poopreport : Techniques :


poop culture 10 (chuck)

I Am The Clogger

Posted 11.08.2007 by Push n Clog (39)
It all started when I entered high school, I think, alongside my increasingly tight schedule and ever-growing load of homework. The stress level increased. And it's medically supported that stress causes one's poo to often become compact and unusually dense.

At that point, the chronic clogging of toilets began.

So I clogged the toilet couple times. My parents were annoyed, but none of us realized the seriousness of the issue until I began to clog the toilet every time I used it. We have three bathrooms in our house, and the sense of danger struck my family when I clogged two of the three in period of three days. We called the plumber, but no one near could make it within the next four days at least.

I still remember how I was driven away to take care of my business outside. Somewhere in the bushes, it was -- me, in January, shivering in the darkness, squatting there, cursing my fate. It's something we all think back on and laugh at. Now.

I don't know what got into me since that low point, but somehow I began to consider my ability to clog all visited toilets as one of my few prides. (Except, that is, when I went over to friend's house and such -- I would often take care of my need before I left, just to be safe.) I began to keep records of my achievements. The school toilets (thrice actually -- they were average power). The toilet in Caesars Palace Hotel in Las Vegas. That toilet in Germany -- I forget the hotel name, but it was a strong toilet. I went in feeling safe that it wouldn't clog, but my bowels did not fail me.

Clogged.

My favorite one was the strongest toilet I've ever clogged: the triple jet-powered medium/large flush toilet of Hilton Hotel in Seoul Korea.

The jets didn't do it, the flush didn't do it, the pipeline couldn't take it.

Clogged.

Proud and stuck.

To this day, the Hilton power toilet remains my most awesome cloggation ever.

But now I was just wondering: is it abnormal to be clogging so often? Really, I don't suppose it's entirely normal to produce such dense results every time. Sometimes it worries me, slightly.

But as long as I'm still walking the path of cloggation, I will test my ability on toilets worldwide.

daphne (4391) -- 11.08.2007

If it was normal, society would have more powerful toilets with larger outlet areas to address the norm of poop size. No, it is not normal, but it might be more common than you think. Many people who come here look for others like them - big poopers, others suffering from itchy ass cracks, fellow leaky-butt sufferers - and find they are a part of a small, hidden society. You might be one of those people. Use the search feature on the front page and have a look around.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Thunderbox (1357) -- 11.08.2007

Maybe you have an unusually slack ringpiece, combined with a very flexible colon and an overhealthy appetite...

...just a thought.

The Thunderous ... (741) -- 11.08.2007

I am assuming these dumps are MAMMOTH in size forget the density crapola. I mean come on do you mean to tell me if you switched to a four or five inch service coming out of your toilet it would still clog??!! I dont know if I believe this guy or not. If its true then simply find a bigger service for your toilet to me that would be the solution. Anyone?
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

daphne (4391) -- 11.08.2007

Thunderous, last night I was thinking that he should buy one of those collapsible extendable metal pointers that college professors use on the blackboard or overhead screen and get a plastic case for it. Poop, flick that thing open, break up poop, rinse if off, and close it again.

Then I thought "what the hell's wrong with you daphne?"


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Plunder (27) -- 11.08.2007

Push n clog I get your drift, great story. I, too, have clogged my share of industrial super-flushers.

Everyone, it's not paper-related. Whatever unholy affliction causes these titanic turds RARELY requires more than 1 half-assed token wipe and the paper always comes out snow white.

It's the girth and the density. Imagine flushing a cabbage patch toy; no matter the flush velocity the plastic head doesn't compress it just wedges in there...

prarie doggin (3866) -- 11.10.2007

One of those battery powered stick blenders would work. It would have to be put into dedicated service however. I have also heard of a thing called a "macerater toilet". I dont know much about them, but i think one of them would git er done.

mdoggie (not verified) -- 11.14.2007

today i took a shit and i had a tad of bloood on it .. what should i do

Deja Poo (966) -- 11.14.2007

You should stop engaging in anal sex, mdoggie.

