Beautiful story...I alughed, I cried, I shat myself...bravo PP well done!!!

G R E A T poop report!

I need to find a brown "ribbon" magnet to put on my car, that says "I support our troops poops" :-)

Thanks for serving our country in the military!

Piece out!
Crapola

Yeah, my first foray in enemy territory involved a squatter in France. I dropped my sunglasses in there accidentally....GONE forever!

Wonderfully done soldier! I laughed numerous times throughout the story. Damn European countries, with their noses in the air. Screw 'em! You did something that many red-blooded Americans have thought about doing for centuries. Mission Accomplished.

At ease, soldier.

Outstanding sea story shipmate. I did my midshipman cruise on Ike back in '86 but was always a west coast carrier sailor. I would crap all over Europe and every latte sipping, clove smoking, wire rim glasses wearing, America hating punk on that continent if I could. I spent my life crapping in unisex squat holes in Asia. Anchors away!

Not all us Europeans have squatters. I find them as repulsive as the rest of you. My tip if you are liable to encounter such a device is take your own TP as they rarely seem to supply their own. And hope you have a srtong stomach, the stench can be churning

That's insane. It must be difficult to shit in a hole like that. I guess the Europeans don't like to sit and relax while dumping.... They don't know what they are missing.

One of the best stories yet. Europe seems full of weirdos.

Not a bad story, but don't diss the Europeans. Most of them are more sophisticated than we are.

Supposedly conditions are worse in Ukraine. There are like 3-walled stalls on sidewalks. And there is no porcelain platform, it is just a hole in the ground. Consider yourself lucky. Nonetheless, that had to be difficult. I would have screamed at the woman, though. That would have made her feel embarassed. :) Toodles, my friend.

Awesome story. Golden Buns, there aint nothing sophisticated about having to crap in a hole. The only advantage i can see is that maybe you wont get crabs.

call me dip stick but why did the lady scream?

I rarely talk shit; but seriously, you're in Europe, the land of great beer, food, and scenery, and you'd rather guzzle piss-in-a-bottle Budweiser and chomp on a greaseburger? Closed-mindedness at its worst. And you weren't "impressed" by the Old World charm? I think it beats the generic strip-mall-and-Arby's middle America any day.

Go choke yourself, swabbie. And not on a cock.

Is this what you found???

http://www.strangepersons.com/content/item/108076.html

If so...UGH! What's the matter with the Euro's? Has European Union mania caught them in such a frenzy that they can no longer appreciate the dignity of a personal, porcelin throne?

My my, never heard of EXPRESSO, have we? That is what you were drinking. EXPRESSO.

Damn, I posted too late... I wonder if anyone will actually ever see this -
http://artpad.art.com/?iiiv5q11g30o

Eurotrash, I think you'll find it's actually called Espresso

I've never seen a "platform" john in my travels through Europe. Always nice, clean toilets.
Nice drawing, MegaDump.

Great story, seadog and nice artwork, Mega. So much creativity here . . . wonder why?

And yes, many people say EXPRESSO but it's wrong. If in doubt about a word, I find it's always much better to simply be descriptive as PP was: "give me some of that thick sludge Coffee served in a tiny little cup".

You'll be served an espresso without fail.

Similar horrors exist in Japan, and you have to buy your own tp from a machine out front BEFORE you go in.

Every time I hear someone say "expresso" or spell it, I think, for some stupid reason, of breastmilk. I think it was all those damned pregnancy books I read when I was expecting, and the author would refer to expressing your milk. It's a weird correlation, but it's one of those things I think every one of us has done with one word or another.

This story was pretty funny. I can't help but think that if this woman walked in on you, and she was a native, then walking in on people would have happened alot in that bathroom. But I have to agree with a poster above us, if you're in Europe, like I was, you want to take advantage of the local cuisine.

Haven't anyone learnt"In Rome, do what the Romans do" Squat toilet is still a big part of rural Italian and French life. Even In Paris, I have encountered such things. WHen nature calls, you release whichever way possible.

Patriotic Pooper: Consider youself VERY lucky. Most public toilets have no TP, even in restaurants and cafes.

Actually, Euro Trash, I'm pretty sure I was describing cappuccino, not espresso.

