The camera might work in the women's room, where no one's going to be caught on tape dangling his wanker over a urinal, but...

Although I am shameless & curious & totally unembarrased in the whole shit thing, I believe turd terrorism as it's being called is just that...Terrorism....If I had to use a men's room with crap all over the walls, I think I would walk out..if it were a downright emergency, perhaps I would hike outside & find a "suitable" place to squat such as the back alley, etc.

As far as catching the guy, surveillance cameras would be totally unacceptable in that situation..the library did what they felt they HAD to do..although I agree, having a key to sign in & out might be a better way to go, and perhaps be a little less nerve wracking for the shameful.

I just don't think the surveillance camera in the bathroom would work, though, TSV. There would be complaints from nearly everyone about privacy. I would imagine the only place a camera of that type would be considered acceptable would be a hospital.

Oops! Looks like H R Poopnsquirt was the one who came up with the "outlaw toilet paper" line.
Sorry about that, H R! We must give credit where credit is due on PR.

Right you are, Wiper.

My bad.

I agree with C. Everrett's post about putting a camera in the bathroom and catching the perv. That way he doesn't just move on to another bathroom. He can be arrested for this kind of vandalism and put away for a while.

I agree, daph. That line from Mike Reynolds is a great one! Kudos, man!

To: Poop Is My Friend. If someone is so Shameful that they have problems signing and asking for a restroom key, then they issues above and beyond normal privacy and anonymity expectations, I'm afraid. I agree with Dave-O that checking out TP with a library card would be stressful for a very modest person, but I have trouble wrapping my brain around the concept of not wanting others under any circumstances to know you have to use the bathroom in any way shape or form.

I realize that I am a Shameless person, and I must at all times respect differences in bathroom habits among the general population, but there are degrees of Shamefulness out there that no public use policy could ever accommodate. There are people who are nearly phobic about bodily functions, and I don't envy them in the least.

What I think the Decatur, Alabama, story illustrates most of all, though, is how wide-ranging an effect turd terrorism can have on all types of bathroom users--Shameless and Shameful alike. Their uncouth activities make going to the bathroom a much bigger deal than it should be for everybody, turning it into the possible focus of a visit to a public building, rather than an incidental item.

Mike Reyolds wrote,
"When toilet paper is outlawed, only outlaws will have toilet paper!"

That's funny. And true!

I have to agree that I would bring my own paper, and I agree that the Big Wiper's idea of signing for the bathroom key is the best way to handle it.

Very good reporting, there, Wiper. Always ready to take up the cause of a good, healthy dump un-sullied by idiots, and by God, you still make the presentation well. It's kind of Clark Kenty.

Being concerned about Shameful vs. Shameless, you asked whether people were embarassed. She assured you that no one has expressed any issues. Well, of course not. The Shameful among us, those poor meek pooping bookworms, are too embarrased to ask for toilet paper! they're too embarassed to complain about the policy! They are oppressed, suffering in silence!

As PoopReporters, I think we should be AGAINST this policy... it punishes the innocent way too harshly. Shameful Shitters want to use the toilet in privacy AND anonymity.

I don't know what a better solution is, though.

I could see any terrorist getting his own back by going in with his own paper and stuffing down the bowl. Reminds me of a hobby a friend of mine had a university some twenty years ago. He'd stuff the end of one of those insustrial dispenser rolls down the u-bend and flush. The water would unroll the whole dispenser and clog the toilet up for a week. Funnily enough I work in the very same university today, not that I'd do anything of the sort of course. ;-)

That's ridiculous... Down with the Toilet Paper Nazis!

First Post Doesn't rule... anymore... :(

Their solution worked, though. I'm sure they got tired of cleaning smeared shit off the walls. Turd terrorism alters the social equation every time, as I wrote.

I would have installed a video camera and put that guy's picture in the local paper with a caption "library shit smearer" under it. I'm sure his friends and family would take care of the rest. What an asshole.

Man, I would still pull some pranks. I would take a roll in with me and take the tube out, come out tube in hand and request another. When questioned I'd say "Taco Bell last night" (putting hand on stomach). I'd keep pushing it 'til they refused me.

