Editor's Note: This comment appeared a few days ago on the article Zen And The Art Of Stall Picking. I felt it provided
an excellent voice -- a perspective we PoopReporters don't often get to hear. Troy! It sounds like you have stories to tell! Please share!
You sissies in North America are so pampered with your choices in shitting at work or
in public establishments! Having lived and worked in Asia for the last 3 years I have
my share of shit stories, anything from shitting on a mountain above the vegetation
line, to shitting in a jungle while being eaten alive by mosquitos, to shitting on a
sidewalk in Shanghai after eating some bad pig intestine, to having to wipe my ass with
my LEFT hand and a bucket of water while shitting in a hole all while wearing a $2000
suit and with some "mystery liquid" dripping down from the pipes above in stall in
Indonesia, to shitting in the old Beijing airport where you squat and there is a trough
that allows you to see what the person to the right of you is producing as it slides by
underneath you.
The point of this is that we have so many more issues when presented with a stall
decision, assuming we are lucky enough to find a stall and have a decision in the first
place!
The primary additional concerns we have here are:
- Does the damn thing have toilet paper
- Is the damn thing infested with cobras, cockroaches, mosquitos or other potentially ass-biting varmint
- Is it a "squatter" (i.e. hole in the ground) or a proper sit down type
- If a proper throne, does it have footprints on the seat? (yes the indigenous people generally prefer the hole in the ground style and if forced to use a proper throne will often stand on the rim and use it like a squatter. Someone should go around waxing the seats to deter this behaviour!)
- Will the stench kill you within the 10 minutes it will take you to accomplish the task
- Is any of the stall grafitti in english or language understandable by you
- In Japan - what damn button is for flush and which one will shoot 150° water up my bunghole
- Can it support my weight
- Is the floor in there dry enough so that i wont slip while wearing my Bruno Magli shoes and end up giving myself a Shabu Shabu Swirlie after falling headlong into the cesspool
- Is it acoustically isolated enough to muffle my whimpering in agony while shitting out the Balinese chillis I consumed the evening prior
- Are the separating walls tall enough to prevent the idiot in the next stall, who is undoubtedly standing on the seat, being able to look over and see me
- Is it likely to fall over in a slight earthquake or be towed away during use
- What vaieties of mold/mildew/fungi are present
- What color water comes out of the hose/is in the bucket that you will have to use to do the cleaning up
- And last but not least, does it have toilet paper!!! I know it is a repeat but I can't stress enough the scarcity of paper in Asia. Gold leaf is more common than ass napkins!
-- Troy