And Stench, if a preference for cold Budweiser over warm Guinness, or a cheesburger over raw fish eggs makes me a neanderthal, then color me bent over, hairy and grunting!

Seriously though, my intent was not turn a light-hearted forum into a trans-Atlantic insult swap. For the record, there are many neat things to see in Europe. I just happen to be a picky eater. Furthermore, I will not apologize for an ultimate preference of Middle America (oh the horror!) over the claustrophic hustle-bustle of European port cities.

MegaDump -- wow!

I was in Europe about 5 years ago.I was in Amsterdam,Brussels,and London.I only remember facilities similar to ours.I wonder if conditions like you experienced inspired Elvis Costello to write "My Aim is True".Thank you for your service.

Recently, I have heard so dissent over the EU system. England claims to put in more than France and gets less out...

Whatever, I doubt there is any system that works 100%.

Thanx for the great After Action Report. We used to call a trip to them furnishings: "Ski Jumps".

Consider yourself lucky not to have had a dreaded case of "The Istambul Intestines", while on a Turkish Train. The whole WC is shimming and shaking as it races down the track and you have to blow last night's stuffed mussels. Talk about Collateral Damage!!!

Or in a bus stop in Morrocco, and having to unload a Tagier Tantrum on a Ski Jump with dozens of horse flies circling on a holding pattern at just about two feet of the ground... exaclty where your head goes into when assuming the unloading position.

You are a brave man. I actually thought the screaming woman was funny, but then again, I wasn't the one in the terrible situation of no door locks. It'd serve those guys right if the pot was a mess for not having enough tp on hand.

Patriot...count your blessings.

My mother found herself having to take an urgent emergency dump in Paris. The only available crapper was a squat toilet and poor Mom had to cope with it on a day when she was wearing skirts and panty hose.

I think there was TP--I'd have heard from her if there hadn't been.

Patriot..here's a tip. If your ship ever comes to San Francisco, and you crave a serious hamburger, there is a place that makes a huge, kick-ass burger for just $5.00 Only catch is, its on Tuesdays from 11:30 AM to about 2 pm or as long as the meat lasts.

You go to Rosamunde's Sausage Grill on Divisidero between Fillmore and Pierce Streets. The 7, the 6 or the 71 bus will take you there from Market Street. Get there by 11 am because the line starts to form early.

The hamburgers are huge, with big patties of rare meat on a nice bun with bit of onion, melted American cheese, pickle and lettuce and tomato. If you want mustard you can specify it. The burger is huge.

If you cant get there on Tuesdays, Rosumundes grills fabulous sausage sandwiches and the Toranado pub is next door--Zillions of different kinds of beer there. Or, you can go further down the street to Memphis Minnie's for barbeque.

I found it funny reading this one I moved to the other side of pond. I had same thoughts first time I seen one, before italy I lived in Germany which has always had the standard in places I've been, they always seemed ahead of times in comparison. luckly I only needed to take number 1 at this time generaly this is what these are used for one should only No. 2 in extreme emergencies lol. But this very thought overcame me after I return to my table drinking a beer from Belgium called Ename. Good drinking beer not that 3~5% like back in states 8.5% alc here.

The bathroom was either italy or france by the sounds and beings port somewhere south most likely with a aircraft carrier, if italy the south has always been behind from northern part. All new or remoddled establishments have the standard throne. Far as food you needed to go for pasta dishes if was italy(fish eggs I find disgusting), Lunch is big meal of day and lunch meats are exceptional in fresh bread. Breakfast italians can't say for french, don't eat the big breakfasts. Here in italy breakfast consist of cafe latte, cuppucinno or espresso and briosch(small cake like thing). The new sounds and surrounding are little disorienting at first once get past that starts to feel natural and it's enjoyable to explore and experience the new things(P.S. culture shock).......

Despite Patriotic Pooper's obvious contempt for Europe and European ways, Europe is a vey civilised place, with excellent food specific to the country, delicious and well served in most cases. France, Italy and Belgium (if you don't object to horsemeat) are particular favourites of mine. Greek food is excellent in every way. In my opinion Germany is not so good, although I have eaten regularly in Bavaria and occasionally elsewhere in the "Fatherland". I think it is price that leads me to eat in Salzburg, rather than when I get back to Munich, but I have few complaints about the cuisine of either city. Family run restaurants abound in Austria and Germany. Most German and Austrian railway station restaurants are run by families whose names appear on menus and receipts. In such family run establishments the Inhaber takes great pride in providong first class service and an excellent, if locally biased, cuisine. We Europeans have given you - and your correspondent appears not to have accepted them - a plethora of excellent differing traditions of cookery. Greek, Italian and French cuisine come immediately to mind. America has given us MacDonalds - need I say more!