(Get thee to an MD, md.)
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

2girls1cup (not verified) -- 11.14.2007

This site cracks me up. Funny stuff. And if you crap big enough to clog power flushers, then you are a greater man than I. I crap 2-3 times a day so it's rare to build up enough nuclear material to create a bomb of toilet-clogging proportions.

pyrotechnics (6) -- 11.15.2007

I have a toilet that no man, nor beast can clog. The gerber ultra flush 312. tag teamed with a usa bidet. Thats a fucking toilet.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 11.26.2007

I went through a phase where i clogged the toilet so often my mother would start yelling while i was in the bathroom to flush half way through my poop so as not to clog the toilet, i said we needed one with more power

Loafinator (not verified) -- 11.26.2007

I've too have been clogging toilets since I was a preteen. Folks used to think it was too much paper, but twas the size of my bark. Now that I'm a homeowner and know mortal toilets will fail, I bought an American Champion 4260 which touts, "Throw away your plunger" and am proud to report I've only needed to use my rubber stick twice in over 3 years, with those episodes categorized as "light plunger work".
Just curious to know if there's a medical name for my condition. All you who suffer/enjoy the same condition have any ideas?

Didnteatcorndidntseeiteither (not verified) -- 11.26.2007

Ever since I was little, Ive always had massive turds. Each one more painful and intimidating than the next. Every trip to the bathroom that involves #2 requires AT LEAST a half hour of dedicated patience and control, in order to push past the pain, and push out the shit. Its a hectic life when you shit once every week or so.

Steven23 (not verified) -- 11.27.2007

Didnteatcorndidntseeiteither, you hit that right on the money, you sound like my clone. Just now I spent 50 minutes in the Bathroom getting up enough courage to push the pain away. I poop about every 2 days because if I wait any longer i'll have to get painkillers lol. I plug toilets all the time, in fact, I have a dedicated plunger just for the pot that I use. I'm not sure why I have such big and tender logs but they hurt! Also, this is kinda gross but every once in awhile, there will be like peanuts or something in the poop and it will scratch my butthole, it hurts!

Wow...Poop (not verified) -- 11.28.2007

I was just watching south park... the one where kyle's dad craps out a human size turd... and i decided to look and see if there was a record, and it led me to here.... and I have had some pretty big turds some that i had to flush about 4 or 5 times to go down.... what consitutes as a clog? and wut the heck are you people eating as to make this such a consistancy?

Squat and Pop (not verified) -- 12.05.2007

Eating some Taco Bueno loosens even my densest poops, but then again, I've only managed to clog a toilet with paper. I know because it took forever to wipe off that sludge.

phatmanxxl (514) -- 12.05.2007

I envy you guys, I never clogged a can with a titanic gigantic. I'm more of a toilet snake pooper.

Anonymous Poopette (not verified) -- 12.11.2007

I'm a chick and I have to admit I've clogged up my share of toilets, enough that each time I poop, I say a prayer that it goes down the pipe without a hitch. I don't know what it is, sometimes I poop out the most amazing logs! Like, seriously, 9 or 10 inches long, unbroken.. so amazing that I kind of wish I could show people.

I recently stayed in a so-called upscale hotel in NYC that had the worst toilet ever, it apparently detested me and would clog up at the slightest suggestion of a poop. Being a Shameful Shitter, I panicked the first time it happened.. I couldn't imagine the humiliation of having to call down to the front desk for a plunger, that my suitemates would know just how undainty of a flower I am.. so I reached in and managed to plunge the toilet with my cupped hands. Thank God it worked (and yes, I thoroughly and repeatedly washed my hands and arms)!

Baking Brownies (not verified) -- 01.14.2008

I've plugged a few, but never an industrial strength one. That's very impressive! Do you eat cement or something?

Last time I did this was after I spent a month in Albequerque. When I got home (without the daily trip to the all you can eat mexican restaurant), I was just bound up something fierce. I had to go out and buy some beans and habanero sauce to get things jump started.

Let me tell you that fella looked like the Loch Ness monster complete with a head sticking out of the top of the water. It probably would have gone down if it hadn't folded in half, but there was no way that titan was going down without a plunger and minimum 4 flushes.

I love the cleaning lady but she hates me (not verified) -- 01.31.2008

I always have terrible pain when I poop, and it always comes out eventually, but I always clog the toilet. Even with just one turd. I even tried pooping into a running flush, and that didn't work either. I need a toilet that can handle something one size larger than what this one does...I'm all pooped out! :(

pooking (not verified) -- 02.29.2008

You fellers need to ear more fiber, lest you end up with ass-cancer. Pooping less than a few times a day is a badddd sign. Keep those bowels pumpin', and the toilets will keep flushin' too

prarie doggin (3866) -- 02.29.2008

Weee doggies, Jethro. Just no poopin in the
ceee-ment pond.