Ya know, someone could just take a roll in without asking for one. They didn't lock the door or anything. And it didn't seem that they'd card you for simply using it. This terrorist wasn't very smart.

C. Everett: I agree that that would be an ideal solution, but let me assure you that public libraries in this country are notoriously underfunded and have to watch every penny they spend. A small-town library just wouldn't have the money to even consider something like this. Plus, the lack of privacy issue alone would get them in serious trouble legally, I believe. I know you can have surveillance cameras in parking lots, elevators, hallways and entranceways, but I'm just not sure what the legal opinion on bathrooms is. Perhaps someone out there knows for sure.

The downside to all of this is that that particular turd terrorist will likely find another place to patronize, now that the library is off-limits. If he keeps it up, I can't imagine that he will eventually be caught shit-handed.

Holy Shitter: Even when you put "first post" in your first post in a negative sense, it's still uncool. You're thumbing your nose at "first post" etiquette. Nobody cares that you spend all morning hitting reload until a new Report appears. Nevertheless, perhaps the fact that you realize it isn't cool is the first step to your recovery.

Now as to the issue of the library poop tickets....Wouldn't someone that had just spent the time necesary to stop up the toilet, then haul out their dook and start painting reek to high heaven? I'd think the horrible stench following some guy with fudgy fingers as he exits the loo would mark his as a turdorist.

Also, what Turd Burglar said about the bad guy bringing in his own rolls makes me think:

"When toilet paper is outlawed, only outlaws will have toilet paper!"

I'd have grabbed a copy of any Rush Limbaugh book and used that to wipe instead.

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the
final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold
and are not clothed.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Mike, that's a very bad idea. Think of all the sweaty, meaty, redneck hands that had probably held that book before you. Think about your typical dittohead, and then ask, "Would I clean my bum with paper besmirched by their nasty hands?" I think not.

Besides, from personal experience, I can tell you that wiping with book pages is not, as Martha Stewart would say, a Good Thing. Once I found myself in an uncomortable situation. I'd just pinched a loaf--a messy one--and discovered the stall was out of toilet paper (what I'd thought was a large roll was some horrible nonstandard thing with a large-diameter tube and only one inconsequential sheet).

Fortunately, a couple of hours earlier a Gideon had accosted me on the street and forced one of those little Bibles on me. I still had it in my pocket. I figured Jebus would forgive me. But alas, despite the Christian nature of the text, there was a karmic surprise in store for me. The ripped, wadded pages, although they did a fine job initially cleaning my nether region, ultimately delivered a series of unholy paper cuts to an area one doesn't normally find paper cuts (or wish them). To make matters worse, I'd recently had a Taco Bell meal. Yup, I spent the next day pooping in excruciating agony.

The moral: (1) I'm going to hell. (2) Don't wipe your ass with book pages.

Turd Ferguson: 1) Good News: God has a sense of humour, he's not going to cast your soul to Hell just because you wiped with a page from the bible. Bad News: You're probably going to Hell for something else you've done instead. 2) You're right about those filty redneck dittohead hands. Wiping with any book is probably a bad idea. 3) You are the funniest guy on these boards. You are my new hero. Cheers!

Mike--You're right. I'm probably going to hell for that time I violated that hooker with a crucifix whilst a German midget in high-heel boots pranced around her, urinating on her and chanting "house on fire, put it out!" I dunno, for some reason I have a history of inappropriate orifice insertions of major religious icons. I don't even want to talk about what has now become known as the "Koran Incident".

On the other hand, I could be going to hell for the time I pooped in the flugelhorns at band camp. Either way, it spells a fiery doom for Mr. Ferguson.

Oh, and regarding the library issue: The poop-smearing guy is just the sort that "ruins it for everyone." If you're going to smear your poop, please do it in the privacy of your own home. No, wait. Don't do it there either.

Dave-O: I think I do have a better solution in regard to your points about the Shameful having embarrassment issues with the checkout TP policy.
If I had thought about it at the time, perhaps I should have suggested it to the Wheeler Basin Library staff.