As to crapping, I think the author must have visited a Mediterranean port, if he encountered only squat toilets. It is a pity he had not the wit or the curiosity to enquire which country he was in. Squat toilets are a feature of countries bordering on the Med. Thus, France, whose public johns alone justified Germany's declaration of war and occupation at the beginning of the Second World War, on the grounds that Germany might bring some modest standards of shit house hygiene and quality of facilites to an otherwise barbaric nation - our friends and allies the Frogs jolly soon gave up fighting the Hun and, from then on (July 1940, fought on both sides simultaneously - the Vichy French, who controlled the Mediterranean colonies, and the Free French, of whom we did not see very much until we had liberated Paris for them. French bogs are all too often filthy and stinking and designed for squatting. Italy is the home of the Renaisance with johns to match and which may not have been modernised or indeed cleaned since Raphael shat in them. Roman bogs wereclean and well maintained, but the Roam Empire disappeared 1, 600 years ago and with it for the nest 1,400 years the public sewerage they pioneered. In Greece standards of design and cleanliness have declined since the Parthenon was built. Other southern European countries bring shame on the the civilised crapping world.

In England the squat toilet is unknown, although ships sailing east to India and Australia had such toilets for lascar seamen - but definitely not the passengers or European members of the crew. All the northern countries of Europe permit bog users to enjoy the most civilised crapping facilities, with porcelain lavatories, generally covered by a plastic or wooden seat, which can be raised and lowered. Belgium, Holland, Germany, Austria, Switzerland and Scandinavia set very high standards for those who wish to sit comfortably in clean and welcoming surroundings. I have no experience of the former Communist bloc - Hungary, the Czech Republic, Poland etc - although I was amused to visit a shittery in the major department store chain Konsum in Dresden (formerly in East Germany - the DDR) to find that a single roll of paper was hung outside the row of cubicles (stalls) and pieces had to be torn off and taken in with the client, necessitating a careful calculation before the act of how much tp would be needed. Bogs in department stores in West Germany (the old Federal Republic) are exemplary in their fittings and hygiene. You could, if you were so inclined, eat a meal whilst parked on the john. They generally have Wartfrauen, who sit at the entrance collecting gratuities whilst the store is open, except when making regular tours of the facilites to keep them pristine.

England's public crapatoria are generally clean and well maintained, whether they are built and operated by the municipality, are in shops or museums, or at sports stadia. Some that are in public parks are a little care worn, but are generally acceptable. Bogs in shops and museums set the highest standard; municipal facilites are not always as good as one might wish, but still acceptable; football stadia do not set a high standard - but, then, neither do their customers! All have conventional porcelain seating facilities.

Reading the posts here I am struck by the poor quality of American facilites. To shit in a bog without a door would be unheard of in Europe, but it appears a commonplace in American schools and elsewhere, particularly in the southern States, although many correspondents in Poop Report say that they have never come across such bogs in their part of the US. In Europe I have never come across rows of bog seats side by side without partitions - they are unknown in Europe, except in German concentration camps, like Belsen or Dachau, during the Second World War. I had an e-mail from America a few weeks ago with pictures of two rows of pots facing each other, which were being used by several ostensibly naked young men crapping together. Nineteenth century industrial premises in England sometimes had no doors and only rudimentary partitions, but they have long since been swept away. I visited an English orphanage twenty or more years ago, that had no partitions. It has closed now. I toured a German sail training ship that was visiting Oslo, that had open heads, where one sat round in a circle (and sang sea shanties?).

