in one of those plastic supermarket bags, tied that up, put that bag in an empty box of Premium Saltines I found on the top of the trash, and then used packing tape to close the box up. Today when I came home, I could sorta smell it in the garbage; so this trick won't work unless the next morning is garbage day.
I think the ONLY thing I can do at this point is to try to find some kind of plastic canisters real cheap. Then I can just harpoon these turds out of the toilet and secure them for transport into the trash and ultimately into the local landfill.
Who designed these toilets? Who designed the codes mandating the size of the plumbing pipes? I mean, from what you hear every day, America is getting fatter -- and they're making toilets smaller? Code enforcement needs to get with the American program!