Some libraries with ongoing bathroom cleanliness/vandalism issues lock their facilities and keep the keys at the front desk. Anyone using the bathroom (male or female) has to sign for the keys on a sheet and note the time as well. Under this arrangement, the front desk clerk does not know whether the patron is going in to pee, poop, apply makeup, blow their nose or what. This preserves a measure of privacy for the patron but also gives the library a record of who was in there and at what time of day should some vandalism occur.

Wiper, they would still not do it, as the clerk would know they're deucing if they took too long.

The perfect solution would be to have a mag-strip on the back of the library card that you swipe at the bathroom door to allow access. Of course that's extremely cost-prohibitive. Unfortunately, I can't think of any ideas not using human intervention which would embarrass the shameful.

It depends on where you put the camera. Don't put it in the stall or in front of the urinal. But there is a way to place it just outside the stall doors. The camera would have a timeline and you could line this up with whoever was in the stall when the mess went down.

Of course a library doesn't have the kind of funding to install the camera or do the surveilance so it probably is not a plausable method.

The other idea would be the paint method, like banks do to track down robbers. Only this time the paint would be for people with shit on their hands. Then again, that would zap every poor sap who decided not to wash his hands.

That CSI crew could prolly come up with somethin', don'tcha think?

CSI: Decatur. Coming next fall. Ha ha ha!!!

Jeebus H Cripes!
I have witnessed that kind of turd terror when working in a grocery store back in 2000. What the unfortunate soul would have to do is put on sanatary gloves that were reserved for some other task, then pull the TP out.
We never had any shitsmears, though.

You're lucky. I used to like playing at Mom's college in the afternoons. Then a damn shit smearer showed up and I had to stay home. I feel sorry for the poor kid who had to scrub all that shit off the wall.

FACTOID: Believe it or not, slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama. Maybe this turd terrorist jackass should be sold into slavery.

Yeah, cleaning toilets for the library.

I'm very conscientious, so, if I checked out the toilet paper, I'd be sure and return it as soon as i was done- before it even has a chance to dry!

Man....in the early 90's, before the internet, I used to spend lots of time in libraries. I always seem to get a good case of the farts when in a library (what fun!)- and the library was one place where i would almost always seem to have to use the restroom (for #1). Once, I had the restroom to myself- was pissing away at the urinal- and a really loud and long fart started spewing from my poop-chute.....just as somebody else walked in to use the john! -There I am, standing there with piss pouring out the front of me, and gas pouring out the back. The hapless patron did an about face, and left!

It was great!

Okay, nasty. I live in Michigan, and there is a Meijers nearby where a woman did that once, smeared poop on the wall outside of the bathroom...She got kicked out and the staff had to clean it...I would quit if I were in that position.

I know this story is old and most likely no one will read this, but, Around my town there have been odd occurences like that, (I also live in a southern state) and I would just like to say..... DAMN YOU POOP SMEARER GRRR!!!!

This is totally unexceptable! The toilet paper Nazi is a horrible nightmare for those that suffer with IBS... when you have to go... you have to go..

I read this story and wept for the future of this country. There should be sanctified establishments whereby liberties for one are all are enjoyed alike by one and all. The library--a welcomed bastion of civility, hgiher education and a place of refuge from the ravages of illiteracy.

You told the story with a sense of humor, TBW. But it still left me with a sense of longing of kinder, gentler days past.

Bunghole In The...I have to agree with you that there is a coarse, X-rated quality to areas of contemporary life which makes me shudder. There are some things that just shouldn't be happening--but are, unfortunately.

At my core, I'm a very old-fashioned, conservative person who recoils at many of the excesses of modern culture, as well as a long-time user and admirer of libraries. They are much-overlooked, underfunded and under-appreciated community educational resources that have to fight for every penny they get.

Sad to think they have to put up with shitty shenanigans like this!

TBW, I still enjoy going to my local branch every few weeks. I have never had to use the bathroom, but have seen the key for it behind the desk. That's how this particular branch deals with bathroom visits. Your story brought up memories of my hometown library. It was in a sweet little old house and very small when I was in 6th grade. As time went along our little town grew and so did the library. I would go there after school,get my homework done,pick books,get advise from the library ladies and then my Dad would pick me up on his way home. I bet there are not many like this left.
Producing waste since 1967