It is very seldom that one experiences a bog in Europe where the plumbing is defective, so that it fills up and does not empty. Equally, it would be unheard of for Europeans (well perhaps we should make an exception for the French, Italians and Greeks) to allow the bog to block, but still shit in it, so that it overflows. Much of the material in Poop Report depends on Americans having "accidents" or suffering emergencies and finding the bog unserviceable - at any rate, by the standards of a civilised country - again, thus excluding the French. Amercians' predeliction for Mexican food may speed up and make more explosive the actions of their bowels. I really do not think we northern Europeans have anything to learn from America about provision of comfortable, clean and well maintained bogs, although I would accept that countries to the south of Dover may sometimes have facilities which approach, but do not exceed, the awfulness of so many American bogs, as reported in thse columns. By the way, I read in Poop Report that USN ships have open bogs with neither partitions nor doors and that this helps in male bonding. Is this still the case? It is certainly not the case with the Royal Navy, nor has it been since sailors climbed up over the bowsprits of sailing ships to crap in the heads. I would certainly not like to be stuck twenty feet forward of the bows of the ship, to crap in the high wind or choppy sea, but I suppose you learn soon enough how to avoid being thrown into the water - either that, or you jolly soon drown!

I shall read with interest any comments on my remarks.

With best wishes to my many fellow readers and to the regular contributors to Poop Report.

To anonymous ... first a compliment - Thus, France, whose public johns alone justified Germany's declaration of war and occupation ... - very funny line.

Now a rebuke to your insult - It is a pity he had not the wit or the curiosity to enquire which country he was in ... - if you reread the line, I said I can't remember what country I was in (it was almost 15 years ago). I certainly knew where the fuck I was at the time.

And by the way, Navy shitters DO have doors and partitions.

Pooperscooper wrote:
"...There is a place that makes a huge, kick-ass burger for just $5.00 ...The hamburgers are huge, with big patties of rare meat..."

That's where you folks across the pond have it wrong. Butt-gers are made from ground-up bits of animals that can contain all kinds of shit (literally!). So, you should NEVER eat a rare burger, they must ALWAYS be fully cooked. Nothing wrong with a nice rare steak from Smith & Wollensky's though!

i need to know more about this sitter. Did it have a seat or was it square & you had to squat?

True, 3G's, True. Hamburgers should not be eaten rare...unless you're thinking about writing a very painful poop report.