Frank2401 (204) -- 02.29.2008

I have rarely clogged a toilet, mostly because I used too much paper.
Prarie, if us fellers ear more fiber like pooking suggested, how will we be able to hear if the toilet flushes properly?

baron von crapalot (649) -- 02.29.2008


I once (twice actually) had a burst stomach ulcer. Upon investigation by endoscope, I punched the camera inserter!, The net result was a Barium meal followed by X-ray. About 24 hours later, the Barium, which I now understand to be some sort of heavy metal, Vacated. I was staying at my mothers at the time, so in her can it was deposited.

The very act of pushing that puppy out, left me exausted, so I went straight to bed.

My mother came home, went into the bathroom, and awoke me with a distant scream.

This 'thing' was curled up just before the u-bend, and It actually did look like a block of concrete. It was awfull, and It lay there for days, gradually backing up the toilet. The only solution was to beat the crap out of it with a wooden rolling pin._______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 02.29.2008

Sorry Frank, I didn't hear you. My ears were full of raisin bran.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 02.29.2008

BVC, let me know, next time I'll send Mrs. PD over. She's good at beating the crap out of things with a rolling pin.

baron von crapalot (649) -- 03.01.2008


Really? well thanks for the offer, it's such a relief to know that I have that help available to me. One question though, how much?

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Bilgepump (2747) -- 03.01.2008

For the (to quote our long lost Stripper Poop) "sweet sweet opportunity", BVC, I will volunteer to do it for free. In fact, I won't use a measly rolling pin, but a double walled titanium softball bat, or, in recognition of your nationality, a cricket bat.

baron von crapalot (649) -- 03.01.2008


The compassion, the offers of help, the hole shitting match is overwhelming. I love you all, you are so supportive. Are any of you single? *tear running down cheek*

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Sir Clogs-a-lot (not verified) -- 03.14.2008

I must say I am impressed. I usually only have those monsters at certain times, like on vacation. I don't know if it is the change in diet or the pressure from airplanes or what, but last summer I deposited a 10 inch colon boa in the Vatican museum toilet. I flushed and expected the worst as a crowd of Germans waited outside. The water began to rise and I was planning my escape. Then miraculously (this is the Vatican after all) just as the water was about to reach the top, it receded as though Moses commanded. But the stench was morgue like. Luckily I got out of that one.

baron von crapalot (649) -- 03.29.2008


I was told by a member of staff at 'Under Sea World' that things in water appear 33% smaller thaan they actually are, so your 10 incher , Sir CAL, would most likely have been closer to 14 inch.

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

sittingpretty (2317) -- 03.29.2008

My father used to make me cut up my baby brother's cloggin loggins with a coat hanger. I couldn't get a slice in edgewise as the log kept rolling like an alligater with its kill. A butter knife worked better. It was gross. My brother should have been made to chop his own clog log. He was 9 or 10 and old enough to handle a butter knife.

prarie doggin (3866) -- 03.29.2008

Sittingpretty, the technique you used was all wrong. First you need to hold it with a pair of tongs. Like a fine prime rib, you do not want to pierce it lest the juices run out. Next a good carving knife is to be used, taking a full blade slice, while not putting too much downward pressure on the..er..meat. Carving it into uniform slices, on a slight bias will ensure maximum surface area, and a most enjoyable flush. I hope this was of help to you.

Hum bunger (108) -- 03.29.2008

SP - the faeces butcher.

Fighting someone else's crap is never pleasant. One of my in-laws once filled our toilet with an army of dense pebble poo that got stuck in the neck of the toilet. After they defeated the plunger and the plumbers snake our neighbor and I unbolted the toilet and took it outside. Eventually we knocked 'em out by flipping it upside down and using the garden hose.