To PP, the author who got this debate started, I accept your rebuke; I was evidently not reading the post carefully enough! However, I am unimpressed that PP cannot remember going ashore in the Med with sufficient clarity to recolect whihch country he was visiting. I have been travelling for thirty five years as a tourist and spent ten years visiting various European countries - France, Belgium, Holland, Switzerland, Germany, Denmark, Sweden and Spain - at my employers' expense, usually for a week at a time. I have a clear recollection of where I went and what I saw there, as my post on a different thread (open stalls) will testify. You have to be alert if you have a business appointment in a town you have never been to before, particularly in Germany, where punctuality is de rigeur. Though I usually had appointments at civilised hours, I once visited a sugar refinery in Holland at 10.00 p.m. and an office of Mercedes Benz at 7.45 a.m. (I was ten minutes late, because I did not recognise the office block - which was part of a much larger warehouse complex in Unterturkheim, a Stutgart suburb,some way beyond Merc's HQ. I can thoroughly recommend the warmth and welcome visitors receive on the Continent - except in France! In every case when I had a business appointmemt with a Frenchman I was, in one way or another, messed about - in one case I was forced to hold a conversation about chemistry in French for more than two hours - and then the bastards spoke perfectly serviceable English over lunch! I had last spoken French regularly aged sixteen at school, something like thirty years before! Perhaps, if I had not been able to keep up the conversation, they would have taken pity on me and spoken English at the technical meeting. Please do not think I follow the English way and beieve that shouting slowly at Johnnie Foreigner is all I need to do to be understood; I read, write and speak (but I am rather out of practice) German well enough to correspond with technical and commercial contacts, to prepare technical questionnaires, to read and translate technical journals in my field and to hold simple technical discussions. Germany, Switzerland, Holland and Scandinavia are, to me, the most welcoming, as a tourist, as a business man and as a connoiseur of crapping facilities. Their bogs are generally scrupulously clean, often provided with full time cleaners (who normally expect a little Trinkgeld), particularly in the spotlessly clean department stores, and they provide a source of great satisfaction to those of us who take their crapping seriously. Glory holes are generally absent - I can recall only a few currently in use. The bog in the street outside Elisinor station in Denmark had glory holes in each stall until it was closed. Flensburg station and Rosenheim station, in the extreme north and the extreme south of Germany respectively, had glory holes and antideluvian pedestals that I had seen elsewhere only in photographs of Nazi concentration camps. That at Rosenheim has been replaced. I am not sure about Flensburg. Until it was rebuilt the bog by platform 11 at Munich station had glory holes and similar seating arrangements to Flensburg and Roaenheim. Doors are very seldom missing, although one winter's day I had to shit in an open stall in Kufstein, a town in Austria very near to the German border. This was because I had no Austrian currency and needed a shit urgently - thus making a case for the Euro. Until the station was rebuilt, the doors of the stalls at Mainz Station did not fit and people could be observed by anyone using the urinals straiing at stool. Dresden Hauptbahnhof had doors which did not fit, so you could check East German crapping techniques with little difficulty. However, away from the railway, Dresden and Frankfurt had the most ornate bogs I have ever seen. That at Dresden was in a restuarant perched above the River Elbe - it seemed that all the fittings were gold plated (actually, brass, I presume). The Opera House in Frankfurt boasts the most beautiful gold effect bogs and, like those in the Dresden restaurant, scrupulously clean, to the extent that you might eat in them. By contrast, quite near the centre of the city there is a public bog in Frankfurt where the partitions have rotted, so that they come down to only a little way below the seat level. There is also a queue of men looking for new friends! In Dresden just after the Wiedervereinigung (reunion of the two Germanies) I went into the department store Konsum and was amused to note that thre was a row of bogs, but only one toilet roll hung up outside the bog - none in individual cubicles (stalls). The station in my home town in southern England had a bog which was reputed not to have been painted or repaired between 1919 and its demolition in 1956. Like the bog in Frankfurt, the woodwork had slowly rotted away, giving suberb views of people pissing and shitting whilst waiting for their trains. Until about twenty years ago, English railway station bogs were a disgrace. The bogs in the big London termini were generally cottages, which had not been repaired or refurbished for decades. Holes had been drilled in the doors; there was a great hole, where someone had broken the partition, between two stalls at Waterloo and glory holes between stalls at Victoria. Windows were broken in the door of a bog, which was later closed, at St Pancras. Even in Windsor, bog windows had been broken and not repaired in the "Royal" Windsor Central station. The bog at Windsor and Eton Riverside had probably been built in around 1890 and, except for whitewash on the walls and paint on doords, had not been refurbished since. All that has been largely swept away and completely new facilites installed in an increasing number of the London termini (there are 12), although some, like Cannon Street, Marylebone and Fenchurch Street, are still not really user friendly if you want a crap.

I must go; bed calls, but before that, quiet contemplation on the bog seems an attractive preliminary!

My best regards to all those who contribute to or who are readers of Poop Report.

E.G. - while I generally like the English and I admire your writing skills (your inability to use hard returns notwithstanding) ... you still come across like a big pussy. And an uppity one at that. So fuck you and your backhanded insults and your boring, rambling posts.

I was in Dubrovnik, Croatia last May, taking a dump in a dockside squatter, and I had the sadistic pleasure of hearing a couple of English girls enter the bathroom and go, "Ew, they're squat toilets" and leave. Yo dude, I'm from a country full of western-style toilets, too. You don't see me refusing to squat. Suckers.

I do seem to have upset PP. Never mind; I am sure there are some readers who are not bored or insulted. This will not include any French readers. We were subjugated by the French in 1066, but we have been getting our own back for eight hundred years! No member of the British wartime government was prosecuted for treason. The President and Prime Minister of France were. The President was deemed too old (84) to be shot; Pierre Laval, the Prime Minister, was shot.

I would like to visit the States, if ony to see doorless stalls. I am a very shameless shitter and I think I would feel very much at home, surrounded by well fed, muscular Americans communing with nature. Unhappily, my health does not permit me to travel. I must just hope to meet American men and that they may be shameless and in need of a bed and a good meal.

I am sorry if I have misread a previous post, which said that USN ships had no doors or partitions to the heads. If PP says this is not the case, I will accept his assurance. I have read elsewhere that boot camp in the US Army is conducted using crappers with no doors or partitions, "to help team bonding." This may well not be the case, but you can only respond to what you read.

PP says I am a "pussy". Pussy is a word used by English men occasionally for the vagina. Is this what PP meant? He should remember that a C*** is a useful thing, as I am sure his wife proves to him regularly.

English Gent, boot camp in the US Army and other branches of the services does indeed include latrines with no doors or partitions in many cases. Although I was not in the service per se, I have spoken with my brother and other friends who were, and they have confirmed that not only was boot an 'open stall' experience, but in some cases, life after boot featured open stall facilities.

The justification for this environment is definitely to bond the men as a unit and to tear down artificial barriers such as unnecessary expectations of privacy.

It's the military, not an executive washroom at some Fortune 500 company.

BTW, I have enjoyed your input very much. I hope you will continue to visit PR and give us your insights.

Was in Venice last week and noticed a new kind of toilet not seen before.

Not your usual hole in the ground squatt toilet but a bowl such lower than usual with no seat.

Very unsanitary since most of us men know we don't always have the best aim while peeing. To have to sit on the procelain knowing there was pee all over is not nice, even when one has already spent hours wiping every inch of the bowl dry!

Since the bowl was already very low, I just bore down without touching the bowl in a semi-squatt position. Did not squatt on bowl as it was very easy to slip off the procelain!!!

Ben's identificaton of a new style of crapper in Venice is interesting. Thirty or so years ago there was publicity in England urging that pedestal seats be lower, so encouraging a squat position, whilst still providing support to the arse. It is said that squatting is the most anatomically desirable way to go. In the Export Library of the Department of Trade and Industry, near St Pauls Cathedral, there was at least one set of bogs installed on this principle. So low was the seat, which was plastic and perfectly clean, that knees were almost in contact with tits. It was very comfortable to use, as the pedestal had been designed to give the maximum support, with the seat leaning backwards and shaped to follow the contour of the arse, rather than being horizontal. The building was subsequently vacated by the Civil Service and refurbished for a private lessee. I do not know whether the bogs were replaced at that time, perhaps twenty five years ago. I have not come across such arrangements elsewhere and newly installed Civil Service bogs appear to be conventional. More than fifty years ago there was, in a public park in my home town in southern England, a pedestal which had a very long, narrow, warm wooden seat over a long, narrow porcelain pedestal, which was very low - perhaps half the "normal" height. Although not widely used, it was a by no means unsual design and probably dated from the early 1900s or earlier. It was intended for adults, but was particularly comfortable for my tiny ten year old arse. It has long since been swept away.

Keep 'em coming!

Uh, Ben, that sounds like a bidet to me.

(An English Gent -- you should register your name! www.poopreport.com/user)

Dave,

It was definitely NOT a bidet!!!

Ben noticed a new crapper in Venice a short while ago. I was very surprised to come across an unusual crapper on the railway station at Giessen, to the north of Frankfurt, a couple of years ago. It was a huge stainess steel vessel, on to which it appeared one was supposed to climb and balance, since the circumference was a least twice that of a conventional loo seat. I did not try it for size; despite having slightly above average sized thighs - a combination of too much beer as a youth, too much food ever since and old age - I would have fallen backwards, if I had been unsteady on my arse. I would like to know why it was built in that manner and how German travelers through Giessen use it - with difficulty, I would imagine, particularly after a long evening in the Bierstuebe!

This thread certainly shows up the animosity between some Americans and the civilised world across the pond. we are, indeed, quite welcoming to vistors and Americans represent a very important segment of our tourist trade. As regards crapping facilities, southern and south eastern Europe and France set rather low standards of facilities and cleanliness, but facilities in northern Europe, Austria, Germany, Scandinavia and Switzerland set the very highest standards. Privacy is respected - there are, so far as I am aware, no "open stalls", like those of JC Penny, anywhere in Europe. Our military services do not encourage bonding by using open stalls for crapping. It is a matter of culture. Americans seem accustomed to shameless shitting; Europens do not. One is not "wrong" and the other "right".It is a matter of habit and tradition. In my home I am a shaemless shitter to those of my friends who accept this and a private shitter to those who don't. Just at the moment, ill health necessitates that I have help when bathing, but not shitting. Will there come an occasion when my bath helper has to wait with me whilst I shit a brick? Will he be embarrassed to see me straining at stool? Will he join me in having a buddy dump? We shall see. I have only met one American (student) who joined me in a buddy dump. All the other Americans I have met seem to follow European practice and crap alone. I should be interersted to meet American buddy dumpers visiting England.