Prarie doggin is right. Tong the turd, don't fork it.

fartqueen (54) -- 05.03.2008

well well clogging up the bowl eh? my friend when i was lil tike she always was clogging the toilet so her mom started chopping up her terds w/a yardstick before she could flush....we're talking terds the size of a whole salami! YIKES OUCH! :(

MSG (1142) -- 05.03.2008

I think I have turd envy. I have had some lollapaloozers in my time, but never thick enough to clog a toilet. I have seen some cloggers, though--every once in a while I walk into a mall toilet and see a monster still blocking the exit; I know enough not to flush.

jayhill (20) -- 06.17.2008

Never really clogged the toilet (I'll try harder!) but do sometimes have a turd big enough that I have to flush two or three times. About size, I've noticed that when I'm on a hunting trip and squat to shit it usually comes out as one very big log. And I think I bet that baby would clog something.

heathenrider (not verified) -- 07.11.2008

By judging how often you clog toilets and the how powerful they are supposed to be, you must have gargantuan logs.

How often to you poop? How big are they?
I bet if the pipe was bigger your craps would flush themselves

Nutscloggedmybutt (not verified) -- 08.07.2008

I just got out of the bathroom and I feel like I was raped, 1 1/2 feet by at least 3.5 inches DIAMETER not around. But I think I figured out whats causing these brown buttpluggs, I had another one about 2 weeks ago and thinking back I had eaten about 1/2 a jar of cashews, 5 days ago I finished the jar. I know this aint scientifical or anything but, it's safe to say my love affair with the honey roasted goodness is over! OWWW! :(

hockyoligist (14) -- 09.05.2008


_______
rodehardputupwet Years ago I had a tee shirt that had old saying for plumbers on back "your shit is my bread and butter""

Girls dont poop! (not verified) -- 10.09.2008

I feel for you man. I am a lady and I would say I clog the toilet about 50% of the time. I am horribly embarrassed about it. I tell my husband that ladies dont poop, but there have been a few times a "ghost" clogged the toilet and he had to clear it up (my plunging abilities weren't enough). There were times when we first lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and I had to hide plastic knives so I could chop my logs up if they looked threatening enough to clog. Now a days I am getting pretty good with a plunger, we keep one in every bathroom.

And to some of you and your comments...I have gone to a GI doctor and she said that this is and can be normal. Pooping lots only once a week or so. And I do eat lots of fiber...fiber cereal, lots of veggies, etc. Just some of you are blessed with the frequent poops...consider yourselves lucky not to have the evil spirit of sir cloggy following you around. As for me, I plan on one day soon investing in an industrial flusher.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.16.2009

To not clog toilets you could flush as you take your poop. Basically in flush 2-5 times in one sitting.

ChiefThunderbutt (2712) -- 04.16.2009

Shame on you AC...the world has a severe shortage of potable water. The yearly deaths of many children are attributed to no access to a source of fresh water, and yet you use what could be enough water to guarantee good health for many to dispose of a turd.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 04.29.2009

I know exactly how you feel! I'm female and i clog the toilet about 25% of the time. Once school gets out I'm going to start taking metamucil only because i don't want to be farting like crazy at school!

sittingpretty (2317) -- 04.29.2009

Lol Lol. there is some funny stuff hea! I don't own a pear of tongs. Oh yeah back then in the '70's, we has those hotdog tongs. I don't recall considering them. My brother would have a fit if I asked him if he still clogges the toilet with monstrosities.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 06.01.2009

i poop alot and never clogged the toilet
guesses im blessed

Kyle the mega shitter (not verified) -- 08.27.2009

omg there are others?! I finally found some other people! I don't have frequent shits and when i do they are very painful and they clog every time. I didn't really realize how different I was until I took a dump at my friends house. I am 14 and when they saw the dump they were shocked they thought I masterbate my butthole. They said it was the size of a squirrel or small cat. I don't know what this rare talent is but I wish I didn't have to deal with all the pain. Please help - giant shitter

sittingpretty (2317) -- 08.28.2009

Just because you dumped at your friend's house doesn't mean you have to show your friend your deposit, does it?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Post new comment



Prove you're not a spambot: what bodily function is this site about? Four letters, begins with p...

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.

*

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
20,000 character limit / Flood control: 60 seconds between comments and no more than 10 comments per hour

JOAP drip 3



About PoopReport | Advertise! | The PoopReport Press Room | Report Your Poop | Contact Dave
Copyright 2000-2009 by PoopReport.com. All content is meant to entertain, not offend. Hope you enjoyed it.