I lived in France for a couple of years (both in the north and in the south), and yes, it's true that the south of France has a higher concentration of turkish toilets (which is what WE called them, apparently you all refer to squatters, but in France it's the turkish toilet).

I never enjoyed them, and yes it's really inconvenient and sometimes messy (be careful when you flush sometimes, because it floods the whole foot area with water and you could get soaked up to your ankles!!). However, guys, just consider that at least you can PEE standing up, whereas peeing in a turkish toilet for women is just about the most ungraceful thing imagineable - especially when you're at Bistrot Aixois with hundreds of other drunk young people and you've had to wait in a line 30 people deep in order to FINALLY use the shit-smeared turkish toilet, not being able to balance without steadying yourself using the wall (which is gross, but falling in because you're drunk is even grosser), and also trying not to get pee on your pants, which are around your knees (and remember to roll the bottoms up so they don't get the standing shit-water on them!). All of that, and I still wouldn't change my time in France for anything. I learned to do a few vodka shots before going to the club, therefore eliminating any potential trips to the turkish toilet. Hey, it builds character.

And shame on you for not trying NORMAL regional cuisine while in Europe - I'm not talking fancy stuff like caviar and escargots, but normal stuff like gratin dauphinois and raclette and poulet de Bresse! You might have actually left with a respect for the culture and traditions of our predecessors instead of propogating the stupid-American-who-only-eats-hamburgers stereotype.

That sure is a strange toilet indeed! Call me strange if you will, but I actually find it easier to take a shit in the squatting position than while sitting. Much easier, in fact. It seems like my rectal muscles get better leverage that way. The problems french crappers refers to -- shit smeared on the toilet, trouble balancing, pee getting on your pants, standing shit-water on the floor -- seem to be design flaws and could probably be fixed. Elevating the toilet up off the floor would help with the standing water problem. You could have arm rests for balancing. As for the peeing on your pants - I'm imagining some sort of "pants barrier" that would hold your pants away from your pee-hole. In my mind I see a picture of an arch that would be between your legs and hold your pants above it while your 'equipment' would be below it. And the problem of pee/shit getting all over the place could be corrected by ergonomically designing the toilet so it's better contoured to fit the human body and by gathering statistics on where shit generally goes when people squat and designing the toilet to catch it.

Hey and I'll bet if we stuck a butt sink in it (i.e. 'bidet' for you ladies), we could even market it! But I'll need a business partner or two - preferrably someone with a lot of money, a professional ergonomicist, someone with advertising experience, and a porcelin specialist. Before long we could achieve total world toilet domination! Muhuhahahaha!

Any takers?

I know this is off-topic. I know! But I have a pet-peeve, and I have to say something. Okay, I have SEVERAL pet-peeves, but that's not the point.

ThreePly wrote: ..."Wonderfully done soldier!... Mission Accomplished...At ease, soldier..."

He's not a soldier. He's a sailor. It bugs me when people will say, "Your husband was a soldier, wasn't he?". I will say, "No. He was never a soldier. He is an Honorably Discharged Airman."

And they usually say, "Well...Whatever. Same thing!" That's where the pet-peeve comes in.

Regardless of rank, whether enlisted or officer, a Navy person is always a sailor. An Army person is always a soldier. An Air Force person is always an Airman (male OR female). A Marine is a Marine is a Marine, always.

You will now be returned to your regularly scheduled poop programming.
_______
Santa Caca!

I just don't understand squatters. Why can't they just have flushables?

My heart goes out to the poor slob that gets stuck cleaning those squatters.

Ah the beauty of indoor plumbing.
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"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

I know that very feeling. For that very reason, I always made note of where the nicest hotels were. I found you could always find a port in a storm if you were near an expensive hotel.

Has "An English Gent" registered and does he still visit PR? I do hope so.

Sir, if you are reading this, I proffer my compliments as a fellow subject of Her Majesty and as a chap who supports your views.

That's it. Carry on.

I was assuming by the incredibly long post that "An English Gent" was in fact you Scummo. Do all English men carry on and on and on?
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Only the best ones, Mrs MC. Youngsters don't, by and large.

It is not the type of the facilty to crap in but rather what to wipe with that has been my concern !